As leaders, it's not our job to fix anyone or to have any solutions but to empower others to solve their own problems. Our job is to help team members expand the horizons of their awareness, and to facilitate their taking responsibility for their actions and reactions.

Yet when we're in front of the room facilitating a group or leading a teleconference, it's sometimes difficult to remember that just because we're leading, it doesn't mean that we have to be an authority on the subject at hand. In fact, the amount of brilliance unleashed in our participants may depend on how well we let go of our need to have all the answers.

A wise facilitator once said: "The wisdom in the room is far more important than the sage in front of the room."

To me, that means excellent leaders pause.  Instead of coming to the rescue all the time, a good leader allows his or her team to struggle.  During that struggle, new leaders emerge.

If we let go of control and allow others to lead, we will see people empowered and engaged, having more fun, and achieving greater results. It will also take a huge burden off us as leaders, because now we do not need to know everything.
  
Example

You're facilitating a group of people focused on accountability issues. One member of the group throws an impossible situation at you. You have no idea how to solve the problem presented. You are really stumped and you don't know how to respond. If you begin thinking, "Wow, I'm supposed to be the expert sage on accountability here. I need to come up with something brilliant, or change the subject pronto!"  Then you'll probably get stressed out and offer little value to your participants.
But if you decide instead to just admit what's going on and say for instance, "Hey. You've really stumped me with this one.  What does this bring up for the rest of you in the group?" You will have actually increased your level of credibility to the group by being honest. You will have empowered the group by seeking their wisdom and insights on the issue. Furthermore, you will get a more balanced perspective on the issue by drawing on everyone's life experience. 

If you believe someone would enjoy and benefit from this post, please share it. Just click on the + Share button and you will see lots of options for sharing it with friends including email, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn. Thanks!

Larry Lipman

www.FunTeamBuilding.com

Experts say one of the top skills of EXCELLENT LEADERS is catching people doing things RIGHT.  That means 3 things:

• Acknowledging
• Supporting
• Validating

Our culture is obsessed with focusing on negative behavior. We do that with our families at home.
We do it in the workpace.  Strangely, it seems that criticizing and negative thinking are considered "realistic" in our culture.  Support, praise, and encouragement are often considered insincere or manipulative.

Maybe we revel in the mistakes of others to save us from aspiring any higher ourselves or from taking responsibility for our own shortcomings.

When we catch people doing things RIGHT, we are not only learning to focus on the positive....
we are empowering and motiviating others. Good leaders use that skill to make the world a better place.

Examples in the workplace are:

"Thanks very much for sharing that, Sue. It took a lot of courage for you to do that."

"Karen, I appreciate you for gracefully bringing the group back on task.”

"Thank you, Bill, for taking responsibility and not blaming others.”

"I just want to acknowledge all of you for your willingness to do this work.”

"Pete, I appreciate your taking notes today."

"Jill, thanks for taking the initiative in our upcoming project."

If you believe someone would enjoy and benefit from this post, please share it. Just click on the + Share button and you will see lots of options for sharing it with friends including email, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn. Thanks!

www.FunTeamBuilding.com

Do you want to know the quickest way to success, and the quickest way to empower others to succeed?

The experts say that THE WORDS we use in our everyday conversations and in our thoughts determine:

• Our mood
• Our reputation
• Our destiny

The same applies to LEADERS!  With the all the leadership and management training classes I have attended over the years, the single most provocative and enlightening revelation that I have learned is --- the power of words.

Do you want to become an instant Leader? It does take certain skill sets, abilities, and charisma, yes. It also takes choosing the right vocabulary words.

Changing our vocabulary words means changing our vocabulary habits.  

My first example is one of my favorites.   Use the word, “problem,” in a sentence. Go ahead.  Say the sentence silently to yourself. Now, substitute the word "problem" with the word "challenge" in the same sentence.  How differently do you feel?  It is subtle.  And at the same time, very powerful.

I have officially eliminated the word, problem, from my spoken vocabulary.  I use the word, challenge,  instead.

Leaders use the challenge  word often.  It means things are solvable. Goals can be reached.  Success is possible.

A Few Other Vocabulary Samples:

Instead of the words on the left, try saying the more empowering words on the right:  

I experience the words in the left column every day.  But, I choose to use the words in the right column… when I remember!  Awareness is the key.

If you believe someone would enjoy and benefit from this post, please share it. Just click on the + Share button and you will see lots of options for sharing it with friends including email, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn. Thanks!

Larry Lipman

www.FunTeamBuilding.com

Want to know how to handle conflict and communicate effectively? Here are ten ways to handle a charged disagreement, get your point across and keep your relationships solid:

1. Geography --- immediately go to another room, outside, or different location.
   Move, move, move.  Leave the original stress scene behind!
2. Remember behavior is not the person.  They are separate.  How people behave is   not who they are.
3. Listen, listen, listen,  listen,  listen,   listen,  listen,  listen,   listen.
4. Your tone of voice is everything.  Raise it and you raise your partner’s defenses and add hours to the upset, not to mention hurt feelings.   Speak softly and clearly without anger….even if your parents didn’t.
5. Never bring up the past.
6. Sometimes (actually, many times), an argument is triggered by an event, unrelated to the real upset.  Great question to ask:  “What else is the matter?”
7. Instead of criticizing, ask for what you want.
   When your partner criticizes, ask "what do you need?"
8. Kick out judgment…… and you kick out 99% of your arguments.   That means kicking out  that need to be right.  Real strength is knowing you are right… and not telling the other person.
9. Do not surrender just so that the conflict will go away.
10. Perspective.  Remember that you are healthy, above ground, and better off than most of the world.   Being grateful helps arguments end faster.

If you believe someone would enjoy and benefit from this post, please share it. Just click on the + Share button and you will see lots of options for sharing it with friends including email, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn. Thanks!

                                             Larry Lipman

                                      www.FunTeamBuilding.com

There are 3 sides to every argument:

1. Your side.
2. Their side.
3. The truth.

The #1 biggest cause of all upsets and arguments ----- “the need to be right.”  This is a killer.  If we can get over that, if we can kick out that need ----our lives shift.  That need to be right forces us to dig in our stance and make the other person defensive.

The #1 way of handling all arguments & upsets ----- and the most difficult ------
“Training yourself to see other peoples' points of view, in the midst of an upset.”

This is sooooooo difficult and is not the natural thing to do.  It takes incredible
strength.   And must be learned & practiced.

"So what you're saying is...
"Your point of view is...
"This is how you feel...
"This is your truth..."

When you can do this, upsets and arguments diffuse and disappear, while solutions and healing kick in.

********* The Do’s of How to Argue **********

The real secret of how to argue is language.  Especially the first word. This takes incredible strength, wisdom, and courage because it means eliminating the word, “you.”

1. “I experienced…..”
2. “I feel…..”
3. “I need…”

And remember that conflict is good. That is how we grow and learn about ourselves and the other person. Things become clearer.

Conflict precedes clarity.

If you believe someone would enjoy and benefit from this post, please share it. Just click on the + Share button and you will see lots of options for sharing it with friends including email, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn. Thanks!
Larry Lipman, Success Coach

www.FunTeamBuilding.com

We all want to be successful in some component of our lives whether that be in career, relationship or balance. It's your life; you define what success means to you.  But often, we don't know how to get there. 

Here are fourteen steps to take to get you there:

1. Mentor – Choose strong role models and be one to others.
2. Laugh – Laugh at yourself…with others…and often.
3. Empathize – Put yourself in other people's shoes.
4. Inspire – Find a hero, model them, stretch yourself, and share your gifts.
5. Show Vulnerability – Be able to say, “I’m sorry.”  “I was wrong.”  “I recommit.”
6. Improve – Go to book stores' listen to tapes; use the Internet; hang out with wiser people; attend workshops.
7. Reflect – PAUSE. Listen to your thoughts.
8. Listen to Feedback – Be open to constructive criticism.  It has the potential to teach us.
9. Communicate – Ask, ask, ask.  Listen, listen, listen.  People cannot read our minds.
10. Take Risks – Attempt new approaches.  Let go of old attitudes. Tweak your beliefs so that they serve YOU.
11. Assess – What and Who are important in your life? What really matters?
12. Set Goals – Make measurable goals and put a time limit to them.
13. Manage Your Time – You make time OR you make excuses.
14. CANI – “constant and never-ending improvement” (from Tony Robbins)

If you believe someone would enjoy and benefit from this post, please share it. Just click on the + Share button and you will see lots of options for sharing it with friends including email, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn. Thanks!

                                   Larry Lipman
                         www.FunTeamBuilding.com

Let's cut to the chase.  If you answer any ONE of these questions below or ask any of these questions, you will grow and/or the recipient will grow.

These are thought-provoking questions that will encourage and enhance personal and professional growth.

They apply to kids and adults and can be asked at home or at the office --- you choose the situation.

1. Is this an obstacle or an opportunity?
2. How is this like your life?
3. What is this costing you?
4. What is your next step?
5. What is your definition of “success?”
6. What did you learn from this?
7. How would you do this differently?
8. How can you apply what you learned?
9. What specific action steps will you take?
10. What else is the matter?

If you believe someone would enjoy and benefit from this post, please share it. Just click on the + Share button and you will see lots of options for sharing it with friends including email, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn. Thanks!

www.FunTeamBuilding.com

     A belief is a certainty that we create. It is something we believe is true.

     Beliefs incorporate our views about relationships, the work place, religion, family, money, failure, success, and life.  We believe them until something else happens that challenges them.  Some beliefs do us well; many do not. 

     That is why all my beliefs are on probation.

                                                     Example 1:
 
    I used to believe that I had to be perfect before becoming a speaker. I wanted to make NO mistakes in front of people.  This belief delayed my career for years. 
 
    I changed that belief when I observed other motivational speakers and trainers making all sorts of mistakes!  I learned that the not-so-polished speakers were extremely successful --- in fact, the ones who could laugh at themselves, make the most mistakes, and share their vulnerabilities, were the most successful at connecting with people.

    I learned that beliefs can be dangerous.  Right or wrong, good or bad, they guide our behaviors.   I learned that following my passion was more important than my need to be perfect and look good in front of people.

                                                         Example 2: 

     I facilitated 2 rival groups within the same company: sales vs. technical.  The CEO was having nightmares with their lack of support for each other and their breakdown in communication. Back-stabbing, minimal teamwork, and disharmony ruled.  I was called in to work miracles.

    The turning point was an activity called “Back-Talk.”  Mixing the 2 groups together in teams of four; they had to create different ways to communicate with each other without talking.  They could choose to work together or not.  With their pride, egos, and  competitive spirit in check, they were out of their comfort zones.

     Outcomes were hilarious!  They were completely frustrated.  They had to use their frustration to build relationships, tap into their creativity, ask for help, and work together.  And they did.

     Be aware of your beliefs.  Awareness is the key.  Being aware and open to new information about ourselves and others will help us determine whether our beliefs are good or bad.  When we start to fine tune and adjust our beliefs so that they work for us instead of against us, we start creating powerful and lasting lives.

If you believe someone would enjoy and benefit from this post, please share it. Just click on the + Share button and you will see lots of options for sharing it with friends including email, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn. Thanks!

                                                        Larry Lipman
                                             www.FunTeamBuilding.com

I read this story several years ago, and do not know who wrote it.

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends. An exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy middle-aged man entered.  He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him.

The young-at-heart man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her. 

Before she could offer her apologies for so rudely staring, he leaned over and whispered to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $25.00......on one condition." 

Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."

The woman considered his proposition for a moment, then slowly removed $25 from her purse, which she pressed into the man's hand along with her address.

She looked deeply into his eyes, and slowly, meaningfully said..... "Clean my house."

One of the key ingredients in LIFE begins with excellent communication. Clarity is the key ingredient to communication.

If you believe someone would enjoy and benefit from this post, please share it. Just click on the + Share button and you will see lots of options for sharing it with friends including email, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn. Thanks!

              Larry Lipman
      www.FunTeamBuilding.com

See how your team ranks:

              Good                                                                           Bad

Team members talk and communicate         The work place is built around silos, cliques,
                                                                     and isolation barriers.

Leadership walks its talk.                              Leadership says one  thing --- and acts another.

Team members are encouraged to                 Back-stabbing, private agendas, and low
to contribute and be rewarded.                      morale rule.

Team members trust each other and             People have their own agenda.
ask for help.                                                  (What’s in it for me?)

Team roles are clearly defined.                      The individual is more important than the team.                                

Catch people doing things right.                    Catch people doing things wrong.

If you believe someone would enjoy and benefit from this post, please share it. Just click on the + Share button and you will see lots of options for sharing it with friends including email, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn. Thanks!
                                                  Larry Lipman

                                        www.FunTeamBuilding.com