What is stress?  You would probably answer that with a long list: rushing to pick your child up at school as you race out of a sales meeting,  dealing with a spouse who is ‘on edge’ or ‘down in the dumps’, too many items on your list and not enough time (and then feeling guilty), etc .  

“Technically”, this is not what stress is.   Stress is what you experience when the demands of the situation exceed your perceived ability to cope with the situation.  You only experience “stress” when you feel the situation is out of your control.  

The secret to feeling less stressed is to boost  your ability to control the things you CAN control, and have ways of taking care of yourself for the things you CAN’T (for now).  Here are 3 mantras you can use to help you focus on what you CAN control. 

1) “I control myself,  in order to control my wealth”  

Many of us are affected by the constricted economy.  Instead of focusing on how your income is ‘out of your control’ now,  think about: who do YOU need to be in order for your business to be more effective? What are the qualities and attributes you would want/need to have (or have more of)?  (i.e., Confident? Organized? Creative? Effective communicator?)

As you go through your days, put your energies into becoming “Him or Her” – the person with the attributes of you at your ideal.   Focus on building and maintaining the skills you need to be that effective person, rather than focusing on controlling events that are beyond your control.       

That’s one of your new mantras:   “I control myself, in order to control my wealth”.  

2) “I control me,  before I control thee”  

Instead of draining yourself trying to control other people, don’t expect other people to change their behavior just because you are annoyed by it.   Draw an imaginary line between what you do/what you communicate and what the other person does/what they communicate - and have an attitude in which you focus only on being “impeccable for your 50%” of any interaction.        

For example, before you get irritated with someone else, calm yourself down. By being clear, level-headed,  caring towards the other person, you increase your chances of getting them to understand your directions or give you what you want.    Before you the other person for not doing something right, focus your energies on getting into an emotional state in which you can communicate to get what you want.  

One thing you can try to calm yourself down is to do “reverse breathing”, where you breathe in slowly through your mouth and out through your nose (this calms your liver where your frustration is processed). You should feel a cooling sensation across your tongue if you are doing it right. This technique creates a powerful energy shift, and has been known to calm the other person down as well as you!

This is just one example of what you can do to follow the mantra: “I control me, in order to control thee”

3) “I control my mind activity, in order to control my productivity”

Your thoughts tell your brain where to put energy and attention.  Thus, your thoughts create your focus and determine how much you will get done.    

Each one of your thoughts takes you towards or further away from your goals. Give your mind a really CLEAR picture of the results you want to create.  It helps you make decisions about where to focus your attention i.e., “Is this thought in the service of the results I want to accomplish?” 

Many of your thoughts are ‘constructive’ (move you towards your goals) and some may be “unconstructive”. Unconstructive thoughts are like “empty calories’ – they take up your time and burn your energy but they don’t move you forward, in fact they often make you feel stuck.  

Next time you notice you’ve had an ‘empty calorie thought’,  just snap your fingers and say “cancel” to yourself.   Then have a thought that pictures you already having completed the task you need to get done.  You could also ask yourself the question from the vantage point of your task already being done: “Why was it so easy for me to accomplish this task?”   Just by asking that question to yourself, your mind will give you momentum and creativity you need to get started.   

Focus on controlling your mind activity in order to control your productivity!
 

Sharon Melnick, Ph.D. is a psychologist/coach who helps talented and successful entrepreneurs “get out of their own way”.  Informed by 10 years of research at  Harvard Medical School, she is a leading authority in helping business professionals move to the next level and master the stresses of the new economic climate.  Dr. Melnick is a  sought after speaker, and has appeared as an expert for American Management Association, Success Television, Huffington Post, AirAmerica, Natural Health Magazine, USAToday.com, Ebony, and others.

Get a copy of her free Special Report: Blocked!  How to Unlock Yourself from Getting in Your Own Way of Career Success in Stressful Times  or register to attend her upcoming Relationship Stimulus Program in NYC

Visit www.sharonmelnick.com