Imagine this: You wake up in the morning with your blood singing at the thought of being who you are and doing what you do. As you go through the day you come radiantly alive with a deep sense of purpose. There are many times when you feel like sinking to your knees in involuntary gratitude at the tremendous good fortune that has been bestowed on you. You know that you are doing exactly what you were set on earth to do and each day is joyous beyond measure.

Does this describe your situation? If it does not, can you clearly see that you are getting closer to it each week, each month, each year?

If your answer is “No”, I humbly suggest that you are wasting your life. And life is far too short to be wasted.

Are you happy?

We tend to use the word “happy” cavalierly and it has become debased. We are prone to say that trivial things make us “happy” – our favourite ice-cream or chocolate, a promotion, going on a vacation, getting a day off from work, winning at bridge, your mother-in-law deciding not to drop by after all.

I am not talking about a momentary rush of good feeling that we experience on such occasions. I am talking about a profound sense of well being that is with us all the time. A deep knowledge that our life is on track and cannot deviate.

This does not mean that we do not face challenges, some of them quite serious. It does mean that even as we do what we must we are still conscious that, fundamentally, we are fine and always will be. We cannot but be so.

So, defined this way, are you happy? If not, why not?

Unsettlement is the norm

I teach a deeply introspective course called Creativity and Personal Mastery at top business schools around the world and programs based on it to executives at well known companies. I have also been a contributing editor for major business magazines and have talked to thousands of persons, including many CEOs, about their inner lives. So I can make the statements I do with some confidence.

The vast majority of persons are not happy. Even those who seem to have it all – great career success, financial prosperity, picture perfect spouse and accomplished children, sterling reputation – are not happy. They are not brimming with joy. Anxiety is a frequent and unwelcome guest in their lives. There is always an undercurrent of stress and it overwhelms them all too often.

Many of the persons – perhaps most of them! – who attend my programs live in a world dominated by a giant "to do" list and it fills up relentlessly no matter how many items they scratch out. There is a constant undercurrent of low-level anxiety, of a feeling that there is always too much to do and not enough time to do it.

Does this, perchance describe your situation too? It does not have to! You CAN escape into the realm described earlier and live there much of the time if not always.

What do you have to get to be happy?

That is a good question. What do you need to get to be happy? Say, like Aladdin, you were granted three wishes. What would you ask for and would it make you happy? Most persons have a long wish list: vast wealth, trophy spouse, good health, close friends, stimulating job, lots of leisure, bright children etc.  They add to this, the desire for fame, power and a body like Adonis or Aphrodite!

If you have such a list, throw it out. What I have to say may startle you.

There is NOTHING that you have to get, do or be in order to be happy.

I repeat, NOTHING. In fact, happiness is your innate nature. It is hard-wired into your being. It is part of your DNA. It is ALWAYS with you.

And the question that has probably popped up in your mind is, “If happiness is my innate nature, how come I am not experiencing it? How come I am experiencing ‘My life sucks’?”

And my answer will startle you even more. You do not experience the happiness that is your innate nature because YOU HAVE SPENT YOUR ENTIRE LIFE LEARNING TO BE UNHAPPY.

Alas, ‘tis true, ‘tis all too true!

It is absolutely true that we have spent our entire lives learning to be unhappy. And we have done it unconsciously and unknowingly. The way in which we do this is by accepting that we have to “get” something so we can “do” something so we can “be” something. Thus we feel that we have to get a lot of money so we can travel to exotic places so we can be happy. Or we have to get into a relationship with a beautiful partner so we can have great sex so we can be happy.

These are all modifications of the “if-then” model and this model tells us that “if” this happens, “then” I will be happy. And I have heard thousands of variations if this. I will be happy if…I get a high-paying job…I become CEO…I get married to a beautiful and loving spouse… my son gets into Harvard… my husband would show some interest in me and the house…my wife would not start nagging me the instant I turn on the game…I had children…my children would grow up and go to college…my in-laws moved to Australia…I lost twenty pounds…I didn’t have this nagging headache all the time…I got ten million dollars…and more and more and more.

Look at all the persons around you and in your life. The only way in which you are different is the particular “if” you are craving. Look backwards at your own life. You may have changed physically but the principal difference between you now and what you were ten years ago is the particular items that appear in your “if-then” list.

This is really important, so don’t rush on. Think of your life as it is right now, as you would describe it in your journal or to a close friend. It is an excellent idea to actually write it down and read it after a few days. You will notice that – explicitly or implicitly – you have a wish list in the document. “If” only this would happen, you will be happy. Or happier.

Think of the person you were ten years ago and what life was like then. Visualize it as clearly as you can. You had a wish list back in those days as well. Chances are good that many of the items in that long-ago list are now a regular part of your life. In programs I conduct, on average, about 80% of the participants acknowledge that they have received many of the items that they wanted a decade earlier. Despite this, their sense of well-being has not increased.

Quite a few are shocked to realize this. They wonder why.

The model itself is flawed

What we don’t realize is that the “if” I get this, “then” I will be happy model is fundamentally flawed. The model itself is fallacious. But, instead of recognizing this, we simply change the items we load on the “if” side of the equation.

I met a start-up entrepreneur who dreamed of cracking a million dollars in annual revenue. Five years later he was convinced that $100 million is the mark that separates the men from the boys and something magical would happen when he crossed that line. He is now chasing $1 billion and not far from it.

Don’t laugh. Variations of this are all around you and especially in your own life. Teenagers are ecstatic at the thought of getting their own set of wheels and a beat-up, 15 year old Dodge Dart is welcome. Two decades later it takes a new Lexus to get that same feeling and this one does not last either. What’s next? A Ferrari? Or a Ferrari AND a Rolls Royce? That won’t do it either. Nor will a hundred foot yacht or your own island off the coast of Greece.

Remember what I pointed out earlier. There is NOTHING that you have to get, do or be in order to be happy. The really pernicious effect of the “If…then” model is that it is supremely effective in preventing us from experiencing the happiness that is an inextricable part of us. The more we believe in that model and try to manipulate it to become happy, the more happiness eludes us.

That is how we learn to be unhappy and most of us never catch on that this is what we are unconsciously doing.

You have experienced freedom!

Have you ever come across a scene of such spectacular beauty that it took you outside of yourself into a place of profound serenity? A place of peace and healing calm?

Perhaps a brilliant rainbow after a sharp shower? Perhaps a snow-capped peak thrusting out of wispy clouds? Perhaps the rolling ocean with big waves crashing in a hypnotic metronome against pink, sandstone cliffs? Perhaps a jagged lightning flash in the midst of a storm of awesome, majestic power? Perhaps the aurora twisting in the sky changing colour and shape continuously in a never-ending dance?

You can recall such an occasion. Virtually everyone can. Have you ever wondered why you experienced what you did? It was not the place or the scene. The travel industry grows rich off persons who return to places of magical moments hoping to recapture them.

No! What happened was this: Somehow, inexplicably, at that instant, you accepted the world exactly as it was and you were OK with it. You did not think. “That is a great rainbow but it’s off to one side. If I could move it two hundred yards to the right it would be more symmetric and ever so much better.” Or, “That’s a beautiful valley but the tree in the foreground has too many crooked branches. If I had a chainsaw and twenty minutes I could make it more impressive.”

Such thoughts never crossed your mind! The off centre rainbow was perfect in its skewed position. The crooked branches of the tree had their own charm and were, likewise, perfect in their gnarled presence.

When you accepted the scene exactly as it was, when you did not crave for it to be something else or different in some way, your habitual ‘wanting’ self dropped away.

And, instantly, the happiness that is your inherent nature surfaced and you experienced its fullness. You did not have to do anything. It rose of its own accord and you felt it. And you know you felt it because you still remember this after all the years that have passed.

Your life is perfect!

Your life right now, with all of the trials and tribulations that you face, with all of the problems that weigh you down and cause you sleepless nights, is perfect. It is every bit as perfect as the scene you can recollect. And the only reason you do not experience that same well-being is that you do not accept this. You are busy rejecting one or more aspects of your life and striving with might and main to change it using the “if…then” model. And that model itself is flawed.

No wonder you don’t experience the joy, the sheer happiness that is your essential nature!

Does this mean that you stop striving? That you don’t try to achieve goals? That you don’t try with might and main to improve your lot or build your business or accomplish great things?

Of course not! You do all those things and with every fibre of your being. But you do it from the knowledge that whether or not you succeed has no iota of bearing on your essential wellbeing. If my entrepreneur friend achieves a billion dollars in sales, Great, Life is wonderful. If he does not, Great, Life is still wonderful.

The moment you sever that link in the “If…then” statement, the model drops dead. If it happens, fine. If it does not, still fine. And you discover that life is a blast and every day is full of wondrous surprises and all of life is a joyous journey of discovery.

And here is something strange, a wondrous paradox that many have discovered. When you drop your insistence that something happen in exactly the way you want it to, the chances of your getting what you desire increase greatly

A learnable skill

Is it possible to  sever the link in the “if…then” model? To accept life exactly as it presents itself even while striving to achieve a vision? To live a life of great joy and fulfilment where each day brings many moments of radiant aliveness?

Absolutely it is. It is a skill. No different from learning to ride a bicycle.

If this article struck a chord in you, please do leave a comment and ask a question. If others chime in and ask the same question or a variation of it, I will answer it directly.

Enjoy,

Dr. Srikumar Rao

Srikumar S. Rao is the founder of the breakthrough course, Creativity and Personal Mastery, the only business school course that has its own alumni association and it has been widely covered by the media. He is also the author of “Are YOU Ready to Succeed: Unconventional Strategies for Achieving Personal Mastery in Business and Life” and “The Personal Mastery Program”

It’s a tough economy and it will get tougher. Competition is fiercer than it has ever been. Customers are more demanding and price sensitive. Employees are looking for greater fulfillment at work. Shareholders want outsized, even unreasonable returns. Everyone has their hooks into your flesh. And you, the leader, have to satisfy all these constituencies.

Welcome to the Brave New World. Tomorrow will be like today on steroids. So, what can you do, what do you HAVE to do to function in this world that is changing at warp speed? How can you get your employees to function continuously at high levels without much supervision and with eager willingness?

Surprisingly, I can tell you. I have spoken to thousands of persons about what qualities they respect in a leader and what it would take to get their unswerving loyalty.

All the usual suspects show up – competence, integrity, fairness, patience, and the like. But there is one other foundation characteristic that virtually everyone mentions but is rarely discussed in popular articles or academic papers. Many rate it the single most important trait – almost a personal litmus test that determines whether they will be a dedicated follower or a game player looking for every possible advantage. It is “Does the leader care for me as a human being?”

Much of what we call “motivation” is really sophisticated manipulation to get unwilling workers to do what they otherwise would not. All too often the boss looks on his – or her – direct reports as “mechanisms”. The attitude is: “What do I have to do to get this person to do A, B or C?” And, of course, if the subordinate does accomplish A, B or C, it makes the boss look good and enhances his career prospects.

The odds are, that you function in this way much of the time – perhaps even most of the time. There is always time pressure, more that needs to be done than there is time to do or resources to do it with. So whenever someone comes to you with a problem of any sort, the tendency is to view it through the lens of “How can we solve it so that we can accomplish our goals, meet quotas...”. This attitude is inherently self-serving and is instantly recognised as such. It is accepted, but it emphatically does not lead to loyalty or a sense of belonging. Instead try and see if you can use this lens. “How can we resolve this situation so that this person can learn the most and reach his highest potential?”

If you consistently, sincerely have this attitude as you deal with problems in your workday, it will communicate itself. And those who report to you will more than reciprocate. It is your job to ensure that organizational missions and goals are aligned so that as an employee reaches her highest potential, the company does extraordinarily well. THAT is your main task. And if all your managers also have the same attitude, the company culture will become hugely productive and may land you in the band of companies Raj Sisodia et al call “Firms of Endearment” in their book of the same name.

Tony Hsieh, CEO of Zappos.com spends an inordinate amount of time on company culture and the principles that make Zappos a place to belong to, not a company to work for. Having fun is a publicly proclaimed value, as is is delivering WOW customer service. So is being humble. How many billion dollar companies do you know where the CEO lauds humility as a virtue and proves it by not having an office but sitting at a desk in a line with others and by answering customer calls if the volume gets heavy? I asked Tony what he does when an employee does not perform at an acceptable level. “If the employee is a good ‘culture-fit’ we give her a second, third and fourth chance,” he answered unhesitatingly. “If we are convinced she understands what we stand for and belongs here, she is free to move to any division till she finds the spot that is right for her.”

Some years ago I interviewed N R Narayana Murthy, principal founder of Infosys Technologies, in the conference room of a brand new building. We were possibly the first to use that room and he noticed that the plate covering the electrical outlets was crooked. He promptly summoned the building manager to get it fixed and to gently let him know that such lapses were not acceptable. When we got back to the interview he mused whether the worker who affixed that plate had electricity in his own home. His guiding force was to eliminate such poverty in the country and the company he started is certainly doing its share.

That is the characteristic of truly great leaders. They will not compromise on quality or lower standards, but they are also acutely aware of the human beings who do the work and strive to see that they grow in many ways. And they are the ones who can command the unstinting loyalty of legions.

So now you know.  

Profits are the lifeblood of a successful business. None of the people who have shared their thoughts with me have anything against healthy profits. What they are against is a primary focus on profit. Viktor Frankl postulated that success and happiness cannot be pursued—they must ensue as unintended side effects of one’s personal dedication to a course greater than oneself. In like fashion, profits are the inevitable by-product of a business successfully run in accordance with a mission and purpose as described earlier.

Compensate Fairly
Hardly any discussion of leadership even broaches this topic, but it is hugely important. Leaders of the future will not seek monstrous compensation. In fact they will turn down offers of excessive remuneration and go out of their way to ensure that their emoluments are not disproportionate relative to others and the average at the company.

There are pragmatic reasons for this. The chief’s compensation—monetary as well as in the form of perquisites—is closely scrutinized. Any perception of excess immediately signals that this is a person prone to self-serving. None of his or her dictums to husband company resources or control costs carries any real weight, and many employees psychically distance themselves from such a leader. A leader certainly cannot generate a loyal following with that baggage.

There are also ethical reasons. In a complex modern organization, it is by no means clear who really adds value and how much. Outsized compensation for the person on top simply reflects where power has been amassed, and is a misuse of that power. This is seldom spoken of but is always recognized, and the resentment it generates chips away at the very fiber of an organization.

The following comments from one of my students are highly instructive. They are also representative of the thoughts of many: Say a company is in trouble. The board decides that they need a “strong leader.” To get him they offer a huge signing bonus,a large block of stock or options and other compensation that is frequently hidden. The implicit assumption is that money is the major factor that makes the job worth considering. And this has a chilling effect on everyone else in the entire company. Everyone starts thinking in terms of what they, too, can extract from the company.

It never occurs to the board members that the message they are sending is deeply flawed and dangerous. That maybe it is incumbent on them to find a person who thinks that rescuing a corporation with a storied past is a privilege. That there are people who would consider saving thousands of jobs and careers a reward in itself. They never find such persons because they never look for them.

They never look for them because they think that money is the only way to motivate someone. When they put someone like that at the top, the person immediately hires a whole bunch of others exactly like him. Carried to an extreme, this is what brings people like Al Dunlap to the top job of major corporations.

Our system is broken. Leaders who cannot induce a deep and inherent respect by virtue of being who they are cannot easily direct their followers. They then have to resort to “fear and greed” mechanisms to ensure behavioral compliance. Sometimes such mechanisms work, sometimes they don’t. But their presence does explain why so many of our largest companies have highly toxic environments.

It is supposedly the job of a leader to “motivate” the rank and file, to fire them up with enthusiasm and get them to whole-heartedly work toward achieving organizational goals. Motivation is done through pep speeches, individual exhortation, incentive structures, evaluation mechanisms, and similar methods. Great “motivators” are in much demand.

The reality is less pleasant and can be downright ugly. Everybody perceives that the emperor is naked, but few will proclaim that he has no clothes. Much of what is lauded as “motivation” is actually sophisticated manipulation to get unwilling workers to do what they are not particularly interested in doing. The carrots are incentives of various kinds, and the sticks are threats of firing, demotion, and loss of compensation. Such “motivation” may be okay when used on animals in a behavioral science laboratory. It is downright demeaning when applied to human beings.

If the mission of an organization is carefully constructed and totally authentic, the vast majority of employees will enthusiastically rally around it. No great effort is needed to engender “motivation.” It is already built in and an integral part of the psyches of employees.

The function of a leader is not to motivate his or her employees. The function of a leader is to identify what is de-motivating the employees and get rid of it. This is not semantic hairsplitting. It is a profoundly different philosophical approach, and I have seen near unanimity on this point. This is where tomorrow’s leaders will spend a good chunk, if not the majority, of their time.

Management structures and workplace procedures that were once helpful can easily ossify into obstructions. The leader constantly examines these and breaks up the obstructions as quickly as possible.

Be of Service, Not Self-Aggrandizing

The role of the leader is to be of service. He or she is constantly seeking ways to help all employees become more fulfilled, at work and as individuals. Part of this is the leader’s effort to systematically identify and remove de-motivating factors, as mentioned earlier. Another part of it is to encourage individuals to live up to the very best that they are capable of.

">Such exhortation differs from the traditional pep talk aimed at reinforcing particular behaviors. The difference is in the intent. The leader we are talking about genuinely cares about the employee and whether or not the employee is fulfilled. It really matters to the leader that the desired behavior is manifested from conviction rather than fear or compliance.

There is no better way for leaders to establish their credentials than to walk their talk. If they demonstrate that they will cheerfully do whatever needs doing in any part of the organization, they gain immense moral stature and authority. When Bill Pollard, as CEO of Service Master, mops the floor; when David Neeleman, CEO of Jet Blue, serves coffee to passengers as a temporary part of the flight crew; when N. R. Narayana Murthy, as CEO of Infosys Technologies, stands in line in the cafeteria holding his own tray; and when Alex von Bidder, managing partner of the Four Seasons restaurant in New York, personally serves a customer, they all send very powerful messages.

Bear in mind that such CEO behavior does not shape company culture when it is a gesture or a PR stunt. It only works when it is the outward manifestation of the kind of person the CEO really is. It was not for nothing that Mahatma Gandhi personally cleaned toilets, and insisted his wife do the same, when he was developing his movement in South Africa. That was where he started building up the immense bank of respect and goodwill that eventually enabled him to sway an entire country and command the unquestioned commitment of tens of millions of people.

The “cost-cutting” CEO who cancels free coffee and newspaper subscriptions while acquiring a bigger corporate jet and hiring a better-known personal chef never commands great loyalty.

I have taught a course called Creativity and Personal Mastery for many years at schools such as Columbia Business School and the London Business School, and to executives in other forums. It is a deeply introspective course, and those who take it spend enormous amounts of time contemplating the workplace and how they would like it to be. They think about leadership styles they would like to develop and what they would like to see in their hierarchical superiors. 

Hundreds of students and executives have shared their opinions with me. Are there variations? Sure there are. But the composite picture that emerges is startlingly clear and quite unambiguous. The successful leader of the future is one who can create systems that bring into being organizations that command a deep allegiance from employees, and from others who interact with the organizations, such as customers and suppliers. In discussing this new type of leader, I speak mainly from the perspective of for-profit business organizations, but intuitive changes can readily be made to adjust to the needs of other types of organizations. Also, much of what I reveal concerns organizational culture and values. So what is the task that lies ahead for the successful leader of the future? 

Set an Inspiring Mission 

While this may not seem relevant to leadership, mission is actually crucial. The leader sets the organization’s mission, and if this mission does not resonate deeply, then those being led will merely go through the motions.

Many of our present organizations have exemplary missions that exist primarily in framed statements in the boardroom and in company brochures. This does not work. The mission should resonate and it should be crystal clear to all that it is indeed the guiding principle of the organization. Nobody gets passionate about maximizing shareholder value, or gaining market share, or reaching market dominance, or achieving set revenues or earnings increases. In fact, a leader who puts any of these, or similar, metrics forward immediately and silently loses much support.  

Here is what I have learned: the purpose of a business is to ensure that every person who comes into contact with it reaches his or her highest potential. This includes employees, customers, suppliers, lenders, shareholders, and the community at large. Such an assertion immediately raises a host of questions:

·         What is meant by “highest potential”?

·         How is it measured?

·         Who should define and measure it?

·         How should conflicts be resolved?

·         How can this be turned into actionable steps?

All of these are very legitimate questions, and sincere persons can hold varying views when it comes to the answers—even diametrically opposed views. It is not important that there be agreement or disagreement. What is important is that this is the arena in which the debate should be taking place. A leader trying to formulate his or her company’s mission in line with this purpose will find an unbelievable degree of engagement at all levels.