A wise friend once shared with me her secret to a successful and happy life . . .

"Forget the back-story" - Leslie Ayers, The Job Search Guru

Part of “Accepting what is,” the first step in practicing Unfear, is to let go of assigning blame. When we get caught up in the back-story, in assigning blame, we arrest forward movement. Assigning blame is a diversionary tactic. It is avoidance, a fear reaction which imprisons us in the past.

When we focus on assigning blame we create ego conflicts and a toxic work environment. “Accepting what is” requires focusing on and attending to the circumstances of the present; rather than placing focus on back-story, the "what-might-have-been" of the past, or the "should be" of the future.

Fear and the Here-and-Now

The psychological condition of fear is divorced from any concrete and true immediate danger. It comes in many forms: unease, worry, anxiety, nervousness, tension, dread phobia, and so on. This kind of psychological fear is always of something that might happen, not of something that is happening now. You are in the here and now, while your mind is in the future. This creates an anxiety gap . . . You can always cope with the present moment, but you cannot cope with something that is only a mind projection –you cannot cope with the future.” - Eckhart Tolle

Nothing ever happens in the past or in the future. Each action we take, in fact everything that happens in life occurs in the present moment. Once a moment is past, or an action is taken, it can’t be undone.  It moves from the present moment, the NOW, into what we call the past. Accepting what is frees us from being trapped and ineffectual in the past. Furthermore, it frees us from the anxiety of trying to predict and cope with a future that has not and may never occur.

The next step in practicing Unfear is . . .

Building Relationships and Community.

As we watch the political scene and the economic picture unfolding in our nation, we will be faced with many questions and challenges.

Do we as individuals, companies and as a nation continue to make decisions based solely on financial growth interests, economics, and the desire to obtain more power? How do we feel about the political decisions being debated or the agendas taking shape?  When we take the long view are we creating a sustainable environment for our nation’s future growth?

The choices before us as businesses, leaders and individuals require that we accept what is, and that we begin to take building relationships and community into consideration when we make a plan of action for moving forward.

First we must accept the what-is-ness of our current circumstances. What precedents have been set? What policies and relationships are we growing now? What communities are being supported? Are the answers we find in keeping with the kind of world we want to live in?  Who stands to benefit most from the decisions being made? Is this acceptable to us as people? If not, how will we respond? Do we use our roles as leaders to affect changes in policy?

Secondly, we will have to determine the kind of paradigm, or world view, we choose to operate and do business under. Is our current paradigm serving us?  Is the course we are on sustainable, of benefit to the nation and to the nation’s citizens? Where are our priorities? Do we sacrifice people and communities to offer shareholders higher profits? What policies are we advocating in order to increase the “bottom line?” What are we tearing down and what are we building up?

The challenge presented to leaders now is in determining where our priorities lay, and what relationships to strengthen and grow.

                                   _______________________________________

If you believe someone would enjoy and benefit from this post, please share it. Just click on the + Share button and you will see lots of options for sharing it with friends including email, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn. Thanks!

Karlin Sloan is the founder and CEO of Karlin Sloan & Company, Ms. Sloan provides organization development consulting, training and executive coaching to clients the U.S., Europe, South America and Asia.  She is the author of Smarter, Faster, Better; Strategies for Effective, Enduring, and Fulfilled Leadership (Jossey-Bass, 2006) and Unfear (January 2011).

“The Law of Attraction is a metaphysical New Thought belief that "like attracts like," that positive and negative thinking bring about positive and negative physical results, respectively.” - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Law_of_Attraction

What am I attracting into my life?

For better or for worse you are attracting what you are right now.

– Christopher Franklin

One of the most difficult truths to face is the mirror of our lives and attitudes as reflected by the people and circumstances that surround us. When we are caught in a cycle of fear, in negative attitudes, and relationships, either at work or in the home, the last thing we want to hear is that we are creating our own misery. We don’t want to be told that our thoughts and beliefs have contributed to, or are creating and attracting the pains we are trying so hard to escape. Instead we want to assign blame, to run away.  Denial, paralysis, indecision and procrastination are all attitudes and escape patterns that find their root in fear, the ego’s fear of dissolution.

Examining the negative relationships that we have had with old bosses, or that we have now with the colleague in the cube across from us, is uncomfortable. We don’t want to accept responsibility for the friction or conflict in our lives. Accepting responsibility for the negative behaviors we have exhibited or attitudes we hold might mean reevaluating our sense of self. We might have to give up a core belief which helps us define who we are. We might have to change and grow.

Moving out of fear requires more than simply accepting what is in the circumstances around us. It requires that we accept the truth about what is within our own attitude and ego drivers.

In order to free ourselves to do our best work we have to assess the truth about the negative impact our thoughts and attitudes are having, and to accept responsibility for what we find. Until we can do that, we are trapped in fear patterns and behaviors that limit our progress and rob us of the success we desire.

Accepting what is: the first step in practicing Unfear.

UNFEAR : \ ən-fir\ confidence in one’s ability to overcome the odds, and to create a positive outcome no matter what the circumstance – Karlin Sloan, UNFEAR

                                   _______________________________________

If you believe someone would enjoy and benefit from this post, please share it. Just click on the + Share button and you will see lots of options for sharing it with friends including email, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn. Thanks!

Karlin Sloan is the founder and CEO of Karlin Sloan & Company, Ms. Sloan provides organization development consulting, training and executive coaching to clients the U.S., Europe, South America and Asia.  She is the author of Smarter, Faster, Better; Strategies for Effective, Enduring, and Fulfilled Leadership (Jossey-Bass, 2006) and Unfear (January 2011).