Healthy, wise people not only work to know themselves, they decide and craft who they want to become. They understand that identity requires firm choices about who they are and are not, and that every so often, we have to make choices that alter our paths forever. If you’re going to be a lawyer, you can not (almost assuredly) be a doctor. If you go out for the swimming team, you will not be on the basketball team. If you date Ashley, you can (and certainly should) not date Mary, if you live in Toronto you can not live in Los Angeles and so on.  

Healthy, happy people have internalized what Reverend R. Maurice Boyd loves to declare, that “Life is a drama not just a process”. They have the autonomy to make themselves the central actors or protagonists in their own lives. They understand that much of destiny is out of our control, but much is. As Professor Dumbledore reassures Harry Potter, “It is not someone’s talents that determines his character, but his choices.”   

Healthy, happy people study those they respect and model themselves after those people. We can take a cue here from the advice Warren Buffett offers to business school students to work with people they admire. That way, he says, they can become like them. This is more than a matter of modeling your behavior on those who are successful; it’s a matter of learning the traits of strong, ethical, generous souls. And from a purely personal standpoint, what could be more enjoyable, comforting and advantageous than working with people you like and admire?  

Healthy people unconsciously guard and nurture their selves or their spirits every day, in all sorts of choices, large and small. As Maslow puts it in “The Farther Reaches of Human Nature”, “Self-Actualization is an ongoing process. It means making each of the many single choices about whether to lie or be honest, whether to steal or not to steal at a particular point, and it means to make each of these choices as a growth choice.”   

In other words, your life is never static.  Rather think of it as a trajectory and every choice you make alters that trajectory, very often in a positive or negative way.  Will you smoke that cigarette?  Will you make the extra effort with your daughter? Will you stay late to make sure your presentation is the best it can be?  These are the types of questions that we face everyday and little by little they influence the trajectory of your life and being.  

Donald Van de Mark has interviewed hundreds of leaders in business and politics including: Andrew Weil, MD, former U.S. Senator Bill Bradley, Jack Welch, Starbucks' Howard Schultz and Intel's Andy Grove, in his nearly 3 decades as a correspondent and anchor at CNN, CNBC and public television.

He integrates practical tips from these great leaders to provide a riveting motivational speech on the personality traits of successful people. Donald will speak at San Francisco's Commonwealth Club on July 16th, 2009.