Not since the Great Depression have so many fledgling adults moved into the empty nest with mom and dad. This cyclical trend has accelerated along with the economic crisis. Faced with school loans, debts or no job, it makes sense to head for home - with its emotional security and financial safety net. If you're a member of the Sandwich Generation, caring for parents growing older as well as kids growing up, adding a boomerang kid to that mix can increase your stress level.

Recently the statistics have changed markedly. Monster's 2009 annual entry level job outlook reports that 40% of 2008 college graduates moved in with their parents and 42% of 2006 graduates were still living at home. The data from Twenty-Something, Inc. indicates that 85% of 2011 college seniors planned to move back in with their parents. This is attributed to a 15% unemployment rate in the 20-24 year old cohort as well as other economic factors postponing financial and residential independence.

The huge boom in boomerangs has generated its fair share of pop culture angst. This phenomenon really doesn't reflect failure on the part of parents or the laziness of kids today. Transition to adulthood just seems to be more fragmented and complicated. And who wouldn't take advantage of a warm, comfortable and familiar port in the storm?

But coddling can stunt development and over-managing isn't the best way to monitor the investment you've made in your kids. Here are some ideas that will eventually help you reap the dividends:

1. Have a serious conversation. Try to understand why your emerging adults are moving back home and how you feel about it. Avoid triangulation as your relationship with your spouse has to accommodate to the changes. Be prepared for less privacy and spontaneity as well as new patterns of parenting and interacting. Ensure, early on, that everyone has similar expectations.
2. Establish accountability and boundaries. Negotiate household chores and financial obligations upfront. Having rules in place will ease the transition and smooth out the day-to-day interactions. Since your kids have been living independently, clarify issues around curfew, checking in and sleepovers - and set limits together, as adults.
3. Determine a time frame. Their ultimate goal should be to live on their own. Encourage your kids to set short term objectives and work toward this. Dependency comes with a price - lack of control, potential conflict and unsolicited advice. Having a mutual agreement about when to move out will help you avoid resentments along the way.
4. Hold to your commitment. Try to keep limits and deadlines in place. You can arrange a family meeting from time to time and check in with each other. Is the arrangement working out? Do you need to clear the air?  Should you negotiate ground rules? If you can work as a team, you're all more likely to be willing to compromise.

Although living together again after living apart has its set of challenges, there's also a bright side. You have the chance to help your kids get a head start. Consider how you're supporting them as they find a job, get into graduate school or save money and develop the skills that will facilitate their moving out on their own. If you're a multi-generational household, your boomerang kids can ease your load by helping to care for their grandparents. Their relationships will deepen while both will learn from each other's experiences and wisdom. So enjoy parenting the second time around as you give your boomerang kids a sense of security in their time of need. And relish the family closeness while creating shared memories.Her Mentor Center, 2011

Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D. and Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D. are family relationship expert with solutions if you're coping with stress, acting out teens, aging parents, boomerang kids or difficult daughters-in-law. Log on to http://www.NourishingRelationships.blogspot.com and sign up for a free ezine,' Stepping Stones,' and ebook, "Courage and Lessons Learned: Reaching for Your Goals." Visit http://www.HerMentorCenter.com for practical tips & learn about "Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm." 

Now that your teens are in school again, are you concerned they're back to risky behaviors on the Internet - sending inappropriate sexual pictures and texts on their cell phones? If so, you're not alone. A recent survey of parents with children between the ages of 10 and 18 found their number one worry was not school shootings, bullying or grades, but sexting. Nearly half said their child had received some kind of racy message or image in the past. And with impulsive teens not fully grasping the gravity of their actions, many are hitting 'send' before they consider the consequences of their actions.

Yet there are real benefits for students using Web 2.0 social media as other recent studies indicate. Those with social anxiety describe feeling less shy and more accepted on interactive websites and they gain experience as leaders. College students reporting low self-esteem feel a greater sense of community and group identity after significant involvement with Facebook. Other research indicates even empathy can increase from frequent online communication with friends, tightening the bonds between them.   

Does this create a dilemma for you? On the one hand, you want to protect your children from danger before it becomes inevitable. On the other, you need to allow them to develop their own autonomy and friendships. With Facebook, Twitter and other forms of social media being such a large part of the connections in young people's experience today, parents need to set standards for their teens about how to use interactive technologies. And given the risks stemming from sexting, parents can help their kids protect themselves. Here are five tips to get you started:

1. Address the consequences of behavior early on so it's not a new topic. Teens are often naïve about the long-term results of their actions. The parts of their brains responsible for good judgment have not matured enough for them to avoid dangerous situations. You'll need to spell out possible outcomes for activities that seem innocuous but may be risky.

2. Talk specifically about the potentially serious end result of sexting. Teens are often impulsive and caught up in the excitement of acting on a dare without considering the consequences. While they are not able to process the potentially negative end point, it's up to you to remind them that once they've put something out on the Internet, they can't erase it, no matter how many times they hit the 'delete' button.

3. Discuss the importance of privacy and self-respect. Peer pressure is an especially strong force at this developmental stage, so give your teens the tools to avoid going along with the gang when they feel uncomfortable. As they become more secure in their personal identity and have higher self-esteem, they'll find value in trusting themselves to make the right decision.

4. Keep the door open for more two-way conversations. Encourage your teens to share their concerns with you and try to listen without being judgmental. Know when to keep silent so they can express their views. Reinforce the value of their opinions as they make decisions that are appropriate for their safety.

5. Stay aware of your teen's Internet activities and step in if necessary. Just as you recognize their need for independence, you also know the value of supervision at this stage of their development. As you monitor online usage, if you believe their health and safety is being threatened, draw on 'tough love' and shut down your kid's Internet access.

As a parent, the goal is to be present in your children's lives without overwhelming them with your input - there's a fine line between letting go and staying connected. As the school activities swing into action this year, let's all work to keep sexting off the class schedule even as teens enjoy the benefits of technology and social networking.

© 2011, Her Mentor Center

Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D. and Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D. are family relationship experts who have developed a 4-step model for change. If you are coping with acting-out teenagers, aging parents, boomerang kids or difficult daughters-in-law, we have the solutions that make family rifts disappear. Visit our website, http://www.HerMentorCenter.com to discover practical tips for dealing with parents growing older & children growing up and to learn about our ebook, "Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm." Log on to our blog, http://www.NourishingRelationships.blogspot.com and sign up for our free newsletter, Stepping Stones, and complimentary ebook, "Courage and Lessons

Do you want to know an unexpected finding from the Framingham Heart Study, a research project that has been conducted over six decades? Happiness is contagious and the secret may very well be in our connections. Social relationships correlate positively with happiness. That is, if your friend is happy, that increases your probability by 15%.

If you've recently separated from your partner, this can be a lonely time for you. Although your marriage may be over, your relationship with your children, family and friends will go on. It's important for them to know that you are grateful they're in your life and that you will be there for them as well. What follows are 7 easy to use tips so you can begin to reconnect with others and to yourself:

  1. Take one step at a time. You can do it, just as you have with other turning points in your life. The strength that has guided you in the past will ultimately surface and help you through this process. Even in the midst of confusion, begin by putting one foot slowly in front of the other. And don't try to rush anything. 

  2. Your children may feel more vulnerable. They may still hope that you will reconcile, especially if the separation is recent. Following the breakup and with the reality of the situation settling in, they could blame you and feel frustrated or angry. Be patient and make yourself available to listen carefully to their reactions to the changes. Consider seeing a family therapist as they sort it all out.

  3. Make room for your own feelings. Take quiet moments by yourself or spend time talking with close friends. Accept that you feel fragile, perhaps anxious or even depressed. Recognize that this is normal for the present circumstances. Let go of resentments and find meaning in the life you are now building with your children. Try to get caught up in the anticipation of this chapter.

  4. It is a time for new beginnings. In the past, perhaps you repeated rituals together as a family - reading books at bedtime, weekend barbeques or holidays with relatives from both sides. But now it will be different. Keep your expectations realistic and continue the routines that are familiar and important. At the same time, experiment with your children about how to make special times more meaningful now in different ways.  
 
  5. Realize there will be difficult firsts and you don't have to do it alone. If money or time is an issue, keep your lives simple and engage the support of others. Time together with those who love you is most important. So don't hesitate to let family or friends help out. And include your children's grandparents. It's important for the kids to know that they still have the love of an extended family.

  6. Accept that, in the beginning, stress may be a constant companion. All the major responsibilities falling squarely on your shoulders may leave you feeling exhausted. Take care of you in ways that are fun and relaxing. That may mean spending more time with friends, taking a mental health day off work, reducing stress through meditation, yoga, journaling or exercise.

  7. Reach out to others who are alone. Getting outside yourself will put your situation more into perspective. Bake brownies with the kids and take them to the neighborhood fire station or invite an aging relative or a single co-worker over for dinner. Take gently used toys to a local children's hospital or volunteer at a convalescent home. Give it some thought - the possibilities are endless.

Of course, giving up the security of old habits may leave you feeling unmoored. But you may have no choice at this point. Focus on what is still at the center of your life – your family, friends who are there for you, your work, activities that bring you joy. Recognize that there is no one right way to feel and act now. You have the freedom to generate a whole new you. Why not seize that opportunity and make good use of it?

© Her Mentor Center, 2011

Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D. and Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D. are family relationship experts with a 4-step model for change. Whether you're coping with stress, acting out teenagers, aging parents, boomerang kids or difficult daughters-in-law, we have the solutions for you. Visit our website, http://www.HerMentorCenter.com to discover practical tips for dealing with parents growing older & children growing up and to learn about our ebook, "Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm." Log on to our blog, http://www.NourishingRelationships.blogspot.com and sign up for our free newsletter, Stepping Stones, and complimentary ebook, "Courage and Lessons Learned."

Anthony Weiner is no longer front-page news now that he has resigned in disgrace from public office. So what's a parent to make of Weinergate, that perfect storm mix of politics, power, sexting and lying? The media frenzy over the ex-Congressman's behavior provides a clear teachable moment for our teens. Given the dramatic effects of the inappropriate messages and photos he sent and the devastating results of his untruthful words, we can talk to our kids about the serious consequences of making bad decisions.

As parents, we know that young children lie, apparently about once every two hours. Sometimes they do it to get what they want or gain attention but usually it's to avoid getting in trouble and being punished. Often the lines between make-believe and reality become blurred.

But when do kids' little 'white lies' become teenagers' big destructive whoppers? And how do these teens behave as adults out in the world? Weiner provides an unambiguous example of the slippery slope of lying and the difficulty of extricating yourself.

According to the Josephson Institute of Ethics, teens are five times more likely than those over 50 to believe it is necessary to lie and cheat in order to succeed. More than one in five admit to lying, cheating or stealing in the past year, with 80% saying they have lied to their parents about something significant. As they move out into the world at large, these same young adults are two to three times more likely to misrepresent themselves in a job interview, lie to a significant other, keep money mistakenly given to them.

Anthony Weiner seems to have been stuck in this adolescent phase of development. If you want your teens to move beyond this and recognize the dangers of lying, here are four tips to get you started:

1. As in all aspects of parenting, keep the lines of communication open. When your children are young, encourage and praise their honesty and let them know clearly what is unacceptable. As they mature, continue a dialogue that helps them recognize the real consequences of their behaviors.
2. Be the role model you want you kids to emulate. And find other good examples of adults behaving well. They can help reinforce the examples of integrity, authenticity, and good citizenship that you want to encourage. Since poor role models abound in the entertainment, political and sports worlds, it's up to you search out those you want your kids to follow.
3. Talk about the difference between rules, ethical standards and flexible guidelines. These distinctions aren't always easy for them to make. And teens have witnessed the normalization of illegal activities on the Internet - plagiarism of papers and reports, downloading pirated music and videos. But you can make a case for controlling the blurring of these lines. Have frank discussions about character and encourage them to develop a set of values.     
4. Teach them to focus on learning without obsessing about tests and grades. Kids face high expectations and the pressure to succeed from parents and schools. Let them know they don't have to be perfect to be competitive. Help them learn to be resilient so they can bounce back from disappointment. Cheating and lying increase when self-esteem is low. So work to facilitate building their self-confidence, self-reliance and self-respect. 

Sir Walter Scott didn't know about Weinergate two hundred years ago when he cautioned, "Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." But we can use his experience to initiate talks with our children about lying and give them the tools they need to avoid the fate Weiner brought on himself. 

© 2011, Her Mentor Center

If you believe someone would enjoy and benefit from this post, please share it. Just click on the + Share button and you will see lots of options for sharing it with friends including email, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn. Thanks!

Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D. and Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D. are family relationship experts who have developed a 4-step model for change. If you are coping with acting-out teenagers, aging parents, boomerang kids or difficult daughters-in-law, we have the solutions that make family rifts disappear. Visit our website, http://www.HerMentorCenter.com to discover practical tips for dealing with parents growing older & children growing up and to learn about our ebook, "Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm." Log on to our blog, http://www.NourishingRelationships.blogspot.com and sign up for our free newsletter, Stepping Stones, and complimentary ebook, "Courage and Lessons

For families, June is a busy time with graduation parties, little league championships and music recitals. And we all know that right around the corner is summer vacation - lazy days for kids but often stressful for working parents. So if you haven't nailed down your plans yet, here are some ideas that can help with your work/life balance:

Stay flexible. To minimize your anxiety and maximize time with your kids, try to negotiate a flexible work schedule. Even if you only take the odd morning off or leave early once in a while, find someone to cover for you. Downtime to rejuvenate is important for you and for the wellbeing of your family.

Arrange creative child care. There must be plenty of responsible teenagers in your neighborhood who are looking for a part-time summer job. Or why not organize a co-op or a weekly swap with friends? Don't forget grandparents or other family members who always say they feel bad that they don't see your kids more often.

Plan a staycation. Arrange a meeting and encourage a discussion about the activities each family member would like. With a democratic process and everyone having a voice, you'll ensure cooperation. Think about visiting a local museum, playing beach volleyball, attending an outdoor concert. If money is an issue, several day trips or weekend camping trips can make the whole family feel recharged and reconnected.

Embrace boredom. Encourage your kids to use their imagination and discover their own ways to keep busy - a lemonade stand on the corner, watching home movies, planting a small garden, walking the dog, swimming in the community pool. It could be fun to play board games, ride bikes or shoot hoops with friends on the block.

Assign chores. How about having your kids help around the house with jobs that you don't have time for during the school year – clean out broken toys or box up outgrown school clothes. Have them run small errands or go to the corner grocery store. Let them keep the change and buy themselves a treat. They might even like having the independence and responsibility.
 
Limit Internet use. You may be tempted to use technology as a babysitter but try to institute some tech free days. When kids have unsupervised access to media, it can be at the expense of their growth. Emerging research reveals that technology can short-circuit healthy development in socializing and learning.

Encourage reading. Talk with your kids and listen to what they have to say about their summer reading. Most public libraries support a reading program with some sort of positive end result if all the requirements are fulfilled. And reading is a great habit to nurture. You can build structure by having your teens read to your younger children or even organize an informal neighborhood book club.

If you have to spend a little money on your kids' summer activities, it's in your best interests for a safe, fun environment and your peace of mind. A week or two of camp can build social skills and interests as well as character strengths. And it provides a structured and enriching environment so you don't have to worry about what they're up to.

Your kids have their whole summer ahead of them - no schoolwork or having to get up early. And you deserve to relax some too. With the long warm summer nights, you'll have plenty of chances to spend quality family time together.

© 2011, Her Mentor Center

If you believe someone would enjoy and benefit from this post, please share it. Just click on the + Share button and you will see lots of options for sharing it with friends including email, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn. Thanks!

Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D. and Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D. are family relationship experts who have developed a 4-step model for change. If you are coping with acting-out teenagers, aging parents, boomerang kids or difficult daughters-in-law, we have the solutions that make family rifts disappear. Visit our website, http://www.HerMentorCenter.com to discover practical tips for dealing with parents growing older & children growing up and to learn about our ebook, "Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm." Log on to our blog, http://www.NourishingRelationships.blogspot.com and sign up for our free newsletter, Stepping Stones, and complimentary ebook, "Courage and Lessons

In the wake of the floods, tornadoes, earthquakes, tsunamis and radiation leaks this spring, we're struck by the realization that changes in the Earth present in many ways. At times they're gradual or sudden and violent. They can come from the forces of nature or the actions of human beings. They can be unexpected and out of our control or planned and anticipated. In any case, the havoc they wreak can affect millions. The effects of the natural disasters this spring alone have impacted the world economy and may continue to do so for months to come.

How do we come to terms with the tremendous power of Mother Nature? Given the current discussions about whether or not there actually is global warming - and, if so, whether it's due to man or the earth itself - you may be left feeling confused. Perhaps we can acknowledge the power of nature and still recognize our role in the process.

And in your personal life, you can use this same outlook. Focus on what you can control in your life and what you can accomplish, not what you can't. In the heat of the moment, enthusiasm about making a change - protecting the earth, creating stronger family relationships, making the world a better place, loosing those stubborn last pounds - can be great. But what happens the next day? You know that inspiration is not enough - you need to implement your decision in a definite way. You can build on it by shifting your routine, following through and transforming yourself. Here are 8 tips on how to go about it:
 
1. Acknowledge your ability to change. Recognize that there may be limits to what you can accomplish but that you can take it one day at a time. Give yourself permission to begin the process by setting a realistic goal, without expecting perfection in your results.

2. Write out specific goals for yourself and break them down into smaller, more manageable short-term objectives. Set up a timeline for tackling each task. The more you formulate your plans and establish concrete steps, the greater the likelihood that you will follow up on them.

3. List your personal resources and inner strengths. This process will help you attain your objectives and eventually achieve your goals. Draw on them as you have when you've made other changes in your life.

4. Make a public commitment to the change you are pursuing. This will help you take yourself and your decision seriously. And it will increase your motivation to continue the process even when you face barriers along the way.

5. Maintain your energy by rewarding yourself for each objective you accomplish. Use an intermittent reinforcer - lunch with a friend, an evening at the movies - even as you keep your focus on the future goals you are striving toward. Positive reinforcement will keep you motivated to continue your process of change.

6. Draw on the support of family and friends. They want you to succeed and will give you the help you need. Join with others who have similar goals - when you enlist someone to share your journey it makes the whole process more fun.

7. Don't beat yourself up when you backslide. Change can be overwhelming and you need to be patient with yourself. Refine your strategies as you learn from your mistakes. Have a Plan B ready and continue to improvise as you discover what works best for you.   

8. Enjoy the satisfaction and feelings of power that come from making real changes. You've earned it! And you can use your new skill set to achieve success in other areas of your life as well. If you're a Sandwiched Boomer, resolve to use these tips to take better care of yourself.

Remember, even if you can't influence the circumstances, you can control how you handle them. Search for solutions by clearly defining your goals and aspirations. Letting go of negative thoughts and unrealistic expectations free you up to make something positive come out of a negative situation.  

© 2011, Her Mentor Center

If you believe someone would enjoy and benefit from this post, please share it. Just click on the + Share button and you will see lots of options for sharing it with friends including email, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn. Thanks!

Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D. and Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D. are family relationship experts who have developed a 4-step model for change. If you are coping with acting-out teenagers, aging parents, boomerang kids or difficult daughters-in-law, we have the solutions that make family rifts disappear. Visit our website, http://www.HerMentorCenter.com to discover practical tips for dealing with parents growing older & children growing up and to learn about our ebook, "Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm." Log on to our blog, http://www.NourishingRelationships.blogspot.com and sign up for our free newsletter, Stepping Stones, and complimentary ebook, "Courage and Lessons Learned."

The 19th century English poet, Lord Alfred Tennyson, put this universal truth in writing: "In the spring, a young man's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love." And there's no better time of the year for a royal wedding! Apparently the April 29, 2011 marriage of Prince William of Wales and Kate Middleton, at Westminster Abbey with 1900 guests, will be watched by almost 2 billion people worldwide. Their long walk to the altar will be one of the most viewed TV events of the century.

Lots of girls grow up reading fairy tales about princesses and hoping to find a prince of their own. But living life in the limelight can make it difficult to build a successful relationship. Whether your marriage will last depends, in part, on how you prepare for the challenges. Some of the following tips may be helpful to you as well as the young royals:

1. Don't surrender your self. Carve out a space in the marriage, maintaining the activities and friendships that make you who you are. Take creative action in your own life. You'll have a more positive attitude, be more interesting to your partner, and your relationship will reap the benefits.

2. Keep your communication honest. Talk out misunderstandings before they become full-fledged arguments. Try to be patient and let go of issues that aren't crucial. And stay present and engaged. Use the same conversational etiquette that you would with anyone else you care about and respect.

3. Compromise works in most conflicts. Be direct, yet open and flexible as you make your way through disagreements. Truly understanding the other's point of view can help resolve a conflict more easily and quickly. A gentle touch or quick hug releases oxytocin, a hormone that facilitates bonding as well as reduces feelings of stress.

4. Keep the fun alive. Lightheartedness is often one of the first casualties of a busy and hectic life. Inject humor and laughter by joking around. This can turn into an affectionate moment which helps you feel closer, loved and even more relaxed. Making time to be playful with each other can often lead to greater intimacy.

5. Be sensitive to your new role as in-law.  Competition may surface if your partner's parents experience you as usurping their relationship with their adult child. Be yourself. Slowly but deliberately establish the ground rules in your marriage. Even so, include your in-laws from time to time – it can make a big difference.

6. Bring out the best in each other. Instead of focusing on the negatives, talk about what you want from each other. Then actually change some of your attitudes and behavior. When you are thinking something nice, say it out loud to your partner. Invest in your partnership and grow your emotional bank account - the dividends will last a lifetime.

When Kate marries the heir to the throne, she'll take on civic duties and get involved in some of the Queen's 200 charities. Kate and William are also interested in working together on projects that benefit the Commonwealth of Nations. Let's hope the new marriage won't take a back seat to all these responsibilities. They've been together for 8 years and their relationship has stood the test of time. Kate is from an intact and loving family, had a normal early life and is down-to-earth. Despite the emotional trauma of his parents' divorce and his mother's death, William seems to be resilient and well balanced. Both have strong personal qualities that can only enhance a relationship that seems off to a good start. Best wishes to the newlyweds!

If you believe someone would enjoy and benefit from this post, please share it. Just click on the + Share button and you will see lots of options for sharing it with friends including email, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn. Thanks!

© 2011, Her Mentor Center

Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D. and Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D. are family relationship experts with a 4-step model for change. Whether you're coping with stress, acting out teenagers, aging parents, boomerang kids or difficult daughters-in-law, we have the solutions for you. Visit our website, http://www.HerMentorCenter.com to discover practical tips for dealing with parents growing older & children growing up and to learn about our ebook, "Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm." Log on to our blog, http://www.NourishingRelationships.blogspot.com and sign up for our free newsletter, Stepping Stones, and complimentary ebook, "Courage and Lessons Learned."

Are you feeling overwhelmed by 24-hour cable and Internet news, with vivid pictures, highlighting the dreadful effects of the massive earthquake, tsunami and nuclear meltdown in Japan? These horrors have pushed the world's psyche into overload, causing increased levels of anxiety. If you're feeling vulnerable, you're not alone. 

The palpable distress created by shocking news reports has added to the already high levels of stress identified by a national survey conducted by the American Psychological Association. The study found 75% of the general population experiences at least some stress every two weeks, with half of these rated at moderate or high levels, leaving people emotionally exhausted. And stress levels have increased over the past five years, impacting both physical and psychological health.

Without the effect of outside events, the most frequently cited sources of stress in the APA survey were money, work and the economy. Over one-half also noted that family responsibilities and relationships were significant causes of stress. Now added to that, people are experiencing additional anxiety, though out of harm’s way themselves, because of the uncontrollable events that have hit Japan.

How then to begin to recover your equilibrium? To reduce your stress levels and take better care of yourself, here are eight tips to help manage the pressures you face:

1. Focus on what you can control, not what you can't. While you often can't influence circumstances, you can control how you handle them. To move away from frustration, let go of negative thoughts and unrealistic expectations. Keep a journal to aid in the process of coping with your anxiety. Clearly define your goals or aspirations and keep focused on them. A positive accomplishment can often come out of a negative situation. Giving a helping hand does wonders - it provides aide to those in need and makes you feel useful too.

2. Maintain balance in life between your family, your job and your own needs. Don't over commit yourself - rather, attempt to retain a normal routine. Carve out some special time for yourself even in the midst of caring for your growing children and aging parents. Get enough rest and sleep to allow your body to recover from the stresses of the day. Over 40% of the APA respondents reported lacking energy and feeling fatigued on a regular basis.

3. Draw on your strengths. Survey respondents readily admitted their lack of willpower in creating a healthier lifestyle, but 70% believe they can improve and institute the changes they have identified. Use the personal strengths you have relied on in the past as well as those you have developed more recently. Brainstorm new ways to apply the abilities you have in a novel way as you generate new opportunities for yourself.

4. Practice relaxation techniques. Set aside time for a regular routine of deep breathing, guided imagery, meditation or other stress reduction methods. Decide to put off worrying - much of what you may fear never actually happens anyway. Remember to be open to the healing effects of laughter.

5. Exercise several times a week. Only one-quarter of Americans surveyed by APA were satisfied with their level of physical activity. To increase yours, find an activity that you enjoy and stick with it - walking with friends, water aerobics, dance or yoga classes, training at the gym.

6. Eat sensibly. Resolve to maintain a balanced diet of healthy foods rich in nutrition that serve as a natural defense against stress. Avoid the use of drugs and alcohol to self-medicate and limit your use of sugar, caffeine and cigarettes as they can contribute to anxiety.

7. Be patient. Know that you will recover balance and serenity at your own pace. As long as you keep taking steps to move forward, you will eventually reach your destination. Like one-half of survey respondents, you may find that listening to music, exercising, spending time with family or friends and reading are comforting ways to manage stress.

8. Reach out to your support system. Ask for help. Talk about your thoughts and feelings with family and friends - they can validate your emotions. Consult a professional counselor for a non-judgmental ear and guidance in sorting out your concerns.

Close to one-half of those surveyed by APA said they experienced irritability and anger as a symptom of stress. You can reduce such negative emotions and become more resilient when you practice these strategies. Nevertheless your emotional recovery, like the Japanese, will take time. Support - both for yourself and what you provide to others - is valuable as you begin the process of rebuilding and restoring hope in these difficult days.

© 2011, Her Mentor Center

If you believe someone would enjoy and benefit from this post, please share it. Just click on the + Share button and you will see lots of options for sharing it with friends including email, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn. Thanks!

Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D. and Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D. are family relationship experts with a 4-step model for change. Whether you're coping with stress, acting out teenagers, aging parents, boomerang kids or difficult daughters-in-law, we have the solutions for you. Visit our website, http://www.HerMentorCenter.com to discover practical tips for dealing with parents growing older & children growing up and to learn about our ebook, "Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm." Log on to our blog, http://www.NourishingRelationships.blogspot.com and sign up for our free newsletter, Stepping Stones, and complimentary ebook, "Courage and Lessons Learned."

Are you and your partner worried about money in these uncertain times? During any economic crisis, couples have to face tough financial decisions. This can lead to an increase in stress and aggravate problems that already exist in your marriage.

As you look back to when you first met, what attracted you to your partner - fierce independence, strong character, a decisive nature? Now, these very same qualities may be getting in the way of getting along. If you want to come to terms with your negative feelings, notice what has changed in your marriage. And try to see your own part in what's going on. If there's a glimmer of hope and you want to stay together, accept the challenge of turning it around. Some of these ideas can help you get started:

1. Identify your emotions. As a first step, write down the feelings that now regularly surface. Record what's happening between you and your partner when you are sad, scared, overwhelmed, embarrassed or frustrated. Chances are you have emotions ranging from disappointment to anger, and these may be constantly changing. Don't worry - this is normal. Understanding what you feel, and why, can be the first step toward improving your situation.

2. Stop focusing on the past. Identify the hot button issues that are standing in your way and make efforts to resolve them. If you initiate changes, that can be an encouraging sign to your partner. And the sooner you let go of the past, the quicker you can move forward to improve the goodwill in your relationship. It may not be easy to forgive, but it is a gift you can give to your partner and yourself.

3. Limit your arguments. If the situation between the two of you is tense, small annoyances can seem worse than before. When you argue, allowing bad feelings to fester only makes it harder. Don't turn your quarrel into something more or attach your reactions to another issue. Agree that you will together explore the problems. And spend time learning about conflict resolution, direct communication and active listening skills. There's information available through relationship workshops, the Internet and the self help section in bookstores.

4. Begin a process of serious talking. Can't do it alone? If you really want to work out your differences, consider consulting with a marital therapist or joining a couples' support group. When you understand more about the other's needs and capabilities, you'll be clearer about compromises you have to make. Then it will be up to both of you to decide whether you're willing to do the hard work. That may include efforts to change your current expectations, redefine what marriage means to you and create new goals for the relationship.

5. Support each other. Instead of focusing on the negatives or going your separate ways, spend time discussing what you want from one other. Think about what would demonstrate true emotional commitment to you. Prove that you are on each other's side by deciding to change your attitude and behavior. Invest in your marriage's emotional bank account. Create excitement, pleasure and fun together - then take advantage of the dividends.

You and your partner are individuals who each have a mind of your own. What you want may have changed since you first tied the knot. And the present economic meltdown probably adds to the pressures in your relationship. But that doesn't mean you can't make shifts that will relieve some of the stress. And you don't have to accept the possibility of divorce. By taking the first steps, you can help strengthen your partner's trust in you - and the future of your marriage.

If you believe someone would enjoy and benefit from this post, please share it. Just click on the + Share button and you will see lots of options for sharing it with friends including email, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn. Thanks!

© Her Mentor Center, 2011

Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D. and Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D. are family relationship experts with a 4-step model for change. Whether you're coping with stress, acting out teenagers, aging parents, boomerang kids or difficult daughters-in-law, we have the solutions for you. Visit our website, http://www.HerMentorCenter.com to discover practical tips for dealing with parents growing older & children growing up and to learn about our ebook, "Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm." Log on to our blog, http://www.NourishingRelationships.blogspot.com and sign up for our free newsletter, Stepping Stones, and complimentary ebook, "Courage and Lessons Learned."

Winter weather, for most in the Northern Hemisphere, is cold, dark and dreary - with little chance of a break for several months. The transition back from the holiday season with its increased activity and social engagement - parties, gift giving, family time, vacations - can be an emotional letdown, bringing on the January blues. For some 10% of Americans, depression is exacerbated by "SAD," Seasonal Affective Disorder, triggered by the reduction in sunlight and the brain's response to this underexposure.

Sandwiched boomers may feel an even greater strain, with the extra pressures of caring for growing children and aging parents. If you think that you might have SAD, consult your physician for an evaluation. A diagnosis can be made when your mood, energy level and motivation are all down during the winter months. You may be sleeping and eating more than usual, craving carbohydrates - this can lead to weight gain, which is depressing in itself.

Both our genetic predispositions and life scripts color how we cope with challenges. For these reasons, some people are more prone to SAD. Women have higher rates than men, making up over two-thirds of those diagnosed. If you are looking for strategies to help you cope with this disorder, here are 8 tips to get you started.

1. Get out in the sun, preferably for at least one hour a day. Even if it's cold, bundle up and go for a walk during your lunch hour. Studies have shown that even 20 minutes of exercise can lighten your mood for two hours. Remember the fun you had as a kid playing in the snow? You can still enjoy winter activities like ice skating or skiing. If you live in a warm climate, participate in your usual outdoor exercise - jogging, biking, golf, hiking. And find a buddy to help you stay motivated.

2. Keep your home window coverings open to the light and your office well lit. A small heliostat, a computer-controlled mirror device, can increase the amount of direct sunlight reflected into the room. The more daylight you experience, the more your brain cells produce serotonin, a neurotransmitter that contributes to feelings of wellbeing.

3. Your physician may prescribe phototherapy using a special light box, typically during daytime hours. It filters out most damaging UV rays, and the light shining on the retina inhibits the production of the sleep regulating hormone melatonin. A newer type of light therapy relies on LED technology - they're smaller and easier to use.

4. If your despair continues or you have the signs of clinical depression, see a psychologist or psychiatrist for treatment. You will benefit from a professional's input as you learn to challenge your negative thoughts and gain skills to manage your feelings. Your doctor can discuss with you whether antidepressants will be of assistance in your treatment plan.

5. Consider whether your expectations for 2011 are unrealistic. Perhaps your personal New Year's resolutions are causing excessive pressure. Or your work supervisor is creating overly ambitious long-term goals and short-term objectives for you. While high standards may be an effective motivator for change, remember to be honest in evaluating your challenges, resources and strengths.

6. You can have more control over how you feel. When you change your thoughts from negative to positive, notice the shift in your emotions. Attitude change is an important salve for the blues. Decide to spend less time worrying and more time counting your blessings. Commit to healthier eating and more exercise. These have a double positive effect - you'll feel better physically as well as psychologically, knowing that you can take charge of your behavior and develop resiliency.

7. Incorporate personal stress relievers into your daily life. Does listening to music, reading a good book, spending time with friends help you relax? Whatever works, make it a priority in your schedule. Deep breathing, meditation, a spiritual practice or yoga can ground you and provide balance. When you're feeling relaxed you'll be better able to cope with the hassles you face this winter.   

8. Ask for support from friends and family. Call on your social network for help as well as connection. If you're a sandwiched boomer, this might include getting some relief for childcare or eldercare responsibilities. Sharing your concerns can validate your feelings and give you a different viewpoint. You can also join a support group for new insight and perspective. And don't forget to spend time with friends just for the plain fun of it - laughter is a great tension reliever and can improve feelings of wellbeing.

You'll find that when you're feeling more optimistic about your ability to change, you can brainstorm and develop better solutions. With a more positive outlook, you'll use your innate abilities and personal strengths to move forward. And remember, no matter what the groundhog predicts, soon spring will be here with its longer daylight hours and brighter moods.

If you believe someone would enjoy and benefit from this post, please share it. Just click on the + Share button and you will see lots of options for sharing it with friends including email, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn. Thanks!

© 2010, Her Mentor Center

Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D. and Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D. are family relationship experts with a 4-step model for change. Whether you're coping with stress, acting out teenagers, aging parents, boomerang kids or difficult daughters-in-law, we have the solutions for you. Visit our website, to discover practical tips for dealing with parents growing older & children growing up and to learn about our ebook, "Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm." Log on to our blog, and sign up for our free newsletter, Stepping Stones, and complimentary ebook, "Courage and Lessons Learned."