“People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of their fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar. ”     —Thich Nhat Hanh

We all have moments when we feel victimized, whether it is a small thing (I missed the bus; I am doomed to a life of lateness) or a big thing (I was hit by the bus and lost my ability to walk). With both big and small things, we need a chance to process our feelings about the event and the result, and then we need to look at what happened in reality and move on to the future.

Have you ever hung on to being wronged? Have you ever spoken to someone who plays the role of the eternal victim? Not only is this a sad state of affairs for them, but for you as the listener as well! Often the reward for victimhood can be attention, sympathy, or bonding over mutual sadness.

In organizations, we have patterns of victimhood or patterns of empowerment. Take some time and watch your own company patterns; you may be surprised.

Sometimes when we talk about our power, we are rejected by those who wish we would stay in a state of victimhood so they can take care of us, relate to us, or even keep us less powerful in order to feel superior.

To get rid of victimhood, we need to shift our sense of powerlessness to one of empowerment. If we go back to the attributes of resilience, we need to tap our positivity, pro-activity, and reframing in order to get out of a victim stance and into one of action. I promised you some actions/ tips this week - and this is an excellent one to try yourself or to use with your work team.

TRY THIS:  Victim Thinking to Power Thinking
Make three columns on a piece of paper. Headers of the columns are: COMPLAINTS -  REQUESTS OR CHOICES - ACTIONS. In the complaints colum, write down a list of anything that you are unhappy with in your work. It could be a new strategy, a colleague you have trouble working with, a policy you don’t like, the hours you keep, anything at all. To move out of the dis-empowered perspective, for each one of these items, think about your choices—are you willing to accept this reality and move on, or do you need to take action? The final column is for any next steps or actions you'll take. You’ve made the choice…now what are you going to do?

If you believe someone would enjoy and benefit from this post, please share it. Just click on the + Share button and you will see lots of options for sharing it with friends including email, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn. Thanks!

Karlin Sloan is the founder and CEO of Karlin Sloan & Company, Ms. Sloan provides organization development consulting, training and executive coaching to clients the U.S., Europe, South America and Asia.  She is the author of Smarter, Faster, Better; Strategies for Effective, Enduring, and Fulfilled Leadership (Jossey-Bass, 2006) and Unfear (January 2011).

UNFEAR : \ ən-fir\ confidence in one’s ability to overcome the odds, and to create a positive outcome no matter what the circumstance

Greetings dear reader! If you are reading this blog I assume you are a business leader, entrepreneur, manager, or world changer of some sort. You've come to the right place. Over the next few months I'll be introducing some tips, ideas, stories, and concepts based on my work with organizational leaders around the world, as well as from my new book "UNFEAR: Facing Change in an Era of Uncertainty".

Are you leading a team in turmoil, or looking for a way to survive business and work challenges? You may be going through change—asking yourself questions about who you are and what you want for the future of your work, your company, and your life.

We all go through changes at work; from the moment we’re hired into a new role to the first time we have to give someone else performance feedback, we’re constantly changing and developing. We also all face normal human challenges like juggling work and family, getting laid off, or even coping with illness and reinventing ourselves. We may survive a crisis on our team, be acquired, restructured, downsized, or outsourced.

Think about your work environment.

Is it a place where people are concerned for their jobs, where they are uncomfortable with or distrustful of feedback, where there is a consistent background state of anxiety? OR, is it a place you are excited to go to, where new ideas are cultivated, where there is a sense of possibility and promise, and where you are unafraid to express yourself, to ask questions, or to come up with new ways of working?

Take a moment to think about how much of your time you spend in each of these columns.  Think of how much time you see others spend in each of these columns at work. In my next blog I'll give you some concrete practices to move to the right hand column. Stay tuned!

 

FEAR	UNFEAR
Worry about what’s next/ what’s coming	Confident that whatever happens you will make it through
Shying away from action	Taking empowered action
Feeling negative or pessimistic about the future	Feeling positive or optimistic about the future
Disconnecting from others	Reaching out to build relationships
Tolerating chaos	Practicing discipline
Focusing on survival issues	Focusing on self-esteem, self actualization, or transcendence
Worry about what’s next/ what’s coming	Confident that whatever happens you will make it through

If you believe someone would enjoy and benefit from this post, please share it. Just click on the + Share button and you will see lots of options for sharing it with friends including email, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn. Thanks!

Karlin Sloan is the founder and CEO of Karlin Sloan & Company, Ms. Sloan provides organization development consulting, training and executive coaching to clients the U.S., Europe, South America and Asia.  She is the author of Smarter, Faster, Better; Strategies for Effective, Enduring, and Fulfilled Leadership (Jossey-Bass, 2006) and Unfear (January 2011).