Success Television: Margie Warrell's blog

Are Your Assumptions Limiting Your Possibilities?

Margie Warrell — Thu, 15 Sep 2011 22:37:44 -0500

You (and I) make assumptions many times each day. Even though some of them may be backed by factual science, most of the time, those assumptions are just plain wrong. Don't let your assumptions limit your possibilities.

"Assumptions are the death of possibilities." James Mapes

Humans can't fly to the moon.
The human body can't run a mile under 4 minutes.
Women are too emotional to be leaders.
The sun revolves around the earth (which is flat).
Telephones are only for talking and listening.
Animal species never change.
Black people are inferior to white people.
I (Margie) can never run 10 miles. Never ever.

Some of these assumptions had the force of science behind them while others had just the force of habit. All of them seem ridiculous in retrospect.

And the only reason any of them collapsed was because someone had the courage to challenge the the status quo; to push back on "the truth", to part with tradition and to ask questions about why things are the way they are, and how they might be instead.

Courageous thinking, from Martin Luther King's calls for justice to Henry David Thoreau's blunt naturalism, involves risk. It can make people very uncomfortable, invite criticism (if not outright ostracism) and at minimum, be unsettling for all those firmly attached to their way of viewing the world. But, courageous thinking is also what propels our lives, and our society, forward.

Earlier this year I did a 10-mile run. Up until I began training a couple months earlier, I'd never run more than 3 miles (and that was only once!) I just didn't think my body was made for running, but I was willing to try to prove myself wrong; and alas, I certainly did. Next goal: half marathon!

Sometimes when we think outside the box, we get it wrong. Sometimes when we take risks, we fail. And sometimes, despite our very best efforts to achieve an outcome, we fall short. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't continue to try. What matters most is that we work to embody the kind of courage that stirs the spirit and inspires us to think bigger about what is possible, and to inspire others to do the same.

In the last few weeks, I've experienced a hurricane, an earthquake and, yesterday, flash flooding. I have no idea why. But what I do know is that the world is far more mysterious than I will ever be able to understand and that to live life fully, we need to embrace a sense of curiosity, adventure and never stop asking questions and challenging assumptions.

So, what assumptions are you going to challenge about your life this weekend?!

Be bold -- your life will shrink or expand in proportion to your willingness to challenge what's possible! What have you learnt is possible for you? Share your comment with friends and family; you very well may inspire them beyond belief!
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Margie Warrell; thought leader in human potential, master life coach, international speaker, media contributor and best-selling author of Find Your Courage. Take the Courage Quiz, watch Margie’s TV interviews (TODAY show, Fox, CNBC) and sign up for her free LIVE BOLDLY! newsletter. Then order your personally autographed Amazon best-seller book Find Your Courage.

Are You Living Today By Default Or Design?

Margie Warrell — Tue, 13 Sep 2011 22:28:49 -0500

If I had 6 hours to cut down a tree, I'd spend 4 sharpening my axe." Abraham Lincoln

Very successful people are those who think about what matters to them and take the time to be purposeful about their actions and vigilant about their emotions.

What about you? Are you living today by default or design?

Recently, just after I'd sat down to work on my next book, I heard a rumble. I initially thought there must be someone (a really BIG someone) walking on the floor above me. But then, as the rumble continued and the entire house began to shake, I realized I was experiencing some sort of earth tremor. It was only afterward, when my brother living in Australia called to ask if I was okay that I turned on the TV to discover I'd felt the distant tremors of a 5.8 earthquake.

Not too long after that, I learned that a hurricane, or at least the effects of one, was heading my way. Ahhhh...there's no force greater than Mother Nature -- except, of course, the force of the human spirit, particularly when it's focused on achieving something that brings purpose and meaning to life. Which brings me around to what I wanted to write about when I sat down to write this (before earthquakes and text messages distracted me).

There's a wonderful old saying that goes: "If you don't know where you are heading, any old road will take you." Likewise, if you aren't sure about where you want to go, it's highly possible that you will not like where you end up.

Too often we get so caught up in the "busy-ness" of living, that we don't take time to ask ourselves whether the direction we are traveling is taking us somewhere we truly want to go -- somewhere that inspires us, bringing meaning to our days and purpose to our lives. Regardless of where you are in your life right now, I encourage you to take some time to think about what you really want for yourself in life -- in your career or business, your marriage, family, health and fitness, finances, etc. Visualize what your "ideal future" would look like 3 years from now, 5 years from now...15 years from now. What lights you up? What makes you feel like you are living the life you were born to live?

Of course, there are many factors that we have no control over (earthquakes and hurricanes are first to mind!) but the most important factors, we can control. And those who succeed in creating fulfilling lives are those who are very thoughtful about what matters most to them and conscious of the power they have to choose their response to whatever circumstance. They are purposeful in the actions they take, vigilant of the emotions that can derail them and intentional about living their life by design rather than by default.

I invite you to cast your mind ahead to the end of this year; think about the top three things you'd really like to accomplish. Then, pursue or change a behavior to make those things start to happen now. Perhaps you'd like to get stronger or get a new job. Perhaps you could register for an adult ed class to learn a new skill or just take more time out of your week to be still and get present to the people and gifts in your life today. Whatever it is, making time to prepare and plan how you will achieve it will be time well-spent.

Albert Camus once said that our life is the lump sum of our choices. I hope that as you move forward in the week ahead, the choices you make will honor what is most important to you and take you further in the direction of your greatest dreams and aspirations.
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Do You Allow Yourself To Be Intimidated?

Margie Warrell — Mon, 12 Sep 2011 21:48:10 -0500

People don't intimidate you. You allow yourself to be intimidated by people. There's a distinct difference. It all boils down to the assumptions you make about what they are thinking, most of which are untrue and born from self-doubt.

Are you ready to leave the doubt behind and give up ever being intimidated again?

Growing up on a small farm in rural Australia, I often found myself intimidated by people particularly those who came from "the city." I made all sorts of assumptions about what they thought about farm girls like me often feeling intimidated and inadequate in some way. It was only years later, after I became a full-fledged "city girl" myself that I realized how wrong I'd been and how those assumptions I'd made had kept me from building relationships with people. And while I can look back now and smile at my silliness, I know that I'm not alone when it comes to making wrong assumptions and allowing myself to be intimidated by people for reasons that exist only in my own head.

So often we make assumptions about other people that are simply untrue. We think they are "above" us; that they don't like us; or that they look down on us. All of these thoughts are based on assumptions that we don't validate, and all of these assumptions get in the way of us engaging with them confidently and even creating relationships that could ultimately benefit us (and them.)

Over the years as I've travelled and worked around the globe, I've found that at all levels of society business people make false assumptions of what others are thinking, projecting onto them their insecurities and fears. I've seen many people held back in their careers because they are afraid to approach or engage with people more senior to them, for no other reason than they are intimidated by their rank or status. We bring prejudices and false beliefs into our interactions with people (based on everything from the color of their skin or where they went to school, to the title on their business card) that alienate us from them and prevent us from building a relationship with them. Living with assumptions that others "are better than us", that "they haven't got time for the likes of us" or that "I'm just not good enough" can be very costly -- to our careers, our relationships and our happiness over all.

Of course, being the 'human becoming' that I am, occasionally I still find myself intimidated by people who've accomplished success on levels far beyond what I have. But I've become better at catching myself in the process of making up these "stories", acknowledging the self-doubt and fear behind them, and then reaching out (sometimes with butterflies in my belly) to make a connection anyway. Having met many people from all walks of life and all "levels" of social status, I know that our lives are enriched when we stretch to connect with people who are "different" from us.

I'm guessing sometimes you may find yourself intimidated by people based on their seniority in your organization or some other external marker of success, which is why I invite you to a little experiment. Next time you find yourself assuming something about another person that causes you to feel intimidated, make a conscious decision to put aside those assumptions, give up what you "think they think", and reach out to them in conversation as a human being who is no less than, nor better than, anyone else. My guess is that the experience will only reinforce the universal truth that I wrote about in Find Your Courage, that we human beings are all far more alike than we are different.

Until next time, live boldly and never doubt your value. No-one can intimidate you without your permission.
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Courage to Be Real,How Authenticity Attracts Connection

Margie Warrell — Sun, 04 Sep 2011 14:49:16 -0500

In Zen Buddhism they speak of living with one's "original face." One of the greatest challenges we all face is to be ourselves, to have authenticity, to show your real you. Do you have the courage to be yourself?

"To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best to make you everybody but yourself means to fight the hardest battle any human being can fight -- and to never stop." -- e.e. cummings

Daniel Goleman's research in Emotional Intelligence found that we human beings are wired for connection. We not only want to belong, we need to belong; and so we are at our best when we feel connected to those around us. We like to be appreciated, enjoy admiration and crave to feel significant in the hearts and minds of those around us. Too often though, in our quest to feel significant, we forfeit expressing our individuality, limit our vulnerability and don a mask intended to garner greater admiration and ward off the possibility of rejection. In the process we lose touch with what makes us special, disconnect from authenticity and give up what makes us someone whom others feel they can really connect to.

Social psychologists have found that two out of three people are dramatically out of touch with how they see themselves compared to how others see them. The irony is people who strive the hardest to be liked or to impress others often have just the opposite effect. Most of us have an inbuilt "realness" detector that starts going off when we find ourselves in the company of someone who seems to lack it (sometimes called a "B.S. Detector"). We can sniff out insincerity, inauthenticity, and practiced charm a mile away. Our innate ability to sense incongruence extends beyond anything we can really explain. We just know that the person we are with is hiding some aspect of who they are, limiting our desire and/or ability to develop a stronger relationship with them. That is of course that we aren't totally preoccupied with our own masquerade...which can so easily happen.

I know how easy it can happen because I know how often I catch myself focused more on "What will people think?" instead of "What feels true?"

The irony is that the less we strive to have people like us, the more they actually do. In a world that has so much focus on the superficial, people crave authenticity, yearn for 'realness,' and can't help but find themselves seeking the company of those who are comfortable in their own skin. And if you are someone who is in a position of leadership, authenticity makes you so much more approachable, trusted and influential. People trust people who can share their struggles, their doubts, their fears, their hopes and their heartaches; people who don't need to prove their superiority, their success or their significance in any way.

So why is it that so many people find it difficult to simply be who they are? As I wrote in my book Find Your Courage (Look for the chapter titled, "The Courage To Be Yourself"), in a world that pressures for conformity, one of the greatest challenges we all face is to be ourselves. Because when all we do is try to fit in, we negate the difference our difference makes. When all we do is try to conform, all we have to offer is conformity. And when all we do is try to impress, we tend to repel instead. The fact is that if you have an unquenchable need to impress others in order to feel good about yourself, you will never be able to impress them enough. Give up having your sense of your own worth be contingent on the worth others place on you. Who you are is far more than any person's opinion.

In Zen Buddhism they speak of living with one's "original face." Buddhists describe our "original face" as being relaxed, without tension, free of pretension, devoid of masks, or airs and graces of superficiality. And so your "original face" is the one that shines through when you find your courage to embrace the one-of-a-kind imperfect human being that you are, however vulnerable that makes you feel. As Brene Brown wrote in her book The Gifts of Imperfection, "ordinary courage is about putting our vulnerability on the line."

Refusing to conform isn't always easy. We have to accept that some people may not like us. Some may criticize us. And some may reject us outright. Full self-expression demands vulnerability. But it's through vulnerability that we connect most deeply. Whether as leaders or lovers or strugglers just hoping to know more joy and connect more deeply, there is so much to gain by dropping the mask, letting go our fear of "not being good enough," and accepting that who we are is always "good enough." Always.

So I would like you to ask yourself these three questions and reflect on the answer that comes back to you:

1. If I were to let go of the need to prove my worthiness and my fear of not being "good enough," how would I show up differently in the world?
2. What mask am I most afraid to put down? Why?
3. How has wearing this mask impacted my life?

Mother Teresa, a woman respected the world over for her courage and total lack of pretension, once said, "Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable. Be honest and transparent anyway." Or to quote from a slightly more quirky character, Dr. Seuss: "Be who you are. Because those who mind don't matter. And those who matter don't mind. The world needs you to be who you are. Stay real!"
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