Recently, I had the opportunity to meet Jim Ryan.  Jim is a motivational speaker and all around good guy.  He sent me a copy of his great book Simple Happiness.  He signed it, “To Bud, My wish for you is a life filled with joy and happiness!  Keep up the good work.  Jim Ryan.”  See what I mean about Jim being a good guy?

I found a lot of common sense wisdom in Chapter 8 of Simple Happiness.  It’s called “What is Compassion?”  I hadn’t thought of it this way until reading Jim’s book, but compassion is an important component of interpersonal competence.  Here’s what Jim has so say…

“Compassion is allowing others to be who they want to be.  Compassion is not expecting or demanding that others be who we want them to be.  Compassion is not judging the actions of others according to our standards and values.  Compassion is cutting others some slack instead of criticizing them.  Compassion is not a feeling of superiority.  It is the realization and acknowledgement of the dignity that each one of us possesses as a human being.  It is a basic understanding that every one of us is doing his or her best figure things out.  We are all on our own path through life.  Compassion is the conscious decision to send out love to all those who cross our path. 

“What a load off our shoulders!  We don’t have to get upset when people do things differently than the way we would like them to.  It is extremely liberating to allow others to be who they are.  When we are compassionate to others, we bring ‘simple happiness’ to ourselves.”

Very cool, right?  I really like Jim’s choice of words – compassion is a great word.  To me it is much more powerful than words like “sympathy” or “empathy.”  It conveys a sense of positive humility, the idea that I am no better than anyone else and therefore, it is important for me to treat everyone else with dignity and respect.  I also like Jim’s final point.  Compassion for others can help us become more happy in our own lives.

The common sense point here is simple.  Successful people are interpersonally competent.  Interpersonally competent people are compassionate people.  If you’re truly compassionate, you’ll develop a deep understanding of others as human beings.  Compassion can also help you build relationships and resolve conflict positively. 

Give others some slack, let them be themselves, don’t judge others by your values, avoid feeling superior, respect the dignity of every person, send love out to everyone you meet, and you’ll become known as an interpersonally competent person.  It’s only common sense.  And common sense is the backbone of Jim Ryan’s book Simple Happiness.

That’s my take on compassion and interpersonal competence.  What’s yours?  Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us.  As always, thanks for reading.

Interpersonal competence is one of the keys to success that I discuss in Straight Talk for Success.  If you want to become interpersonally competent, you need to do three things.  1) Get to know yourself.  Use this self knowledge to better understand others.  2) Build solid, long term, mutually beneficial relationships with the important people in your life.  3) Resolve conflict in a manner that enhances, not detracts from your relationships.

Bud

Dale Carnegie wrote the book on how to build relationships.  How to Win Friends and Influence People has sold over 15 million copies since it was published in 1936.  Why does this book have such long legs?  I think because it is filled with common sense.

Mr. Carnegie believed that only about 15% of your success is due to your technical knowledge, while 85% is due to your ability to build relationships.  His philosophy can be summed up in a few words…

Act enthusiastically, smile, become genuinely interested in other people.  Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.

The March issue of SUCCESS Magazine has a great article about Dale Carnegie.  A sidebar to the article on Dale Carnegie lists several points about relationship building…

• Avoid arguments.
• Respect differing viewpoints.
• When you are wrong, admit it emphatically and move on.
• You will get more in business and life with honey than with vinegar.  Be friendly and gentle.
• When you begin a conversation – even an opponent – focus on things on which you both agree.
• Let other people talk more than you.  Listen fully.
• See things from others’ point of view.
• Believe that people are inherently good and honest.
• Talk about your own mistakes before pointing out someone else’s.
• Use questions to lead people in the direction you want them to go.
• Always help people maintain their pride.
• Lavish praise on others every time you see an improvement.
• See the best in people and they will rise to your expectations.
• Be supportive.  Help people see that mistakes can be corrected.
• When you want people to do things the way you suggest, point out the benefits of doing it your way.

The common sense point here is simple.  Successful people are interpersonally competent.  Interpersonally competent people build and maintain strong, lasting, mutually beneficial relationships with the people in their lives.  Dale Carnegie’s book How to Win Friends and Influence People is a great book for learning how to become interpersonally competent and to build strong relationships.  Mr. Carnegie’s advice can be boiled down into one simple point that he – and my grandmother – often said, “you get more flies with honey than vinegar.”  Try it, you’ll be surprised at how much being nice pays off in your life and career.  It can make you a personal and professional success.

That’s my take on interpersonal competence, relationship building, Dale Carnegie and the power of being nice.  What’s yours?  Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us.  As always, thanks for reading.

Interpersonal competence is one of the keys to success that I discuss in Straight Talk for Success.  If you want to become interpersonally competent you need to do three things. 

1) Get to know yourself.  Use this self knowledge to better understand and relate to others. 

2) Build solid, lasting mutually beneficial relationships with the important people in your life. 

3) Learn how to resolve conflict with a minimal disruption to your relationships.

 "Whatever you can vividly imagine, ardently desire,   sincerely believe and enthusiastically act upon…must inevitably come to pass!                                            by Paul J. Meyer, Author

I love this quote.  It is the Law of Attraction on steroids.  Lots of people vividly imagine, ardently desire, and sincerely believe they will become a personal and professional success.  Too many forget about the “enthusiastically act upon” part though.

And that brings us to the point of today’s post.  Outstanding performers work hard.  They put in the time and effort they need to succeed.  They do it under the best of circumstances and the worst of circumstance.  Ben Roethlisberger of the Pittsburgh Steelers may not be the prettiest quarterback to watch, but he is willing to do the work it takes to perform and succeed.  He played the entire Super Bowl with two broken ribs.  That’s commitment to performing and succeeding.

I’m not suggesting that you work when you’re injured.  I am suggesting however, that you need to enthusiastically act on what you imagine and desire.  That means you need to seize each day and get the most out of it.  Here is what Paul Meyer, author of "13 Key Habits to Help You Seize the Day", has to say about seizing the day…

1. Be an inverted paranoid: I believe the whole world is conspiring to do only good things to me.
2. Be a quick forgiver: I don’t have time to waste in unforgiveness.
3. Be optimistic: Believing the best of people and circumstances is a sure way to find the best.
4. Be thankful: I always give thanks, keep my eyes on God as my provider, and keep a smile on my face.
5. Be an encourager: Encouragers make me feel better, stronger, and more capable of accomplishing my dreams. I want to do the same for others.
6. Be spontaneous: I have a sense of urgency and a do-it-now attitude.
7. Be a giver: My greatest joy is giving!
8. Be positive: Being positive has the potential of turning the worst situations into victories.
9. Smile a lot and laugh at life: Adversity is a steppingstone, not a roadblock. Why not laugh in the midst of the challenges?
10. Live life with enthusiasm: I will only live once, so why not give it my all?
11. Enjoy life: I truly enjoy life.
12. Find a hobby you enjoy: No matter where I am, I have something I like to do.
13. Look for people to help: I get up every morning excited about the person I might help that day.

At first, this list may seem a little surprising.  It doesn’t say things like “get up early,” “create a to do list and cross off everything before you quit for the day” or “handle each piece of paper only once.”  These are good ideas, but I like the way Mr. Meyer approaches seizing the day – being human. 

The common sense point here is simple.  Successful people are outstanding performers.  Outstanding performers seize the day.  Paul Meyer offers some great advice for seizing each day: be positive, be a giver, look for people you can help, smile, be spontaneous, encourage others.  If you do these six things and the other seven that Mr. Meyer suggests, you’ll be on your way to making the most of each day and to becoming an outstanding performer.

Outstanding performance is one of the keys to success that I discuss in Straight Talk for Success.  If you want to become an outstanding performer, you need to do three things.  1) Stay current in your field by becoming a lifelong learner.  2) Set and achieve high goals.  3) Get organized.  Manage your time, life and stress well.

That’s my take on outstanding performance and seizing the day.  What’s yours?  Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us.  As always, I appreciate you taking the time to read this post.

Bud

In my experience, grandparents are some of the most positive people in the world.  My grandma and grandpa lived upstairs from us when I was growing up.  They were always there for me.  I remember many happy hours sitting at their kitchen table talking with them and listening to their stories – and escaping the wrath of my parents when I screwed up.

The other day, I came across some advice that Will Smith’s grandmother gave him.  “Don’t let failure go to your heart, or success go to your head.”  This is not only great common sense advice, it captures the essence of self confidence.  Self confident people have a realistic view of themselves, their strengths and weaknesses. 

I discussed this idea in Straight Talk for Success…

“A healthy, realistic self image is key to your confidence. Remind yourself of this the next time you are out performed (and you will be) and when you out perform others (which you will as well).

“Don’t let yourself feel inferior just because you fail at a task or are not good at something. On the other hand, don’t let yourself feel superior because you succeed at a task or are good at something. Keep things in perspective.

“I once saw a quote from Herb Elliot that sums it up quite well. In case you don’t know Herb Elliot (and I didn’t until I read this quote), he was the world record holder in the mile run from 1958 to 1962. He said:  

"‘To be a world-record holder in the mile, a man must have the arrogance it takes to believe he can run faster that anyone ever has at the distance; and the humility it takes to actually do it.’

“To me, the dichotomies in this quote – arrogance and humility – capture the essence of self confidence and realistic self image. Arrogance: ego, belief that you can accomplish the goal you set for yourself. Humility: the willingness to do the work necessary to reach your goal. Both are present in successful people.”

Let's use some examples here. If you asked me to find a receipt from last month, it may take me another month for me to find it. The odds of me walking to the moon are greater than me successfully reformatting your hard drive, and if you are proofreading my writing, you may discover the most creative spellings ever. These are not my skill sets.

On the other hand, a lot of the people who can do these things would have their knees buckle two seconds after they walked out onto a stage with 1,000 eyeballs staring at them.  I love being in front of a crowd, sharing my thoughts on personal and professional success.
Do I allow myself to feel inferior because of the things that I am not good at? Not in a million years... and no one has permission to make me feel inferior. On the other hand, do I allow my ego to inflate because I’m good at speaking in front of large audiences?  No.  I better not.  Stop me if you see my ego getting out of control.

The common sense point here is simple.  Successful people are self confident.  Self confident people follow Will Smith’s grandmother’s advice: “Don’t let failure go to your heart, and don’t let success go to your head.”  Remember too, that a balanced self image is a key component of self confidence.  Arrogance plus humility equals a balanced self image. It’s simple common sense.  You can believe in yourself all you want, but you have to do the work in order to succeed.  On the other hand, you can work your tail off, but if you don’t believe in yourself, you’re unlikely to succeed.

That’s my take on failure, success, arrogance and humility.  What’s yours?  Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us.  As always, thanks for reading.

Bud

PS: Yesterday, I watched the “60 Minutes” feature on Captain Sully Sullenberger and the crew of the US Airways flight that went down in the Hudson River on January 15.  I was surprised to see that one of my high school classmates, Doreen Welch, was one of the flight attendants on that flight.  Way to go Doreen.  I’m proud of you.  You are courageous and inspirational.  You’ve made me and all of Ambridge Area High School proud.

What can an Wall Street banker learn from cowboys about ethics?  Read on.

Each year in January, the National Western Stock Show comes to Denver and takes over the town.  The Stock Show is a Denver tradition.  It features the highest paying indoor rodeo in the world.  Farmers and ranchers from all over the Midwest and West come to view the exhibits and see the latest in farm machinery and veterinary technology.  Kids exhibit the animals they’ve raised.  McDonald’s purchases the prize steer.  The young man who raised this year’s winner won $50,000 for his efforts.  Cowboys flock to the local bars and restaurants.  All in all, it’s a pretty cool thing – an event that has been going on for over 100 years and something that defines Denver in January.

You’re probably wondering why I’m telling you all of this.  There is a reason.  On Sunday, January 25, The Denver Post got into the Stock Show tradition and did a feature on a book called Cowboy Ethics: What Wall Street Can Learn from the Code of the West.  It’s written by James P. Owen, a retired Wall Street exec who is now a professional speaker on investments.  I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that these days Wall Street could use a dose of ethics – cowboy or otherwise.  Think Bernie Maddoff who defrauded investors of over $50 billion, or John Thain, the Merril Lynch CEO who paid bonuses to executives who ran a company that lost $15 billion dollars in the last three months of 2008, and spent $1.2 million redecorating his office.

James lists 10 principles for finance professionals that he says are part of an implicit code of the old west and “borne from both the need for rugged individualism and a sense of how a community can take care of itself.”  I think these ten principles provide a great guide for how to build and maintain strong relationships.  See for yourself…

1. Live each day with courage.
2. Take pride in your work.
3. Always finish what you start.
4. Do what has to be done.
5. Be tough, but fair.
6. When you make a promise, keep it.
7. Ride for the brand.
8. Talk less, say more.
9. Remember that some things are not for sale.
10. Know where to draw the line.

James autographs Cowboy Ethics with the words “Ride tall.  Shoot straight.”  This is great common sense advice for building the types of relationships that will help you create personal and professional success. 

Interpersonal competence is one of the keys to success that I discuss in Straight Talk for Success.  If you want to become interpersonally competent, you need to do three things.  1) Get to know yourself.  Use this self knowledge to better understand others.  2) Build and maintain strong, lasting, mutually beneficial relationships with the important people in your life.  3) Learn how resolve conflict in a positive manner.

The common sense point here is simple.  Successful people are interpersonally competent.  Interpersonally competent people build strong, lasting relationships with the people in their lives.  Cowboy Ethics provides some excellent advice on how to build and maintain high quality relationships.  There are ten points in the Cowboy Ethics code, but they can be summed up quite well in four words: Ride tall.  Shoot Straight.  Ride tall.  Be proud of who you are, what you do, and how you do it.  Shoot straight.  Be honest and straightforward.  Keep your promises, don’t sell your soul for a few (or a few billion) dollars.

That’s my take on the National Western Stock Show, cowboy ethics and building high quality relationships.  What’s yours?  Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us.  As always, thanks for reading.