Is there someone in your work life who aggravates you, maybe even on a daily basis? 

Does this person have outbursts? 

Is it a colleague who is uncooperative and its affecting your bottom line? 

Is it your boss not paying attention or does s/he change his or her mind all the time and you have to spend a lot of effort trying to figure out how to engage them? 

Even in good times,  you always have to deal with the ‘personality’ of fellow workers.   And in these difficult times,  it can sometimes ‘bring out the worst’ in people as people perceive they are competing for resources and vying for the attention of bosses who will be making promotion and termination decisions.     

It makes your days chaotic, as you have to constantly deal with interruptions,  moods, and personality styles of other people.  

Politics feels like what other people create, what other people do and how you have to manage them in order to get what you want.  It seems at first glance like what you need to do is ‘change’ the other person.   

But trying to change the other person will contribute to your stress.   The other person is displaying a coping style which they have had for a long time and are defaulting to now under stress.    Trying to change them creates chaos and is generally futile because its beyond your control.  

The person you have the most control over is yourself (even though it sometimes doesn’t feel like you have much control over yourself either!)  The best way to influence someone else to act the way you want them to is to change your 50% input to the interaction.  

For example, if you are dealing with someone who lashes out, they expect that their outburst will make you ‘cow-tow’ to them.  But instead, you can have a response in which you protect yourself from their anger.  You can use “reverse breathing” in which you breathe in long slow deep breathes through your mouth and out through your nose.  This type of breathing will help you stay calm and centered, so you won’t react with anger or hurt. Similarly, you can use a variety of metaphors to imagine a protective shield around you (e.g., a streaming of white light, a breastplate, a wall, etc) so you don’t ‘take on’ their negativity.  You can diffuse their anger by asking them a series of questions that will elicit their main concern. Meanwhile, you are showing empathy by letting them vent. This generally helps the person feel ‘heard’ and gets them to the other side of their outburst.  

When you stay calm and keep a level head, you will be able to steer the conversation towards getting the information or getting the answers you need.  As you stay focused on helping them get their goals they will help you with yours. And just as important, when you leave the interaction with them, you won’t have to go back to your office and do the typical time-wasting ‘detox’ behaviors for a half hour, such as surfing the internet, venting to a colleague, etc 

You want to become aware of how much time you are spending obsessing about situations in which you have to deal with politics so you can free up hours of your time a week.  You want to become aware of how much of your energy is drained trying to figure out how to deal with a colleague who is playing politics so you can stay focused on your own goals.     You want to have strategies for dealing with a colleague who’s not getting you the information or deliverables you need to do your job so you don’t have to take that frustration home with you.      

To significantly reduce the time, energy, and focus you waste on dealing with politics,  join me as Success Television founder Helen Whelan questions me on how you can take your workdays from Chaos to Control on Wednesday October 14th at Noon EST.  Register here>>

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Sharon Melnick, Ph.D. is a psychologist informed by 10 years of research at Harvard Medical School whose techniques help talented and successful people "get out of their own way”. She has helped emerging leaders get promoted faster at Deutsche Bank, Oracle Corp, Deloitte Consulting, Pitney Bowes, Visiting Nurses Service NY, FreddieMac; and has helped numerous entrepreneurs have the confidence to grow their business more than 50% in difficult economic times.

She has appeared as an expert for Success Television, Huffington Post, Air America, American Management Assocation, Monster.com, Natural Health, and Ebony Magazine.

To download her free Special Report Blocked!  How to Unlock Yourself from Getting in The Way of Your Own Way of Career Success in Stressful Times, go now to www.sharonmelnick.com.