Cynic: a person who believes that people are motivated purely by self-interest rather than acting for honorable or unselfish reasons. Oxford Dictionary

It’s critical to recognize that the scandal engulfing Rupert Murdoch’s media empire is a result of cynicism—Murdoch’s own dark and corrosive suspicion of everyone’s motives. This bleak view of human nature has long pervaded all Murdoch’s editorial products, from the News of The World to Fox News.

Cynics have little faith in government, their fellow human beings, or the world in general.  Worst of all for journalists, they have little faith in truth. I learned this first hand when I dealt with Murdoch’s New York Post reporters back in 1993 and 1994. I was Director of Corporate communications for QVC Chairman and CEO Barry Diller. It was during Diller’s attempts to takeover Paramount Communications and then CBS that the Post reporters repeatedly floated bogus stories, even after I had cautioned them that they were incorrect. Being wrong was not as important as being first and entertaining. One clear goal of these Murdoch acolytes was simply to spark Wall Street speculation in potential takeover targets.

Being cynical makes one extremely skeptical of good intentions. Cynics worship at the altar of power and money because of its verifiable influence. Winning is what matters, not rules or the law. As New Yorker columnist Ken Auletta wrote in a 1995 profile of Rupert Murdoch, “Murdoch is a pirate; he will cunningly circumvent rules, and sometimes principles, to get his way.” Murdoch will even abandon his conservative principles when necessary. Witness his support for a Labour Prime Minister, Tony Blair. And if winning is the almighty goal, then it’s no surprise that bribery and phone hacking were employed to scoop the competition.

Because he himself is driven by the earthbound goals of money, power and fame, Murdoch is convinced that virtually everyone is driven by the same base goals. As his lieutenant and Chairman of Fox News, Roger Ailes, put it to me when he briefly ran CNBC in 1993, “So, what motivates you, money, power or fame?” When I responded that I wanted to produce better business news on TV, he retorted, “No, really!  What motivates you–money, power or fame?”

The Murdoch style of reporting as we’ve seen over the decades in a variety of venues and countries is remarkably consistent—appeal to the visceral and hold nothing dear. That’s why Fox News highlights the most combative and extreme elements in U.S. politics. And that’s why his British tabloids attack and exploit anyone in the public eye, from Queen Elizabeth II to 13-year old murder victim Milly Dowler, whose cell phone was hacked by Murdoch’s News of The World newspaper. If anyone challenges a Murdoch media practice they are treated with sophomoric thuggery. Ask Clare Short, a Labour Member of Parliament who dared to try and ban Murdoch’s page 3 topless photographs of young women. The Sun relentlessly attacked Short, calling her “fat and jealous.”

The deeply cynical don’t believe in any higher authorities, not even church or country. Note Murdoch’s acceptance of a Papal knighthood, not long before divorcing his Catholic second wife, and the trading of his Australian citizenship for American, in order to own U.S. media properties. A cynic’s lack of belief in moral authority makes law breaking a technical hurdle rather than a personal failure. And it makes the Murdochs’ appearance before a British Parliamentary committee seem like a contrived deception rather than decent contrition.

From Sonoma,
Donald Van de Mark

Donald Van de mark is the author of, The Good Among the Great, 19 Traits of the Most Admired, Creative and Joyous Human Beings. Check out Donald Van De Mark's series on the 19 Personality Traits of the Best Human Beings

Donald Van de Mark is a motivational speaker and has interviewed hundreds of leaders in business and politics including: Andrew Weil, MD, former U.S. Senator Bill Bradley, Jack Welch, Starbucks' Howard Schultz and Intel's Andy Grove, in his nearly 3 decades as a correspondent and anchor at CNN, CNBC and public television. He is the host of The Wisdom of Caring Leaders and The Wisdom of Teams, training videos used by corporations and schools to teach leadership skills.

Donald's Twitter:@dvandemark

For news about The Good Among the Great and my speaking schedule, please go to: www.donaldvandemark.com

Life Magazine recently featured Diana, Princess of Wales on the cover, in a morbid tribute to her 50th birthday—of course, if she had only lived. What struck me, besides the inappropriate attempt to make money from a lost icon, was the profound sadness of Diana in the picture.
 
The People’s Princess, as she wanted to be known, was far from joyous as she sat for this regal portrait.  Her countenance stands in stark contrast from the youthful and at times, frivolous image that we saw of the young aristocrat whom Charles chose. But the good news out of this sad state of affairs is that the torment Diana suffered from her husband’s infidelity and neglect deepened her heart.  Sadness, if we can face it, can do the same for all of us.  That’s why I want to salute one of the bleakest of emotions.

When we face the facts of suffering and loss, it turns our attention to others.  It also shuts off the hierarchical, judgmental, nature to which we are so prone. Emotional pain opens our eyes and hearts to others’ pain.  And if we feel empathy, we can then be compassionate and a force for relieving that pain.  And I choose the word “force” deliberately.  Aiding others can give you great power because it is in our very nature to support others.

And if you face sadness—yours as well as that of others—it can give you great gratification.  Firefighters and other rescue workers get a high from helping others.  Doctors and nurses in emergency rooms often thrive in their grueling day-to-day struggle with death.  Facing great sadness reminds you to appreciate your own good fortune.

And most profound, helping and grieving with others can put you in the path of transcendent moments.  For Diana it must have been that way with each land mine victim and AIDS patient.

My cousin Rachel Walton of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania is a hospice nurse who regularly has ‘peak’ experiences—moments where time is suspended and her work feels effortless.  These are rare moments for most of us, and they are the kind that change one’s life.  For Rachel they are regular, even weekly occurrences.  In her profound sensitivity to those who are dying and their grief-stricken loved ones, she “hears what needs to be heard and speaks what needs to be spoken.”  She never assumes to know what a patient or his family needs before she enters a hospice room.  She clears her mind and makes herself a receptacle for what needs to be voiced. “I have experiences where words and thoughts come through me that I don’t consciously think. I’m in the stream of something… I have moments of absolute joy—I think, ‘It’s so amazing that I get to be here with these people at this moment.’ And my heart gets so huge.”

So salute, sadness.  Because periodic sorrow is not only real and ought to be faced, it deepens our hearts and makes us sympathetic, even empathetic, to others.  It can also make us appreciative of our own relative lack of grief.  And if we respond to sadness with compassion and bravery on behalf of others, then there are more moments of power, joy and even grace.

From Sonoma,
Donald Van de Mark

Donald Van de mark is the author of, The Good Among the Great, 19 Traits of the Most Admired, Creative and Joyous Human Beings. Check out Donald Van De Mark's series on the 19 Personality Traits of the Best Human Beings

Donald Van de Mark is a motivational speaker and has interviewed hundreds of leaders in business and politics including: Andrew Weil, MD, former U.S. Senator Bill Bradley, Jack Welch, Starbucks' Howard Schultz and Intel's Andy Grove, in his nearly 3 decades as a correspondent and anchor at CNN, CNBC and public television. He is the host of The Wisdom of Caring Leaders and The Wisdom of Teams, training videos used by corporations and schools to teach leadership skills.

Donald's Twitter:@dvandemark

For news about The Good Among the Great and my speaking schedule, please go to: www.donaldvandemark.com

David Brooks nails it with his new book, The Social Animal.  After looking at all the great research going on these days into human behavior, one of his core conclusions is that the emotional connections we make throughout life determine who we are, and who we can become. 

Brooks cites several research studies about the importance of student-teacher connection when it comes to student achievement. One comment from a great interview on San Francisco's KQED radio show, "Forum" with Michael Krasny: "I came across one researcher who said that if you want to know who is going to drop out of school.. ask a kid, 'Who’s your favorite teacher?,' and if s/he gives you an answer to that question, that kid will not drop out.  If they look at you as if that question is absurd then those kids are at risk."

That human connection is even more important than grades and SAT scores.  It's about self-determination, which is so critical to happiness and productivity. 

When asked about how to help children develop good character, Brooks advised an East Bay teacher to be herself, because Brooks said, "When I think back on my teachers, it’s not really the curriculum that I remember. It’s their way of being in the world that I could emulate."  Think about your way of being. It's my strong conviction that each of us can cultivate a stronger, more genuine and singular way of being. And if you do, you're well on your way to an autonomous, self-directed life, a life that's more yours and thus more joyous.
 
There are many ways to become more autonomous: listen and act on your daydreams, and as Joseph Campbell advised, "Find quiet time alone every day where "you don't know who your friends are, you don't know what you owe anybody, you don't know what anybody owes to you.  This is a place where you can simply experience and bring forth what you are and what you might be. This is the place of creative incubation."

And most of all, to be autonomous, emulate those people who have an appealing way of being. 

Cheers from Sonoma,

Donald  

If you believe someone would enjoy and benefit from this post, please share it. Just click on the + Share button and you will see lots of options for sharing it with friends including email, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn. Thanks!

Cheers from Sonoma,
Donald

Donald Van de mark is the author of, The Good Among the Great, 19 Traits of the Most Admired, Creative and Joyous Human Beings. Check out Donald Van De Mark's series on the 19 Personality Traits of the Best Human Beings

Donald Van de Mark is a motivational speaker and has interviewed hundreds of leaders in business and politics including: Andrew Weil, MD, former U.S. Senator Bill Bradley, Jack Welch, Starbucks' Howard Schultz and Intel's Andy Grove, in his nearly 3 decades as a correspondent and anchor at CNN, CNBC and public television. He is the host of The Wisdom of Caring Leaders and The Wisdom of Teams, training videos used by corporations and schools to teach leadership skills.

Donald's Twitter:@dvandemark

For news about The Good Among the Great and my speaking schedule, please go to: www.donaldvandemark.com

"I am grateful to have been loved and to be loved now and to be able to love, because that liberates. Love liberates. It doesn't just hold - that's ego. Love liberates. It doesn't bind. Love says..."I love you. I love you if you're in China. I love you if you're across town. I love you if you're in Harlem. I love you. I would like to be near you. I'd like to have your arms around me. I'd like to hear your voice in my ear. But that's not possible now, so I love you. Go." - Maya Angelou

“Love liberates,” declares the great octogenarian poet, Maya Angelou.  In two words, Angelou articulates the trait of the most admirable, creative and joyous people – whom I call, The Good Among the Great, in my new book due out in April.
 
The trait is to be loving; and to have deep, long-lasting loves, and for those loves to be highly respectful of the person adored.  These are loves that don’t smother or bind, even when between parent and child.  Between adults, these are often intense relationships between autonomous individuals who do not cling to each other.  This is much more than a romantic feeling.  It involves great joy and admiration to be sure. But it can involve great effort and pain. As the best selling author Scott Peck defined love, it is “the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth.”  So, you may have to say goodbye to a spouse shipped off to war, or let go of an addicted child -- not knowing if they'll live or die. You will, undoubtedly, have to push your self through painful reflection to recognize your own faults and fears. 

Love is joyous and sweet.  But it is also painful because life is painful.

And as Angelou teaches, love can also be the key that unlocks our psychological cages. On Oprah Winfrey’s marvelous new television show, Master Class, on her OWN channel, Angelou explains, “I am grateful to have been loved and to be loved now, and to be able to love. Because that liberates. Love liberates. It doesn’t just hold. That’s ego. Love liberates.

When my son was born I was seventeen, my mother had a huge house, 14 room house.  At 17, I went to her and said ‘I’m leaving.’ She asked me, ‘You’re leaving my house?’  And she had live-in help.  I said, ‘Yes, I’ve found a job and I have got a room with quilting privileges down the hall and the landlady will be the baby-sitter.' 

She asked me, 'You’re leaving my house?'

I said, 'yes, ma’am.'

'And you’re taking the baby?'

I said, 'Yes.'

She said, 'Alright.  Remember this, when you step over my door sill, you’ve been raised.  You know the difference between right and wrong. Do right.  Don’t let anybody else raise you and make you change. And remember this, you can always come home.'

I went home every time the world slammed me down made me call it, ‘Uncle.'  I’d go home with my baby.  My mother never once acted as if, ‘I told you.” She’d say, “Oh!  Baby’s home! Oh, my darling, Mama’s going to cook you something.  Mother’s going to make this for you.’ Love!  She liberated me to life.”

This Valentine's Day, who will you liberate through your love?  Who will liberate you?

If you believe someone would enjoy and benefit from this post, please share it. Just click on the + Share button and you will see lots of options for sharing it with friends including email, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn. Thanks!

Cheers from Sonoma,
Donald

Donald Van de mark is the author of, The Good Among the Great, 19 Traits of the Most Admired, Creative and Joyous Human Beings. Check out Donald Van De Mark's series on the 19 Personality Traits of the Best Human Beings

Donald Van de Mark is a motivational speaker and has interviewed hundreds of leaders in business and politics including: Andrew Weil, MD, former U.S. Senator Bill Bradley, Jack Welch, Starbucks' Howard Schultz and Intel's Andy Grove, in his nearly 3 decades as a correspondent and anchor at CNN, CNBC and public television. He is the host of The Wisdom of Caring Leaders and The Wisdom of Teams, training videos used by corporations and schools to teach leadership skills.

Donald integrates practical tips from these great leaders to provide a riveting motivational speech on the personality traits of successful people.

"Gratitude is the heart's memory." --French Proverb

 “There's always something to be grateful for” so says Rachel Walton, a hospice nurse in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.  It’s a remarkable statement coming from a woman who is around death and grieving all the time.  “Sometimes I think about the fact that I can see. It opens me up. It opens up my vision. I realize all the beauty around me. And when you have that kind of awareness, you start tapping into the heart." 

 Being appreciative or “tapping into the heart" is another way that exceptional human beings steer and enrich their own lives as well those of others.  With Walton's help, we can understand the real power of appreciation. For one thing, being appreciative makes her receptive. "When I walk into a patient's room, with their family, I really try to walk in without any assumptions and I let them lead. If you do walk in with assumptions, you miss who that person is and what their needs are. It requires a capacity to be quiet and to listen very carefully . . . I have to not be thinking about other things, not be in a rush, not distracted, not trying to make something happen. As I approach the room, I say to myself, 'Let me hear what needs to be heard, and say what needs to be spoken.'"

 As she works with those who have reached the end of their lives and their loved ones, Walton also has regular experiences of intense calm, elation, and a sense that some kind of invisible hand is at work: "I feel settled in myself when I'm with these people. I have experiences where words and thoughts come through me that I don't consciously think. I'm in the stream of something . . . I have moments of absolute joy--I think, 'It's so amazing that I get to be here with these people at this moment,' and my heart gets so huge."

 The ability to be still, present, and alert to others, allows you to see all there is to be grateful for. You may be aware of beauty or quiet. You may become aware of pain and confusion. That pain can make you realize your own peace and strength--for which you can and ought to be grateful. What’s particularly interesting is that the good souls among the great achievers of our time, are appreciative of the small, daily, cost-free occurrences in their lives.

 In Motivation and Personality, 20th Century psychologist Abraham Maslow noted that particularly healthy psyches "have the wonderful capacity to appreciate again and again, freshly and naively, the basic goods of life, with awe, pleasure, wonder, and even ecstasy."

 Maslow wasn't treading new terrain here--most books and articles on achieving joy and fulfillment cite the ability to appreciate. While the most capable often have many earthly belongings, they too, are most gratified by life's regular, simpler blessings, such as good weather, natural surroundings, children, animals, good food, small favors, music and more.

 However, Maslow takes it a large step further by warning that a lack of appreciation for "our blessings is one of the most important nonevil generators of human evil, tragedy, and suffering. What we take for granted we undervalue, and we are therefore too apt to sell a valuable birthright for a mess of pottage." For example, you have no idea where you will be in a year. You may become ill or suffer some financial setback. Someone you love dearly may be gone. Accepting these potential realities can and ought to give you much more appreciation for everything you have right now.

 We're all so busy rushing around, trying to compete, earn, and achieve, that we often fail to appreciate the experiences that we all have, especially those that happen with regularity. This is particularly true for those of us lucky enough to be born in free, market-based democracies. We have so much to distract and excite us that we rarely take a deep breath and marvel at the life and mystery all around us.

 But like Rachel Walton, a hospice nurse, the best human beings are acutely aware of pain and loss, and know that destiny and disease can deal a body blow at any time. This does not make them fearful. It makes them grateful for every day that is healthy and safe. Like animals in the wild, they accept these dangers while being on guard against them. So it makes sublime sense that the good souls among great achievers appreciate every moment that evil, bad luck, and physical calamity are kept at bay.

How You Can Be More Appreciative
 Perhaps most valuable in terms of being more appreciative is simply taking some time each day to be still and setting yourself aside. By this, I mean to be an observer, not an active do-er. Best of all is to do this outdoors. There is a lot going on even in a small garden or an apartment balcony. Be a part of it. You may just experience wind and sound. But if you suspend all your earthly, man made concerns, what Joseph Campbell calls "creative incubation" will take place.

 And just what you might incubate will be an idea or longing or direction for your life that only you can create. This takes us to other traits of the strongest best among us -- recovered creativity as well as personal autonomy. This is another great example of how each of these 19 traits support and fuel the others.  In other words, if you only start working on one of these traits, you can’t help but start inculcating others!

If you believe someone would enjoy and benefit from this post, please share it. Just click on the + Share button and you will see lots of options for sharing it with friends including email, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn. Thanks!

Donald Van de mark is the author of, The Good Among the Great, 19 Traits of the Most Admired, Creative and Joyous Human Beings. Check out Donald Van De Mark's series on the 19 Personality Traits of the Best Human Beings

Donald Van de Mark is a motivational speaker and has interviewed hundreds of leaders in business and politics including: Andrew Weil, MD, former U.S. Senator Bill Bradley, Jack Welch, Starbucks' Howard Schultz and Intel's Andy Grove, in his nearly 3 decades as a correspondent and anchor at CNN, CNBC and public television. He is the host of The Wisdom of Caring Leaders and The Wisdom of Teams, training videos used by corporations and schools to teach leadership skills.

Donald integrates practical tips from these great leaders to provide a riveting motivational speech on the personality traits of successful people.

ABC’s Christiane Amanpour spent an hour with five of the best human beings in America talking about tackling some of our most vexing global problems.  There were many things that were striking about this show – how upbeat it was in the face of all our current gloom and doom, how practical and non-combative these accomplished souls are, how Amanpour seemed perplexed again and again by the generosity and responsibility these five feel for others… and perhaps most of all -- was the contrast in quality of thought and intention between these leaders and so many of our elected officials.

The show was This Week, which is typically dedicated to political discussion and debate. But this episode focused on billionaires who have pledged to give more than half of their many billions to tackle the toughest problems we face. Four of the five are familiar faces: Warren Buffett, Bill and Melinda Gates and Ted Turner.  The fifth was Tom Steyer, a hedge fund mogul and founder of San Francisco-based Farallon Capital. 

Amanpour opened the show by focusing on the current squabble over whether to keep or abandon George W. Bush’s tax cuts. And surprise number one – all five think it ought to go.  Their reasoning is simple.  They say that they and the economy can afford it. Buffett says that he pays the lowest (combined income and payroll) tax rate among all the people in his office – less than 17 percent.

All five self-made billionaires also reject passing great wealth to their children.  Bill Gates said children ought to “develop their own” identities. Paradoxically, these highly talented and accomplished individuals are egalitarians – one of the traits of the most admirable people.  Each talked about trying to help the most people they can – regardless of race, sex and location. 

Ironically, each of these value creators tied inheritance to worth and worthiness.  Steyer said that he and his wife, Kat, “want to leave our kids a different kind of inheritance, an example of at least trying to lead a worthy life.”  Ted Turner said that his offspring are “not necessarily more worthy than anyone else.”

But it was their sense of obligation, even duty to the wider community that really exposes them as good souls among great achievers.  This is the trait of being dutiful.  As the late, great psychologist, Abraham Maslow wrote, the best among us “feel kinship and connection, as if all people were members of a single family.” Because of this, they “have a genuine desire to help the human race.” Because of their clout, each is tackling big problems: nuclear disarmament, vaccines for poor children all over the world, raising education standards across America and more. Tom Steyer said simply that he wanted to be “a good citizen” and “I take a lot of pride in being part of my community.”

Bug-eyed and fast talking, Steyer was evidently nervous.  A private man, his exposure was uncomfortable for him.  Here is the twelfth trait - private. The good among the great prize their privacy.  For many reasons, they do not seek the spotlight and only do so to accomplish some goal. One reason they avoid media attention is that they are more integrated, the eighteenth trait.  And they are more spontaneous and less guarded than the rest of us. This is the ninth trait – in a word, exuberant.  And because of it, they can expose more than they would prefer. Steyer did just that.

When Amanpour recited the argument made by many Republicans, that the rich have earned their money and should not have to give up the Bush tax cuts, Steyer countered that the rich owe something to a society that fosters their wealth. “I think anyone who doesn’t give credit to the system that they are born into is taking an awful lot onto themselves.  I mean I really think that people have sacrificed a lot more than a little tax money to make that system available for all of us.  And I would be ashamed of myself if I didn’t give some credit to them.”  At this point, Steyer who is known as a cool and controlled business leader, choked up.  Whatever thought made him emotional at that point was evident in his eyes and voice.  

Best of all from these interviews was the upbeat determination of these five strong people.  They are chipping away at the big problems that face us.  Ted Turner gave money when the U.S. government couldn’t afford to have dangerous nuclear fuel removed from Serbia.  Bypassing the education reform standoff among politicians, Bill and Melinda Gates are giving teachers the tools they need to improve their skills.  Buffett and his children are tackling the toughest problems in family planning and the environment.  Tom and Kat Steyer have launched a not-for-profit community bank to lend to those who would not otherwise get loans.

Amanpour is an excellent journalist and this show proved it again.  Yet, it was striking to me how little even our best reporters believe or understand that the good among the great people are busy accomplishing selfless goals even now.  She ended her program by asking the elder leaders, Buffett and Turner about their desired legacies. Each metaphorically shrugged with answers that were short, practical and obvious, “I want to do the most intelligent job I can… that has the greatest impact on improving the most people’s lives,” said Buffett.  And “I’m hungry for success of the human race and America and all my friends all over the world” said Turner.  Good and great!

If you believe someone would enjoy and benefit from this post, please share it. Just click on the + Share button and you will see lots of options for sharing it with friends including email, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn. Thanks!

Check out Donald Van De Mark's series on the 19 Personality Traits of the Best Human Beings

Donald Van de Mark is a motivational speaker and has interviewed hundreds of leaders in business and politics including: Andrew Weil, MD, former U.S. Senator Bill Bradley, Jack Welch, Starbucks' Howard Schultz and Intel's Andy Grove, in his nearly 3 decades as a correspondent and anchor at CNN, CNBC and public television. He is the host of The Wisdom of Caring Leaders and The Wisdom of Teams, training videos used by corporations and schools to teach leadership skills.

Donald integrates practical tips from these great leaders to provide a riveting motivational speech on the personality traits of successful people.

In “Blowing Smoke” the latest and second to last episode of Season 4 for AMC’s Mad Men, Don Draper throws a curve ball, not only at the public and clients, but at his own firm, when he writes a full-page ad in the New York Times divorcing himself and his business from big tobacco. He faces ridicule from competitors, skepticism from clients and hysteria from his own partners.

Of course from our vantage point this will turn out to be a brilliant about face that will save Draper’s young agency. It’s the birth of cause marketing or what Shelly Lazarus of Ogilvy Mather Worldwide would call “big ideal” advertising.  However, for our purposes -- what’s most interesting are the personality strengths and weaknesses exposed by Draper’s dramatic shift in business strategy.

Pete Campbell’s reaction is fearful. “It’s suicide! It’s insane! How the hell could you do this?” Cunning and Machiavellian, Campbell also sees Draper’s truth-telling as a betrayal and expects everyone else to see it that way. “Don’t you realize the clients are going to think that you can turn on them at any minute?”

Lane Pryce, the emotionally-subjugated Englishman voices his indignation that he was not “consulted.”  While aging Bert Cooper’s first and loudest complaint is that his name was left off the letter. “You humiliated us by not putting our names on it.  You left us with this hypocrisy!”

The irony of course is that Draper is exposing the great hypocrisy of selling something that kills you.  Bert Cooper can’t see that and even accuses Draper of the cynicism that in reality, Cooper himself espouses, “You’re cynical and craven and tobacco put a roof over your head and it fed your children.”

Our anti-hero is certainly jaded.  He hasn’t given up smoking himself.  And his public condemnation of tobacco comes only after losing the Lucky Strike account.  Nevertheless, his move seems to be, at least in part, a derivative of deep soul searching—through long distance swims and diary entries.

Indeed, the first draft of his letter to the Times is written on the same small, spiral notebook that has held his internal dialogue.  This kind of practical work is one way to build up your autonomy, which is one of Abraham Maslow's 19 traits of the most admirable, creative and joyous people.

We don’t yet know how much change is going on within Don Draper.  One hint that he is evolving morally, is that even after Campbell’s histrionics, Draper covers Campbell’s $50,000 contribution to the company.

Also reflecting his new moral compass, Draper tosses out the personal aside that he “slept last night for the first time in a month.”  For the man who hides behind a war hero’s identity, coming clean on tobacco feels good. His new secretary, (whom he’s already had sexually), applauds his guts, “I love that you stand for something… It feels different around here.”

And here is the great lesson of this episode, perhaps the whole series--when it feels different it very often is different.  Or at least it soon will be.  Our feelings are not just personal reactions to others and events.  Sometimes they are indicators of future shifts in attitudes and mass behavior.  Sometimes, they are arrows pointing us in the direction we should take.  I'm reminded of Doctor Andrew Weil's choice to move to Tucson in the early 1980's simply because he liked the place after his SUV broke down and stranded him there for a week.

The problem is that too often we ignore our gut reactions and the power of moral behavior.  In 1964, Americans not only ignored, they repressed their feelings and their sense of injustice so much, that later in the decade, that anger exploded individually and culturally.  In Mad Men, we can feel the women’s movement, the civil rights era, the sexual revolution, and the anti-war movement coming.

The genius of Mad Men is not just that we get a window into a zeitgeist that we lived and now reject, it’s also that humankind’s universal need for authenticity, justice and expression is beautifully portrayed by Mad Men characters.  In “Blowing Smoke” Don Draper is finding himself and in the process he is affirming the power of truth, courage and feelings.

If you believe someone would enjoy and benefit from this post, please share it. Just click on the + Share button and you will see lots of options for sharing it with friends including email, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn. Thanks!

Check out Donald Van De Mark's ongoing series on the 19 Personality Traits of the Best Human Beings

Donald Van de Mark has interviewed hundreds of leaders in business and politics including: Andrew Weil, MD, former U.S. Senator Bill Bradley, Jack Welch, Starbucks' Howard Schultz and Intel's Andy Grove, in his nearly 3 decades as a correspondent and anchor at CNN, CNBC and public television. He integrates practical tips from these great leaders to provide a riveting motivational speech on the personality traits of successful people. Donald is also the host of the corporate training videos,The Wisdom of Caring Leaders and The Wisdom of Teams.

His new book, The Good Among the Great,19 Traits of the Most Admirable, Creative and Joyous People, will be available for purchase in April 2011.

Unlike most politicians, former U.S. Senator and Democratic candidate for President, Bill Bradley does not particularly like being recognized. In fact, when he was a teenager and gaining notoriety around St. Louis for his skills on the basketball court, it made him a bit uncomfortable. Nevertheless, he got so good and so well known that he was offered scholarships to seventy-five colleges. He chose Princeton, where in 1964 he was named NCAA player of the year and earned a gold medal as a member of the U.S. Olympic team. Later, Bradley led the New York Knicks for ten years, winning the championship twice, and graced the cover of Sports Illustrated magazine.

I asked Bradley about all the attention that he has received, starting at such a young age, he called it "well-known-ness" and acknowledged that it was indeed something that he had grappled with. It was one reason, he said, that he dropped out of sight after Princeton by moving to the United Kingdom on a Rhodes scholarship, and why, for a short while, he even stopped playing the game he loved.

Maslow's Take

In his book, Motivation and Personality, psychologist Abraham Maslow has this to say about those he dubbed, "self-actualizing" people: "It's true that they can be solitary without harm to themselves and without discomfort. Furthermore, it is true for almost all that they positively like solitude and privacy to a definitely greater degree than the average person."

The good among the great are not fans of fame. They recognize the superficial and false promise of it, the inherent falsehood of adulation from those who can't really know them.

An irony is that the good among the great are often thrust into the public eye because of their ability, their outward focus, and their sense of duty to help others. Nonetheless, for the most part, the good among the great avoid the spotlight, for several reasons: fame exposes them and their families to envious scrutiny and criticism; the news media often make mistakes that can add up to severely distorted portrayals; family members and friends who are needy often flock to reporters to sell their personal information (the more intimate and salacious the better), and on and on. And even the most admirable people have something to hide--the inevitable strains of family relations or the lapses of youth.

But the fundamental reason that the good among the great don't get suckered into overexposure is that they simply don't need the recognition. These are self-assured and whole personalities. They were given or have found within themselves and their tight-knit circle of family and friends a much richer vein of positive feedback. Of course, they are human and can enjoy being idolized (witness Warren Buffett's more regular appearances these days on CNBC), but they do not need constant attention and have learned to be on guard against it.

This is a timely subject in an age where most of us are crowded in and around cities, and are encouraged to broadcast our most intimate experiences through Facebook, You Tube and other, free venues that reach global audiences.

The good among the great guard their privacy and their time alone for many reasons, chief among them, discretion. They know that very often, personal news and information is better left unsaid. When it comes to time spent alone, they are comfortable in their own skins and actually relish the time to mull their own thoughts, sifting their reactions, emotions and refining their senses of self and thus their aims, goals and plans for the future.

Another reason the best among us are more protective of their privacy is because they're more genuine than most of us. Their natural spontaneity, expressiveness and honesty can betray them. Thus, the spotlight of media attention can be particularly revealing.

No matter how many cameras she's faced, Meryl Streep still "hates" being photographed. Portrait photographer Brigitte Lacombe, who's taken Streep's picture on dozens of occasions, says "With Meryl, it's a complete struggle to get her to stay in front of the camera." One reason is humility. For the modest, it's uncomfortable to be celebrated. But it may also be that she can't help but reveal much of herself, too much for a private person--those who are true, whole persons are more sincere and their countenances more true, so the rest of us can see into them and they can see back. It's a marvel and very attractive. Though for people like Streep, it's invasive.

Even if you're never thrust into the public forum or cheated of your alone time, let these talented individuals inspire you to celebrate your solitude and prize your private life.

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Check out Donald Van De Mark's ongoing series on the 19 Personality Traits of the Best Human Beings

Donald Van de Mark has interviewed hundreds of leaders in business and politics including: Andrew Weil, MD, former U.S. Senator Bill Bradley, Jack Welch, Starbucks' Howard Schultz and Intel's Andy Grove, in his nearly 3 decades as a correspondent and anchor at CNN, CNBC and public television. He integrates practical tips from these great leaders to provide a riveting motivational speech on the personality traits of successful people. Donald is also the host of the corporate training videos,The Wisdom of Caring Leaders and The Wisdom of Teams.

His new book, The Good Among the Great,19 Traits of the Most Admirable, Creative and Joyous People, will be available for purchase in April 2011.

“Can I see another's woe, and not be in sorrow too? Can I see another's grief, and not seek for kind relief?”   William Blake

In 2005, a newly minted graduate of Dickinson College headed to the ghetto of New Haven, Connecticut. While many of his friends were backpacking through Europe or netting impressive entry salaries on Wall Street, Andrew Ferguson went to teach sixty-eight underprivileged boys in a broken-down trailer. The roof leaked, the walls had holes punched in them, and the building was condemned at the end of Andrew’s first year. “It should have been condemned my first day.”

As a young white man hailing from a life of relative privilege, Andrew’s job was a radical experience. All of his students were black, and fatherless. Only one had a male authority figure in his life. Andrew saw suspicion, doubt, and even hatred in the small faces that looked up at him every day. The prospect of connecting in any way, let alone teaching these kids, was daunting.

About six weeks into the job, Andrew went to work like any other morning. In some ways, his main achievement to that point was simply that he hadn’t quit. On that particular day, he happened to be wearing a sweater vest. As he walked in, Quashon, one of the shortest and heaviest ten year olds, leapt up and yelled, “Nice fuckin’ sweater vest, cracker!” Shocked, Andrew still kept his cool. And despite never having experienced anything like it, he knew exactly what was going on. “

At the school, there’s a history of the guys running teachers out,” he explains. “And then there’s the bigger history of these boys knowing that any male in their life is going to run out. So I knew I was being tested, and that this was one of the tests. “

I also knew that they were used to teachers screaming back. My sense is that the teacher never won when that happened. And then my personality—I just don’t do that. So I took a deep breath and said ‘Okay.’ Once he saw that he wasn’t going to get a reaction or provoke some retaliation, once he saw that I am who I am and he couldn’t push my buttons—because I don’t have many—he lost interest and eventually sat down.”

Andrew Ferguson never thought he’d be a teacher. In fact he’d known since he was four years old that he wanted to get a law degree. But he wanted to do something in between college and law school that gave him significant responsibility and independence—and something that could have an impact on a big scale. Teach for America offered the perfect opportunity to do so.

But why would a talented college grad destined for a law degree choose to teach disadvantaged kids in a run-down trailer for two long years?

For Andrew, it’s all a matter of fairness. “Any sport you look at, everyone plays by the same rules,” he explains. “Who wins is dependent upon how well you work as a team, your skill, and how many hours you practice. Take that analogy to life. Sure, you have the same rules—but it’s like one kid’s trying to play basketball wearing a fifty-pound weight on his back.”

When asked why he cares about the kid carrying the extra fifty pound weight, Andrew replies, “Because I didn’t have one.”

Andrew was born in an affluent suburb of Pittsburgh and grew up in a good, nurturing family that encouraged him to learn and be creative. Just a zip code away, kids in inner-city Pittsburgh face quite a different reality. “So much has been given to me, and I consider myself lucky for so many reasons. Because of where I was born, and because of the parents to whom I was born, I’ve had so many opportunities. With these kids, it doesn’t matter how hard they’ve worked. Just trace where they were born. Because these kids were born in a different area, they’re not going to get the same shot.” Andrew feels that we all deserve our shot and that he’s no better than anyone else. He may be more capable than some, but that’s not the same as better.

Abraham Maslow on “democratic people”

Maslow calls self-actualizing individuals “democratic people in the deepest possible sense… They can be and are friendly with anyone of suitable character regardless of class, education, political belief, race, or color. As a matter of fact it often seems as if they are not even aware of these differences, which are for the average person so obvious and important.”

The psychologically strong see through superficial trappings to the human being within—or, as Maslow says, it’s almost like they don’t “see” those trappings at all. They are wholly unconcerned with issues of race, gender, age, ethnicity, or social status. For healthy people, the introductory words of the Declaration of Independence are more than just an idea; they do treat everyone as if we’ve all been created equal, because in their minds, we have.

Because these people are inwardly satisfied, they are also outwardly focused. Responsibility comes naturally to them. Like Andrew Ferguson, they actually fight for it. They want to do their part to make the world more just. And, for all human hearts to get their chance.

People who possess an egalitarian soul typically aren’t power-hungry. While many do achieve fame and fortune, it’s usually a derivative of their efforts, not a primary goal. As Ferguson notes, “If money and power and fame is ultimately the end goal, people tend not to be successful. Something else is missing.” That “something else” is the genuine, democratic interest in other human beings.

Healthy, happy individuals are also far less concerned with their own standing, whether economic, social, or otherwise. It’s not only that most often have achieved an elevated status; it’s that they simply put less value in it. They also don’t measure their self-worth by how the world measures them. In the event that someone challenges them—like the boy who stood up and yelled obscenities in Andrew’s classroom—they remain unruffled. They’re comfortable with who they are, and with that self-knowledge comes a calmness and steadiness of character that serves them well in all their pursuits.

For happy, healthy human beings, there are of course, some, necessary hierarchies. But even within these, they tend to treat everyone with respect. They don’t get distracted by people’s superficial differences – their bodies, ages, politics or personal preferences, because they realize that each human being is different and that what matters are their motivations, ethics, commitment, capabilities and more – the true, internal stuff that makes up one’s character. And when it comes to leveling the playing field, they take responsibility where they can and take action to give the less privileged a chance.

Cheers from Sonoma,

Donald

If you believe someone would enjoy and benefit from this post, please share it. Just click on the + Share button and you will see lots of options for sharing it with friends including email, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn. Thanks!

Check out Donald Van De Mark's ongoing series on the 19 Personality Traits of the Best Human Beings

Donald Van de Mark has interviewed hundreds of leaders in business and politics including: Andrew Weil, MD, former U.S. Senator Bill Bradley, Jack Welch, Starbucks' Howard Schultz and Intel's Andy Grove, in his nearly 3 decades as a correspondent and anchor at CNN, CNBC and public television. He integrates practical tips from these great leaders to provide a riveting motivational speech on the personality traits of successful people. Donald is also the host of the corporate training videos,The Wisdom of Caring Leaders and The Wisdom of Teams.

His new book, The Good Among the Great,19 Traits of the Most Admirable, Creative and Joyous People, will be available for purchase in April 2011.

I’m a newsman.  Like all news people, I have a beat -- a territory I cover. Mine is the mega-successful. I’ve investigated and reported on those who have reached “the top of the top” in the fields of politics, business, and culture. People like Warren Buffet, Martha Stewart and Bill Bradley.

Everybody knows these people’s accomplishments. There’s no news there. What I do is observe them at length and interview them about how they think and make choices, so I can decipher how their minds and hearts work. 

From doing hundreds of interviews, I’ve found many of these newsmakers to be ruthless and some, even miserable. They’re feared if not hated, not only by their competitors, but by their associates and staffs. What’s more, they care little about the plight of others and the world at large. A few even seem to hate themselves.

Among these mega-successes, however, there’s another group; a minority that’s exceedingly aware, egalitarian, happy, balanced, and genuinely decent. Their associates and staffs love them, and their competitors respect them. These people seem to care deeply about others, and use their positions to help the larger world.

They're a more elusive subset – a small minority who don’t seek the limelight even though they’re often in it, and whose achievements endure as the world changes.  They fascinate me. They’re the good among the great. 

While researching these extraordinary human beings, I started to see patterns of behavior and attitude: in what motivates them, how they think and behave. I recognized the same personality traits and private strategies echoing among all these good people.  And every one of them was happy to share how they think, why they believe certain things and behave in certain ways… and how most of us can learn and adopt all of these same traits.

The best among us are not just big-name successes. You probably know some wonderful, uncelebrated characters in your life.  I do too.  I’ve been lucky enough to know several all my life, who have taught me about success in more intimate, but no less valuable ways. These are people with the same traits who thrive within and contribute mightily to their families and communities.  

That then is what my upcoming essays will be about. They will be a "how-to" guide to life success. I will describe the nineteen personality characteristics that are common among people who succeed at life.  They are successes materially, emotionally, even spiritually. They will be profiled in my upcoming book which is a peek into the lives of great human beings.  It will provide ways for you to identify the traits in others and adopt some yourself, so that you might make an even bigger impact on the world. 

Donald Van de Mark has interviewed hundreds of leaders in business and politics including: Andrew Weil, MD, former U.S. Senator Bill Bradley, Jack Welch, Starbucks' Howard Schultz and Intel's Andy Grove, in his nearly 3 decades as a correspondent and anchor at CNN, CNBC and public television. He integrates practical tips from these great leaders to provide a riveting motivational speech on the personality traits of successful people. Donald is also the host of the corporate training videos,The Wisdom of Caring Leaders and The Wisdom of Teams.

1. Superior Reality Recognition 

• The Clearer, More Efficient Perception of Reality
• Andy Grove, founder of Intel absorbs reality
• The Role of Reality and Choice in Your Destiny

2. Open to New Experiences

• Healthy High Achievers and Curiosity
• Knowing Your Desires and Letting Them Guide You
• "Bon Appetit!" or Good Life
• Loving Change and Benefiting from It 

3. An Acceptance of Self                                       

• "Suddenly I see. This is who I want to be." 

• The Link to Happiness and Productivity

4. Resist Enculturation 

• Ignore the marketing

5. Human Kinship

• It's not about you
• Leveling the Playing Field

6. Respect for All

•  Lou Dobbs' hierarchy

7. Outwardly Focused 

• Preparing for Great Goals

8 & 9. Joy & Sponaneity

• How exuberance creates more success 

10. Recovery of Creativeness

• Streep Wise  

11. Being Process and Performance Oriented

• Tap Dance to Work 

12. Need for Privacy

• Not a fan of fame

13. Ability to Love, Deep Interpersonal Relationships

• Love Liberates

14. Calmness, Serenity (even with mystery)

15. Responsibility, Confidence to Handle Problems or Stresses

16. Continued Freshness or Appreciation Person

• Gratitude and Appreciating the Day-to-Day  

17. Unhostile Humor

18. Increased Integration, Wholeness and Unity of Person

• Trait Spotting with Generous Billionaires 

19. Greater frequency of "Peak Experiences"

If you believe someone would enjoy and benefit from this post, please share it. Just click on the + Share button and you will see lots of options for sharing it with friends including email, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn. Thanks!

Donald Van de Mark is a motivational speaker and has interviewed hundreds of leaders in business and politics including: Andrew Weil, MD, former U.S. Senator Bill Bradley, Jack Welch, Starbucks' Howard Schultz and Intel's Andy Grove, in his nearly 3 decades as a correspondent and anchor at CNN, CNBC and public television. He is the host of The Wisdom of Caring Leaders and The Wisdom of Teams, management training videos used by corporations and schools to teach leadership skills.

Donald integrates practical tips from these great leaders to provide a riveting motivational speech on the personality traits of successful people.