Stuff happens: good stuff, bad stuff, frustrating stuff, unexpected stuff.  Humans are the only animals with free will.  That means we – you and me – get to decide how we react to every situation that comes up.  That’s why taking personal responsibility for yourself and choosing to respond positively to the negative stuff that happens to you is so important.

Personal responsibility means recognizing that you are responsible for your life and the choices you make. It means that you realize that while other people and events have an impact on your life, these people and events don’t shape your life. When you accept personal responsibility for your life, you own up to the fact that how you react to people and events is what’s important. And you can choose how to react to every person you meet and everything that happens to you.

The concept of personal responsibility is found in most writings on success. Stephen Covey’s first habit in 7 Habits of Highly Effective People is, “Be proactive.” I have a little book called Daily Reflections for Highly Effective People also by Stephen Covey.  It is one of the most read books that I have.  I like it because it provides a little snippet of career advice from 7 Habits of Highly Effective People everyday.

Here's an example:

“It’s not really what happens to us, but our response to what happens to us that hurts us.  Of course, things can hurt physically or economically and can cause  sorrow.  But our character, our basic identity, does not have to be hurt at all.  In fact, our most difficult experiences become the crucibles that forge our character  and develop the internal powers, the freedom to handle difficult circumstances in the future and to inspire others to do so as well.”

Dr. Covey provides some great career advice here.  We can’t always choose what happens to us, but we can choose how we react to both the positive and negative experiences we have as we go through life.  Successful people choose to make lemonade out of lemons.  Unsuccessful people choose to complain about the bitter, tart taste of the lemons they are handed.

I know the “lemons into lemonade” line is a cliché.  However, clichés become clichés because they have an underlying truth.  The important point is that human beings are blessed with free will.  As such, we can choose what we do and how we react to the world around us.  We can choose a positive, productive path; or we can choose a path of self pity and inaction – and hurt only ourselves in the end.

“Proactive people can carry their own weather with them.  Whether it rains or shines makes no     difference to them.  They are value driven; and if their value is to produce good quality work, it isn’t a function of whether the weather is conducive to it or not.”

I love the concept of carrying your own weather with you.  Choosing to react positively to the negative people and events in your life is the best way to carry your weather with you– and to take personal responsibility for your life and career success.

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“What we are is God’s gift to us. What we become is our gift to God.” Eleanor Powell

Eleanor Powell was a well known dancer and actress who appeared in many musicals in the 1930s and 1940s.  She was a good dancer, but an amazing tap dancer.  In her day, she was known as “the world’s greatest tap dancer.”

I love her quote – it gets at the heart of self confidence and commitment to taking personal responsibility for your life and career success.  God (or the universe, if you are so inclined) gives each of us certain talents and abilities.  It is up to us to take those talents and abilities that we have been given and develop them, make full use of them.  This is our gift back to God (or the universe).

Eleanor Powell was given the gift of dance.  She began dancing in Vaudeville when she was 11 and was on Broadway when she was 17.  She developed her dancing talent to a very high level.

I have been given several gifts – the ability to write clearly, the ability to simplify the complex, empathy, and common sense.  I’ve worked hard to develop these gifts.  I use them to help others grow and develop and to create the life and career success they want and deserve.  I believe that I owe it to myself, God, and the people who read the career advice I write and those who avail themselves of my career success coach services to keep learning, growing and developing my skills.

That’s why I started blogging.  That’s why I write books.  Both give me the chance to use and develop my writing skills, and my ability to simplify complex things.

When you focus on your strengths, you are emphasizing what you do well naturally.  And this is important.   When I was young, I realized that my strengths lie in my ability to think and communicate.  I could always write clearly and persuasively.  I wasn’t so good at math and science.  For a long time, I focused on my weaknesses – taking advanced placement chemistry, physics and calculus courses in high school.  I didn’t enjoy these courses, but I suffered through them – and did OK grade wise too.  I did this because in those days, I was the epitome of  the Protestant Work Ethic in overdrive.  The less I liked something, or showed a natural talent for it, the more I chose to master it.

What a waste!  I should have been spending my time on the things I liked – and for which I have a natural talent.  My four years at Penn State cured me of my tendency to focus on my weaknesses.  That was the best thing I got out of my time there – the idea that I should focus on and develop my strengths – the things that came naturally to me, the things at which I could excel because I enjoyed them and they were easy for me.

That’s what you need to do too.  Focus on your strengths.  Build on them.  This will help you build your self confidence and create the life and career success you want and deserve.  Don’t ignore your weaknesses – do what you can to improve on them, but don’t make them the focus of your self improvement work.  My best career advice on building your self confidence can be summed up in four words: “Focus on your strengths.”

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The term “mentor” comes from The Odyssey.  Odysseus entrusted the care of his son, Telemachus, to Mentor when he set out to fight the Trojan War. 

The best mentors will help you learn and grow by sharing their knowledge and wisdom with you.  In this way, you can benefit from their experience without having to suffer the consequences of gaining that experience firsthand.

Mentors are positive people by definition.  It takes a positive person to give of himself or herself to help another learn, grow and succeed.

I have been fortunate to have had several mentors in my life and career.  All of them shared several characteristics.  They all…

• Were willing to share their wisdom, knowledge, skills and expertise.
• Had a positive outlook on life.  They helped me through tough times and showed me how to find the opportunity in the difficulties I was facing.
• Were genuinely concerned about me and my success.  In addition to be knowledgeable, they were empathic.
• Really knew what they were doing.  I respected them for their knowledge and skills.
• Kept growing themselves.  All of my mentors were curious and inquisitive.  Sometimes the roles were reversed.  They asked what I was reading, and then read the books themselves – so they could learn and we could discuss the ideas.
• Gave me direct, constructive feedback.  They held me to high standards.  They congratulated me when I met their expectations.  They corrected me when I failed to do so – but in a manner where I learned what not to do the next time.
• Were respected by their colleagues.  People who are highly regarded in their field or company make the best mentors. 
• Sought out and valued the opinions of others.  My best mentor always told me to listen most carefully to the people with whom I disagreed – in that way I might learn something.  And, he was right.
• As the old saying goes, a mentor is someone whose hindsight can become your foresight.

Do you want to find a mentor?  Just look around you.  Who are the people you admire and want to emulate?  Watch what they do, and do the same.  I’ve had several mentors who never even realized they were mentoring me.

I learned how to build a network of solid contacts by watching Maggie Watson.  I learned the rules of business etiquette and dressing for success by watching Bill Rankin.  I learned how to become a first rate public speaker by watching Steve Roesler.  I learned how to become a trusted advisor by watching Don Nelson.  I learned how to carry myself with dignity in even the most difficult situations by watching JF and Carol Kiernan.  I learned how to become a better conversationalist by watching Cathy, my wife.

The reverse is also true.  I’ve learned plenty about what not to do to build self esteem, give performance feedback and treat people with respect and dignity from observing a few of my managers over the years.

I’ve found that if you want to have an acknowledged mentoring relationship, all you have to do is ask.  Go to the people you admire and tell them that you admire their judgment and would like to learn from and get career advice from them.  Ask if you can impose on their time to get answers to questions you have.  I have never had anyone turn me down when I’ve asked this way.
 
How to Be a Good Mentor

Just as it’s important to find someone you respect to mentor you, it also important to mentor others.  You don’t have to be in a formal leadership position or have years and years of experience to mentor someone else.  It’s never too early to become a mentor and to share your career advice with others.  We all have something to give, and the sooner you begin giving the better.  If you’re in college, you can mentor high school students.  If you’re a recent graduate, you can mentor others still in school.

I take great joy in mentoring other people.  I love it when I can use my experience to share my career advice and help accelerate the growth of someone else.  It takes the sting out of some of the negative consequences I’ve experienced because of my poor judgment.  I think to myself, “At least he or she won’t have to go through that.”

In his great book Love is the Killer App, Tim Sanders tells the story of how he turned one of the people who worked for him from a “mad dog” into a “lovecat.”  The advice is simple: “Offer your wisdom freely…And always be human.”

Tim is right on; offering your career advice and wisdom will turn you into a lovecat.  Mentoring is a great way to serve others.  The more you serve others, the more confidence – and success – will come your way.

You’ll grow by mentoring.  As you reflect on your life experiences and distill them into some career advice nuggets that you can share with others your knowledge will become wisdom.  In addition to being better able to help others learn and grow, you will be better able to take advantage of what you know.  You never learn something so completely as when you teach it to another person.

Any mentoring relationship needs to focus on the person being mentored.  While mentoring someone will most often be a satisfying experience for you, remember that it is not about you – it’s about the other person.  Accept him or her for who he or she is.  Help him or her proceed at his or her own pace.  The best mentoring relationships are guided by the person being mentored.

Mentoring should be a positive experience for both of you.  That means that you need to avoid treating a person you are mentoring as incompetent or incapable.  Rather, think of him or her as someone lacking in experience and who needs guidance.  Don’t criticize.  Give the kind of career advice that helps the other person think through the consequences of his or her behavior, and identify more positive ways of handling difficult or troubling situations.

Hold the person you are mentoring responsible for his or her success.  Give him or her small assignments.  Don’t let him or her off the hook if he or she fails to complete them.  Be willing to give of yourself and your time, but make sure the other person is doing so too.

Realize that the relationship will end. If you’ve done a good job, the person you are mentoring will need to move on at some point.  It’s all part of the cycle.  It can be hard to let go, but feel good about seeing someone move on to bigger and better things – and another mentor.

I’ve created an acronym to define what it takes to become a good mentor.  A good mentor…

M Motivates you to accomplish more than you think you can.

E Expects the best of you.

N Never gives up on you or lets you give up on yourself.

T Tells you the truth, even when it hurts.

O Occasionally kicks your butt.

R Really cares about you and your success.

Look for people with these qualities when you are searching for a mentor.  Embody them yourself when you are mentoring others.

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Failure truly is the tuition you pay for career success. Katina Solomon at OnLineCollege.org has created a list of “50 Famously Successful People Who Failed at First.” These people come from all walks of life. But they shared one characteristic in common — the commitment to their own career success. Katina has graciously allowed me post her list here…

50 Famously Successful People Who Failed at First

Not everyone who’s on top today got there with success after success. More often than not, those who history best remembers were faced with numerous obstacles that forced them to work harder and show more determination than others. Next time you’re feeling down about your career failures, keep these fifty famous people in mind. Remind yourself that sometimes failure is the tuition you pay for your career success.

Business Gurus

These businessmen and the companies they founded are today known around the world, but as these stories show, their beginnings weren’t always smooth.

1.Henry Ford: While Ford is today known for his innovative assembly line and American-made cars, he wasn’t an instant success. In fact, his early businesses failed and left him broke five times before he founded the successful Ford Motor Company.

2. R. H. Macy: Most people are familiar with this large department store chain, but Macy didn’t always have it easy. Macy started seven failed business before finally hitting big with his store in New York City.

3.F. W. Woolworth: Some may not know this name today, but Woolworth was once one of the biggest names in department stores in the U.S. Before starting his own business, young Woolworth worked at a dry goods store and was not allowed to wait on customers because his boss said he lacked the sense needed to do so.

4. Soichiro Honda: The billion-dollar business that is Honda began with a series of failures and fortunate turns of luck. Honda was turned down by Toyota Motor Corporation for a job after interviewing for a job as an engineer, leaving him jobless for quite some time. He started making scooters of his own at home, and spurred on by his neighbors, finally started his own business.

5. Akio Morita: You may not have heard of Morita but you’ve undoubtedly heard of his company, Sony. Sony’s first product was a rice cooker that unfortunately didn’t cook rice so much as burnt it, selling less than 100 units. This first setback didn’t stop Morita and his partners as they pushed forward to create a multi-billion dollar company.

6. Bill Gates: Gates didn’t seem like a shoe-in for success after dropping out of Harvard and starting a failed first business with Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen, called Traf-O-Data. While this early idea didn’t work, Gates’ later work did, creating the global empire that is Microsoft.

7. Harland David Sanders: Perhaps better known as Colonel Sanders of Kentucky Fried Chicken fame, Sanders had a hard time selling his chicken at first. In fact, his famous secret chicken recipe was rejected 1,009 times before a restaurant accepted it.

8. Walt Disney: Today Disney rakes in billions from merchandise, movies and theme parks around the world, but Walt Disney himself had a bit of a rough start. He was fired by a newspaper editor because, “he lacked imagination and had no good ideas.” After that, Disney started a number of businesses that didn’t last too long and ended with bankruptcy and failure. He kept plugging along, however, and eventually found a recipe for success that worked.

Scientists and Thinkers

These people are often regarded as some of the greatest minds of our century, but they often had to face great obstacles, the ridicule of their peers and the animosity of society.

9. Albert Einstein: Most of us take Einstein’s name as synonymous with genius, but he didn’t always show such promise. Einstein did not speak until he was four and did not read until he was seven, causing his teachers and parents to think he was mentally handicapped, slow and anti-social. Eventually, he was expelled from school and was refused admittance to the Zurich Polytechnic School. It might have taken him a bit longer, but most people would agree that he caught on pretty well in the end, winning the Nobel Prize and changing the face of modern physics.

10. Charles Darwin: In his early years, Darwin gave up on having a medical career and was often chastised by his father for being lazy and too dreamy. Darwin himself wrote, “I was considered by all my masters and my father, a very ordinary boy, rather below the common standard of intellect.” Perhaps they judged too soon, as Darwin today is well-known for his scientific studies.

11. Robert Goddard: Goddard today is hailed for his research and experimentation with liquid-fueled rockets, but during his lifetime his ideas were often rejected and mocked by his scientific peers who thought they were outrageous and impossible. Today rockets and space travel don’t seem far-fetched at all, due largely in part to the work of this scientist who worked against the feelings of the time.

12. Isaac Newton: Newton was undoubtedly a genius when it came to math, but he had some failings early on. He never did particularly well in school and when put in charge of running the family farm, he failed miserably, so poorly in fact that an uncle took charge and sent him off to Cambridge where he finally blossomed into the scholar we know today.

13. Socrates: Despite leaving no written records behind, Socrates is regarded as one of the greatest philosophers of the Classical era. Because of his new ideas, in his own time he was called “an immoral corrupter of youth” and was sentenced to death. Socrates didn’t let this stop him and kept right on teaching up until he was forced to poison himself.

14. Robert Sternberg: This big name in psychology received a "C" in his first college introductory psychology class with his teacher telling him that, “there was already a famous Sternberg in psychology and it was obvious there would not be another.” Sternberg showed him, however, graduating from Stanford with exceptional distinction in psychology, summa cum laude, and Phi Beta Kappa and eventually becoming the President of the American Psychological Association.

Inventors

These inventors changed the face of the modern world, but not without a few failed prototypes along the way.

15. Thomas Edison: In his early years, teachers told Edison he was “too stupid to learn anything.” Work was no better, as he was fired from his first two jobs for not being productive enough. Even as an inventor, Edison made 1,000 unsuccessful attempts at inventing the light bulb. Of course, all those unsuccessful attempts finally resulted in the design that worked.

16. Orville and Wilbur Wright: These brothers battled depression and family illness before starting the bicycle shop that would lead them to experimenting with flight. After numerous attempts at creating flying machines, several years of hard work, and tons of failed prototypes, the brothers finally created a plane that could get airborne and stay there.

Public Figures

From politicians to talk show hosts, these figures had a few failures before they came out on top.

17. Winston Churchill: This Nobel Prize-winning, twice-elected Prime Minster of the United Kingdom wasn’t always as well regarded as he is today. Churchill struggled in school and failed the sixth grade. After school he faced many years of political failures, as he was defeated in every election for public office until he finally became the Prime Minister at the ripe old age of 62.

18. Abraham Lincoln: While today he is remembered as one of the greatest leaders of our nation, Lincoln’s life wasn’t so easy. In his youth he went to war a captain and returned a private (if you’re not familiar with military ranks, just know that private is as low as it goes.) Lincoln didn’t stop failing there, however. He started numerous failed business and was defeated in numerous runs he made for public office.

19. Oprah Winfrey: Most people know Oprah as one of the most iconic faces on TV as well as one of the richest and most successful women in the world. Oprah faced a hard road to get to that position, however, enduring a rough and often abusive childhood as well as numerous career setbacks including being fired from her job as a television reporter because she was “unfit for tv.”

20. Harry S. Truman: This WWI vet, Senator, Vice President and eventual President eventually found success in his life, but not without a few missteps along the way. Truman started a store that sold silk shirts and other clothing, seemingly a success at first, only go bankrupt a few years later.

21. Dick Cheney: This recent Vice President and businessman made his way to the White House but managed to flunk out of Yale University, not once, but twice. Former President George W. Bush joked with Cheney about this fact, stating, “So now we know –if you graduate from Yale, you become president. If you drop out, you get to be vice president.”

Hollywood Types

These faces ought to be familiar from the big screen, but these actors, actresses and directors saw their fair share of rejection and failure before they made it big.

22. Jerry Seinfeld: Just about everybody knows who Seinfeld is, but the first time the young comedian walked on stage at a comedy club, he looked out at the audience, froze and was eventually jeered and booed off of the stage. Seinfeld knew he could do it, so he went back the next night, completed his set to laughter and applause, and the rest is history.

23. Fred Astaire: In his first screen test, the testing director of MGM noted that Astaire, “Can’t act. Can’t sing. Slightly bald. Can dance a little.” Astaire went on to become an incredibly successful actor, singer and dancer and kept that note in his Beverly Hills home to remind him of where he came from.

24. Sidney Poitier: After his first audition, Poitier was told by the casting director, “Why don’t you stop wasting people’s time and go out and become a dishwasher or something?” Poitier vowed to show him that he could make it, going on to win an Oscar and become one of the most well-regarded actors in the business.

25. Jeanne Moreau: As a young actress just starting out, this French actress was told by a casting director that she was simply not pretty enough to make it in films. He couldn’t have been more wrong as Moreau when on to star in nearly 100 films and win numerous awards for her performances.

26. Charlie Chaplin: It’s hard to imagine film without the iconic Charlie Chaplin, but his act was initially rejected by Hollywood studio chiefs because they felt it was a little too nonsensical to ever sell.

27. Lucille Ball: During her career, Ball had thirteen Emmy nominations and four wins, also earning the Lifetime Achievement Award from the Kennedy Center Honors. Before starring in "I Love Lucy", Ball was widely regarded as a failed actress and a B movie star. Even her drama instructors didn’t feel she could make it, telling her to try another profession. She, of course, proved them all wrong.

28. Harrison Ford: In his first film, Ford was told by the movie execs that he simply didn’t have what it takes to be a star. Today, with numerous hits under his belt, iconic portrayals of characters like Hans Solo and Indiana Jones, and a career that stretches decades, Ford can proudly show that he does, in fact, have what it takes.

29. Marilyn Monroe: While Monroe’s star burned out early, she did have a period of great success in her life. Despite a rough upbringing and being told by modeling agents that she should instead consider being a secretary, Monroe became a pin-up, model and actress that still strikes a chord with people today.

30. Oliver Stone: This Oscar-winning filmmaker began his first novel while at Yale, a project that eventually caused him to fail out of school. This would turn out to be a poor decision as the the text was rejected by publishers and was not published until 1998, at which time it was not well-received. After dropping out of school, Stone moved to Vietnam to teach English, later enlisting in the army and fighting in the war where he earned two Purple Hearts. The war also served as his inspiration for several movies including, Platoon and Born on the 4th of July.

Writers and Artists

We’ve all heard about starving artists and struggling writers, but these stories show that sometimes all that work really does pay off with success in the long run.

31. Vincent Van Gogh: During his lifetime, Van Gogh sold only one painting, and this was to a friend and only for a very small amount of money. While Van Gogh was never a success during his lifetime, he plugged on with painting, sometimes starving to complete his over 800 known works. Today, they bring in hundreds of millions.

32. Emily Dickinson: Recluse poet Emily Dickinson is a commonly read and loved writer. Yet in her lifetime she was all but ignored, having fewer than a dozen poems published out of her almost 1,800 completed works.

33. Theodor Seuss Giesel: Today nearly every child has read, "The Cat in the Hat," or "Green Eggs and Ham", yet 27 different publishers rejected Dr. Seuss’s first book, "To Think That I Saw It on Mulberry Street."

34. Charles Schultz: Schultz’s Peanuts comic strip has had enduring fame, yet this cartoonist had every cartoon he submitted rejected by his high school yearbook staff. Even after high school, Schultz didn’t have it easy, applying and being rejected for a position working with Walt Disney.

35. Steven Spielberg: While today Spielberg’s name is synonymous with big budgets, he was rejected from the University of Southern California School of Theater, Film and Television three times. He eventually attended school at another location, only to drop out to become a director before finishing. Thirty-five years after starting his degree, Spielberg returned to school in 2002 to finally complete his work and earn his BA.

36. Stephen King: The first book by this author, the iconic thriller," Carrie", received 30 rejections, finally causing King to give up and throw it in the trash. His wife fished it out and encouraged him to resubmit it, and the rest is history.  King now has published hundreds of books with the added distinction of being one of the best-selling authors of all time.

37. Zane Grey: Incredibly popular in the early 20th century, this adventure book writer began his career as a dentist, something he quickly began to hate. So, he began to write only to see rejection after rejection for his works and the added insult of being told that he had no business being a writer and should give it up. It took him years, but at 40, Zane finally got his first work published, leaving him with almost 90 books to his name and selling over 50 million copies worldwide.

38. J. K. Rowling: Rowling may be rolling in a lot of Harry Potter dough today, but before she published the series of novels she was nearly penniless, severely depressed, divorced, trying to raise a child on her own while attending school and writing a novel. Rowling went from depending on welfare to survive to being one of the richest women in the world in a span of only five years through her hard work and determination.

39. Monet: Today Monet’s work sells for millions of dollars and hangs in some of the most prestigious institutions in the world. Yet, during his own time, it was mocked and rejected by the artistic elite, the Paris Salon. Monet kept at his impressionist style, which caught on and in many ways was a starting point for some major changes to art that ushered in the modern era.

40. Jack London: This well-known American author wasn’t always such a success. While he would go on to publish popular novels like "White Fang" and "The Call of the Wild", his first story received six hundred rejection slips before finally being accepted.

41. Louisa May Alcott: Most people are familiar with Alcott’s most famous work,"Little Women". Yet Alcott faced a bit of a battle to get her work out there and was encouraged to find work as a servant by her family to make ends meet. It was her letters back home during her experience as a nurse in the Civil War that gave her the first big break she needed.

Musicians

While their music is some of the best selling, best loved and most popular around the world today, these musicians show that it takes a whole lot of determination to achieve success.

42. Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart: Mozart began composing at the age of five, writing over 600 pieces of music that today are lauded as some of the best ever created. Yet during his lifetime, Mozart didn’t have such an easy time, and was often restless, leading to his dismissal from a position as a court musician in Salzberg. He struggled to keep the support of the aristocracy and died with little to his name.

43. Elvis Presley: As one of the best-selling artists of all time, Elvis has become a household name even years after his death. But back in 1954, Elvis was still a nobody, and Jimmy Denny, manager of the Grand Ole Opry, fired Elvis Presley after just one performance telling him, “You ain’t going nowhere, son. You ought to go back to driving a truck.”

44. Igor Stravinsky: In 1913 when Stravinsky debuted his now famous, Rite of Spring, audiences rioted, running the composer out of town. Yet it was this very work that changed the way composers in the 19th century thought about music and cemented his place in musical history.

45. The Beatles: Few people can deny the lasting power of this super group, still popular with listeners around the world today. Yet when they were just starting out, a recording company told them,"No." They were told, “We don’t like their sound and guitar music is on the way out,” two things the rest of the world couldn’t have disagreed with more.

46. Ludwig van Beethoven: In his formative years, young Beethoven was incredibly awkward on the violin and was often so busy working on his own compositions that he neglected to practice. Despite his love of composing, his teachers felt he was hopeless at it and would never succeed with the violin or in composing. Beethoven kept plugging along, however, and composed some of the best-loved symphonies of all time;five of them while he was completely deaf.

Athletes

While some athletes rocket to fame, others endure a path fraught with a little more adversity, like those listed here.

47. Michael Jordan: Most people wouldn’t believe that a man often lauded as the best basketball player of all time was actually cut from his high school basketball team. Luckily, Jordan didn’t let this setback stop him from playing the game and he has stated, “I have missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I have lost almost 300 games. On 26 occasions, I have been entrusted to take the game's winning shot, and I missed. I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”

48. Stan Smith: This tennis player was rejected from even being a lowly ball boy for a Davis Cup tennis match because event organizers felt he was too clumsy and uncoordinated. Smith went on to prove them wrong, showcasing his not-so-clumsy skills by winning Wimbledon, the U. S. Open and eight Davis Cups.

49. Babe Ruth: You probably know Babe Ruth because of his home run record (714 during his career), but along with all those home runs came a pretty hefty amount of strikeouts as well (1,330 in all). In fact, for decades he held the record for strikeouts. When asked about this he simply said, “Every strike brings me closer to the next home run.”

50. Tom Landry: As the coach of the Dallas Cowboys, Landry brought the team two Super Bowl victories, five NFC Championship victories and holds the records for the record for the most career wins. He also has the distinction of having one of the worst first seasons on record (winning no games) and winning five or fewer over the next four seasons.

The common sense career success coach point here is simple. Successful people commit to taking personal responsibility for their career success. They set high goals and do whatever it takes to achieve them. They also react positively to the people and events in their lives – especially the negative people and events. They follow the career advice in Tweet 34 in Success Tweets. “Treat failure as the tuition you pay to succeed.

If you have a setback, choose to react positively and learn something. In this post, I told the stories of 50 well known people who ended up being wildly successful and well known, because they learned from their mistakes and failures. Use this career advice; let these successful people be an example and inspiration for you the next time you feel up because you’ve failed.

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I’d like to begin with three quotes.  The first is from T.E. Lawrence – the Lawrence of Arabia guy.

     “All men dream, but not equally.  Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity.  But the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act on their dreams with open eyes, to make it possible.”

The second is from my favorite playwright, George Bernard Shaw.

     "This is the true joy in life, being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.”

The third is from Oscar Wilde.

     “To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.”

I dream by day, and I hope you do too.  I want to be thoroughly worn out before I’m thrown on the scrap heap.  I refuse to be a selfish little clod of ailments complaining about the world.  And I choose to live – completely and fully.  My purpose in life helps me do this.

I’m a career success coach.  My purpose is to help other people create the life and career success they want and deserve.  To me this is a worthy purpose.  More important, it’s a purpose that makes me happy.

As I’m writing this, I keep seeing a tweet by the mythical Frank Tyger that has been retweeted at least 10 times in the past hour:  “Doing what you like is freedom.  Liking what you do is happiness.”

All of this goes back to Tweet 9 in Success Tweets, my free ebook on 140 Tweets on career and life success which can download here.   Things don’t make you happy.  Happiness comes from doing something of value.  Success Tweet 4 says, “The mightier your purpose, the more likely you are to succeed.  It will give you a strong foundation when the winds of change shift.”

If you want to create a mighty life purpose, it’s a good idea to write a life purpose statement.  However, many people tell me that they have tried to write a life purpose statement with little success.  Steve Pavlina offers a common sense, four step approach to finding your life purpose.  I really like these four simple steps:

1. Take out a blank sheet of paper or open up a word processor where you can type (I prefer the latter because it’s faster).
2. Head it, “What is my true purpose in life?”
3. Write an answer (any answer) that pops into your head. It doesn’t have to be a complete sentence. A short phrase is fine.
4. Repeat step 3 until you write the answer that makes you cry. This is your purpose.

That’s it. It doesn’t matter if you’re a counselor or an engineer or a bodybuilder. To some people this exercise will make perfect sense. To others it will seem utterly stupid. Usually it takes 15-20 minutes to clear your head of all the clutter and the social conditioning about what you think your purpose in life is. The false answers will come from your mind and your memories. But when the true answer finally arrives, it will feel like it’s coming to you from a different source entirely.

I love Steve’s simple common sense approach to finding your life purpose.  As a career success coach, I suggest you try it if you don’t have a clear statement of your life’s purpose.

However, once you find your life purpose, you have to live it every day.  This blog is one way that I live my purpose every day.  I post five days a week.  That means that five days a week I write 800 to 1,200 words on career and life success .  My daily success quotes are another way I live my purpose every day.  If you want to receive these daily quotes, go to www.BudBilanich.com.  Enter your name and email address in the box at the top right of the page.

My books are another way I live my life purpose every day.  I write books to help me clarify my thinking on life and career success – and to help others apply my career success coach thoughts to create their life and career success.

What is your purpose in life?  I hope it’s not getting more things.  I hope it is something that is bigger than you; something  that benefits others and all of us in general.  I hope it’s mighty.

Once you have determined your life purpose, ask yourself what you do to live it every day.  Then start doing that every day.  Doing something every day that reinforces your life purpose is the best way to creating a happy life and career success.

Check out www.SuccessTweets.com and register to get a .pdf of Success Tweets for free. 

Precious is a tough movie to watch.  It is the story of a 350-pound illiterate teenage girl.  She is pregnant for the second time.  But as she says at one point in the film, “I never even had a boyfriend.”  Her father abused her sexually and is the father of her children.  She is verbally and physically abused by her mother.  Nobody likes Precious.  She is obese and has little or no self confidence.  But a couple of people give her hope.

When the school Principal learns that Precious is pregnant, she helps her get into a special school.  There, one of the teachers helps her learn, and a social worker helps her deal with her home situation.  With their help, she blossoms.  This is a hopeful movie.  It shows how a teacher and social worker help build Precious’ self esteem and give her the courage to live life on her own. 

Precious received a 15-minute standing ovation when it was shown at Cannes.   I wanted to clap when it was over too.

The Blind Side is another movie about hope.  It is the true life story of Michael Oher, a professional football player for the Baltimore Ravens.  He was a very large black teenager living on the streets when he was welcomed into the home of a white conservative suburban family.  Sandra Bullock plays the mother – and she is great in the role. 

Michael and the family both grow over the course of the film.  He eventually gets a football scholarship to the University of Mississippi where he becomes and All-American player and a first round draft choice in the NFL.  It too, is a hopeful story.  It shows how one person, or one family, can make all the difference in another person’s life.  Michael Oher had great athletic talent that would have been wasted were it not for someone showing him some compassion and giving him some hope.

As these two movies show us, hope is powerful.  In The Audacity of Hope, President Obama (written before he became president) says…

“The audacity of hope.  That was the best of the American spirit, I thought – having the audacity to believe despite all evidence to the contrary that we could restore a sense of community to a nation torn by conflict; the gall to believe that despite personal setbacks, the loss of a job or an illness in the family or a childhood mired in poverty, we had some control – and therefore responsibility – over our own fate.  It was that audacity, I thought, that joined us as one people.”

This Thanksgiving I choose hope.  I am thankful for many things, but I am most thankful for my powerful self confidence.  It gave me the hope to start a consulting business 21 years ago and the hope to expand my business via the internet.  I choose hope.  I choose to be audacious, moving to a new business model when many people my age are retiring.  I urge you to be audacious and choose hope.  Hope begins with being aware of and thankful for all you have.  It helps you move forward by building on those things for which you are thankful.

I also urge you to do whatever you can to give hope to others – your family, your friends, your co-workers, people at your place of worship, strangers.  Hopeful and kind words can make a difference in the lives of people around you. 

Self confidence is one of the keys to personal and professional success that is part of my Common Sense Success System.  I discuss it in several of my books: Straight Talk for Success, Your Success GPS and 42 Rules to Jumpstart your Professional Success. 

I’m a tennis fan.  That’s why I was very interested when I heard that Andre Agassi was writing an autobiography.  He was one of my favorite players.  I liked his style and flamboyance as a young man.  I watched him mature into one of the all time great players.  He won eight majors and has a career grand slam – meaning he won the Australian Open, the French Open, Wimbledon and the US Open at least once.  Only five other men have ever done that.  On the other hand, his wife, Steffi Graf, won all four grand slam tournaments in one year, 1988.  She won the Olympic gold Medal that year for good measure.  But that’s another story.

Andre’s book is disturbing.  Throughout most of his career, Andre Agassi says he hated tennis.  His father forced him to become a world class player.  In an interview he did with Katie Couric for 60 Minutes he talked about having ping pong paddles taped to his hands when he was a toddler.  He quit school at 14 to attend the Nick Bollettieri tennis academy.  He turned pro at 16.  He had early success on the court and off – lots of endorsements and a marriage to Brooke Shields.  However, he hated his life — and tennis.  He told Katie Couric that he “had to do it for the family.”

He partied hard – even doing crystal meth.  He fell to number 141 in the world rankings.  I saw him play in those down years.  I was at a meeting in Scottsdale and he was playing in a tournament near the hotel where I was staying.  I got some court side seats and was really excited to see him play up close.  He lost 6 – 2, 6 – 1.  In those days, he seemed to be entering tournaments just to get the appearance money.

However, in 1997 when he was ranked 141, he says he made a choice.  He chose tennis.  “The hate for tennis began to change when I took ownership and chose tennis, which didn’t happen until 1997, which didn’t happen till I fell to 141 in the world, which didn’t happen till that moment when I either had to walk away or choose it, and I didn’t walk away, I chose it.”

And that’s the point about clarity of purpose and direction.  You have to choose who you are going to be in life.  Let me say that again.  You have to choose who you are going to be in life.

Andre Agassi didn’t have a choice early on.  He was forced into a life and career as a professional tennis player by his overbearing father.  He hated the game for his first 29 years.  Finally, he realized that he could choose.  As he said, he chose tennis and became an elder statesman of the game.  He was inspiring to watch as he grew older.  In 2005 when he was 35 he got to the US Open final against roger Federer.  He played a great match, losing in four sets.  The crowd loved him and he loved the crowd — and tennis.

Now he has chosen to help others.  He has raised tons of money to help poor kids and runs a tuition free school for at risk youth in Las Vegas.  His story has a happy ending.

The common sense point here is simple.  Successful people are clear on what they want in their lives and careers.  They use their clarity of purpose and direction as a touchstone to help them navigate the twists and turns life throws at them.  Once Andre Agassi “chose tennis” late in his career, he won six grand slam tournaments – to go with the two he won as a youngster. 

I choose to help others learn, grow and prosper in their lives and careers.  What have you chosen?  The answer to this question is the first step in clarifying your purpose and direction.

Clarity of purpose and direction is one of the keys to career and life success in my Common Sense Success System.  I discuss it in detail in several of my books: Straight Talk for Success, Your Success GPS and 42 Rules to Jumpstart Your Professional Success.

I remember reading Hamlet when I was in high school.  As Hamlet was setting off on his journey, Polonius gave him some advice.  As we got to this advice, the teacher stopped and said “This advice is timeless wisdom, pay attention.”  Here it is…

There … my blessing with thee!
And these few precepts hold in thy memory…

Look thou character.  Give thy thoughts no tongue,
Nor any unproportioned thought his act.
Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar.

Those friends thou hast, and their adoption tried,
Grapple them to thy soul with hoops of steel;
But do not dull thy palm with entertainment
Of each new hatched, unfledged comrade. 

Beware of entrance to a quarrel but, being in,
Bear it that the opposed may beware of thee.

Give every man thy ear, but few thy voice;
Take each man’s measure, but reserve thy judgment.

Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy,
But not expressed in fancy; rich, not gaudy;
For the apparel oft proclaims the man;
And they in France of the best rank and station
Are of a most select and generous chief in that.

Neither a borrower, nor a lender be;
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.

This above all: to thine own self be true,
and it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst be false to no man.

Farewell; my blessing season this in thee!

The final piece of advice – “This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow as the night the day, thou canst be to no man” – is at the heart of clarity of purpose and direction.  It is much easier to be true to yourself when you are clear in your purpose and direction in life.  As Polonius suggests, if you are true to yourself, you can’t be false to others.  More important, you can stay on the course to career and life success.

Roy Blackman, my father-in-law was so enamored of this advice that it was his final words of advice to his first grandson as he went off to college.  Roy lived by these words.  They were his epitaph, displayed prominently on the program at his funeral.

The common sense point here is simple.  Successful people clarify their purpose and direction.  Then they conduct themselves in a manner that is consistent with it.  Shakespeare, speaking as Polonius, offers some timeless advice on how to live in a manner that is consistent with your purpose and direction: “To thine own self be true, and it must follow as the night the day, thou canst be false to no man.”  If you follow this advice you’ll be living your purpose and you’ll be well positioned to create the successful life and career you want and deserve.

That’s my take on Polonius’ advice to Hamlet and how it is as important today as it was when it was written hundreds of years ago.

Bud Bilanich is the author of seven books, including Straight Talk for Success and 42 Rules to Jumpstart Your Professional Success. 

A while back I blogged about a book called The Luck Factor by Richard Wiseman who claims that you can learn to be lucky.  In fact, Dr. Wiseman even lists five steps for learning to be lucky.

First, don’t assume there is nothing you can do about any situation.  Make the decision to take control.

Second, do something now.

Third, make a list of various options.  Be creative.  Brainstorm.  Come up with as many ideas as you can.

Fourth, decide how you will move forward.  Consider every possible alternative.

Fifth, take action.  Be prepared to adapt your action as the future unfolds.

Richard Wiseman calls this a prescription for learning to be lucky.  I call it committing to taking personal responsibility for creating a successful life and career.  Every one of the five steps above is a manifestation of your willingness to commit to taking personal responsibility for your life and career.

Let’s look at them again. 

First, deciding that you can control a situation is the first step to controlling it.  It’s like throwing a mental switch that puts you in charge and demonstrates your commitment to taking personal responsibility for your life and success.

Second, the mere act of doing something moves you forward.  You may not be successful the first – or even second or third time – but the fact that you try and keep trying is another manifestation of your commitment to taking responsibility for your life and career.

Third, thinking through your options puts you in control.  Often, it may seem that your options are limited.  However, if you take the time to review everything you can do in a given situation, you’ll be able to come up with some good ideas for getting on top of any situation you face.

Fourth, choose an option, put it into play, and see what happens.  If it doesn’t work, choose another one.  If that doesn’t work, choose another one.  In this way, you are not only being systematic about creating your own success, you are demonstrating the resilience common to people who commit to taking personal responsibility for their success.

Fifth, be adaptable.  What works at first may no longer work as you move forward.  If you’re committed to taking personal responsibility for yourself and your success, you’ll change with the times.  You won’t sit back and bemoan the fact that things have changed.  You’ll be in charge, changing with the times – and even causing the times to change.

The common sense point here is simple.  Successful people commit to taking personal responsibility for their lives and careers.  You can demonstrate your commitment to taking personal responsibility for you success by doing five things:

1) Decide you are in control. 

2) Do something to show yourself you are in control. 

3) Think through all of your options in a given situation. 

4) Choose an option and act.  If it doesn’t work, choose another option. 

5) Be adaptable.  Change with the times. 

In The Luck Factor, Richard Wiseman calls these five steps a method for learning to be lucky.  I say they are a recipe for demonstrating your commitment to taking personal responsibility for your life and career.

Bud is the author of seven books, including Straight Talk for Success and 42 Rules to Jumpstart Your Professional Success. 

P.S. If something bad happens here's what you do to keep the luck going:

Here are some tips from Richard Wiseman on distracting your thoughts away from ill fortune.

• Go to the gym – exercise is a great way to take your mind off your problems and it also lifts your mood.
• Watch a funny film – choose a film that makes you laugh, and try your best to become involved in the story.
• Spend about twenty minutes thinking about a positive event that happened in the past – relive the event in your mind and think about how you felt at the time.
• Listen to music – again, choose something that makes you feel happy, and try to become involved in the music.
• Arrange to see your friends – talk about what's happening in their lives.
  

The other day I came across a prayer attributed to Cary Grant.  I’ve edited it for brevity, but the important ideas are still there…“Release me from trying to straighten out everyone’s affairs. Make me thoughtful, but not moody, helpful but not overbearing. Take a look…

“Lord, keep me from the habit of thinking I must say something on every subject and on every occasion.  Keep my tongue free from the recital of endless details.

“Seal my lips on my aches and pains.  I ask for grace enough to listen to the retelling of others’ afflictions and to be helped to endure them with patience.

“Release me from trying to straighten out everyone’s affairs. Make me thoughtful, but not moody, helpful but not overbearing.

“Give me improved memory with growing humility and an ability to capitulate when my memory clashes with the memory of others. Teach me the glorious lesson that on some occasions, I may be mistaken.

“Keep me reasonably kind.  An embittered person is a constant burden.

“Please give me the ability to see good in unlikely places and talents in unexpected people. And give me the grace to tell them so.”

That is some prayer – and the embodiment of interpersonal competence.  Cary Grant asked for the gifts of: silence and listening; the ability to empathize with others’ afflictions without going into detail about his; the tendency to give unwanted and unasked for advice; the willingness to admit is mistakes; kindness; and the ability to see the good in others – and to tell them so.

I have printed this prayer and have hung it in my office.  I aspire to all of the characteristics for which Cary Grant prayed.  I hope that God will give me these gifts too.  Because if He does, I know I will become an interpersonally competent person.

The common sense point here is simple.  Successful people are interpersonally competent.  Interpersonally competent people – listen to and empathize with others; avoid giving unwanted and unsolicited advice; admit their mistakes; are kind; see the good in others and tell them so.  This is a pretty high standard to set for yourself.  But, it’s best to set high goals.  So do yourself a favor and set the goal of living up to these ideals.  The people in your life will thank you, and you’ll be well on your way to becoming a truly interpersonally competent person.

That’s my take on Cary Grant’s prayer and interpersonal competence.  What’s yours?  Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us.  As always, thanks for reading.

Bud is the author of seven books, including Straight Talk for Success and 42 Rules to Jumpstart Your Professional Success.