Even when the economy was thriving and there were more jobs than workers  (remember those days?), most people described work as stressful.  It meant fewer people doing more work with tighter deadlines.  And worst of all, blurry lines between time at work and personal life.

The demands have only gotten worse in this recession.

A young woman in her early 30's  recently expressed to me her deep resistance to returning to work.  After 6 months on disability leave, she said that she  believes that working will make her sick again.  She's afraid that she won't be able to stop tasks when the pain gets bad and that the inevitable pressure and unreasonable deadlines  will aggravate her overall condition.    She finished by saying that all of the people she knows are unhappy from the stress of their jobs.

I was surprised by her deep rooted fear and negative outlook, especially since there was much she enjoyed about her last job.  Yet she doesn't believe it's possible to control her sense of stress or influence her workload.  I was also struck that she doesn't know anyone who is relatively happy in their jobs.

If her experience is that relatively young and healthy people feel stressed and unhappy at their jobs, how can someone who lives with unpredictable health find happiness at work?  I don't have an "answer".  But let's explore it.

In Does Work Have You In A Stranglehold,  Maggie Mistral offers 3 tips for breaking the stranglehold of work.   This is useful because it challenges the way we view working.  But her tips assume that a person can take charge of her time. What if you don't think this is possible?

If you believe that you can't influence how you work or how much you work, how will you survive of decades of working?   If you agree with me that this doesn't seem like a useful outlook,  consider how you can develop your capacity to:

• Manage difficult situations before they blow out of control. It's much easier to set limits and persuade a manager that you need breaks or hard stops in the day while you're still a valued worker, rather than after you've messed up.
• Identify your limits. Even if illness means you're more limited in some ways, know what those limits are and be able to explain them - without anger or remorse.
• Create empathic relationships with others so they want to support you and work with you around your needs.  But don't stop there.  Look beyond yourself and notice what others need as well, including your boss.  You might be surprised by how healing this can be.

As I've written often, I  believe that working is good for you (Does Working Help You Be Healthy?).  It's the premise of my book (Women, Work and Autoimmune Disease: Keep Working, Girlfriend!).    I also work often with people who are looking for work so I know firsthand how hard it is to find jobs these days.  But I have no doubt that if you don't believe that you can work, you won't find a job.

What do you think?

If you believe someone would enjoy and benefit from this post, please share it. Just click on the + Share button and you will see lots of options for sharing it with friends including email, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn. Thanks!

I've noticed a trend.  Over the past few years, the number of  inquiries that I get from people looking for help with their career has increased.  But until recently the mix was pretty equal between the currently employed and unemployed.

Over the past year,  the requests I get are overwhelmingly from the unemployed. I'm wondering: what's that about?

Yes, the unemployment rate is high.  But most of the people who write have been unemployed for a year or more.  Nothing about my online presence - my website,  my content or the press I get - has changed.   Trying to learn more, I checked out another career/illness site, the Cancer and Careers website (see my most recent suggestions to a nurse returning to work and requesting accommodations).  The questions seem to reflect a  demanding and inflexible workplace.

Clearly, a declining economy puts strain on employers to get more from employees.   Are employers cutting staff back and taking advantage of workers with few options?  Does this lead people with illness to leave the workforce rather than risk asking for flexibility and accommodations?  Do you see this happening?

When you're already struggling with illness,  it's harder to see your options than your limitations.  You lose hope that you'll feel better again and be able to work.  You become convinced that working is making you sicker and the best thing for you is unemployment.

But what you might not know or even believe is that bad health often doesn't stay static.  And, some jobs, supervisors and org culture are worse than others.  Finally, once you leave the workforce and have gaps in your work history, it's that much harder to return.

Why don't people seek help to stay employed?  Coaches are a great resource!  Why not "look" before you leap out?

If you believe someone would enjoy and benefit from this post, please share it. Just click on the + Share button and you will see lots of options for sharing it with friends including email, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn. Thanks!

FYI - My book, Women Work and Autoimmune Disease: Keep Working, Girlfriend! got a nice review from a working mom on the blog Living It Loving It.

Is being unemployed feeling like a chronic condition?  Chronic - it's not sexy,  exciting, or fun.  Worse, chronic means it's not changing and won't go away. Those of us with chronic illness know all about this chronic syndrome.  It weighs you down and keeps you from being "light on your feet".

So, how do you find hope when you're feeling your condition is  "chronic"?  Perspective. What do I mean?  Check out American World Soccer Cup Team goalie, Tim Howard.

Here's a guy with a very difficult to manage and off-putting chronic illness, Tourette  Syndrome.  Living with this, he's risen to world class athlete status.  He's the focal point of media attention that makes his visible, and to many oft-putting, symptoms very public.  FYI - I read somewhere that his mother said that she thought that playing soccer goalie, which requires supreme focus, helped his Tourette's symptoms.  He didn't twitch as much when he played.  My bet is he played often!

Few of us, even if we were healthy, have the stamina or determination of Tim Howard.  But I believe that there's usually something to learn from people who achieve the extraordinary that we can apply to our own lives.

When you look at your job opportunities and the employment landscape, do you think, " I'll never find work"?  Are you blaming it on a lousy job market, a difficult illness, your age or even the time of year?  That could all be true.

But -- and here's the thing -- can you find something that you are good at and you can do and work this angle as hard as possible?

OK - most likely you won't be playing for the Soccer World Cup or the NBA.  You might not get to be president of the company.  But your challenge is to get out of the chronically unemployed syndrome.  Can you do it?

Let's face it.  You can't do as much as you'd like to impact your chronic illness.  But you can take charge of taking care of yourself as best you can.  The same is true with your employment.  What are you going to do about it? 

If you believe someone would enjoy and benefit from this post, please share it. Just click on the + Share button and you will see lots of options for sharing it with friends including email, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn. Thanks!

My Dad died last week, a month before turning 90.  Please.  Hold your comments of sympathy.  I'm not writing for that (although I'm sure your intentions are kind).  I'm writing to share what I've learned and to create a discussion that helps us learn from each other.

Dad's first "small" stroke, at age 72, was the beginning of a slow decline.  A diabetic, he periodically lost his balance or fell due to the neuropathy in his feet.  He hated and fought this loss.  By his mid 80's, he'd lost his reasoning and ability to hold a real conversation and had trouble walking.  In the past 3 years, he was wheel chair bound and demented.  (But he could still say, "I love you",  and give you his beaming smile.)

From his first stroke, while seemingly fit, he'd say, "'Don't get old".    But getting old wasn't the problem for them  -- Mom had severe congestive heart failure from age 74.  It was being ill.

Old age didn't stop my parents from doing things.  It was their failing bodies.  As is true with all of us living with illness, they each approached this challenge with the same response they brought to the rest of life.

I often wished Mom could have worked until she died.  I believe she would have felt better about her increasingly housebound life.   Yes, her professional life had been demanding and tiring and it probably wouldn't have been good to continue as she had.  On the other hand, she didn't feel as good about herself when she stopped working.   I wonder, had it been different, would illness have been easier to accept.

Dad, on the other hand, was happy to retire.  Work at it's best was an ego boost but it was also a source of emotional aggravation.   He loved just sitting around . The good news was that he ended his life in a facility with plenty of people with whom to talk who didn't notice if he made no sense.  He told his stories and was deeply loved by all.

So what have I learned from watching them die?

The focus of my coaching practice and my writing is on the value of work and why we should push ourselves to keep working even while living with bodies with diminishing capacity.   I realize this isn't true for everyone.  But my goal is to give tools and support to those who want the choice  -- to help them develop their capacity to make this happen.

Work should give us purpose and a sense of being valued for what we can offer.  We all need this, whether sick, old or both.  It's not easy to make it happen but I've grown increasingly clear that it's worth putting effort toward creating it.  I believe that work has made living with illness an easier experience for me and many others.  I also believe it will make growing "old" easier to bear.

What have you learned?

If you believe someone would enjoy and benefit from this post, please share it. Just click on the + Share button and you will see lots of options for sharing it with friends including email, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn. Thanks!

Building on her experience living with chronic illnesses, including multiple sclerosis and ulcerative colitis, Rosalind Joffe founded the executive career coaching practice, cicoach.com. Dedicated to helping others with chronic illness develop the skills they need to succeed in their careers, Rosalind firmly believes that living with chronic illness does not preclude living a full and successful life.

This month's  career collective bloggers question is:  "What should job seekers do now to prepare for interviews?"   Scroll down for thoughtful ideas and useful tips from my fellow bloggers.

I had a client who thought she was prepared.  She'd never had trouble finding work before.  Even in a bad economy, she expected unemployment would be short.  She had her interview clothes (both a suit and a pants/sweater version in winter and summer material!) set aside just for this. She updated her resume weekly with any pertinent activities.  She contacted her references regularly to make sure they were current and used social media and her networks.

Nine months of looking and she hadn't gotten a second interview.  But she stayed hopeful.  She felt as prepared as she could be  -- until the interview that showed her the holes in her prep.

I often write about living "positively" (e.g., 3 Things You Need to Move from - to + ,     Finding Opportunity in the Quicksand) .  Although the topic  sparks interesting discussion and comments,  I worry I might be creating the wrong impression. (Oh, scroll to the end to find out about the Mother's Day special.)

Following my last post, more readers unsubscribed citing content as a reason. Now, I don't mind if people don't agree with me.  I write to create conversation and stimulate thought and I hope for new ideas and challenge.   But one "unsubscriber" emailed saying that my words seem to "blame the victim".  She wrote, "I didn't create my disease."

Ouch.  That's far from my intention.

In fact, nothing makes me angrier than when someone implies that we cause our illness.  I'll never forget the "friend" who told me I should be less stressed since that must be what's creating the ulcerative colitis.  Or, the colleague who said, "Multiple sclerosis is a nervous system disease but you don't seem anxious or nervous - so how'd you get it?"

Does that seems like a scrambled chicken/ egg thing or what?

OK - we all have stories like that.  You might read this cool article (You Make Me Sick, The Science Creative Quarterly).  It debunks the notion that our thoughts/feelings create disease.

That said, I do believe that there's power in being able to harness the way you think and retrain your brain. You can retrain your thinking if it's getting in the way of  living your life as best you can- illness or not.  One reader's comment led me to read about neuroplasticity, the science behind this.  (It's good to know that science backs up with I've seen work for myself and others).

If you believe someone would enjoy and benefit from this post, please share it. Just click on the + Share button and you will see lots of options for sharing it with friends including email, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn. Thanks!

If you're wondering how you can do this, what questions to ask yourself or where to start, check this out:

MOTHER'S DAY OFFER:  Do you want to work with a coach who gets what it's like to live with chronic illness and can help you achieve greater job satisfaction?

For the month of May 2010, I am offering a special deal to all blog readers  (you don't have to be a mother!)

When you make an investment in your career and sign up for 3 months of career coaching with me, you receive 50% off the standard fee for 3 months.   (That's a $450.00 savings!)

Note:  You must have a chronic illness or chronic condition and you must be currently employed or actively looking for a new job or career.

Want to know more?  Email me, Rosalind@cicoach.com, and put Mother's Day Special in the subject line.

Chronic illness can foster a bad attitude. Have you noticed how negative thinking creates negative behavior?  Now flip that idea and you're into the positive psychology school of  thought.  I'm skeptical about  'quick fixes'  for tough, long standing behavior.

But from my own experience, you can retrain the way you think. It takes 3 things: determination, hard work and patience.

When I returned to work after several years of  illness-induced unemployment,  I knew the toughest part for me would be keeping a positive mental attitude at work.  I'd always been able to stay upbeat about my health yet I'd get very negative about work.

But I could no longer afford that attitude.  I challenged myself to change my thinking.  I did.  And that has been one of my proudest accomplishments in my professional life.

No doubt it's easier for some to take charge of their thoughts than others.   Most of us have to adopt new practices and work long and hard to change how we think about things to create new behavior.

Recently, a client was talking about her anger at work.  She'd asked for certain accommodations that she believed would allow her to move from part time to full time work.  Her request was rejected and she's deeply angry.   Her anger about her illness -- and other life difficulties -  have surfaced with this.  Very understandable.  But now her bad mood at work has created worse problems.  For the first time, she's getting negative performance feedback .

Working from my workbook with The Pulse,  an exercise I created, she's practicing to be more self observant and slow down her responses.  It's not a quick fix.  It might not help her keep this job but she can learn to understand her experience and manage her emotions and thoughts better for the long haul.

Living with illness presents the challenges, frustrations, loss and opportunities. The same as healthy people face. But because we've lost so much, we have to work harder to make the most of what is available to us.

When you're in pain or fatigue, it's tempting and easy to be angry or sad.  How much does  that influence your behavior?  Does it get in your way?  What can you do?

If you believe someone would enjoy and benefit from this post, please share it. Just click on the + Share button and you will see lots of options for sharing it with friends including email, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn. Thanks!

PASS THE WORD:

Do you want to work with a coach to achieve greater job satisfaction? For the month of May 2010, I am offering a special deal to all newsletter subscribers:

When you make an investment in your career and sign up for 3 months of career coaching with me, you will get 50% off my regular fee for 3 months.   (That's a $450.00 savings!)  And you get my workbook ($40), pictured above,  for free.

Note:  You must have a chronic illness or chronic condition and you must be currently employed or actively looking for a new job or career.

Want to know more?  Email me, Rosalind@cicoach.com, and put May Special in the subject line.

Do you live with debilitating chronic illness that has led to significant life changes?  If you're nodding "yes",  most likely you've felt a strong sense of loss.

But have you experienced grief ?  I thought about the importance of grieving after reading two articles recently.

The first was a news article about James Levine, the  Metropolitan Opera and Boston Symphony Conductor.  The other was a post, Self Image and Living with Rheumatoid Arthritis, written by RA Warrior, a blogger.

Although neither article focuses on grief,  RA Warrior's post notes the grief from her changed self image.  Maestro Levine has had cancer and back surgery that have led to being unable to work - ("Conducting life and illness", my post.  Now he needs a  second scheduled back surgery.  The articles about Levine's  surgery focus on more canceled performances and the possibility he could lose his job with the BSO.   But I have a hunch this extraordinarily successful man must feel loss - -lost time, missed performances and opportunities and, looking ahead, the possible loss of his life's work.

In her seminal book on grief, On Death and Dying , Margaret Kubler-Ross identified 5 stages of grieving with each stage necessary to pass through before the next.  In my book, Women, Work and Autoimmune Disease: Keep Working, Girlfriend!, (p.78),  I describe the role grieving plays in accepting living with illness.

Chronic illness isn't static.  It's an on-going, ever changing experience.  It can mean missing an event, losing a job or being unable to walk on your own.  Unlike a permanent loss, such as death, illness goes on living with us, side by side, rarely staying the same.

I've found that the challenge over 30 years has been to find a way to grieve and not let that take over my life.  I've learned to grieve in "contained" spaces.  These are the moments that you take to to pay attention to the thoughts and feelings -- to notice and listen.  That gives the grief room to be heard rather than stuffed nor ignored.

Loss and grief.  The former is an event but the latter is what we must do.  How do you do it?  What works for you?

If you believe someone would enjoy and benefit from this post, please share it. Just click on the + Share button and you will see lots of options for sharing it with friends including email, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn. Thanks!

Do you second guess every career move you make - or don't make?  Do you think twice, maybe three times, with every chance for something more - whether to ask for that raise, seek the promotion or look for a new job -because you're unsure if you can do it?

Chronic illness puts up all sorts of roadblocks --pain, fatigue or disabling symptoms -- while you're trying to live your life.   For some, it's natural to stay upbeat and positive about the world, not matter what shows up.   But then there are those who think that life is out to get them.  They figure it's best not to try too hard rather than deal with more disappointment.

But it's not like chronically ill people have cornered this market.  There are many reasons people behave like "fools".  In one of his last great movie roles, Nobody's Fool, Paul Newman (who sadly died recently) plays Scully, a  "healthy" man who spent his life gaming every system. Determined not to be played for a fool, he managed not to engage too strenuously in life, altogether.  Never quite "losing" , he's no winner, either.

That can happen easily when you live with illness.  Have you lost the energy (desire?) to take any risks at all?  Maybe you're one of the many who are bored, underemployed or treated poorly but you tell yourself you're satisfied you show up and keep your job.  Or maybe you're unemployed and tell yourself you'd rather be unemployed than be miserable at work.

Understandable.  But how's it going?

Every once in a while, it's a good idea to take a good look at how we're living our lives, how we're fulfilling our intentions, how we're playing the hand we're dealt  (for more on this topic, download my article, Playing the Hand You're Dealt, cicoach.com).   This means knowing your strengths and your limitations and then searching for the opportunities that exist if you can only see them.

Can you take this day, today, to take a good, clear look at your beliefs and behavior regarding a career?  Are you wondering how you can be sure you're not fooling yourself?  You can't.  But asking the question is a good place to start.

Building on her experience living with chronic illnesses, including multiple sclerosis and ulcerative colitis, Rosalind Joffe founded the executive career coaching practice, cicoach.com. Dedicated to helping others with chronic illness develop the skills they need to succeed in their careers, Rosalind firmly believes that living with chronic illness does not preclude living a full and successful life.

If you believe someone would enjoy and benefit from this post, please share it. Just click on the + Share button and you will see lots of options for sharing it with friends including email, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn. Thanks!

Is the health care reform bill a step toward ensuring that anyone living with chronic illness will receive "adequate" medical treatment?

Or,is it just more help for the healthy?

I don't have the answer.  But I'm delighted that in the increased attention on the burden that chronic illness places on individuals and society when the chronically ill don't receive the health care they need.

I'm no political sage. I  don't understand  the  fine print in the new health care plan.  But I've heard  horror stories from chronically ill people --  clients and others - - who can't afford a specialist or pay for expensive medications. These are folks who are working and have some health insurance!

As I described in a recent post, you can be fired or lose insurance benefits if you don't disclose a medical condition before being hired.  You can also not be hired or lose your job if you do.  Sorry if I'm stating the obvious, but we can't expect legislation to prevent unfair practices from happening.

The Massachusetts health care reform program is cited as a national model but there's the good, the bad and the ugly. Unfortunately, universal coverage does not entitle the chronically ill to good or even adequate health care.

Back to my question.  Is this a step toward better health care protection for those of us living with chronic illness - whether working or not?  At the least, we are justified in hoping so.

Will it prevent people from being fired when they disclose a chronic illness - or even not getting health insurance?  I doubt it. There are only so many battles we can fight and much slips through the cracks.

Living with illness gives you the perspective that the unexpected and unpredictable happens.  That's not necessarily a negative.  It can be a point from which to expand and keep hope alive.  I feel more hopeful today.  Do you?

Building on her experience living with chronic illnesses, including multiple sclerosis and ulcerative colitis, Rosalind Joffe founded the executive career coaching practice, cicoach.com. Dedicated to helping others with chronic illness develop the skills they need to succeed in their careers, Rosalind firmly believes that living with chronic illness does not preclude living a full and successful life.