In years of plenty, American society operated largely on the pleasure principal – embracing the notion that ‘I want what I want when I want it.’ Accustomed to instant gratification and a sense of entitlement, people were emotionally conditioned to have it all. The average American carries nine credit cards with a total $17,000 balance. We have been living large for so long, that debt has become an integral part of our culture.

With individuals, families, our government and other countries leveraged now, it looks like the whole world has to adjust to a slow recovery. Credit card debt, amounting to 900 billion dollar in our country, makes putting off present pleasures for future gains sound like a very good idea. Getting back to basics may be just what society needs. If you’re waiting for a rainbow after the huge storms we’ve been weathering, here are some ways to make it happen:     

1.       Be realistic and face the facts. If you're not already, live a simpler life within your means. Focus your efforts, because living your convictions is harder than just making the decision to change. Be accountable for your financial goals and create a concrete spending plan. You don’t have to panic but you can begin to take small steps. Learn how to have fun without spending money – invite another couple over to play cards, check out a book from the public library, catch up with a friend on a walk, take your family on a hike in the hills.

2.       Stay centered about what you plan to buy, what you can afford and what really matters to you. Ours is largely a culture of impulsive recreational shopping. To begin the transition to mindful shopping, make a list of the items you plan to purchase. Then decide how important each one is and, if it's not that necessary, let it go. Continue to differentiate between what you want and what you need.

3.       Get to know the subconscious money script that you learned in childhood from your parents. If your family was extremely frugal, you may follow their example and have the same fiscal habits. Or, having felt deprived, maybe you go in the opposite direction and spend with abandon. Understanding the dynamics of how you spend and why will free you up to explore new money management options.

4.       Turn calamity into catharsis. Pull back in order to reach your goals and see thrift as a virtue. Make it OK to put off buying a new car or a new dress now so that you can have a better life later. Begin to put some money, no matter how little, in personal savings every month. As you make sacrifices, keep track of your values - like restraint, accountability, self-reliance, working hard, determination.

5.       You may have to work longer than you expected if you are a Baby Boomer nearing retirement. Or perhaps you’ll upgrade skills that will enable you to keep your job. Research findings indicate that, if you enjoy your work, there is added value in the stimulation, engagement and camaraderie it provides.

6.       Multi-generational households are making a comeback for Sandwiched Boomers –          especially with the rise in unemployment for new college graduates and the financial pinch felt by aging parents who are seeing their retirement income dwindle. Don’t be disappointed if you were dreaming about the empty nest. This new living arrangement can reduce stress, with more family members sharing household responsibilities, financial expenses and emotional support – as long as guidelines are clearly set and upheld.

7.       Alter your expectations and focus on the long run as you put off present pleasures for future gains. Appreciate the changes you are making now for your future wellbeing. Let off steam and reduce stress - discover low cost fitness by gardening or scaling steps. Barter services by cooking a meal or building shelves in exchange for personal training. Fight the force of negativity and believe in yourself to awaken the strength within.

Chicken Little thought the sky was falling - but with all the anxiety and panic, avoid a knee jerk reaction. Instead of an automatic response, think about what’s driving your fear before reacting. It’s true that conspicuous consumption marked the rise and fall of empires. But you don’t have to go to the extreme of chopping wood and carrying water. Just be patient and tighten your belt - call an old friend, using free Sunday minutes, write a letter to the editor, play a game with your kids, thank your lucky stars.

© 2008, Her Mentor Center

Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D. & Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D. are co-founders of www.HerMentorCenter.com, a website for midlife women and www.NourishingRelationships.Blogspot.com, a Blog for the Sandwich Generation. They are authors of a forthcoming book about Baby Boomers' family relationships and publish a free newsletter, Stepping Stones, through their website.  As psychotherapists, they have over 40 years of collective private practice experience.  

Your response to the financial crisis depends largely on your interpretation. The sense you make of it all is called ‘reframing.’

These are unprecedented times. With the breakdown of traditional financial institutions, the wildly fluctuating stock market and the 700 million dollar government bailout, Americans are confused about how to respond . Some are in denial, not prepared to grasp the problems and potential consequences. Others are angry at what they see as awarding recklessness on Wall Street. Still others are in a panic about the gloomy economic forecast. These are all common emotional reactions to loss . And for Sandwiched Boomers, many of whom are financially responsible for their growing children and aging parents, they’re scared as they watch their dreams of a comfortable retirement disappear.

Medical care companies report that mental heath calls due to financial pressure have increased over 100% in the past several months. Early signs of distress - sadness, irritability, lack of motivation and changes in sleeping or eating patterns - can be subtle and easily missed in a busy family. However, as the economic turmoil continues, there can be a snowball effect. So, if you or any family member is having emotional symptoms, add some of the following healthy strategies to your bag of tricks:

1. Take a pulse of the situation without putting your head in the sand or overreacting. Pay attention to what’s going on around you. Yet avoid getting caught up in a pessimistic mindset, which can result in higher levels of anxiety and poor decision making . Try to remain calm and stay focused on what you need to do.

2. Recognize how you deal with tension related to money. Avoid unhealthy activities like smoking, drinking, gambling or emotional eating. Financial pressure can bring about more conflict and arguments in relationships. If any of these behaviors are causing problems for you, find healthier approaches to deal with your anxiety and stress.

3. Stay proactive by identifying your financial stressors and making a plan. Write down specific means by which you and your family can reduce expenses or manage your money more efficiently . Although putting it down on paper can be worrisome in the short term, committing to a concrete plan will gradually reduce your stress.

4. Times like this, while difficult, can offer opportunities for needed change. Try taking a walk - it’s an inexpensive way to get exercise and more fit. Having dinner at home will not only save money, but bring your family closer together. Through low-cost resources in your community, take a course or learn a new skill that can lead to a better job. The key is to use this time to think outside the box - and to consider new ways of managing your life.

5. Get professional support. Credit counseling and financial planning can teach you how to take control of your money situation. If you continue to feel frustrated, scared or overwhelmed, talk with a professional.  A therapist or coach can help you understand the feelings behind your financial worries and show you adaptive techniques to manage your emotions.

Yes, retirement funds are in jeopardy. And Sandwiched Boomers are wondering how they will pay college tuition for their children, help their parents on a fixed income and ever be able to retire. But while you can’t always control what happens, you can control how you deal with it. Your response to the financial crisis depends largely on your interpretation. The sense you make of it all is called ‘reframing .’ And here you do have a choice – either to imagine that circumstances will never change or that you can find a silver lining within the dark clouds.

So, for example, if you’re concerned about the impact on your family, remind yourself that families can grow stronger when they weather challenges together. By acknowledging the feelings and thoughts you have, and gently redirecting your attention to the positive, you can decrease the stress you are experiencing. And when you’re not feeling so defeated, you will make choices that will better maximize the opportunities ahead.

(C) 2008, Her Mentor Center

Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D. & Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D. are co-founders of www.HerMentorCenter.com, a website for midlife women and www.NourishingRelationships.Blogspot.com, a Blog for the Sandwich Generation. They are authors of a forthcoming book about Baby Boomers' family relationships and publish a free newsletter, Stepping Stones, through their website.  As psychotherapists, they have over 40 years of collective private practice experience.