Pam:  One good thing about remodeling a house by ourselves was that we weren’t forced into making quick decisions. If we had worked with a contractor, he might have announced on a Friday that he planned to install all the doors the next week and that we had to let him know what style hinges and door handles we wanted by Monday. Fred and I didn’t have that kind of pressure, so when we couldn’t come to an immediate agreement about whether we should have doors with six panels or four panels, we could put off making that decision indefinitely.

Aging decisions makes good sense. We found that putting off decisions gave us time to let each other’s differing ideas slowly sink in. If you have to make up your mind too quickly, the process can become a battle to see who can win. That always means the other loses. We didn’t want winners and losers during our house remodel. Neither of us wanted to go to bed feeling like a loser. So our decisions had to benefit both parties in some way. That usually takes a little time.

Often if we put off a decision, say, for the doors, we had time to understand why the other wanted six paneled doors instead of four paneled doors. Fred wanted six panels because that was what he had in a previous house. I wanted four panels because they looked less formal. It didn’t take Fred too long to agree with me, once he understood my thinking. When he understood that I really wanted him to create hand-hewn doors, he became much more enthusiastic about installing four paneled doors. That’s how the door panel issue became a win-win.

Fred:    Anyone who has ever remodeled a house will say one of the hardest aspects of the process is making joint decisions on door handles or soap dishes or whatever. One reason it is so difficult is that there can be endless numbers of choices.

We had decided to look at Home Depot for our new kitchen cabinets. The salesman explained there were 3 different manufacturers, 23 different styles, 5 types of wood, 16 different finishes. This added up to 5520 possibilities. How can anyone deal with that quickly? I certainly couldn’t deal with all of those choices in the first go-around. Instead, we headed for the paint department to buy some sand paper for the dining room table I was preparing to paint. No big decisions needed to be made that day.

Pam and I definitely put off the kitchen cabinet question, but slowly, each time we went to Home Depot, we narrowed the possibilities. Finally, we had reduced the field to 5 choices and the day of reckoning was upon us. “I think I like the maple with the honey ginger glaze,” reported Pam that day.

“Ok,“ I said. “It sounds like my favorite barbecue sauce.” I was delighted we had come to a decision. We had started with a hopeless impasse and, with time, we had found something we could happily agree on.

Pam and Fred Gilberd are calling for stories from readers who created unique ways to stay happily married during a house remodel. Please email them through their Web site: www.underthecarmelvalleysun.com. They wish to encourage others to follow their dreams and build great relationships. 

The news about the aftermath of the earthquake in Haiti is heartbreaking and the vivid pictures tragic. As in grieving any loss, the people of Haiti have been experiencing a wide range of emotions. Initially, many were grateful for surviving the catastrophe. But now they are dealing with the realities of all they have lost – family, friends, shelter, food, clean water and a sense of security. And feelings of shock are giving way to disappointment and anger that relief efforts are so slow.

When you see the degree of devastation, it is easy to feel overwhelmed. Catastrophes such as earthquakes, floods, tsunamis and hurricanes are magnified by the 24/7 coverage by cable and Internet news services, leaving many feeling anxious, stressed and emotionally exhausted. Though out of harm’s way themselves, viewers experience stress and anxiety when faced with these kinds of uncontrollable situations. In fact, a recent national health survey found that 75% of the general population experiences at least some stress every two weeks, with half of these rated at moderate or high levels.

When others confront the violent forces of nature, you can bring some control to the event - and to your own feelings - by your actions and reactions. You may be feeling anxious because of natural disasters such as the earthquake in Haiti, the economic meltdown or security fears brought on by acts of terrorism. Whatever the reason for your high level of stress, here are 8 strategies for easing your stress levels and reducing your anxiety:

1. Talk about your thoughts and feelings with family and friends and reach out to others in your support system. Be open to asking for help and validation of your emotions. You may want to consult a professional counselor for a non-judgmental ear and help in sorting out your concerns. Start a journal to aid in the process of coping with your anxiety.

2. Maintain balance in your life between personal needs, work and your family obligations. Don't over commit yourself even as you retain a normal routine. If you are a Sandwiched Boomer, plan to carve out some special time for yourself even in the midst of caring for your growing children and aging parents. Remember to be open to the healing effects of laughter.

3. Exercise moderately several times a week. Find an activity that you enjoy and will stick with - walking with friends, keeping fit through dance or yoga classes, training at the gym. Get enough rest and sleep to allow your body to recover from the stresses of the day.

4. Eat sensibly, following a balanced diet of healthy foods rich in nutrition that serve as a natural defense against stress. Avoid the use of drugs and alcohol to self-medicate and limit your use of sugar, caffeine and cigarettes as they can contribute to your agitation.  

5. Use relaxation techniques. Set aside time for a regular routine of deep breathing, guided imagery, meditation, or other stress reduction methods to alleviate your feelings of anxiety. Decide to put off worrying - much of what you may fear never actually happens anyway. 

6. Focus on what you can control in your life and what you can accomplish, not what you can't. Let go of negative thoughts and unrealistic expectations. While you often can't influence circumstances, you can control how you handle them. Clearly define your goals or aspirations and keep focused on them. Make something positive come out of a negative situation just as people across the world did in providing aid to Haiti after the devastating earthquake there.

7. Draw on your strengths. Use those you have relied on in the past as well as those you have developed more recently. Brainstorm new ways to apply the abilities you have in a novel way as you create new opportunities for yourself.

8. Be patient with yourself. Know that you will recover balance and serenity at your own pace. As long as you keep moving forward, you will eventually reach your destination. 

Americans, and others across the world, have been offering aid to the people of Haiti at an unprecedented rate. But the recovery, both physical and emotional, will take a long time. Support is valuable to begin the process of rebuilding body and spirit in the Haitian community and restoring hope as you cope with your own feelings of stress and anxiety.

 © 2010, Her Mentor Center

Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D. and Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D. are family relationship experts who publish a free monthly newsletter, 'Stepping Stones.' Whether you're coping with stress, acting out teenagers, aging parents, boomerang kids or difficult daughters-in-law, we have the solutions for you. Visit our website, http://www.HerMentorCenter.com, and blog, http://www.NourishingRelationships.blogspot.com  for practical tips on how to deal with parents growing older and children growing up.

Courage is something that originates within you, at the core of your being. Awareness of this untapped reservoir of empowerment enables you to direct the energy of your personal courage to produce dramatic, positive change such as learning to speak up when confronted with abusive or disrespectful language.

You manifest your courage in a number of different ways such as affirming your strength and determination, confronting abuse, working through and conquering fear, embracing your faith/spirituality, hurdling obstacles, taking risks, and living your convictions.

You can claim your everyday courage by recognizing these innate courage behaviors and claiming them as your own. How do you recognize your everyday courage? Your courage is reflected in your refusal to play it safe, dodge discomfort or hedge your bets. These courage-centered behaviors are reflected in your behavior. How often you hit the bull’s eye.

Centered Courage Hits the Bull’s-Eye

Hitting the bull’s-eye means being on target. English longbow yeomen in small hamlets often held archery practice after church services. A common target was the white skull of a bull, and the aim was to hit the bull’s eye. Before practicing the skills needed to hit the bull’s-eye in your life and work, you need to know that you’re aiming at the right target—then act with courage.

Acting with courage is about acting from the heart. Everything outside the bull’s-eye represents a different aspect of the false self-stories, such as “I could never be like that”! By accessing your courage, you take aim at the true target.

Are You on Target? It may take years for you to find the courage to act from your heart—the place where self-fulfillment lives—and express your true identity, thus revealing your authenticity. Rest assured, your courage is alive in your original self. The word authentic is derived from Greek authentikos, meaning “original.”

Learn to live from the inside—the bull’s eye of your true being. Skilled archers pause their breath before releasing the arrow. This pause enables you to manifest a vision yet stay present to adapt to what is needed as new variables come in to play.

You become courageous by being courageous, hitting the bull’s-eye more often.

Join me next time to learn three strategies to increase your bull’s eye accuracy.

I would love for you to share your courage comments by posting them below.

Sandra Ford Walston is known as The Courage Expert and innovator of StuckThinking™. She is an organizational effectiveness consultant, courage coach, trainer, speaker and internationally published author of bestseller COURAGE. She is certified in the Enneagram and MBTI®. www.sandrawalston.com

Catherine M. Straub, Financial Resources, Inc., in Anchorage, Alaska

We’ve all heard the toast, “May you be healthy, wealthy, and wise.” Successful women say it’s essential to take care of our physical and mental health, learn to manage our finances well, and preferably to have the wisdom to live our lives gracefully and joyfully. We can only rely on ourselves to stay fit, become financially savvy, and enjoy life.

Sally Edwards, CEO of HeartZones, and founder of The Sally Edwards Way in Sacramento, California, joins many others who see the U.S. national health situation as a primary concern. Sally says, “My passion is to get America fit. As individuals we need to lighten the emotional and metabolic load we carry with us from inactivity and not eating well, and by not taking care of our emotions. It’s not easy to do. It’s a health crisis situation but it’s not catching us by surprise. The unfortunate part is that people have become more and more inactive.” Sally realizes that while she can provide the structure, only individuals themselves can take the initiative to participate. However, she notes that with encouragement, more will get fit. “We do it word of mouth. One woman does it and then gets five of her girlfriends. It’s a ‘tell a friend’ method. It works.”

Just as successful women want to help others develop more healthy lifestyles, they want to assist women to learn how to take personal responsibility for their finances, and put an end to financial ignorance and the potential for economic ruin. Catherine M. Straub, a financial strategist who owns Financial Resources, Inc., in Anchorage, Alaska, has made her career helping people become financially savvy. She says, “The greatest financial mistakes I see women make are to not get involved with their family finances, to spend way too much money on their children and their house, and not to plan seriously for retirement.” To successful women, money is freedom: freedom to choose to accept or reject a new client, freedom to take time off to change jobs, freedom to travel and spend time with family and friends.

Besides writing and speaking on topics relating to women in business, entrepreneurship and success, Pam loves to encourage others to try things they’ve never done before to expand their interests and relationships. Pam and her husband did just that by renovating a house—with their own hands and writing about it in their newly released she-said, he-said book Under the Carmel Valley Sun: An Adventure in Remodeling, Relationships and Red Wine. Check it out at www.underthecarmelvalleysun.com. 

Kyle is 42 years old, married with two small children, 12 and 10. Kyle has worked the last 16 years in the financial services industry. Through hard work and long hours he is now a director at his firm making $125,000 a year. He leaves his house daily at 6:15 a.m. to get to his office 90 minutes later after bumper to bumper traffic. He returns home each night between 7:30 and 8:30 p.m. after his 90 minute commute. This leaves him barely time to eat, say hello to his family, and get to bed by 10 since he gets up at 5 a.m. Kyle and his wife have a lot of debt, and their expenses run around $7,000 a month.

Kyle is not sleeping

Despite what many would consider a dream job, Kyle struggles to get up each morning. His work doesn’t seem to make a difference to him anymore. He would love to just quit, but he can’t afford to. He feels trapped. He would love to follow his dreams. His passion is baseball. He just loves to be around the game and would take any position to just be around baseball. Kyle played in college but had to quit after an arm injury.

Kyle’s dream becomes a reality!

It seemed a long time ago but he can still remember walking into the office on Monday and hearing his phone ring. It was his boss – he wanted to see him right away;they needed to talk. Sales were down; his group was not meeting quota; and the company had decided to go a different direction- without him!

Fast forward two years

Today Kyle is a marketing manager for a major league baseball team. He makes about $80,000 a year, much less than he made before. But, he has never been happier in his work. He wasn’t sure two years ago, however, when he accepted a part-time job with this same team as an assistant. Kyle lost his house through the housing crisis and his relationship with his wife was strained.

Everyone pulled together

The good news is Kyle’s wife went back to work, they made major lifestyle changes, went out to dinner less, and today rent a small 3 bedroom apartment. They expect to save money and buy their own house again in a few years.

Meet Mary-Ellen

Mary-Ellen’s headaches started out a few days a week. Over time they became worse. As an executive assistant for over 35 years, she was approaching 57 and was empty and lonely. She felt like if she had to file one more report, arrange for one more lunch meeting, or reschedule one more meeting, she would just stop breathing! She made $60,000 dollars a year and, combined with her husband’s income as a salesman, they lived comfortably.

Then the crisis hit!

Mary-Ellen’s husband lost his job and was out of work for a year and a half. Their relationship void of passion and conversation had stopped years ago. Mary-Ellen felt trapped. But, what could she do?

Fast forward three years

Mary-Ellen is the CEO-Founder of her own bread company. Mary-Ellen always had a passion for baking. It was only after a compliment from a friend, who said her raisin bread was the best she had ever eaten, did Mary-Ellen even consider going into business for herself. Mary-Ellen changed much in her life. She divorced her husband, quit her job, rented a small room from her friend, and started working at a local bakery.

Today Mary-Ellen is living her authentic life

Today, at 60 years young, Mary-Ellen is busy in all facets of her business; baking, marketing, and selling. She saved up enough money to buy a small condo. She has a new circle of friends and even has started to date again!

What can we learn from Kyle and Mary-Ellen?

They both took action when something was no longer working in their lives; both took risks, followed their hearts, changed their lifestyle, and in some cases major aspects of their lives. Recognizing the need to change is the first step, making the change is the next and most important step.

Are you doing the RIGHT work for you?

It is always better to figure this out before a crisis hits, but this usually doesn’t happen this way. You can do the work which is just right for you, but the initial steps will be the hardest work you will ever do. Believe me, it will be worth it.

Answer these questions

Are you doing the work which is just RIGHT for you?
What changes must you make in your life now?
What changes to your support network are you willing to take?
What changes in your lifestyle at least in the short term are you willing to make?
How will you measure your progress?
How can you redefine your criteria of success based on your happiness?

The RIGHT work requires new action, focus, and commitment. It also will create new energy for your life and work and an acceptance that an empty life and work is no longer acceptable.

I’ll be cheering you on as you go - Craig Nathanson and Happy New Year-2010!

Craig Nathanson is the author of "How to find the RIGHT work during challenging times: A new approach to your life and work after 40" and is a coaching expert who works with people over forty.

Visit Craig's online community at http://www.thevocationalcoach.com where you can take a class, get more ideas through Craig Nathanson’s books and CD’s, get some private coaching over the phone or skype using webcam or in Craig’s office, or read other stories of mid-life change and renewal.

Craig lives and works in Petaluma, California. His office is located at P.O Box 2823, Petaluma Ca, 94953. You can reach him at 707-775-4020 or at craig@thevocationalcoach.com.

1.    Orientate the new member to the team history and goals. Explain to him or her the history of the development of the team. Talk about the challenges as well as the successes. Giving the new member this history prevents him or her from engaging in conflict that has already been resolved and helps the new member understand how he or she can contribute to the future success of the team.

2.    Review norms the team has agreed to. One of the challenges of being new to a team is understanding what lines can be crossed. Often times no line is crossed (passive) or too many lines (active) are crossed by new team members. Eventually the new member learns, but in the meantime it can cause unhealthy conflict or lack of productivity as he or she works through the forming and storming stages of team development. Each strong team should have a set of norms or rules of engagement/behavior around such things as conflict and communication. Reviewing these norms and committing the new team member to them will go a long way in helping him or her jump past these two time consuming stages in team development.

3.    Debrief existing team members on what skills and talents the new team member brings. As the leader to the team you most likely had a large influence in the hiring of the new team member. The new team member was hired to fill some type of gap on the team. You have an opportunity to immediately help the new member gain credibility on the team and build trust. Explain specifically to the team what role the new member will play and how it will help the team. Also review the new team members history, talents and skills.

The goal is to get new team members acclimated to the team, trusted by the team, and productive as quickly as possible.

What experience have you had with bringing new members into an existing team? What challenges have you had? What successes have you had?

Tuckman, B.W. Developmental Sequence in Small Groups. Psychological Bulletin, vol. 63, 1965, pp. 384-399

Mike Rogers

Become a fan of Mike's Teamwork and Leadership on Facebook (It’s New)http://www.facebook.com/#/pages/Teamwork-and-Leadership/231831681570?ref=ts

Mike's Blog http://www.teamworkandleadership.com

Katie Dunsworth (www.smartcookies.com) touts “rathers”: “I’d like that pair of designer shoes, but I’d rather save up for a weekend at the spa.” The idea here is to allow yourself some treats, but to limit them by a kind of triage.

Mary Hunt (www.debtproofliving.com) focuses on writing down everything she spends. This enables her to look closely at the distinction between “wants” and “needs,” and allows here to adjust her purchases accordingly.

Denis Cauvier and Alan Lysaght (www.abcsofmakingmoney.com) recommend involving the kids. Offer them a percentage of every dollar they figure out how to save—something between 20% and 33% seems reasonable—and instead of fighting them, you’ll co-opt them.

Susan Kessler (www.thefrugaldiva.com) suggests finding a real hobby instead of shopping for entertainment. It’s far more satisfying and you’ll save a bundle.

Have a look at some of these personal accounts and "out of the box" suggestions.  Each provides a unique perspective on stopping overshopping, so you're sure to find something that speaks to you.  See what you can learn from their experiences.

Now you can follow Dr. Benson on Twitter @ aprilbensonphd!

"You are such a disappointment,"

"You are still so fat...”

“So what if you’ve lost 5 pounds…”

“You’ve still got a long way to go…”

“What is your problem anyway? It must be old age or something…”

“No wonder you can't get anywhere... I don't know why you even try…”

“You are the most uncooperative person I have ever dealt with…”

“Frankly, I’ve had it with you…"

Now, while this person next to you on the bench isn't speaking directly to you, it's likely your inclination is to find another bench. Who wants to be around that kind of negativity anyway?

Then, suddenly, you realize that there's no one sitting on the bench with you. Instead, you recognize that the conversation you are hearing is your own voice and the person on the other end of it is YOU. You’re the one telling yourself how disappointed you are that the scale hasn’t moved, that you still feel fat, that you’re sick and tired of trying so hard to reach your goals, and that there must be something wrong.
 
Let Your Mind Go and Your Body Will Follow - Now consider the reaction your body has when you make these statements. As the “person” on the receiving end, it’s likely your body has the same reaction that anyone would.  It’s possible that it’s saying in rebuttal, “Well, if that’s really what you think of me, then that’s what I will continue to be.” Is it possible that, through the thoughts and statements you make about yourself to yourself, you are leaving your body no choice but to keep giving you what you are focused on... failure, weakness and disappointment? 
 
"Watch Your Language Young Man" - The truth is when you continue to think, write and utter statements using low-energy words such as disappointed (one of the lowest of all low-energy words) or old, worn out, tired, depressed, overwhelmed, stressed, terrible, hormonal, sick, etc… these words have the power to lock your body in a holding pattern of disappointment, old age, weakness, fatigue, depression and, yes, even menopause.
 
In her book, Every Word Has Power: Switch On Your Language and Turn On Your Life, author Yvonne Oswald, explains that all words carry weight and their impact on us can actually be measured on a physical level. “There are only two types of words: those that empower and those that don’t.”
According to Oswald, your subconscious remembers all the great (and not so great) moments of your life and describes how just meditating on the word “good” can cause the brain to recall the good feelings behind those great moments – just as meditating on the word “bad” or “sad” can produce a matching and equal response.

The reason for this, Yvonne says, is that a key, high-energy word such as good (good happens to be one of the highest) has a measurable energy that transcends beyond the word itself into an emotion that impacts both our physical and metaphysical reality.

"Powerful high-energy words such as excitement, joy, success, or love, vibrate higher and faster, thus increasing your ‘I feel good’ feelings. Low-energy words, particularly words that have negative emotional associations such as sadness or guilt, resonate at a lower frequency. They make you feel less than great by literally lowering your energy levels. In fact, 20 percent of the words you use have strong emotional undertones, which cause you to react either negatively or positively.”

So, what’s a person to do when, say, they are, in fact, still fat… or getting old… or really tired… or legitimately sick? Are we supposed to deny reality? One option may be to simply switch or exchange low energy words with higher energy words. Here are a few examples Oswald offers:

Instead of:                              Try This:
No problem                               I’d be happy to
No trouble at all                         My pleasure
This is too hard                         This is not that easy
I’m so mad                                I’m not happy
I’m sick                                    I’m not feeling well
I’m thankful I’m not sick               I'm glad I am well

In the case of switching from a statement like, “I still feel so fat,” you might instead say, “I’m looking forward to a time when I am leaner.”

The key, Oswald suggests, is to start by becoming aware of the low energy words you habitually use and see if you can begin replacing them with a few better alternatives. It’s very possible, if you do, your life and your waistline will thank you!

Dianne Orwig is a international fitness expert, success coach, motivational speaker, and founder of LivingFit Online™, a fitness program that has helped thousands of men and women completely transform their bodies and live healthier, happier lives though her less-works-better approach.
 
For more information on how you can get better results in less time and with less effort than you ever thought possible, visit http://www.lovelivingfit.com. You can also catch Dianne’s show, Love Living Fit on Blog Talk Radio, every Sunday at 8pm ET by visiting www.blogtalkradio.com/love_livingfit.
 
(c) Copyright - Dianne Orwig. All Rights Reserved Worldwide

In terms of makeup, it's simple. Either do dramatic eyes, or a dramatic mouth, but not both. (Think Rocky Horror Picture Show.) If you are doing lots of dark eyeshadow and eyeliner, go soft and nude with your lipstick.  If you are wearing bright or dark lipstick, just wear mascara and a little cream or taupe eyeshadow.

For jewelry, I always think you should wear earrings OR a necklace - not both. Wearing both looks too... "ladies lunch" to me.

Outfits are the trickiest places to apply this principle. My friend Helen has a fabulous silk ruffly bolero jacket, and is always trying to figure out how to wear it.  One evening we strolled past a street jewelry vendor, and he complimented her on it. She was wearing it with a nice dress, and he said, basically, "oh no, no, no, no. You need to make that jacket the ONLY thing. Wear it with jeans and a white t-shirt!"  For me, who had on a mish-mosh of items, he zeroed in on my graphic black and white bag - "Wear all black, and carry THAT BAG. That's it!" 

Since then, I have noticed people doing this, and it really works.  On a cold winter day, I couldn't stop staring at a tall, thin woman wearing all black - leggings, edgy boots, a black quilted parka  - and her "One Thing" - a tan Burberry scarf wrapped around her neck. That preppy, commonplace item looked so chic because it was her one highlighted thing.  I'm going to keep looking, and staring...... 

Being unemployed and looking for a job can be demoralizing.  Living with illness can be demoralizing.  No doubt there are other difficult life events  but these would rank at the top of anyone's "life's bad events" list.

Naturally you'd want to avoid experiencing both of these at the same time.  But, unfortunately, that's not a choice.  If you're facing this, do you feel hopeless, think you have no options and you can't see what you can do differently?

How are you doing with that thinking?  Probably not great.

Let's face it, you can't change that you live with a chronic illness.  But a positive attitude of hope and seeing opportunity in unlikely places at the least helps you get through the day in a better mood.  (I know that because I live it.)

Do you find that you're getting more listless and unmotivated?  A positive attitude helps you move and interact with others.  It draws in others and encourages them to want to be around you.  All of which helps your well being and, need I say, your work status.

Are you thinking, easier said than done.  I can't change the way I feel.

True enough.  Constant rejection and negative feedback  - either in a current job or in a job hunt - plus living with disabilities makes it hard to hold onto positive.

What can you do if negativity keeps nipping at your heels, when you least expect or want it?  What do you do if you realize this is a problem but you can't help yourself?

That was true for me.  When I was young (and healthy!) I had a generally "glass half empty"  outlook about my own life.  But the truth is that bad health helped me realize that I couldn't afford that thinking or behavior.  I had to teach myself new tricks.

I'd love to tell you that there are 3 sure fire tips to developing a positive attitude.  It's not that neat but there are some well defined places to start.

• First, create your intention for yourself.  This is your big theme idea of how you want to approach your career and it's becomes like your north star, your guidepost.   You might not ever reach it but it's where you're headed.
• Next, set some goals for yourself with clearly defined desired outcomes.
• Now, identify the opportunities and what gets in your way of achieving them.
• Finally, identify where and how you can get support from others to fill in your gaps.

Maybe you're thinking, I'm too old to change or I've been this way forever.  But it's not true.  Forget what they say about old dogs.  My dog, not old but not a pup either, can learn new behavior.  Because his habits are ingrained, he needs more help from me to learn a new trick.  And then he needs reinforcement.

You can get that new training, new ideas and reinforcement by reaching out for help. Join online or professional professional groups for information.  One tool I've used often in my career is a mastermind team (more information is in this online booklet ).  A mastermind team is a terrific way to get ideas and feedback from like-minded people.

Another tool I rely on is to work with a coach.  Yes, it's a financial investment.  But when you find the right fit, it's the best investment you can make in your future.

You can stop repeating the same old tricks that keep you stuck in "half empty" mode.  Start today.