Valentine's Day is a romantic time for couples - a special day to express love. But it can also put pressure on people who, every other day of the year, are perfectly fine with their single status. Are you one of the millions of singles who is lonely on this day? Feeling alienated or insecure may leave you depressed - and worried that you don't have the energy or motivation to do what is in your best interests.

But you don't have to react like that. Although you can't control whether or not you have a romantic attachment at this time, you can control how you handle Valentine's Day. Follow these 10 tips and you can put this one day a year in perspective and take your stress level down a notch:

1. Give yourself an emotional break and watch what happens. With a deep breath, release any negative thoughts you have about not being in a relationship. Actively dispute the notion that you are unworthy or unattractive. Choose an affirmation that rings true for you - I'm fine just the way I am; my life is full of those who care about me - and repeat it out loud, with conviction and often.

2. Take a step back and trust your instincts. Listening to your inner voice can provide comfort and reassurance about where you are right now. As you recognize your strengths, focus on why you're happy with who you are and what's important to you. Be sure that you're integrating your core values and personal ideals into how you live your life.

3. Pay attention to the positives in your relationships. Notice who you enjoy spending time with and what about them brings you pleasure. And remember that your personal character and qualities make them want to be your friends. Relax into your friendships as you enjoy fuller and deeper conversations.

4. Connect often with others. Going out with a group of colleagues can sometimes be more fun than a date. And having support is especially important when you're feeling down. You can bring more intimacy into your circle of friends. Be willing to reveal your opinions and needs so that they have access to your inner world. And encourage them to do the same with you.

5. Lower your expectations about today. Actually, there really is no perfect day, so relax. Be realistic and proactive. You can take the lead and make a plan - organize a potluck dinner, a hike in the hills or a barbeque at the park. The wonderful memories you create will last long after the day is over.
 
6. Give back some love. Do you have a relative or neighbor who could use a visit or phone call? Go outside your normal routine and get in touch with someone you've been meaning to call - it could brighten the day for both of you. Studies show that when you shift attention away from yourself to others, you actually feel better.

7. Volunteer your time. Nothing makes the day more special than a good deed. And the payback of altruism or giving back can help you see the situation from a much better perspective. Spending the day in a soup kitchen or a homeless shelter helps those in need, increases your connections and can improver your sense of self.

8. Let go of bad feelings and think positive. If you continue to feel frustrated, angry or disappointed, remember that a minor change in attitude can make a big difference in how you relate to others. According to Indira Gandhi, "You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist." Try to find humor in your situation and fall back on laughter.

9. Focus on a relationship plan. If it's what you want, you can define objectives that will move you in that direction. Tell those you trust that you would appreciate being fixed up. Make a list of what you expect in a partner and what changes you may be willing to make. Join a singles group or a dating website. Take whatever steps you think are vital to improve your chances.

10. Relax and rejuvenate to relieve stress. Nurture yourself and your body through regular exercise, good nutrition and proper rest. Attend to your mind and your spirit. Practice techniques of deep breathing or your own form of meditation. And set aside quiet time to do what brings you pleasure. This sort of attitude will sustain you as well as promote greater self care.

On Valentine's Day, give yourself the priceless gift of a life less stressed. Mark the calendar with February 14th as the first day of the rest of your life. Commit to keeping your worry in check and maintaining balance in your life. As you savor your newfound power, cast a love spell in celebration of you.

© 2010, Her Mentor Center

Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D. and Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D. are family relationship experts who publish a free monthly newsletter, 'Stepping Stones.' Whether you're coping with acting out teenagers, aging parents, boomerang kids or difficult daughters-in-law, we have the solutions for you. Visit our website, http://www.HerMentorCenter.com, and blog, http://www.NourishingRelationships.blogspot.com  for practical tips on how to deal with parents growing older and children growing up.

Feeling down in the dumps now that the holidays are over? If you're hoping for something uplifting on these dreary days and cold nights, you're not alone. T.S. Eliot, in The Waste Land, said, "April is the cruelest month." But studies have found that for the majority of Americans, January is the most depressing month of the year.

Have you experienced any of this yourself? Your eager anticipation for the holidays is over, replaced by the reality of a celebration that didn't live up to your expectations. Your clothes are tight from the weight you gained from the parties and winter sweet cravings. Your loved ones are gone and you're feeling lonely. By the end of the first week of January, one-third to one-half of you have already caved in on your New Year's resolutions, leaving you feeling disappointed and frustrated. The credit card bills have arrived and you realize you spent more than you planned. And, with all the holiday lights, you may not have noticed the short days and long nights in December - but now it's painfully obvious that winter is clearly here.

It's time for some honest self-reflection. What is currently disturbing you the most? Consider both your physical and emotional reactions. Once you are aware of the real problems, you can begin to identify possible solutions and map out a plan to implement them. Here are 10 tips to help you deal with January gloom and direct your focus to the opportunities open to you.

1. Revise your New Year's resolutions so you can achieve your goals. You may need to scrap your original list and come up with less grandiose aspirations. Don't beat yourself up for falling short of promises you made to yourself that were out of reach. Who hasn't made mistakes? Take it one day at a time as you revise and come up with a Plan B.

2. Commit to an exercise plan you will continue. Physical activity can release endorphins, reducing your stress level. Studies show that 30 minutes of brisk walking reduces depression for several hours. A regular exercise routine can also play a part in weight reduction and better sleep patterns. Plan to include some outdoor daytime exercise to take advantage of the natural light outside.

3. Establish eating habits that incorporate nutritious foods in well-balanced meals. During the holiday season, women can gain an average of five to seven pounds. Now get back to a healthier diet and smaller portions. Leafy green vegetables with high levels of folic acid and oily fish with vitamin B-12 and omega-3 fatty acids help maintain an upbeat mood. Foods like Brazil nuts are rich in selenium, needed to produce serotonin.  

4. Draw on your strengths. What worked for you before when you were feeling down? What core values guided you as you coped with frustrations and disappointments? Use these again as you face challenges in January and watch your resiliency come to the forefront. Don't hesitate to call upon resources that are there for you.  

5. Identify activities that reduce the stresses in your life - then include them in your schedule. If you're a Sandwiched Boomer, these can range from having help with childcare or eldercare to setting aside time to listen to music, read a good book or just do some deep breathing. Get in touch with your spiritual connections for balance and grounding. When you are feeling relaxed and authentically free, you'll be better able to cope with the hassles you face this winter. 

6. Get support from your family and friends. It was easier to connect during the holidays, but make an effort to follow-up with your social network in January. Share your concerns and validate your feelings or gain a fresh viewpoint. New support and discussion groups as well as community colleges classes generally begin after the New Year. Reach out and join to gain insight and perspective. And don't forget to spend time with friends just for the plain fun of it - laughter is a great tension reliever.

7. Turn crises into challenges and challenges into opportunities. Use this time to research changes you want to make. Although you can't control what happens, you can control how you handle it. If you're unhappy with your current job, consider how to make it more interesting and engaging. Instead of holding on to family conflicts that boiled up over the holidays, let go of your resentments and anger. When you can forgive, you stop feeling sorry for yourself and become more optimistic.

8. Express gratitude for what you have. It may sound simple, but as you've heard many times, "Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have." What are the things and people in your life that you are grateful for? You'll find that when you increase your awareness of these positives, you'll be less likely to experience feelings of hopelessness and helplessness.

9. Look outside yourself to those in need. Studies have found that when you perform acts of kindness and giving to those who have less, you feel happier yourself. Around the holidays, numerous organizations send out requests for financial donations but all year they need volunteers to help staff their programs. Consider what best fits your interests, abilities and schedule - then make your contribution with your feet.

10. To cope with financial issues, make plans that won't further impact your budget or credit card debt. In the current recession, many families are enjoying activities such as potlucks with friends, visits to local museums, taking daylight walks, borrowing a book from the library. Be creative in your quest for low-cost entertainment.

With a new year and a new decade, this is your opportunity to set the tone for this time in your life. However, if you've tried the tips above and are still feeling the winter blues, you may have Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) or a clinical depression. Consult a specialist in psychological disorders for constructive input about these conditions.

© 2010, Her Mentor Center

Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D. and Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D. are family relationship experts who publish a free monthly newsletter, 'Stepping Stones.' Whether you're coping with acting out teenagers, aging parents, boomerang kids or difficult daughters-in-law, we have the solutions for you. Visit our website, http://www.HerMentorCenter.com, and blog, http://www.NourishingRelationships.blogspot.com  for practical tips on how to deal with parents growing older and children growing up.