Today the word "work" has come to mean something to be avoided as much as possible for many people. But there is value in work. Not just for the money you can earn from it, but from the person you get to become. Hard work draws out talents and capacities that may otherwise have laid dormant.

Yesterday, a good friend of mine lost in her bid to be elected to public office. Last week, an opportunity for me to contribute to a segment on Anderson Cooper's new talk show fell through.  Last month, my son missed out on making the local travel basketball team. And earlier this year, I had a book proposal rejected by ten (yes TEN!) publishers.
 
The fact is that whenever we take on lofty goals, there is risk we will not achieve them. Too often though, when our efforts fail to produce what we have worked hard toward, we focus on the failure. We think about what we missed out on doing or getting. People speak about their "wasted effort" implying that because they did not achieve the goal they wanted – whether it be the business contract they had worked so hard to secure or the promotion that went to someone else despite their hours of overtime -- that their effort was of no value.

That is not true.

You do yourself a disservice when you approach hard work begrudgingly. There is little in life more rewarding than working hard at work worth doing, regardless of whether you always produce the result you want.

Working hard toward a goal or vision that inspires us, regardless of the outcome, always holds intrinsic value. What matters far more than what we get from our hard work and effort, is who we get to become in the process. My friend Caren echoed this sentiment last night with a group of supporters gathered in my home. She shared her gratitude for the rewarding experience of simply running for office and her appreciation for the opportunity to meet so many people, of all political persuasions and across all walks of life. Yes, she worked hard. Very hard -- door-knocking on 20,000 doors hard. But she also drew enormous pleasure from the hard work, and shared the quote by Theodore Roosevelt which has inspired this post: "Far and away the best prize life has to offer is working hard at work worth doing."

It is only human to feel disappointment when we don't achieve something we have worked hard toward. But our hard work and effort is never wasted. It truly is one of life's deep joys to "work hard at work worth doing."  And working hard toward something that fills you with purpose and passion is always work worth doing -- whether it be raising your family, fulfilling a long-held dream,  building a business that fulfills an unmet need or,  writing a book to change lives.

Today the word "work" has come to mean something to be avoided as much as possible for many people. But there is value in work. Not just for the money you can earn from it, but from the person you get to become. Hard work draws out talents and capacities that may otherwise have laid dormant.

I don't know what challenges you face right now. But I will bet that in order to meet them successfully, it will require you to do some hard work. Work isn’t always "fun". Sometimes it can be a grind. But that does not diminish its intrinsic value.

So let me ask you, where is your life calling on you to work harder at work worth doing? Whether it is the inner work of transforming the way in which you are living your life, or the outer "roll up your sleeves and set your alarm early" work, always keep forefront of mind, that nothing worth doing has ever been done without good old-fashioned hard work. Period. I invite you to recommit yourself to putting in the effort needed to live a life that honors the best of who you are, and who have yet to become. After all, in the end it's never about the final destination; it's about the spirit in which we pursue the journey.

Journey on.
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Margie Warrell is a thought leader in human potential, master life coach, international speaker, media contributor and best-selling author of Find Your Courage. 

Take the Courage Quiz, watch Margie’s TV interviews (TODAY show, Fox, CNBC)  and sign up for her free LIVE BOLDLY! newsletter. Then order your personally autographed Amazon best-seller book Find Your Courage.

You (and I) make assumptions many times each day. Even though some of them may be backed by factual science, most of the time, those assumptions are just plain wrong. Don't let your assumptions limit your possibilities.

"Assumptions are the death of possibilities." James Mapes

Humans can't fly to the moon.
The human body can't run a mile under 4 minutes.
Women are too emotional to be leaders.
The sun revolves around the earth (which is flat).
Telephones are only for talking and listening.
Animal species never change.
Black people are inferior to white people.
I (Margie) can never run 10 miles. Never ever.

Some of these assumptions had the force of science behind them while others had just the force of habit. All of them seem ridiculous in retrospect.

And the only reason any of them collapsed was because someone had the courage to challenge the the status quo; to push back on "the truth", to part with tradition and to ask questions about why things are the way they are, and how they might be instead.

Courageous thinking, from Martin Luther King's calls for justice to Henry David Thoreau's blunt naturalism, involves risk. It can make people very uncomfortable, invite criticism (if not outright ostracism) and at minimum, be unsettling for all those firmly attached to their way of viewing the world. But, courageous thinking is also what propels our lives, and our society, forward.

Earlier this year I did a 10-mile run. Up until I began training a couple months earlier, I'd never run more than 3 miles (and that was only once!) I just didn't think my body was made for running, but I was willing to try to prove myself wrong; and alas, I certainly did. Next goal: half marathon!

Sometimes when we think outside the box, we get it wrong. Sometimes when we take risks, we fail. And sometimes, despite our very best efforts to achieve an outcome, we fall short. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't continue to try. What matters most is that we work to embody the kind of courage that stirs the spirit and inspires us to think bigger about what is possible, and to inspire others to do the same.

In the last few weeks, I've experienced a hurricane, an earthquake and, yesterday, flash flooding. I have no idea why. But what I do know is that the world is far more mysterious than I will ever be able to understand and that to live life fully, we need to embrace a sense of curiosity, adventure and never stop asking questions and challenging assumptions.

So, what assumptions are you going to challenge about your life this weekend?!

Be bold -- your life will shrink or expand in proportion to your willingness to challenge what's possible! What have you learnt is possible for you? Share your comment with friends and family; you very well may inspire them beyond belief!
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Margie Warrell; thought leader in human potential, master life coach, international speaker, media contributor and best-selling author of Find Your Courage. Take the Courage Quiz, watch Margie’s TV interviews (TODAY show, Fox, CNBC) and sign up for her free LIVE BOLDLY! newsletter. Then order your personally autographed Amazon best-seller book Find Your Courage.

If I had 6 hours to cut down a tree, I'd spend 4 sharpening my axe." Abraham Lincoln

Very successful people are those who think about what matters to them and take the time to be purposeful about their actions and vigilant about their emotions.

What about you? Are you living today by default or design?

Recently, just after I'd sat down to work on my next book, I heard a rumble. I initially thought there must be someone (a really BIG someone) walking on the floor above me. But then, as the rumble continued and the entire house began to shake, I realized I was experiencing some sort of earth tremor. It was only afterward, when my brother living in Australia called to ask if I was okay that I turned on the TV to discover I'd felt the distant tremors of a 5.8 earthquake.

Not too long after that, I learned that a hurricane, or at least the effects of one, was heading my  way. Ahhhh...there's no force greater than Mother Nature -- except, of course, the force of the human spirit, particularly when it's focused on achieving something that brings purpose and meaning to life. Which brings me around to what I wanted to write about when I sat down to write this (before earthquakes and text messages distracted me).

There's a wonderful old saying that goes: "If you don't know where you are heading, any old road will take you." Likewise, if you aren't sure about where you want to go, it's highly possible that you will not like where you end up.

Too often we get so caught up in the "busy-ness" of living, that we don't take time to ask ourselves whether the direction we are traveling is taking us somewhere we truly want to go -- somewhere that inspires us, bringing meaning to our days and purpose to our lives. Regardless of where you are in your life right now, I encourage you to take some time to think about what you really want for yourself in life -- in your career or business, your marriage, family, health and fitness, finances, etc. Visualize what your "ideal future" would look like 3 years from now, 5 years from now...15 years from now. What lights you up? What makes you feel like you are living the life you were born to live?

Of course, there are many factors that we have no control over (earthquakes and hurricanes are first to mind!) but the most important factors, we can control. And those who succeed in creating fulfilling lives are those who are very thoughtful about what matters most to them and conscious of the power they have to choose their response to whatever circumstance. They are purposeful in the actions they take, vigilant of the emotions that can derail them and intentional about living their life by design rather than by default.

I invite you to cast your mind ahead to the end of this year; think about the top three things you'd really like to accomplish. Then, pursue or change a behavior to make those things start to happen now.  Perhaps you'd like to get stronger or get a new job.  Perhaps you could register for an adult ed class to learn a new skill or just take more time out of your week to be still and get present to the people and gifts in your life today. Whatever it is, making time to prepare and plan how you will achieve it will be time well-spent. 

Albert Camus once said that our life is the lump sum of our choices. I hope that as you move forward in the week ahead, the choices you make will honor what is most important to you and take you further in the direction of your greatest dreams and aspirations.
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Margie Warrell; thought leader in human potential, master life coach, international speaker, media contributor and best-selling author of Find Your Courage. Take the Courage Quiz, watch Margie’s TV interviews (TODAY show, Fox, CNBC) and sign up for her free LIVE BOLDLY! newsletter. Then order your personally autographed Amazon best-seller book Find Your Courage.

People don't intimidate you. You allow yourself to be intimidated by people. There's a distinct difference. It all boils down to the assumptions you make about what they are thinking, most of which are untrue and born from self-doubt.

Are you ready to leave the doubt behind and give up ever being intimidated again?

Growing up on a small farm in rural Australia, I often found myself intimidated by people particularly those who came from "the city."  I made all sorts of assumptions about what they thought about farm girls like me often feeling intimidated and inadequate in some way. It was only years later, after I became a full-fledged "city girl" myself that I realized how wrong I'd been and how those assumptions I'd made had kept me from building relationships with people. And while I can look back now and smile at my silliness, I know that I'm not alone when it comes to making wrong assumptions and allowing myself to be intimidated by people for reasons that exist only in my own head.

So often we make assumptions about other people that are simply untrue. We think they are "above" us; that they don't like us; or that they look down on us. All of these thoughts are based on assumptions that we don't validate, and all of these assumptions get in the way of us engaging with them confidently and even creating relationships that could ultimately benefit us (and them.)

Over the years as I've travelled and worked around the globe, I've found that at all levels of society business people make false assumptions of what others are thinking, projecting onto them their insecurities and fears. I've seen many people held back in their careers because they are afraid to approach or engage with people more senior to them, for no other reason than they are intimidated by their rank or status. We bring prejudices and false beliefs into our interactions with people (based on everything from the color of their skin or where they went to school, to the title on their business card) that alienate us from them and prevent us from building a relationship with them. Living with assumptions that others "are better than us", that "they haven't got time for the likes of us" or that "I'm just not good enough" can be very costly -- to our careers, our relationships and our happiness over all.

Of course, being the 'human becoming' that I am, occasionally I still find myself intimidated by people who've accomplished success on levels far beyond what I have. But I've become better at catching myself in the process of making up these "stories", acknowledging the self-doubt and fear behind them, and then reaching out (sometimes with butterflies in my belly) to make a connection anyway. Having met many people from all walks of life and all "levels" of social status, I know that our lives are enriched when we stretch to connect with people who are "different" from us.  

I'm guessing sometimes you may find yourself intimidated by people based on their seniority in your organization or some other external marker of success, which is why I invite you to a little experiment.  Next time you find yourself assuming something about another person that causes you to feel intimidated, make a conscious decision to put aside those assumptions, give up what you "think they think", and reach out to them in conversation as a human being who is no less than, nor better than, anyone else. My guess is that the experience will only reinforce the universal truth that I wrote about in Find Your Courage,  that we human beings are all far more alike than we are different.

Until next time, live boldly and never doubt your value. No-one can intimidate you without your permission.
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Margie Warrell; thought leader in human potential, master life coach, international speaker, media contributor and best-selling author of Find Your Courage. Take the Courage Quiz, watch Margie’s TV interviews (TODAY show, Fox, CNBC) and sign up for her free LIVE BOLDLY! newsletter. Then order your personally autographed Amazon best-seller book Find Your Courage.

In Zen Buddhism they speak of living with one's "original face." One of the greatest challenges we all face is to be ourselves, to have authenticity, to show your real you. Do you have the courage to be yourself?

"To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best to make you everybody but yourself means to fight the hardest battle any human being can fight -- and to never stop." -- e.e. cummings

Daniel Goleman's research in Emotional Intelligence found that we human beings are wired for connection. We not only want to belong, we need to belong; and so we are at our best when we feel connected to those around us. We like to be appreciated, enjoy admiration and crave to feel significant in the hearts and minds of those around us. Too often though, in our quest to feel significant, we forfeit expressing our individuality, limit our vulnerability and don a mask intended to garner greater admiration and ward off the possibility of rejection. In the process we lose touch with what makes us special, disconnect from authenticity and give up what makes us someone whom others feel they can really connect to.

Social psychologists have found that two out of three people are dramatically out of touch with how they see themselves compared to how others see them. The irony is people who strive the hardest to be liked or to impress others often have just the opposite effect.  Most of us have an inbuilt "realness" detector that starts going off when we find ourselves in the company of someone who seems to lack it (sometimes called a "B.S. Detector"). We can sniff out insincerity, inauthenticity, and practiced charm a mile away. Our innate ability to sense incongruence extends beyond anything we can really explain. We just know that the person we are with is hiding some aspect of who they are, limiting our desire and/or ability to develop a stronger relationship with them. That is of course that we aren't totally preoccupied with our own masquerade...which can so easily happen.

I know how easy it can happen because I know how often I catch myself focused more on "What will people think?" instead of "What feels true?"

The irony is that the less we strive to have people like us, the more they actually do. In a world that has so much focus on the superficial, people crave authenticity, yearn for 'realness,' and can't help but find themselves seeking the company of those who are comfortable in their own skin. And if you are someone who is in a position of leadership, authenticity makes you so much more approachable, trusted and influential. People trust people who can share their struggles, their doubts, their fears, their hopes and their heartaches; people who don't need to prove their superiority, their success or their significance in any way.

So why is it that so many people find it difficult to simply be who they are? As I wrote in my book Find Your Courage (Look for the chapter titled, "The Courage To Be Yourself"), in a world that pressures for conformity, one of the greatest challenges we all face is to be ourselves. Because when all we do is try to fit in, we negate the difference our difference makes. When all we do is try to conform, all we have to offer is conformity. And when all we do is try to impress, we tend to repel instead. The fact is that if you have an unquenchable need to impress others in order to feel good about yourself, you will never be able to impress them enough. Give up having your sense of your own worth be contingent on the worth others place on you. Who you are is far more than any person's opinion.

In Zen Buddhism they speak of living with one's "original face." Buddhists describe our "original face" as being relaxed, without tension, free of pretension, devoid of masks, or airs and graces of superficiality. And so your "original face" is the one that shines through when you find your courage to embrace the one-of-a-kind imperfect human being that you are, however vulnerable that makes you feel. As Brene Brown wrote in her book The Gifts of Imperfection, "ordinary courage is about putting our vulnerability on the line."

Refusing to conform isn't always easy. We have to accept that some people may not like us. Some may criticize us. And some may reject us outright. Full self-expression demands vulnerability. But it's through vulnerability that we connect most deeply. Whether as leaders or lovers or strugglers just hoping to know more joy and connect more deeply, there is so much to gain by dropping the mask, letting go our fear of "not being good enough," and accepting that who we are is always "good enough." Always.

So I would like you to ask yourself these three questions and reflect on the answer that comes back to you:

1. If I were to let go of the need to prove my worthiness and my fear of not being "good enough," how would I show up differently in the world?
2. What mask am I most afraid to put down? Why?
3. How has wearing this mask impacted my life?

Mother Teresa, a woman respected the world over for her courage and total lack of pretension, once said, "Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable. Be honest and transparent anyway." Or to quote from a slightly more quirky character, Dr. Seuss: "Be who you are. Because those who mind don't matter. And those who matter don't mind. The world needs you to be who you are. Stay real!"
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Margie Warrell; thought leader in human potential, master life coach, international speaker, media contributor and best-selling author of Find Your Courage. Take the Courage Quiz, watch Margie’s TV interviews (TODAY show, Fox, CNBC) and sign up for her free LIVE BOLDLY! newsletter. Then order your personally autographed Amazon best-seller book Find Your Courage.

There isn't a super hero "out there" who can save you from your situation, fix your problems, or take away your fears. You have to tap into your own super hero; to identify the fears that are holding you back and to make a decision to reclaim the power you have yielded.

I recently spoke at a leadership conference for women who work in the consulting industry. About 5 minutes before I was due to begin speaking, a woman attending the event asked if I ever got nervous. "Often," I replied, "Particularly about five minutes before I'm about to take the stage." She was surprised. She said that she'd just assumed that because I spoke to large groups on a regular basis that I wouldn't feel nervous at all. Alas, she assumed wrong.

It's funny how we often assume that other people don't struggle with the same things that we do. And while there are people who rarely doubt themselves or give little thought to what others might think of them, they are, in my experience anyway, the distinct minority.

As human beings, we all wrestle with doubt and fear in different forms and guises throughout the course of our lives. Too often though, we give those doubts and fears more power than they deserve. We allow them to determine our choices, to dictate the conversations we will engage in, the endeavors we will commit to, and how we will respond to the challenges we face.

I define power as our ability to affect change. Being powerful, and affecting positive change, in the world around us begins by affecting positive change in the world within us. Unfortunately too often we have "power leakages" in our life that we aren't aware of. The only way to seal them off is by tuning in to the power we give the thoughts, doubts and fears that creep in to our consciousness on a daily basis.

Perhaps your idea of power relates to people in positions of high office and formal authority -- politicians, company presidents, policemen and the like. But I define power not as formal authority, but as one's ability to affect change. In other words, being powerful is far more than a job title; it's an attitude. To me, truly powerful people are those who live life on their terms, who are comfortable in their own skin, clear about what they want, courageous in how they go about achieving it, and very conscious of the power they have to choose their response to their circumstances. They aren't waiting on some mythical super hero to solve their problems or grant them permission to live life on their own terms; they are their own super hero.

I guess it goes without saying that there are many people in the world who don't live their lives powerfully. People who:

• Continually find themselves a victim to their circumstances (and so are forever in "complaint")
• Are always trying to please or impress people around them by saying "yes" when they want to say no and so constantly find themselves over-committed (and failing to honor commitments)
• Don't challenge the values and beliefs of those around them nor take time to clarify their own.
• Allow other people's moods and emotions to determine their own.
• Settle for far less than what they want, both from others and from themselves.
• Go through life rudderless and following the path of least resistance.
• Avoid speaking up if it might ruffle feathers, or worse, risk a confrontation.
• Don't believe in their ability to change the things they don't like nor to pursue the things they do.

Of course at times we can all find ourselves failing to act in powerful ways (and yes, I'm speaking from experience! ). But what matters most isn't that we sometimes fail to express ourselves authentically, stand for what we want and refuse to settle for what we don't; after all, we are all "human becomings" – always evolving and sometimes tripping as we move along. Rather, what matters most is that we notice when we are doing so and then consciously choose to reset our sails, reclaim our voice and step forward doing and being all we aspire to.

It is my deepest belief that we are all -- and yes, that includes you -- powerful beyond measure. That within you lies the resources to create and accomplish extra-ordinary things and to affect change in the world in extraordinary ways. Truly. The thing that keeps most people from doing that is not all the barriers the world has erected to keep them stuck. It is simply their lack of belief in themselves; in their own personal power.

In case you haven't already picked it up, I'm pretty passionate about empowering people to reconnect with their personal power; to be their own super hero, which is why I'm hoping this will cause you to stop all that busy doing and reflect, even if just for one minute, on the life you are living and the limits you have imposed on yourself. As I wrote about in my book, Find Your Courage, the biggest barrier you face to having the life you want to live is the stories you've bought into about what is possible for you. So take a step back and ask yourself, "Where could I be more powerful?" Where could you be affecting positive change more profoundly and more boldly in the life you are living, in the lives of those around you, in your team, organization or community...in the world at large.

Believe me, you have more power in you to affect change, to produce results, to change your life and by default, the lives of others, than you can imagine. There isn't a super hero "out there" who can save you from your situation, fix your problems, or take away your fears. You have to tap into your own super hero; to identify the fears that are holding you back and to make a decision to reclaim the power you have yielded. That's often easier said than done but then so is anything worth doing. What it will take is you making a decision right now to start living each day, each hour, and each moment as it unfolds, more intentionally, more courageously, and more powerfully.

And if you don't know where to start, begin by answering this one simple question, "If I knew that I could change anything, what one thing would I choose to change in my life today?"

Margie Warrell; thought leader in human potential, master life coach, international speaker, media contributor and best-selling author of Find Your Courage. Take the Courage Quiz, watch Margie’s TV interviews (TODAY show, Fox, CNBC) and sign up for her free LIVE BOLDLY! newsletter. Then order your personally autographed Amazon best-seller book Find Your Courage.

So you think you are too old or too set in your ways to change? Not so! Neuro-plasticity research now proves what many have long known:  that you are never too old to change, and more so, that you can rewire your brain to think and act in ways that lead to greater success in work, love and life.
 
The first time I read that my brain was plastic; I thought it was a joke.  That was until I realized the author wasn't talking about plastic as in a plate, but as in pliable.

As brain imaging technology has advanced, so too has our understanding of how the brain works. One of the most significant findings has been the discovery that our brain doesn't stop growing when our body does; that is, that it has the ability to adapt and change right up to the end of our life.  This means that just because we have well established ways of processing information and responding to our environment, we are still capable of developing new and more constructive ways in the future.  While a deeper understanding of neuro-plasticity is extremely relevant for people who have suffered from a stroke or other traumatic brain injury, what has piqued my interest most is its application for those of us whose brains already work perfectly well.  Most days, anyway.

Neuro-plasticity research now proves what many have long known:  that you are never too old to change, and more so, that you can rewire your brain to think in ways that lead to greater happiness & success.  I must admit though, my enlightened understanding about my brain’s "plasticity" has been both a help and a bother.  No longer can I justify my inability to figure out how to back-up my computer with excuses like "I'm just not a technology person."  And though at times I've cursed my new found knowledge about my brain's ability to master skills that have long eluded me, develop healthier habits, and learn new ways of responding to environmental triggers, ultimately this knowledge has been extremely valuable.  I now know that the old adage "You can't teach an old dog new tricks" is really just a false and convenient belief that spares us from the effort involved in learning new tricks – like backing up my computer!

Last week I attended a coaching conference where Dr. Jeffry Schwartz, UCLA Professor of Psychiatry and author of You Are Not Your Brain, spoke about his research findings on neuro-plasticity.  What he shared reinforced my understanding and confirmed what I intuitively knew and wrote about in  Find Your Courage.  Which is, that by intentionally choosing to view your environment in new ways, rewrite your personal narrative, and step into action in the presence of your fears, you become more competent in whatever those actions may be, but also build your "courage muscles" so you can respond more effectively in other areas of your life.  Whether in the conversations you have with your work colleagues, your confidence in asserting boundaries in your personal life, or your willingness to take on goals that you've previously shied away from, by practicing new ways of interacting in your environment, you are able to build new pathways in your brain and produce new (and better) results in your life.

Neuro-scienctific findings, like those also detailed in Dr. Norman Doidge's groundbreaking book The Brain that Changes Itself, have proven that right up to the end of our lives, we can build new neural pathways in our brain that ultimately rewire it.  It takes repetition.  Or in the case of developing a new habit that usurps an unhealthy old one, or even a new way of dealing with people and life -- whether it is timidity, laziness or pessimism -- it takes practice. Repeated practice.  After all, it took your entire lifetime to develop the default ways of thinking and acting that you have today.  Rewiring the way you think and act is going to take time.

Self-directed neuro-plasticity may sound all very high-brow and intellectual.  But at its core it's pretty simple:  building self-awareness – the building block for success in every arena of life.  That is, cultivating your ability to observe yourself so that you notice, as a detached observer, what you are thinking and feeling and how each are feeding off each other in any given moment.  This is crucial because you can only make new and more constructive choices when you are conscious of the ones you are making now.  Just like a one-time walk off the beaten path will not create a new pathway on the forest floor, neither will a one-time action create a new pathway in the brain.  Rewiring the way you think and act requires repetition and time.
 
In my own efforts to build self-awareness, just a few days ago I noticed myself complaining to a friend about the fact that just a few days from now, my four kids will be off from school for the summer.  "There goes my productivity for the next 3 months," I heard myself lamenting.  In the car on my way home, I thought about how powerless that statement was; as though my productivity is entirely at the mercy of my children's summer holidays.  By noticing myself verbalizing such a disempowering thought, it opened up the window for me to choose to think a more constructive one.  The truth is that the summer months provide me with a unique and valuable opportunity.  Sure, my home (where I generally work) will be noisier, and my days not as much my own, but that doesn't mean I can no longer be productive.  I can use these summer months to hone my focus during the hours I put aside to work, practice greater flexibility in how I structure my day, and prioritize my time more effectively so I can be fully engaged in whatever I'm doing and whomever I'm doing it with – kids or clients.

The S.O.A.R2  Approach to Outsmart Your Brain

As you've been reading this, you may have thought of some areas of your life where you aren't feeling as powerful or positive as you would like.  I invite you to practice self-directed neuro-plasticity and rewire your brain's default way of responding by working through each of the following 5 steps which comprise my S.O.A.R2 Model for behavior change and resilience building (the basic building blocks for "SOARing" to new heights of success in work, love & life!)

1.  STOP what you are doing and notice the thoughts you are thinking and how they are making you feel.  If you are feeling really uptight or anxious, take at least 5 deep breaths to short circuit your primal brain's "Alarm" reaction and avoid what is commonly called a "neural highjack."
2.  OBSERVE the way you are looking at your situation.  What is it about how you are looking at this "problem" that makes you feel the way you do? Imagine yourself up high in the air looking down on your situation and notice how by elevating your perspective, it can alter how you see the "problem" and with it, expanding the options for resolving it.
3.  ASK yourself how the wisest person you know views your circumstances?  What's the valuable lesson this situation has to teach you? (And believe me, every uncomfortable emotion and difficult situation has something of great value to teach us.)  Remember, we prove we are smart by our answers, but wise by our questions.  The more you can embrace curiosity, the wiser you will become.
4.  REFRAME your situation, keeping in mind that the thoughts you are thinking are not reality, just how your brain is processing it.  How, by viewing this from a larger perspective, could you see the "problem" in a whole new light? Focus on what you can do, not on what you can't.
5.  RESPOND intentionally to your situation (as distinct from just reacting in the way you may have habitually done in the past).  What is the most constructive way to respond to this situation?

Repeat process as often as necessary. (Note:  This process, or a variation thereof, will be necessary for at least the next 50 years).

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Last week a friend shared with me about a falling out she's had with her brother and his new wife, following a remark that caused her offense.  My friend promptly issued an apology for her insensitivity once she'd realized her mistake, but her new sister-in-law has refused to accept it and hasn't spoken to her since.  Her brother has backed his wife, leaving my friend feeling first hurt and upset – but now also angry.

I'm sure that you have experienced people who haven't always been reasonable or rational; people who can be quick to judge and slow to forgive -- even worse, people who have acted maliciously toward you or left you feeling betrayed.  And perhaps, like my friend, you've found yourself feeling pretty angry or hurt as a result.

It's only natural to sometimes find ourselves feeling resentful toward people who are behaving in a self-centered, mean spirited or just "not very evolved" way.  But holding on to that resentment is not only psychologically harmful; it's physiologically unhealthy. I'm sure you've heard me say anger acts like a cancer that can spread throughout all the corners of our life, infiltrate our relationships with people who had nothing to do with the original "crime,"  and take years off our life.  Literally.  Clinical studies have proven the very real link between the emotion of anger and the development of heart disease and numerous other unsavory ailments and illnesses.  They've also proven the medicinal value of letting it go.

The stronger your anger, the greater the reason to let it go.

The only way to let go of anger is through forgiveness: of yourself and of those you feel have 'wronged' you.  Holding on to it is akin to swallowing a bottle of poison and waiting for the other person to die.  But as you may know all too well, forgiving is easier said than done.  While we may intellectually understand its benefits, sometimes we still end up in the midst of a head vs. heart tug of war with an indignant voice in our head protesting "What the hell?!  That schmuck doesn't deserve my forgiveness!"  That voice comes from the dark side of our ego, something Dr. Freud called our "Id".  It feeds on righteousness and gets a payoff from being right, from making others wrong, and clinging to its claim on victimhood -- even at the expense of our health and happiness.  Needless to say, it can leave you wallowing in a sea of righteousness, that leaves you feeling anything from mildly pissed off to drowning in rage.

Forgiveness is not a question of whether others are deserving of it.  Because forgiveness is ultimately not about them; it's about you. More specifically, it's about how you choose to respond to your anger; whether to let it consume you, or to let it go and live more wholeheartedly as a result.  At the heart of forgiveness is to let go the power an event from the past has on your future. 

Holding fast to your claim on anger renders you a victim.  You may have had no choice whether to feel pain at the time the "offense" was committed, but you do now.  That doesn't mean forgetting what happened in the past, nor letting others "off the hook" for their transgression.  Sandra Bullock forgave Jesse James; she still left him.  It just means, to repeat something I heard Oprah Winfrey say, that you give up the hope that the past can ever be any different.

So as my friend confided to me about her own growing resentment, I suggested that maybe this was a really wonderful opportunity for her to practice forgiveness: forgiving her brother and new sister-in-law for simply being the fallible human beings that they are.  That we all are, just at varying places along our journey. And as I reminded my friend, it can't be much fun to be someone who takes offense so quickly and is so committed to feeling wronged. 

What about you?  Is there someone you need to forgive?  Through the simple yet profoundly courageous act of forgiveness, you expand what is possible for you in every arena of your life and enlarge your capacity to give and receive love in every, yes every, relationship.

Holding fast to your claim on anger renders you a victim to yourself.

Forgiveness is not always a one-off event.  Some wounds take longer to heal.  So be patient with yourself when anger simmers back up to the surface.  You are, after all, a "human becoming."   Just know that within you lies all the courage you need to release your past into the past, and to enlarge your future possibilities for health and for happiness, for life and for love.  Surely that's worth the effort.
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Margie Warrell; thought leader in human potential, master life coach, international speaker, media contributor and best-selling author of Find Your Courage. Take the Courage Quiz, watch Margie’s TV interviews (TODAY show, Fox, CNBC) and sign up for her free LIVE BOLDLY! newsletter. Then order your personally autographed Amazon best-seller book Find Your Courage .

In a recent live televised coaching session I did with a client, what emerged as her core challenge was her lack of clarity about the job she wants to do. As I said to my "on air" client Terri, once you are clear about what you really want to do, you can focus your time, energy and resources into accomplishing it.  But you need to put aside time daily (sometimes hourly) to get really clear about what you are going to focus your time on in the day ahead.  If you don't, you become a bit like a rudderless sailboat in the middle of the ocean, at the mercy of the prevailing winds, tides and currents and unlikely to end up anywhere you'd really want to be.

So when you have no clear focus,  it's all too easy to become an unwitting victim of those distractions that, in the bigger scheme of things, aren't taking you in a direction you truly want to go.  Not that there's anything inherently wrong or sinister with all the activities you distract yourself with -- from chatting with friends by the water cooler or on the phone, rummaging through the department store sales racks, watching re-runs of "The Office," updating your Facebook status or browsing YouTube.  But beyond the initial restorative benefits gained by disengaging your brain for a little while, if those time-consuming activities aren't adding to your long-term sense of fulfillment or wellbeing, then they are doing yourself more of a disservice more than anything else.

While the world has changed dramatically in even just the last 20 years, the value of focused effort has not. To combat my ADD and  improve my focus,  I recently downloaded software that limits my access to Facebook (and in case you're wondering, yes, this IS humiliating for me to admit).   I switch my phone to silent when I'm writing.  Like right now.  Often I head to a cafe where I can't access  the Internet, removing all temptation.  And I have time scheduled in my calendar every weekday morning at 8am to prioritize what I will focus on in the day ahead. 

Does my new system work perfectly?  No.  But it certainly counters that ADD, making me far more productive than I would be otherwise.  As for when my kids get out of school for summer, well, I guess I will be heading to that cafe even more!  What I've learned over the years though, is that I can get more done in 2 hours of focused attention, than in 8 hours while suffering with Attention Distraction Disorder.

4 Steps to Harnessing the Productivity Power of Focus:

1.  Write down the specific goals you have for yourself in the next 3 months.  The more specific the better. ( e.g., for Terri, it is to get a job in the food industry that utilizes her skills and experience in product development and resourcing in cross-cultural settings.)
2.  Schedule time into your calendar for the week ahead (at least -- a month is better still!) that will be dedicated solely to moving you toward this goal.  Be realistic but be very specific about exactly when you are going to focus.  No multi-tasking: it simply doesn't work for anything more than the simplest of tasks. (And this multi-tasking wannabee would know.)
3.  Get whatever resources and materials you will need to make sure that you have everything you need to use that time well (e.g.,  If you need more information to get started, get it now so you don't find yourself distractedly surfing the Internet!)
4.  Think ahead about possible distractions and plan around them.  Turn your phone off.  Let others know you will not be available.  Unplug your modem.  It doesn't matter that it seems pathetic.  If you need that to help you focus, then just do it.  Speaking of which, I guess I can turn my phone back on. Article written. Mission accomplished. distraction awaits.
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Margie Warrell; thought leader in human potential, master life coach, international speaker, media contributor and best-selling author of Find Your Courage. Take the Courage Quiz, watch Margie’s TV interviews (TODAY show, Fox, CNBC) and sign up for her free LIVE BOLDLY! newsletter. Then order your personally autographed Amazon best-seller book Find Your Courage

Growing up on a farm in rural Australia meant growing up with something called the Tall Poppy Syndrome. It may sound like some ailment associated with cocaine addiction or a nasty chronic medical condition, but it's actually a cultural condition. While I'm not a cultural historian, I think it stems all the way back to our convict ancestors who were determined to create a more egalitarian society than the class system they left behind in mother England. And over the generations, it manifested into the self-deprecating Aussie culture that hailed the 'down to earth' and scorned anyone considered 'up themselves.' Standing out from the crowd meant risking being cut down like a tall poppy. Needless to say, it wasn't an environment that always inspired the entrepreneurial spirit.

Fortunately, the influence of the Tall Poppy Syndrome has waned in recent decades as we've seen so many Aussie's stand out on the world stage for their talent and accomplishment. Which is a good thing! Even former Australian Prime Minister John Howard said, "The one thing we need to get rid of in this country is the Tall Poppy Syndrome." And yet while the Tall Poppy Syndrome may be uniquely Australian, having travelled to 60 plus countries around the world, I believe that the fear that drives it is universal -- and stronger than ever. That is, we all live with what I've dubbed a "Small Poppy Committee" in our heads, whose sole mission in life is to keep us thinking small, playing safe and avoiding any possibility of being 'cut down' by those around us. It's not trying to hurt us, rather to protect us from the sting of rejection, the disappointment of failure, or the embarrassment of looking foolish when our efforts to achieve a goal fall short.

It is simply our ego's way of alerting us to potential threats to its safety, and the risks inherent in daring to do something in which we have no guarantee of success. But the reality is that nothing worth doing comes with a guarantee of success. Every worthwhile endeavor will require a degree of risk. It will also require a degree (or five) of Tall Poppy Courage. That is, the courage to dare to stand out from the crowd, to step onto new ground, and to do more and be more than we have up to now.

To be outstanding in life, you must be willing to stand out. When all you do is try to fit in, you negate the difference your difference makes. Being a Tall Poppy is not about being "stuck up" or walking around with a sense of superiority.  Far from it.  It's about daring to think bigger about what's possible for you, to embrace your individuality, to express your uniqueness and to follow your dreams...however magnificently humble or audaciously huge they may be.  It's not about being better than anybody else; rather, it's about being a better version of yourself.  The irony is that expressing the full quota of your brilliance in the world is only possible when you give up trying to show people how brilliant (smart or accomplished) you are.  It's just about doing what inspires you, and stepping courageously through whatever Small Poppy fears, real or imagined, are standing in your way.

Have you got Tall Poppy Courage? Of course you do. More than you know. It's just waiting on you to decide that that the risk of remaining tight inside your tall poppy bud is greater than the risk it will take to blossom.

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Margie Warrell; thought leader in human potential, master life coach, international speaker, media contributor and best-selling author of Find Your Courage. 

Take the Courage Quiz, watch Margie’s TV interviews (TODAY show, Fox, CNBC)  and sign up for her free LIVE BOLDLY! newsletter. Then order your personally autographed Amazon best-seller book Find Your Courage.