What prevents us from making the changes we know will make us more effective leaders?

Great question. I may be the only executive educator who actually measures whether the participants in my leadership development courses actually do what I teach--and then measures if they are seen as becoming more effective leaders.

At the end of my sessions, I ask leaders (who have received 360-degree feedback) to follow up with their co-workers and ask for ongoing ideas about how they can continue to become more effective. A year later, about 70% do some version of this recommended follow-up (as reported by their co-workers, not by them); 30% do absolutely nothing.

I am not ashamed of these numbers;  I am happy. Not only are 70% of those who do their follow-up seen as becoming better leaders, the 30% who do absolutely nothing don't get any worse!

But to your question, what prevents the 30% from making the changes they know will make them more effective leaders?

Dropping the Ball

I had the chance to interview many of the 'do-nothings' with one of my clients a year later to ascertain why they had dropped the ball on their follow-up commitment.

Their answers had nothing to do with integrity, ethics, or values. The 'do-nothings' were good people with good values. They were intelligent people who felt bad about not following up with their co-workers.

If it wasn't lack of intelligence or values, why did 30% of the participants in my courses leave with the idea that they were going to put what they were taught into practice--and then let an entire year pass with no visible effort?

Excuses, Excuses

The answer has to do with a daydream. I have indulged in this daydream for years. In fact, you too may have had this same recurring daydream.

This daydream explains why the participants in my courses don't end up doing what they know they should. It also probably explains why you don't do many things in your life and career that you know you should.

The daydream goes like this:

"I am incredibly busy right now. In fact, I feel as busy as I have ever felt in my life. Sometimes my life feels a little out of control. But I am dealing with some very unique and special challenges right now. I think the worst of this will be over in a few months. Then I am going to take a couple of weeks to get organized, spend some time with my family, start my 'healthy life' program, and work on personal development."

One Tough Question

Have you ever had a daydream that vaguely resembles this dream? How long have you been having this same, repetitive dream? Most leaders I meet have been having it for years.

I have learned a hard lesson trying to help real people change real behavior in the real world. The 'couple of weeks' that you are fantasizing about are not going to happen. Look at the trend line. There is a good chance that tomorrow is going to be even crazier than today!

If you want to make real change, ask yourself this tough question: What am I willing to change now? Not 'in a few months.' Not 'when I get caught up.' Now. 

Now, take a deep breath. Forget your glorious plans. Accept the craziness of your life. Do what you can do now. Let go of everything else. And make peace with what is.

List the 'personal improvement' activities that you have been 'planning' to do - but have not quite 'got around to' yet.

Challenge yourself on each activity.

Get started on the activity within two weeks - or take it off the list - and quit tormenting yourself.

Life is good.

Marshall

Every two years there is a global survey to determine the world’s top 50 business thinkers. In 2009 Marshall's friend the late CK Prahalad was ranked #1 and Marshall was ranked #14. To participate in the 2011 Thinkers 50, visit http://www.thinkers50.com/vote.

My newest book, MOJO, is a New York Times (advice), Wall Street Journal (business), USAToday (money) and Publisher's Weekly (non-fiction) best seller. It is now available online and at major bookstores.

General Mills CEO Steve Sanger once told 90 of his colleagues: 'Last year my team told me that I needed to do a better job of coaching my direct reports. I just reviewed my 360-degree feedback. I have been working on becoming a better coach for the past year or so. I'm still not doing quite as well as I want, but I'm getting a lot better. My coworkers have been helping me improve. Also, I feel good about the fact that my scores on 'effectively responds to feedback' are so high this year.'

While listening to Steve speak openly to coworkers about his efforts to develop himself, I realized how much the world has changed. Twenty years ago, few CEOs received feedback from their colleagues--or candidly discussed that feedback and their personal developmental plans. Today, many respected leaders are setting a positive example by striving to develop themselves.

Organizations that crank out great leaders tend to have CEOs like Steve Sanger who are actively involved in leadership development. These organizations tend to actively manage their talent. They identify high-potential people, differentiate compensation, serve up the right development opportunities, closely watch turnover, and offer CEO support and involvement.

One of the best ways top executives can get their leaders to improve is to work on improving themselves. Leading by example can mean a lot more than leading by public-relations hype.

- Michael Dell is a perfect example. As a successful leader, he could easily have an attitude that says, 'I am Michael Dell and you aren't! I don't need to work on developing myself.' Michael, however, has the opposite approach. He sincerely discusses his personal challenges with leaders across the company. He is a living case study from whom everyone at Dell is learning. His leadership example makes it hard for any leader to act arrogant or to communicate that he or she has nothing to improve upon.

- Johnson & Johnson has successfully involved its executives in leadership development. Its top executive team regularly participate in a variety of leadership-building activities. Having a dialogue with the CEO about his business challenges and developmental needs makes it a lot easier for employees to discuss their own business challenges and developmental needs.

- At Northrop Grumman, CEO Kent Kresa and his leadership team reversed the company's poor image and engineered an amazing turnaround. From the beginning, Kent led by example. He communicated clear expectations for ethics, values, and behavior. He made sure that he was evaluated by the same standards that he set for everyone else.

As you work hard to improve yourself, you encourage the people around you to do the same thing.

Life is good.

Marshall

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My newest book, MOJO, is a New York Times (advice), Wall Street Journal (business), USAToday (money) and Publisher's Weekly (non-fiction) best seller. It is now available online and at major bookstores.

When achievement is the result of a team effort - not just individual performance - we tend to overestimate our contribution to the final victory. I once asked three business partners to estimate their individual contribution to the partnership's profits. Not surprisingly, the sum of their answers amounted to more than 150% of the actual profit!  Each of the three partners thought she was contributing more than half.

This overestimation of our past success is true in almost any workplace. If you ask your colleagues (in a confidential survey) to estimate their percentage contribution to your enterprise, the total will always exceed 100%. There is nothing wrong with this. (If the total adds up to less than 100%, you probably need new colleagues.)

This "I have succeeded" belief, positive as it is in most cases, can become a major obstacle when behavioral change is needed.

Delusions of Superiority

Successful people consistently overrate themselves relative to their peers. I have asked more than 80,000 participants in my training programs to rate themselves in terms of their performance relative to their professional peers. We found that 80% to 85% rank themselves in the top 20% of their peer group, and about 70% rank themselves in the top 10%. The numbers get even more ridiculous among professionals with higher perceived social status, such as physicians, pilots, and investment bankers.

(M.D.s may be the most delusional. I once told a group of doctors that my extensive research had conclusively proven that half of all M.D.s had graduated in the bottom half of their medical school class. Two of the doctors insisted that this was impossible.)

Please remember this as you progress in the corporate world. The higher up we go - the more successful we become - the harder it may be for us to hear negative feedback. I ask my CEO clients to complete a simple exercise. Complete this sentence, "I am success because of ___," Then complete this sentence, "I am a success in spite of ___."

I have never met anyone who was so wonderful that he or she had nothing on the "in spite of" list. (If I did meet such a person, I would suggest that he or she work on "humility.") My readers are generally successful people. Make your own two lists: figure out your "in spite of" - and get to work.

Life is good.

Marshall

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My newest book, MOJO, is a New York Times (advice), Wall Street Journal (business), USAToday (money) and Publisher's Weekly (non-fiction) best seller. It is now available online and at major bookstores.

Cynic: a person who believes that people are motivated purely by self-interest rather than acting for honorable or unselfish reasons. Oxford Dictionary

It’s critical to recognize that the scandal engulfing Rupert Murdoch’s media empire is a result of cynicism—Murdoch’s own dark and corrosive suspicion of everyone’s motives. This bleak view of human nature has long pervaded all Murdoch’s editorial products, from the News of The World to Fox News.

Cynics have little faith in government, their fellow human beings, or the world in general.  Worst of all for journalists, they have little faith in truth. I learned this first hand when I dealt with Murdoch’s New York Post reporters back in 1993 and 1994. I was Director of Corporate communications for QVC Chairman and CEO Barry Diller. It was during Diller’s attempts to takeover Paramount Communications and then CBS that the Post reporters repeatedly floated bogus stories, even after I had cautioned them that they were incorrect. Being wrong was not as important as being first and entertaining. One clear goal of these Murdoch acolytes was simply to spark Wall Street speculation in potential takeover targets.

Being cynical makes one extremely skeptical of good intentions. Cynics worship at the altar of power and money because of its verifiable influence. Winning is what matters, not rules or the law. As New Yorker columnist Ken Auletta wrote in a 1995 profile of Rupert Murdoch, “Murdoch is a pirate; he will cunningly circumvent rules, and sometimes principles, to get his way.” Murdoch will even abandon his conservative principles when necessary. Witness his support for a Labour Prime Minister, Tony Blair. And if winning is the almighty goal, then it’s no surprise that bribery and phone hacking were employed to scoop the competition.

Because he himself is driven by the earthbound goals of money, power and fame, Murdoch is convinced that virtually everyone is driven by the same base goals. As his lieutenant and Chairman of Fox News, Roger Ailes, put it to me when he briefly ran CNBC in 1993, “So, what motivates you, money, power or fame?” When I responded that I wanted to produce better business news on TV, he retorted, “No, really!  What motivates you–money, power or fame?”

The Murdoch style of reporting as we’ve seen over the decades in a variety of venues and countries is remarkably consistent—appeal to the visceral and hold nothing dear. That’s why Fox News highlights the most combative and extreme elements in U.S. politics. And that’s why his British tabloids attack and exploit anyone in the public eye, from Queen Elizabeth II to 13-year old murder victim Milly Dowler, whose cell phone was hacked by Murdoch’s News of The World newspaper. If anyone challenges a Murdoch media practice they are treated with sophomoric thuggery. Ask Clare Short, a Labour Member of Parliament who dared to try and ban Murdoch’s page 3 topless photographs of young women. The Sun relentlessly attacked Short, calling her “fat and jealous.”

The deeply cynical don’t believe in any higher authorities, not even church or country. Note Murdoch’s acceptance of a Papal knighthood, not long before divorcing his Catholic second wife, and the trading of his Australian citizenship for American, in order to own U.S. media properties. A cynic’s lack of belief in moral authority makes law breaking a technical hurdle rather than a personal failure. And it makes the Murdochs’ appearance before a British Parliamentary committee seem like a contrived deception rather than decent contrition.

From Sonoma,
Donald Van de Mark

Donald Van de mark is the author of, The Good Among the Great, 19 Traits of the Most Admired, Creative and Joyous Human Beings. Check out Donald Van De Mark's series on the 19 Personality Traits of the Best Human Beings

Donald Van de Mark is a motivational speaker and has interviewed hundreds of leaders in business and politics including: Andrew Weil, MD, former U.S. Senator Bill Bradley, Jack Welch, Starbucks' Howard Schultz and Intel's Andy Grove, in his nearly 3 decades as a correspondent and anchor at CNN, CNBC and public television. He is the host of The Wisdom of Caring Leaders and The Wisdom of Teams, training videos used by corporations and schools to teach leadership skills.

Donald's Twitter:@dvandemark

For news about The Good Among the Great and my speaking schedule, please go to: www.donaldvandemark.com

Editor's Note:  This is a story about how to retain peak performers and how to become a peak performer.

Retaining a peak performer: You've invested a lot in your top talent. You certainly don't want to see that investment go down the drain as they head over to the competition!  Here are some questions to unearth what's important to them and find out what you can offer to keep them in your organization.  

What accommodations do you make for unforeseen family issues? What transfers or global assignments can they anticipate? People may not ask these questions directly, but your answers will determine if they employ their talents with you or with the competition.

What Really Matters?
To peak performers: We encourage you to ask and answer the big questions about what really matters to reawake your passion for what you do. You might even decide to write your grandchildren.

This is what I actually did: Dear Yet to be Born Grandchildren, Greetings from the past! I was lucky to spend time with Peter Drucker. He encouraged people to ask, 'Who is the customer?' before they do anything.

I finally understood the importance of that question when Larissa MacFarquhar, a writer for the New Yorker, wrote a profile about me. Larissa spent two months traveling with me, and interviewing my family, my clients, and people who work with me. She then wrote a long story and published it for 800,000 people to read. This was a little scary, since some of the New Yorker profiles can be pretty negative, and I didn't get to read it ahead of time.

I originally thought that my 'customers' in doing this profile should be my clients--the people who pay me to do my work. I thought that maybe I should 'be careful of what I say' and try to act appropriately.

Maybe I should be careful not to embarrass anyone. But, as Larissa began to follow me around, I figured out who I really wanted to be my customers for this profile. It was you, my grandchildren. I decided that this profile was a special opportunity for you to get to know me.

I decided to just act like myself. If I had acted like someone who was too careful of what he said, it would have been a story about an imaginary person, not me.

Your grandmother and I discussed this, since she's in charge of our money. I told her to assume that we were going to lose $150,000 in business because of this profile.

I figured that by just acting like me, I might annoy someone who wouldn't want to work with me anymore. I figured that it would be worth the $150,000 to have a brilliant writer spend two months on a story about me that I could send to you.

As it turns out, I was glad that I just acted like me. I received approximately 300 e-mails about the profile. They almost all said the same thing: 'The good news is: It sounds just like you. The bad news is: It sounds just like you!' My fears about losing business as a result of this profile were unfounded. Not only did I not lose any business, I was later interviewed in the Harvard Business Review and many other publications.

I ended up with more clients--not fewer.

From this experience, I learned this lesson: Just be you. You are good enough. In the long run, any success you achieve, if you don't act like yourself, won't seem real anyway--you'll just feel like an imposter.

Do What's in Your Heart
I was one of the original developers of 360-degree feedback. I help successful leaders achieve a positive, longterm change in their behavior. I also try to help my clients (and everyone around them) have a happier life.

My greatest contributions in my career have come from stuff I invented.

No one can tell you how to do anything that hasn't been done before. To do anything creative, you simply have to make it up yourself as you go.

If you have an idea that sounds good to you, go for it. Just be you. Do what is in your heart. You may fail, but at least you try. Don't waste your life worrying too much about being normal.

Lots of people are normal. It is more fun to be different. Just be you.

When your grandchildren read the story of your life, make sure that it is really about you.

Life is good.

Marshall

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My newest book, MOJO, is a New York Times (advice), Wall Street Journal (business), USAToday (money) and Publisher's Weekly (non-fiction) best seller. It is now available online and at major bookstores

Life Magazine recently featured Diana, Princess of Wales on the cover, in a morbid tribute to her 50th birthday—of course, if she had only lived. What struck me, besides the inappropriate attempt to make money from a lost icon, was the profound sadness of Diana in the picture.
 
The People’s Princess, as she wanted to be known, was far from joyous as she sat for this regal portrait.  Her countenance stands in stark contrast from the youthful and at times, frivolous image that we saw of the young aristocrat whom Charles chose. But the good news out of this sad state of affairs is that the torment Diana suffered from her husband’s infidelity and neglect deepened her heart.  Sadness, if we can face it, can do the same for all of us.  That’s why I want to salute one of the bleakest of emotions.

When we face the facts of suffering and loss, it turns our attention to others.  It also shuts off the hierarchical, judgmental, nature to which we are so prone. Emotional pain opens our eyes and hearts to others’ pain.  And if we feel empathy, we can then be compassionate and a force for relieving that pain.  And I choose the word “force” deliberately.  Aiding others can give you great power because it is in our very nature to support others.

And if you face sadness—yours as well as that of others—it can give you great gratification.  Firefighters and other rescue workers get a high from helping others.  Doctors and nurses in emergency rooms often thrive in their grueling day-to-day struggle with death.  Facing great sadness reminds you to appreciate your own good fortune.

And most profound, helping and grieving with others can put you in the path of transcendent moments.  For Diana it must have been that way with each land mine victim and AIDS patient.

My cousin Rachel Walton of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania is a hospice nurse who regularly has ‘peak’ experiences—moments where time is suspended and her work feels effortless.  These are rare moments for most of us, and they are the kind that change one’s life.  For Rachel they are regular, even weekly occurrences.  In her profound sensitivity to those who are dying and their grief-stricken loved ones, she “hears what needs to be heard and speaks what needs to be spoken.”  She never assumes to know what a patient or his family needs before she enters a hospice room.  She clears her mind and makes herself a receptacle for what needs to be voiced. “I have experiences where words and thoughts come through me that I don’t consciously think. I’m in the stream of something… I have moments of absolute joy—I think, ‘It’s so amazing that I get to be here with these people at this moment.’ And my heart gets so huge.”

So salute, sadness.  Because periodic sorrow is not only real and ought to be faced, it deepens our hearts and makes us sympathetic, even empathetic, to others.  It can also make us appreciative of our own relative lack of grief.  And if we respond to sadness with compassion and bravery on behalf of others, then there are more moments of power, joy and even grace.

From Sonoma,
Donald Van de Mark

Donald Van de mark is the author of, The Good Among the Great, 19 Traits of the Most Admired, Creative and Joyous Human Beings. Check out Donald Van De Mark's series on the 19 Personality Traits of the Best Human Beings

Donald Van de Mark is a motivational speaker and has interviewed hundreds of leaders in business and politics including: Andrew Weil, MD, former U.S. Senator Bill Bradley, Jack Welch, Starbucks' Howard Schultz and Intel's Andy Grove, in his nearly 3 decades as a correspondent and anchor at CNN, CNBC and public television. He is the host of The Wisdom of Caring Leaders and The Wisdom of Teams, training videos used by corporations and schools to teach leadership skills.

Donald's Twitter:@dvandemark

For news about The Good Among the Great and my speaking schedule, please go to: www.donaldvandemark.com

Is your company competing for top talent? Do you participate in hiring decisions or developing leaders? If so, pay attention! The workforce is changing dramatically--in two years, there will be more members of the Millennial Generation than Baby Boomers. The work environment requires increased global savvy, virtual skill, and technological knowledge.

Rapid change is the order of the day, with global mergers, acquisitions and shifts--and the resulting talent and leadership challenge will likely determine the success or failure of your organization between now and 2020.

As they consider opportunities to advance their careers, talented 'high potentials' share five concerns.

1. To what degree can I trust you to develop my talents and skills? One talented manager asked for training, and was told that there was no budget for it. Despite the company's message of valuing the development of people, if training isn't in the budget, that statement isn't credible. When it comes to development, do your actions match your words? Will you use skilled coaches and mentors to help talented people leverage their strengths as well as identify and overcome blind spots?

2. To what extent will this job challenge me? Most satisfying jobs combine leveraging individual strengths with a strong learning curve--neither so flat as to lead to boredom nor so steep to lead to anxiety. One fast tracker remarked, 'Please help me anticipate routine, not make me discover it as an unpleasant surprise.' Peak performers seek challenges that prepare them for leadership positions.

3. How do you honor requests for 'next steps' in my career progression? With flatter organizations, the path upward requires lateral moves. People want to know how a lateral move will round out their skills and prepare them for taking larger roles. Help them see the big picture.

4. What opportunities will this job really lead to? People now expect to have several different careers (not just jobs), and they want to know how the skills they develop in this position will translate into other positions--and to other careers. As top talent is more likely to organization-hop, you must address this issue or expect that the best and brightest will eventually leave.

5. How much will you support my living a balanced life? People are interested in work-life integration issues.

What accommodations do you make for unforeseen family issues? What transfers or global assignments can they anticipate? People may not ask these questions directly, but your answers will determine if they employ their talents with you or with the competition.

Life is good.

Marshall

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Marshall Goldsmith Effective Leadership Video Training

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My newest book, MOJO, is a New York Times (advice), Wall Street Journal (business), USAToday (money) and Publisher's Weekly (non-fiction) best seller. It is now available online and at major bookstores

Dealing with Feedback Confidential 360-degree feedback is the best way for successful people to identify what they need to improve in their relationships. Successful people tend to have two big problems dealing with negative feedback:

1. they don't want to hear it from us, and
2. we don't want to give it to them.

Successful people are incredibly delusional about their achievements. Over 95 percent of them believe that they perform in the top half of their group! Giving people negative feedback means proving they are wrong. This works about as well as making them change--it's not going to happen.

Feedback rarely breaks through to successful people, even when you depersonalize the feedback by talking about the task. Their identities are often so closely connected to what they do that they take it personally when receiving negative feedback. They accept feedback that is consistent with their self-image and reject all other feedback.

It's also easy to see why we don't want to give feedback. Successful people have power over us--over our paycheck, advancement, job security.

The more successful these people are, the more power they have. Combine that power with the predictable 'kill the messenger' response to negative feedback, and you can see why emperors continue to rule without clothes.

When was the last time your efforts to prove the boss wrong worked as a career-enhancing maneuver? Traditional face-to-face negative feedback also focuses on the past (a failed past), not a positive future. We can't change the past. We can change the future. Negative feedback exists to prove us wrong (or at least we take it that way). Feedback can be used by others to reinforce our feelings of failure, or at least remind us of them-- and our reaction is rarely positive.

When your spouse or partner reminds you of your shortcomings, how well do you accept this? Negative feedback shuts us down. We close ranks, turn into our shell, and shut the world out.

I'm not trying to prove that negative feedback creates dysfunction.

Feedback is useful for telling us where we are and what we need to change.

Without feedback, we wouldn't ever know if we are getting better. We all need honest, helpful feedback to see where we are, where we need to go, and to measure our progress.

Such feedback is hard to find. But I have a foolproof method for securing it. When I work with a client, I first get confidential feedback from a dozen or more coworkers (selected by my client). Each interview lasts about one hour and focuses on: What is my client doing right, what does my client need to change, and how my (already successful) client can get even better! Since my clients pick their raters, it is hard for them to deny the validity of the feedback. I enlist these coworkers to assist the change process. I tell them: 'I'll be working with your boss for the next year. I don't get paid if he doesn't get better, and 'better' is defined by you and other coworkers.' People like hearing this.

Four Commitments: I then present these coworkers with four requests--the Four Commitments:

Commitment #1: Let go of the past.

Whatever real or imagined sins you have committed against people in the past, they are long past correction. You can't do anything to erase them. So, you need to ask people to let go of the past. This isn't easy. Most of us have never forgiven our parents, children, and spouses for not being perfect, and never forgiven ourselves. Without getting this first commitment, you can't shift people's minds away from critic toward helper.

Commitment #2: Tell the truth.

You don't want to work hard for a year, trying to get better based on what people tell you that you're doing wrong--and then find out that they really don't mean it. They are only saying what they think you want to hear. I'm not naive. I know people can be dishonest. But if you demand honesty from people, you can proceed with confidence that you're going in the right direction--and that you won't get a rude surprise at the end.

Commitment #3: Be supportive and helpful--not negative.

This is asking a lot of people--to be supportive, without being a cynic, critic, or judge.

People are just as likely to suspect or resent their bosses as respect and admire them. So you have to remove their judgmental impulses. Then they're more inclined to be helpful. They realize that if you get better, they win too: they get a kinder, gentler, better boss.

Commitment 4: Pick something to improve yourself.

This commitment helps everyone to focus on improving. You're creating parity, even a bond, between you and the other person.

Imagine if you announced that you were going on a diet. Most people wouldn't care. But if you ask a colleague to help you monitor your eating habits and stay on track, you get a more involved and sincere response. When you add reciprocity: 'Now, what would you like to change in yourself? I'd like to help you,' you enlist more support. Suddenly, you and your co-workers are engaged in the same struggle to improve.

Win-Win Exchange

In this two-way exchange, you and the other person also gain the strength to stick with it. Getting other people involved--and committed to changing something too--enriches the experience.

You not only change for the better because you're getting support from your coworkers, they change too because of what they learn by supporting you. Put equal emphasis on changing yourself and the people helping you.

Before you solicit feedback about yourself, find a few people to tell you the truth about yourself. If they qualify on all four commitments, invite them to supply and receive feedback.

Life is good.

Marshall

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Marshall Goldsmith Effective Leadership Video Training

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My newest book, MOJO, is a New York Times (advice), Wall Street Journal (business), USAToday (money) and Publisher's Weekly (non-fiction) best seller. It is now available online and at major bookstores

Most of any leader's annoying habits and interpersonal flaws are rooted in information compulsion.

Sharing and withholding are two sides of the same tarnished coin. For example, when you insist on adding more value, passing judgment, making destructive comments, announcing that you already know, or explaining why something won't work, you are compulsively sharing information-- convinced that you are making people smarter or inspiring them to do better, when you are more likely having the opposite effect. When you fail to give recognition, or claim credit you don't deserve, or refuse to apologize, or don't express your gratitude, you are withholding information.

Other annoying habits are rooted in a different compulsion--one that's centered on emotion. When you get angry, play favorites, or punish the messenger, you are succumbing to emotion-- and displaying it for all to see.

You either share information and emotion, or withhold them. It's good to share information that helps people and good to withhold information when it harms people (many secrets should be kept). The same goes for emotion: it's worth sharing sometimes, and other times, not worth it at all.

What Is Appropriate? When dealing with information or emotion, you need to consider if what you are sharing is appropriate. Appropriate information helps the other person; inappropriate information risks hurting someone. Discussing a rival company's good fortune can be positive if it gets your people to work harder, but it's inappropriate when it soils other people's reputations. Instruction is usually appropriate, to a point. It's the difference between someone giving you simple directions to their house and telling you every wrong turn you can make along the way. At some point, with too many red flags, you will get lost, confused, or wary of making the trip at all.

Emotion, too, must be shared appropriately.

For example, love is often an appropriate emotion, but even saying 'I love you' can be inappropriate if you employ it too often or at awkward moments. Conversely, anger can be a useful tool if you parse it out in small doses at opportune moments.

When sharing information or emotion, ask, 'Is this appropriate?' and 'How much should I convey?' Pause and pose these questions as guidelines for anything you do or say.

You can change your annoying behavior-- and your colleagues will notice.

Life is good.

Marshall

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My newest book, MOJO, is a New York Times (advice), Wall Street Journal (business), USAToday (money) and Publisher's Weekly (non-fiction) best seller. It is now available online and at major bookstores.

Editor's Note: First 25 who Register to Win this book will get a free signed copy from the author.

Listen to the audio of the first chapter.

Dr. Timothy Clark's new book,"The Leadership Test: Will You Pass?" is being used throughout corporate America as a guide for understanding the foundation principles of leadership. This book is the "Who Moved My Cheese" for learning and developing leadership skills.

Don't believe us?

Here's what they're saying on Amazon: "An insightful and engaging story about the essence of leadership. Izzy Kroll, a brilliant eccentric teaches high school in a tough section of Chicago. The story unfolds as Izzy mentors his former student, Marcus, in the first lessons of leadership, helping him navigate through the real world of egos, agendas, and ethical dilemmas.

A call to action for all leaders, this book is a quick and powerful read that will motivate you to reflect on your intent and influence as a leader. The book includes a self-assessment based on the five elements of the leadership test:

1. Fill Your Pack.
2. Sign Your Name.
3. Share the Stage.
4. Take the Oath.
5. Pour Your Cup.

'The book stopped me in my tracks. In a word, it's brilliant.' Britt Berrett, CEO, Medical City Dallas Hospital.

'This book should be required reading for anyone interested in leadership.' LaVell Edwards, Hall of Fame Football Coach.

'Dr. Clark does a brilliant job of bringing us back to basics. This book will be required reading in my company.' Wesley Bull, President, Sentinel Training & Logistics, LLC. "

After earning a triple degree and first-team Academic All-America honors as a football player at Brigham Young University, Dr. Clark worked for what is now Harris Interactive and then went back to school with a plan to teach. He completed a doctorate from Oxford University and was a Fulbright and British Research Scholar. He served as CEO of two consulting organizations before founding TRClark Partners LLC. He advises, trains and speaks to leaders and organizations in industry, government, healthcare, education, and the non-profit sector.

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