The best people you'll meet have what Abraham Maslow called, a "democratic character structure."  They appreciate and see the humanity in every human being. Maslow wrote, "Most profound, but also most vague is the hard-to-get-at tendency to give a certain quantum of respect to any human being just because he or she is a human individual."  This is because the best people see into our hearts, they sense with their own hearts who we each are.  And thus they look past or through our superficial differences such as age, sex, race.

Abraham Lincoln, the democrat
As aware as he was of the racial divisions that tore America apart during the Civil War, Abraham Lincoln looked right passed them when he met with individual African Americans.  The great black orator of that time, Frederick Douglass frequently commented on how Lincoln acted towards him, “I will tell you how he received me – just as you have seen one gentleman receive another… I tell you I felt big there.” 
 
Remember that the healthiest psychologically don’t lump people into groups the way the rest of us do.  They have a fresher, baggage-free perspective when they meet people.  Not only does this give them a truer view of an individual, it gives them a more egalitarian outlook.  Maslow called them “democratic people in the deepest possible sense… They can be and are friendly with anyone of suitable character regardless of class, education, political belief, race, or color. As a matter of fact, it often seems as if they are not even aware of these differences, which are for the average person so obvious and important.”

Lou Dobbs’ Hierarchy
There’s nothing worse than watching someone use their station in life to demean those of lower status. Lou Dobbs did it when I was at CNN.  Worse, he would skewer people in front of large office gatherings.  He once forced a small, fearful producer to stand on a chair while he yelled at him because “I want to talk to someone my own size!”  Lou is at least 6’3” and well over 200 pounds.  He’s a very smart, intimidating, former marine. 

People were right to be afraid of him.  Don't get me wrong -- Lou could be fun and very charming.  But his overall management style was built on intimidation.  And I don’t think that kind of leadership works anymore.  In my judgment it did not make the business division at CNN any better.  In fact, I think it made it worse. People often overreacted and rushed in their efforts to avoid criticism. 

People simply don’t make the best choices when they’re nervous or scared.  Great leaders know this. For instance, America's Cup champion Dennis Conner is a tough guy who works hard to not intimidate his crew mates. 
 
“Don't You Wish You Were as Smart as... "

Lou's hierarchical ways surfaced in other ways.  He liked to bring more senior people into his office to shoot the shit whenever he was bored.  One day I was walking by and got called in.  We traded some gossip as he paced behind his desk, smoking.  (Smoking was strictly prohibited at CNN by order of Ted Turner but Lou feared no one.)   Out of the blue, Lou turned and asked me, “Don’t you wish you were as smart as me?”  I demurred with, “I wish I was as powerful as you.”  He pressed his point, “Nah… Don’t you wish you were as smart as me?!”

I hesitated and then looked up at him and said, “Don’t you mean, ‘as smart as… I?’”

Lou narrowed his eyes and asked, “What’d I say?”

“Me”

Lou looked as if he couldn’t decide whether to thank me or hit me.  Mercifully, his phone rang and while he picked it up I scrambled out the door.  When faced with big bullies, a little grammatical judo is one way to use their weight against them.

Cheers from Sonoma,
 
Donald

Check out Donald Van De Mark's series on the 19 Personality Traits of the Best Human Beings

Donald Van de Mark is a motivational speaker and has interviewed hundreds of leaders in business and politics including: Andrew Weil, MD, former U.S. Senator Bill Bradley, Jack Welch, Starbucks' Howard Schultz and Intel's Andy Grove, in his nearly 3 decades as a correspondent and anchor at CNN, CNBC and public television. He is the host of The Wisdom of Caring Leaders and The Wisdom of Teams, training videos used by corporations and schools to teach leadership skills.

Donald integrates practical tips from these great leaders to provide a riveting motivational speech on the personality traits of successful people.

Empathy can make you rich.  Identifying with all of humanity can make you prescient.  Don't believe me?  Believe Charles Schwab.  At the end of the second quarter of 2009 his firm had $1.2 trillion under management.
 
Of course empathy can make you wise about others.  But it can also make you very, very successful.  Charles Schwab told me that he launched the discount brokerage powerhouse that bears his name because “I felt that the financial service business had developed a brokerage industry that wasn't empathetic towards customers, they were empathetic towards themselves.”
 
When a person evolves beyond his or her own neediness, they're automatically able to put themselves in others’ shoes.  This makes for a highly sensitive and just observer.  Because this is a perceptor who doesn't just see others and situations from their own, singular perspective.  They see others and the world from a variety of perspectives.  So, empathy gives them a huge advantage when it comes to anticipating wants, needs and opinions of others.  When studying mass behavior, it gives this evolved soul an ability to anticipate market wants and needs.  When asked what was the secret to his success as head of Merrill Lynch in the ‘70s, Donald Regan, Secretary of the Treasury and White House Chief of Staff under Ronald Reagan said, “That’s not a big conversation. It’s one word – anticipation.” 
 
Charles Schwab's empathy has been particularly powerful because it springs from one of one of mankind's fundamental drivers - goodness.  Schwab puts it this way, “I don't know what it was that got me to the point of thinking this way, but I felt it was about fairness. I think fairness, and maybe it was my early religious training. I don't know what it was that sort of instilled in me this sense of fairness, a sense of values. A sense that there is a human behind every business and it has to be the more you are more human, the more you can relate to your customer. And the more you relate to your customer, and where you are going to create and derive new services and relationships that will enhance your organization.”
 
Schwab's empathetic (or empathic) powers have made him prescient as he repeatedly shook up the clubby world of Wall Street.  He led the effort to cut brokerage commissions and he was the fist to offer:
 - 24-hour telephone access
 - online trading
 - mutual funds other than his own
 
And, in late 2009, he has launched four ETFs (Exchange Traded Funds) charging no brokerage fees.  “My vision happens to be that every American is an investor for their long-term assets, their retirement assets.  They'll get better returns.  They'll have better incomes.  They'll have more choices when they get older. They will have more choices while they are going through their life cycle. Whether it's choices for the kids through education, choices for a second home or first home, whatever it might be. It is all about having where-with-all, financial where-with-all to have these choices as we go through life's wonderful opportunities.”
 
Abraham Maslow called this trait an “identification with all humanity” and wrote that the best among us, "have a a deep feeling of identification, sympathy, and affection for human beings in general.  They feel kinship and connection as if all people were members of a single family."  Because of this, he wrote, they "have a genuine desire to help the human race."
 
That's exactly the desire that Schwab articulates.  It's exactly the quality that has also made him one of the most trusted pitch-men in the history of advertising.  In the world of TV personalities and pitchmen, there is a something called a "Q" rating for likeability and even trustworthiness.  Schwab's Q rating is sky high.  Most CEOs, indeed most company founders and even professional sales leaders are not nearly as well liked or as successful at gaining their customers’ trust.
 
Identifying with all humanity, having a kind of global empathy is a personality trait well worth developing beyond the riches it may help you achieve.  But beware, it will make you dutiful -- taking on responsibilities large... and small.  My step grand-mother "Nan" would pick up litter.  This was a woman who was waited on hand and foot and yet she felt no qualms about picking up discarded dirty napkins at many a grand-child's graduation.  Those who are empathic towards others are outwardly focused, problem-focused, not self-focused.  Indeed, the most highly evolved human beings identify with others outside their cultures, beyond their generations, they even have empathy for for animals and the environment. 
 
Healthy psyches are not focused on themselves.  They don’t divert every conversation to their needs, wants and problems.  They are focused on others and more specifically about helping others and solving their problems.  Remember, your grand-mother’s counsel not to talk too much about yourself.  It's good manners and it’s a good indicator of mental health to see how much someone dwells on himself.
 
Here is where your newly heightened awareness and better reality recognition are going to be very valuable.  Listen closely to what those around you talk about.  Watch carefully how they behave when an opportunity to help out arises.  When you tell a story about some event or about someone, see if the person to whom you’re talking relates it back to themselves.  When it comes to actions, notice those who makes an effort when they don’t have to, as Nan did. 
 
Surround yourself with those who care about others and who do positive things for the greater good.  It will make you a better (and maybe even richer!) person. 
 
Cheers from Sonoma,
 
Donald

Check out Donald Van De Mark's series on the 19 Personality Traits of the Best Human Beings

Donald Van de Mark is a motivational speaker and has interviewed hundreds of leaders in business and politics including: Andrew Weil, MD, former U.S. Senator Bill Bradley, Jack Welch, Starbucks' Howard Schultz and Intel's Andy Grove, in his nearly 3 decades as a correspondent and anchor at CNN, CNBC and public television. He is the host of The Wisdom of Caring Leaders and The Wisdom of Teams, training videos used by corporations and schools to teach leadership skills.

Donald integrates practical tips from these great leaders to provide a riveting motivational speech on the personality traits of successful people.