“My dance would be a wild tap dance on Broadway. It would let everyone see just how full of love for life I am. It would make everyone feel the same way. Smiles from ear to ear on everyone, including me!“  Claudine Fletcher, Owner, retired, A Quality Journey, California

Whether we see ourselves gracefully gliding across a dance floor or sitting comfortably at the sidelines, every day we dance to our own rhythm of life—sometimes fast and chaotic and other times slow and repetitive. How we interpret that rhythm determines our view of ourselves and our lives.

I have found that first and foremost, wildly successful women such as Claudine Fletcher believe in the power of choice in order to manage the one thing in life that they truly can control: their reactions to life’s complications. This core belief—that they have the power to choose—affects every aspect of their lives: their strength and energy to build fulfilling careers; their ability to show compassion and create caring relationships; their talent for leading others, and their proclivity for living interesting lives. It is the source of their joie de vivre.

When I ask successful women to describe their life as a dance, I repeatedly hear that while it includes many unexpected reversals, twists, and turns, they look upon their dance with a sense of humor, joy, and pride. Their ability to enjoy their dance springs from their capability to “foresee” themselves adapting well to change through the power of their choices. As such, they choose to live in the moment and stay flexible when faced with unanticipated outcomes.

Who wouldn’t want to get in step with a woman such as Claudine Fletcher quoted above; a woman who can describe her life as a dance with such enthusiasm, energy, and happiness?! We feel drawn to those who radiate warmth, confidence, direction, and compassion; those who live life to the fullest and want us to join in the fun.

But, who is Claudine Fletcher?

I heard about Claudine via word of mouth, as I do most of the women I interview. Their peers, employees, daughters or mothers, friends and bosses refer them to me because they respect and admire these women and believe that their stories contain valuable lessons. Sometimes when I first approach them, they hesitate at the words “wildly successful” because, after all, they’re human. Not everything in every area of their lives is perfect. They get depressed, hurt feelings, and experience bad days and major setbacks like the rest of us. But they don’t stay down long.

Women admire other women as much for their ability to overcome challenges with grace as for developing wonderful businesses—maybe more. Claudine, like the many wildly successful women I’ve interviewed, sees life as a great adventure despite many complications. While many survived amazingly difficult situations, survival is not the same thing as growth. The importance of their messages comes from their transformation into stronger, wiser women with more courage and grace than ever before.

To get in step with the rhythm of the wildly successful women, do the following:

1. Embrace each moment
2. Believe in the power of choices
3. Remember the importance of flexibility
4. Accept change with gusto

Have fun,

Pam

Besides writing and speaking on topics relating to women in business, entrepreneurship and success, Pam loves to encourage others to try things they’ve never done before to expand their interests and relationships. Pam and her husband did just that by renovating a house—with their own hands and writing about it in their newly released she-said, he-said book Under the Carmel Valley Sun: An Adventure in Remodeling, Relationships and Red Wine. Check it out at www.underthecarmelvalleysun.com.  

            “The greatest financial mistakes I see women make are to not get involved with their family finances, to spend way too much money on their children and their house, and not to plan seriously for retirement.” Catherine M. Straub, Financial Resources, Inc., in Anchorage, Alaska

We’ve all heard the toast, “May you be healthy, wealthy, and wise.” Successful women say it’s essential to take care of our physical and mental health, learn to manage our finances well, and preferably to have the wisdom to live our lives gracefully and joyfully. We can only rely on ourselves to stay fit, become financially savvy, and enjoy life.

Sally Edwards, CEO of HeartZones, and founder of The Sally Edwards Way in Sacramento, California, joins many others who see the U.S. national health situation as a primary concern. Sally says, “My passion is to get America fit. As individuals we need to lighten the emotional and metabolic load we carry with us from inactivity and not eating well, and by not taking care of our emotions. It’s not easy to do. It’s a health crisis situation but it’s not catching us by surprise. The unfortunate part is that people have become more and more inactive.” Sally realizes that while she can provide the structure, only individuals themselves can take the initiative to participate. However, she notes that with encouragement, more will get fit. “We do it word of mouth. One woman does it and then gets five of her girlfriends. It’s a ‘tell a friend’ method. It works.”

Just as successful women want to help others develop more healthy lifestyles, they want to assist women to learn how to take personal responsibility for their finances, and put an end to financial ignorance and the potential for economic ruin. Catherine M. Straub, a financial strategist who owns Financial Resources, Inc., in Anchorage, Alaska, has made her career helping people become financially savvy. She says, “The greatest financial mistakes I see women make are to not get involved with their family finances, to spend way too much money on their children and their house, and not to plan seriously for retirement.” To successful women, money is freedom: freedom to choose to accept or reject a new client, freedom to take time off to change jobs, freedom to travel and spend time with family and friends.

Besides writing and speaking on topics relating to women in business, entrepreneurship and success, Pam loves to encourage others to try things they’ve never done before to expand their interests and relationships. Pam and her husband did just that by renovating a house—with their own hands and writing about it in their newly released she-said, he-said book Under the Carmel Valley Sun: An Adventure in Remodeling, Relationships and Red Wine. Check it out at www.underthecarmelvalleysun.com. 

"One of the biggest challenges that I still face is the one I call “Too many desserts on the buffet table of life.” C.J. Hayden, Wings Business Coaching

Over the years I’ve often felt that I was living more than one life at a time, or that I was shot-gunning my way through life, going in so many different directions; getting so many different things done each day in so many different categories.  It can be rather disconcerting. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed, scattered, unproductive and tired. Plus, it sounds and feels negative.

The other day I came up with a new description of my predicament: Mille Feuille (“thousand leaves” in French). What I’m referring to is the tasty French dessert that is made with a “thousand” layers of puff pastry with creamy sugar filling in between, also known as a Napoleon. I think dealing with layers sounds and feels a lot better than being tugged in too many directions. It implies that each layer is tasty, yummy and a treat, rather than a chore that needs to be addressed.  

Right now my life-layers include everything from taking my 95 year-old dad to physical therapy appointments and baby sitting grandchildren to marketing my husband's and my book and planning get-togethers with friends. These layers make my life rich and interesting, purposeful and rewarding. 

So, now each day starts just as busy as the last, but with a happy new flavor to it. My layers will always be there, I wouldn’t want it any other way. So instead of worrying about how busy I am and getting myself stressed, I look forward to working on the layers of the day, seeing which ones get done, discovering new layers that come up.

I don’t know why, but the idea of layers, a Mille Feuille approach, makes me calmer. It’s a more cheerful way to approach life and work. It almost makes my mouth water.

Besides writing and speaking on topics relating to women in business, entrepreneurship and success, Pam loves to encourage others to try things they’ve never done before to expand their interests and relationships. Pam and her husband did just that by renovating a house—with their own hands and writing about it in their newly released she-said, he-said book Under the Carmel Valley Sun: An Adventure in Remodeling, Relationships and Red Wine. Check it out at www.underthecarmelvalleysun.com. 

“Fa La La La La, La La La La.”  from Deck the Halls

The splendor of the decked halls starts to fade the day after Christmas, known to many as Boxing Day. Boxing Day originated in Britain during the era of the grand manor houses, where the lords and ladies lived upstairs and the hired staff lived downstairs. A PBS television series, Upstairs, Downstairs, portrayed the dance of life in such places and aired successfully for many seasons. I was told that on Boxing Day the lords and ladies “boxed up” left over meals to give to the servants. It was a time they actually thought about the people downstairs.

Maybe it’s a good day to think of boxing up the good stuff we have to offer others. That doesn’t necessarily mean food or items of clothing or furniture, but things such as our time and skills that can help others. Instead of waiting until New Year’s Eve to dream up a list of things we want to do for ourselves, we could start today to plan the list of things we can do in the upcoming year that will bring cheer or help to others.

Those on the short list may include:

·       The elderly people of your family and friends who would be cheered with a regular phone call.

·       The local library reading program that could use a volunteer or some of your extra books.

·       The neighbor who may need some help but feels embarrassed to ask for it.

·       Children—nieces, nephews, grandchildren—who may need encouragement by someone who is willing to take the time to listen to their thoughts and desires.

·       Everyone around you who can benefit being around a positive person with a caring smile.

As we box up the good stuff we may be reminded just how fortunate we are.

Happy Boxing Day!

• Besides writing and speaking on topics relating to women in business, entrepreneurship and success, Pam loves to encourage others to try things they’ve never done before to expand their interests and relationships. Pam and her husband did just that by renovating a house—with their own hands—and writing about it in their newly released she-said, he-said book Under the Carmel Valley Sun: An Adventure in Remodeling, Relationships and Red Wine. Check it out at www.underthecarmelvalleysun.com. 

I read of a man who stood to speak
At the funeral of a friend.
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
From the beginning to the end.

He noted that first came the date of her birth
And spoke the following date with tears
But he said what mattered most of all
Was the dash between those years.

For that dash represents all the time
That she spent alive on earth.
And now only those who loved her
Know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not how much we own;
The cars, the house, the cash,
What matters is how we live and love
And how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard.
Are there things you’d like to change?
For you never know how much time is left
That can still be rearranged.

From “The Dash” by Linda Ellis, Georgia

           I heard this poem at the celebration of life for my friend Sandy Poulsen who in her twenties gladly said good-bye to her debutant life in New York’s high society to marry her ski champion and Pan American World Airways pilot husband, Wayne, and say hello to the rough and ready life of the West. In the 1940s Sandy and Wayne bought a plot of land in the Sierra Nevada Mountains of northern California known as Squaw Valley. Most people recognize the name today as the site of the 1960 Winter Olympics. Yet it is where they raised their eight children.

Known as a great lover of life, Sandy’s eighty-eight year dash was one filled with energy, grace, and joy. Despite suffering from cancer, she participated in her annual camping trip with her grandchildren only a few weeks before she passed away.

Wildly successful people such as Sandy choose to live life to the fullest and roll with the complications life presents them. These challenges may be health or career related or caused by the conditions in which they grew up. Although most agree that it is not by any means easy, successful people believe the basis of their strength comes from not only their optimistic attitude, but also from their desire to better themselves or their circumstances: to do something to make their life better. Since attitude determines outlook, it affects how we set our priorities, how we spend our time, what we think and what we do. All of these affect our “dash.”

Successful people embrace the “magic of believing”—believing in themselves, believing in possibilities. They succeed by creating a vision for themselves and by being willing to take responsibility for their own future. They learn to avoid or remove negative beliefs that could hold them back, beliefs such as: I can’t get ahead because of ______ (divorce, lack of education, whatever); I will never succeed because I am too old or don’t have enough money: I’d change my life if I could, but I’m stuck where I am.

Such beliefs can turn into walls that separate us from the life we want to lead. When we change this kind of thinking, we can change our life. But, again, successful people do more than just change their attitudes, the do something to better themselves, things we can all do:

·       Adopt an attitude of appreciation.

·       Capture the magic of believing and the law of attraction.

·       Refuse to believe conventional wisdom.

·       Turn adversity into a noble cause.

·       Become a life long learner.

Have fun with this. 

Besides writing and speaking on topics relating to women in business, entrepreneurship and success, Pam loves to encourage others to try things they’ve never done before to expand their interests and relationships. Pam and her husband did just that by renovating a house—with their own hands—and writing about it in their newly released she-said, he-said book Under the Carmel Valley Sun: An Adventure in Remodeling, Relationships and Red Wine. Check it out at www.underthecarmelvalleysun.com.

My boss suggested I organize my workload as if I were swimming in the ocean with my lips barely above the water. He said sometimes I would go under water for a while but ultimately I would survive. It wasn’t how I wanted to live my life, just gasping for air when I could.   Morgan Andrews, attorney

Sometimes we discover the importance of aligning our values with our work and lives only when confronted with what we don’t like about them. Wildly successful people have learned—sometimes the hard way—that priorities constantly change, that even values evolve. Their advice remains the same today as before: “Live your values, live your values, live your values.”

The following story represents a perfect example of a woman who finds herself hating her chosen profession, which unfortunately is not an uncommon tale. I met her at a continuing education class I taught in Boston. The tall, sophisticated Ashley Judd look-alike in an elegant black suit with red lapels stood up and introduced herself to the group, “My name is Ashley. I’m running from the law.” The entire classroom gasped, then laughed as the look on this woman’s face revealed her subtle sense of humor. Yet, her angst proved no laughing matter. She felt caged in a career she desperately hated. For most of her life, pleasing others gave her direction and validation, but in the last few years she realized her mistake and her dilemma.

She, like many well-educated men and women with years of specialized schooling, such as lawyers, CPAs with MBAs, and doctors, discover to their surprise and dismay that once they get out in the workforce they don’t like their chosen career. Yet, they feel they would be disloyal to their degree, the time and money they spent to earn it, and perhaps even to their parents, if they changed careers.

When successful people regularly assess their values, they find that some issues surrounding personal success have little to do with money and power and more to do with issues such as liking what they do, enjoying the environment in which they work, finding time for a personal life, living their own priorities not someone else’s, and knowing that what they do has meaning to others. Another serious reason for assessing our priorities and values is to understand what we think success will do for us. Success is not true success if we don’t appreciate what we have and how we got it.

We all can stay vigilant with what makes us feel good and comfortable and satisfied with our choice of work by doing the following:

·       Wake up. Pay attention to what you do and why you do it.

·       Live your values in and away from the workplace.

·       Ask yourself why you do what you do, and if you don’t know, find out.

·       Study what you want from a company.

Have fun. 

            “My personal feeling is that if women were running countries we wouldn’t be shooting each other.” Judy Rosener, the professor from University of California  

“When women from all around the globe help each other, the tide of success will not only lead to higher levels of achievement but also to (who knows?) world peace,” Judy Rosener, the professor from University of California notes. “I was in Sweden at a conference of Women Heads of Country some years ago. Attending were women from all over the world: the woman who headed the PLO, also a Muslim, a Buddhist, a Christian, Jew, a Catholic. We decided we could end the Middle East war in three weeks. Women look at solving problems very differently.”

Women are looking at ways to solve problems differently, and they are encouraging others to join the conversation to make positive changes. The issues they espouse range from researching and teaching individuals, corporations, and countries about sustainable management of natural resources to providing venues and opportunities for women to learn how to become strong leaders. There have been many studies about how men and women think differently. The concept is not meant to be divisive in any way, but rather to help both men and women understand and work well with those differences.

Birute Regine, a psychologist and author says, “Women are in a position to lead because of their relationship skills, their ability to see how we are all interconnected and interdependent. The global reality puts women ahead in the very skills that were marginalized before, when they were regarded as 'soft' —relationships are now the very things needed.” 

Successful women call on their natural skills to communicate more clearly and broadly, share their knowledge in every way possible, enlighten and energize people with their passions, and to leave a legacy of wisdom. I believe we can do this by focusing on the following four suggestions:

·                Make the effort to appreciate differences in order to communicate well

·                Invite others into your circle of knowledge

·                Enlighten the world with your passion

·                Plan to leave your legacy

Have fun with this.

Besides writing and speaking on topics relating to women in business, entrepreneurship and success, Pam loves to encourage others to try things they’ve never done before to expand their interests and relationships. Pam and her husband did just that by renovating a house—with their own hands—and writing about it in their newly released she-said, he-said book Under the Carmel Valley Sun: An Adventure in Remodeling, Relationships and Red Wine. Check it out at www.underthecarmelvalleysun.com.

One of my PhD students did a study that looked at coffee shops as places where people go to feel connected. They take their lap tops, buy one cup of coffee, and stay there for hours.  Dr. Judith Rosener, professor at the Graduate Business School at University of California, Irvine, California

Headed to the coffee shop for a cup of Joe or for a place so that you can work on your computer without feeling isolated? As life gets more complex people want more simplicity, such as working from home, but that may have unexpected complications.

Dr. Judith Rosener, a professor at the University of California, says, “The feeling of not being connected causes a need for something. My theory is that spiritualism today is a need because we’re so disconnected. Even though I don’t like cell phones, being on cell phones and being on computers provide ways for people connect today.” She tells us about a study that one of her students conducted about people hanging out in coffee shops. “They could work at home but they feel a part of something by being in coffee shops. Not surprisingly, coffee shop owners are losing money because of it. Life is getting too complicated, and people are feeling disconnected.”

While many of the women I’ve interviewed agree that complexity can lead to feeling disconnected, not all agree that it leads to a spiritual search. Although, most feel there exists a great yearning for meaning and connection. Women today have more options than ever before in their careers and personal lives, but that the wealth of options offers a mixed bag of feelings ranging from a great sense of opportunity to that of utter confusion.

Just as we can use technology to free our time or fill it, we can take advantage of our options to lead to a fulfilling life or to one that’s just plain overloaded. Due to the speed of work thanks to the Internet—and to the ability for people to work alone from home with web conference calls rather than face-to-face meetings—more and more people feel disconnected, “off the radar screen” as one young woman puts it. 

When we feel down we wish for something to sustain us, make us feel strong and not so alone, and ultimately to make us feel happy. People often do this by seeking the company of people, even if they don’t know them. Today, many coffee shops, bookstores and libraries have become surrogate cubicles for many work-at-home employees and entrepreneurs.

So let’s take a new look at the cubicle. The case for the cubicle (or surrogate cubicle) includes these strong points:

·       Yes, it’s small. Yes, you can feel small in a many-cubicled setting. But you’re not working alone. You’re part of a team; a team that you actually see. If you already work in a cubicle, note the benefits it provides you.

·       If you’re working from your home, and feel down or less productive than you know you can be, try a new venue: a coffee shop, library or a bookstore. Try one of them for a week so you’ll start to feel comfortable, one of the regulars. See is this helps your concentration and productivity.

Have fun with this.

Besides writing and speaking on topics relating to women in business, entrepreneurship and success, Pam loves to encourage others find the good in every situation and to try things they’ve never done before to get more out of life. Pam and her husband did just that by renovating a house—with their own hands—and writing about it in their newly released she-said, he-said book Under the Carmel Valley Sun: An Adventure in Remodeling, Relationships and Red Wine. Check it out at www.underthecarmelvalleysun.com.

            “I am deep down a spiritual person who believes in the power of the inner spirit and have always wanted to help others. This is the reason why I joined the UN.”  -- Zohreh Tabatabai

What makes some of us wake up every day feeling energetic about our dance of life while others crawl out of bed feeling exhausted and willing to accept a “ho-hum” existence? From my interviews with successful people over the years, I’ve found that people can get burned out and fall into a rut for many reasons and that everyone from time to time gets hit with the ho-hums. They want something more: more fun, more invigorating, more exciting, more meaningful,,, more interesting.

Too often people find themselves stuck in the mindset of “I know my life’s not great, but I don’t know what to do about it. I’ll get by.” They habitually “get by” by moving to a subconscious rhythm of life without much forethought, without mindfully paying attention and directing their moves, without trying new things.

Many successful people get out of a rut (yes, successful people can fall into doldrums, too) and turn “getting by” into “getting interested” by taking time to identify and define the purpose for what they do during their waking hours. Some call it purpose. Others call it motivation or inner calling. No matter what it’s called, it doesn’t happen without trying new things.

What motivates successful people comes from a variety of sources, but none works as well as knowing your deep interests and trying different ways to work in a field that lets you develop them. Zohreh Tabatabai, Director of the Department of Communications of the International Labor Organization in Geneva, Switzerland, sister agency of the UN, says, “I am deep down a spiritual person who believes in the power of the inner spirit and have always wanted to help others. This is the reason why I joined the UN.” 

Zohreh was born in Teheran, Iran, but sent to boarding school in England when she was seven years old. She grew up in England, the U.S. and Switzerland. Her willingness to live in many different places and meet diverse groups of people helped Zohreh see the importance of countries working together to solve problems. She explains the role of the International Labor Organization, “The United Nations and its sister agencies were created at different times when the world leaders realized that they could not solve their problems alone, that they needed each other to make things better for their people. This is as true today as it was in 1945 when the UN was created, or in 1919 when the International Labor Organization was created.”

Zohreh found that getting ahead in her chosen field had a lot to do with her desire to help others. She’s proud of the role of the ILO in the world and her ability to contribute to it. “The ILO promotes fundamental principles and rights at work.” She adds, “By the way, it should be known that ILO conventions and recommendations brought us everything from the eight hour working day to maternity leave to the push for equal rights for women and men in the workplace.” Zohreh is a woman who found that “getting interested” in world labor problems set her path to a fulfilling life.

When you feel out of sorts and that things just aren’t going your way, perhaps you aren’t going in the right direction. Stop listening to others. Do something you’ve never tried before but have always been curious about. You’ll be starting in the right direction to turn “getting by” to “getting interested.”

Have fun.

Besides writing and speaking on topics relating to women in business, entrepreneurship and success, Pam loves to encourage others try things they’ve never done before to get more out of life. Pam and her husband did just that by renovating a house—with their own hands—and writing about it in their newly released she-said, he-said book Under the Carmel Valley Sun: An Adventure in Remodeling, Relationships and Red Wine. Check it out at www.underthecarmelvalleysun.com.

I am successful if I feel joy every day. I could add money, health, and all those things that I used to think that in my twenties and thirties. But now I see it differently. I want to play and have fun and laugh every day. And do something significant every day. That brings me joy.   Carol Leavitt, MBA, Management Consultant, Leadership Coach, Utah

Cathie Straub, a financial consultant in Anchorage, Alaska, believes that for most of us success evolves as we age. “Back in my twenties, success was all about climbing the career ladder and making the most money at that time. I didn’t have as many competing factors for my time back then.  I now think of my success as how well I balance all aspects of my life. A balanced life equals happiness for me.”

As I’ve talked to successful women over the years, I’ve seen how they have expanded the traditional definition of success of wealth, power, and fame. It includes not only the well-known tangible trappings of success, but intangibles such as finding a way to make a difference in the world, integrating passion with their work, and making sure that their work reflects their priorities and values. These intangibles in no way have meant that they had to give up wealth, fame, and power, but recognizing them has led to more satisfying ways to work and live.

Although it’s true that definitions of success aren’t based solely on financial criteria, money is a more-than-valid indicator of success. Money worries obviously get in the way of feeling successful. But there is more to success than money. Happiness has entered into the lexicon of personal success in a huge way in the past dozen years. Some believe that this trend is due to Far Eastern thought filtering into our Western culture. Whatever the explanation, globalization impacts us in many areas of our lives, including expanding our view of success.

Success fitness means keeping in mind what you want in your life. Think about it when you wake up and act on it. For Carol Leavitt, she makes all she does fun. Instead of focusing on what can go wrong, she looks for what is going right and building on that.

Things to remember about success fitness:

·              Make it happen. Fitness—whether physical or mental—doesn’t come from wishing. It comes from doing. If you don’t have the right attitude, change it. Break the invisible wall to fitness by taking small actions daily and then increasing them every week.

·              Understand the evolution of success. What you wanted early on may not be what gives you the most satisfaction today. That’s normal and expected. It’s a good thing.

·              Think about what success will look like for you twenty years from now, and how you want people to remember you. Success is dynamic. You can influence what it will look like later in your life by the thoughts and actions you do today.

·              Expand your view of the world. Success as viewed in the US isn’t necessarily considered success in other countries or even other generations in our own country. Having free time as a measure of success is very important to Gen Ys. Money alone is not the motivator.

·              Define your happiness in realistic, specific terms. No pie–in-the-sky, unattainable mumbo jumbo. Just real, and appealing, description of what makes you happy and fulfilled and personally successful.

·              Have fun. It’s your life and your time. So make it the time of your life.

Pam Gilberd believes in people following their dreams. She writes and speaks worldwide on topics relating to women in business, entrepreneurship and success. She and her husband continue to encourage dreamers with their upcoming she-said, he-said book due out November 15, 2009. Under the Carmel Valley Sun: An Adventure in Remodeling, Relationships and Red Wine. Visit us at www.underthecarmelvalleysun.com.