As Leo Tolstoy put it in Anna Karenina, "Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." What about other family traits? Are families who are flexible all flexible in the same way? And are rigid families each set in their own ways?

Today, families are being shaken up in record numbers as financial turmoil hits home. With all the job-related uncertainties facing them, families must be able to make changes in order to adjust to the current economic climate. They may even need to adapt to role reversals when a husband experiences a job loss and the family must depend on the wife's wages alone.

Even before the current recession, women made up close to one-half of the work force. This percentage will likely increase since men held over 80% of the over 6 million jobs that have already been lost since last November. With more and more companies faltering and failing, the unemployment rate continues to rise, reaching 10% in some areas - the highest levels in over 25 years.

As more men lose their jobs, the financial responsibilities of families are increasingly falling on the already burdened shoulders of women. When a woman becomes the sole breadwinner, the dynamics of the relationship change for everyone - husband/father, wife/mother and children. And as the family deals with the job loss, domestic stability may crumble and tensions climb. But it doesn't have to be that way. Women can make adjustments at home that will help the family adapt to the turbulent changes in society.

Here are six tips to help you, and other women, combat the reorganization your family life may be facing as the economy continues to impact everyone.

1. Educate yourself about family finances. Get involved with the family budget as you seek out ways to reduce your expenses. Keep track of minor expenditures that can add up, like dinners out, entertainment and credit card interest rate costs. Think outside the box as you educate yourself on new possibilities open to you. They may involve dramatic changes like downsizing your home, selling possessions or even giving up plans for early retirement.

2. Expect a husband who has lost his job to have an emotional reaction. It's normal to feel frustrated, tense and anxious at this time. But look for signs of more serious emotional changes such as depression, anger, or feelings of worthlessness. Stress can lead to dysfunctional responses like excess drinking, gambling or acting out. Acknowledging the common effects of job loss will help you avoid conflicts over minor issues

3. Schedule family meetings to discuss changes you want to make. Get together to decide what needs to be done and who is best able to take on the responsibility of household chores. Involve your teenagers and emerging adult children so that they know what is expected of them. Take help from the family, especially if you are a Sandwiched Boomer. Everyone will feel better when they are doing their fair share. Present these challenges as a way to increase family resolve as you distinguish between wants and needs.

4. Let go of control. For many women, you are likely juggling work and parenting responsibilities already. Figures from the Bureau of Labor Statistics indicate that two-thirds of women with children under 18 work outside the home. Now is the time to prioritize and simplify. Don't hesitate to ask your husband for more help with housework and the kids. Let go of how you did things before and allow your husband to do it his way. And have realistic expectations. It need not be perfect, as long as it gets done. Trust your family as you do yourself. Set reasonable standards, not ideal ones.

5. Take better care of yourself. Discover how to nourish yourself and set aside the essential time for this. Take a walk, stop to watch a beautiful sunset, listen to soothing music. Practice deep breathing to relax and positive imagery to improve your mood. Reach out to your friends for support. Draw on your spiritual connection for grounding as you find your center.

6. Stay optimistic and flexible. Redefine the crisis you are facing as a challenge and your fears as opportunities for change. Review how you have solved other major problems before. Focus on what you can do about solutions even though you didn't create the problem itself. Remind yourself of all you are grateful for as you rebalance your life. Don't give up when things don't work out as you originally expected. Instead, put your Plan B in place.

There will be new perspectives and positive results that come out of this ordeal for you and your whole family. Be proud of how you all are rising to the challenges. Recognize your strengths, assets, resources and the foundation of the family that will carry you through this transition. Change comes when you least expect it. The realities of the economy may eventually improve the careers of women even more than feminism alone did. In the meantime, your flexibility will serve you in good stead.

© 2009, Her Mentor Center

Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D. & Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D. are co-founders of http://www.HerMentorCenter.com, a website for midlife women and http://www.NourishingRelationships.Blogspot.com, a Blog for the Sandwich Generation. They are authors of a forthcoming book about Baby Boomer's family relationships and publish a free newsletter, Stepping Stones, through their website.

The financial crisis has affected many people and involved losses on many levels –jobs, income, money in the stock market, a certain comfort level, retirement funds, a sense of security, dreams for the future. And, inevitably, these feelings of loss are accompanied by a period of grieving. Ever since Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross first identified the stages of mourning in her seminal book, “On Death and Dying,” bards, mental health experts and pundits have waxed philosophical about this process.

These stages are universal and can relate to any catastrophic personal loss. Kübler-Ross maintained that the steps do not necessarily come in any particular order, nor are all of them necessarily experienced by everyone. If you or your loved ones have lost money, trust or confidence, evaluate where you are in this process by the stages and comments below:

• Denial – “Others may be worried about money issues but this can’t be happening to me.”
• Anger – “Why me? I haven’t done anything to deserve this financial mess.”
• Bargaining – “I’ll do anything if you just help me secure my retirement account.”
• Depression – “I’m so discouraged, what’s the point in even trying to save?”
• Acceptance – “These problems are serious, so I might as well prepare for the long haul.”

Dr. Kubler-Ross describes the final stage of acceptance as generating the energy to reinvest in new objects. As you begin to recover from the economic upheaval, don’t you think you will be best served by investing in your own well being?

As a private citizen, it’s difficult for you to influence government policy, but you can have control over your own health. The average annual cost of health care in the United States is over 2 trillion dollars - a large drain on the economy. Almost 75% of health care dollars are spent treating chronic preventable illness. You have the power to make in-roads if you take your health into your own hands. Here are some ways to start taking more personal responsibility:

1. Participate in regular physical exercise that you enjoy and find engaging. The Centers for Disease Control recently released the ‘2008 Physical Activity Guidelines for Americans.’ The guidelines, which recommend incorporating both aerobic activity and flexibility/strength training into your weekly routine, are a result of overwhelming evidence of the benefit of exercise in chronic disease prevention. Studies indicate that aerobic exercise brings more blood and oxygen to your brain cells. So you can improve your mood, control your weight and protect yourself against cognitive loss, all at once.

2. Alleviate stress by the consistent practice of yoga or meditation. The first few times you try yoga, your body may be resistant and the postures may feel uncomfortable. Meditation can also be difficult at the beginning - having to sit still and to quiet your mind.  However, if you decide to study yoga or meditation, and practice it regularly with the assistance of an experienced and compassionate instructor, you can produce results that go far beyond merely alleviating stress.

3. Maintain a healthy diet, rich in fruits and vegetables and moderate in fat. Research has shown that keeping track of what you eat, and why, is one of the most powerful tools in a weight change program. If you are significantly overweight, you have a greater risk of developing many diseases including high blood pressure, Type 2 diabetes, stroke and some forms of cancer. Reaching and maintaining a healthier weight, or even losing a few pounds or preventing further weight gain, has considerable health benefits.

4. Recognize how you deal with tension related to money. Financial pressure can lead to unhealthy activities like smoking and drinking. If these behaviors are causing problems for you, try to find healthier approaches to managing anxiety. There are 12-step and behavior modification programs that provide the guidance and support that you need.

There is now no doubt that this financial crisis will be deep and go on for a long time. You may have already suffered a loss of faith, trust or confidence. Fear and uncertainty contribute to the failure of conventional wisdom in tough times. But the human spirit is resilient. And the best antidote to stress is taking care of yourself. What lessons have you learned from these difficult circumstances, and can now put to good use? Begin to believe that you have control over your life. If you choose to live a healthier lifestyle, you could save a lot of money and perhaps even lower your taxes.

© Her Mentor Center, 2008

Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D. & Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D. are co-founders of www.HerMentorCenter.com, a website for midlife women and www.NourishingRelationships.blogspot.com, a Blog for the Sandwich Generation.  They are authors of a forthcoming book about Baby Boomers' family relationships and publish a free newsletter, Stepping Stones, through their website.  As psychotherapists, they have over 40 years of collective private practice experience.