Can you get any more negative than those 2 words?

"NO" and "PROBLEM"

Kick those 2 words out of your vocabulary, and you will help change the world and peoples' lives.  That's a pretty bold statement, I know.

The most common response these days to the phrase, "thank you," is "no problem."  I must hear that a dozen times a day because I enjoy catching people doing things right and saying "thank you."  When someone says "no problem," it does not allow the sender of the compliment or the receiver of the compliment to feel good.  How could it when it sounds like we meant it to be a problem in the first place!

A much more empowering response to a "thank you" would simply be "you're welcome."  OR "my pleasure."  Or "happy to."  Those phrases allow both the sender and receiver of the compliment to feel good.

Ever walk into a Chick Filet restaurant or a Ritz Carlton hotel?  You will never hear the phrase, "no problem."  It is catching on in other public establishments as well.

Such a small tweak in our everyday language and vocabulary helps change the world for the better.

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Larry Lipman, Success Coach

www.FunTeamBuilding.com

photo by: by proathleteinc

The first step is passion in helping others to succeed. If you don't have that, forget it. If you have a passion for helping others, you are 80% there!

Learning excellent facilitation skills is the next important step. One needs to learn how to engage groups of people...that means choosing the right activities that bring about the learning outcomes for which they hired you. If they want TRUST, if they want better COMMUNICATION SKILLS, if they want to HANDLE CHANGE, if they want to LEARN ABOUT EACH OTHER. These are typical outcomes. There are hundreds of activities appropriate for each.

The last step in successfully building teams is learning how to DE-BRIEF your group. That means asking "make-you-think" questions so the participants come up with the answers and solutions. That's how they learn.  They have them come up with the answers! These are called "AHA" moments.

Here are some example of good DE-BRIEFING questions:

* Is this an obstacle or an opportunity?
* What did you learn about yourself and how will you apply this?
* What is your next step?
* What specific action steps will you take?

NOW --- how does one get started on this Success Coaching Career? If you want to be a Family Success Coach, go to parenting Workshops, read parenting books, model your mentors, and find ways to make your kids and spouse feel loved and supported. If you want to be a Corporate Success Coach, go to experiential educational workshops and conferences, join local associations with successful coaches who are willing to share their skills, model your mentors, and get your feet wet by actually doing it.  Creating a web site is mandatory.

To sum it up, an excellent Success Coach is someone who models the behavior he or she teaches --at home and at work. That means being genuine, walking your talk, making and admitting your mistakes, constantly growing and learning, and keeping your passion alive by touching peoples' lives for the better.

Now, follow your passion and get going --- the world needs more Success Coaches!

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The communication experts say that we learn in different ways.  We have different “learning styles.”

The secret for speakers, coaches, parents, teachers, and anyone who wishes to connect with others is….connecting with peoples’ learning styles.  This becomes so much more effective when using an experiential, learn-by-doing format, rather than  traditional lecturing.

Getting people to interact will have far more lasting impact than lecturing.

The primary goal of facilitation is to make things "easier" for a person or group to learn, grasp, or accomplish, while allowing them to come up with the answers. This is particularly true when deciding whether to facilitate or teach. 

That is a big decision.  Many teachers choose to lecture their students. That has been our tradition.
And our egos very often depend on this perception.  Teaching is easier to do than facilitating.  I know.  I taught traditionally for many years.   This is not to say that there is never a time for lecture.  There is. Balance is the key.

So what's the point? The point is that not everybody is auditory. People will better learn, engage, shift, and change by actually participating in some behavior that engages their multiple senses. Providing your participants or students with an experience that engages multiple senses is far more powerful than anything a mere lecture can provide.

Example

I was asked to present a 20-minute keynote at a luncheon for 80 members of a local Chamber of Commerce.  Few people knew each other. I was asked to help them get to know each other better and talk about better communication --- in 20 minutes.   I told them I do not do miracles.

Now I could have talked about communication processes and bored them to death.
Not to mention, when people are eating, they are a step away from napping.

My work was cut out for me.

Here’s what I did:  I broke them into pairs and asked them to answer one question:
What is the most outrageous thing you both have in common?

Partners left for a quiet place and returned 5 minutes later.

When they stood up and shared their answers, people were falling off their chairs laughing! 
They learned more about each other in 5 minutes than they would in a lifetime.  That is experiential learning.

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                                        Larry Lipman

                               www.FunTeamBuilding.com

1. Be Real. If you're not being real, people will know, and you compromise your integrity. Being   genuine is a gift to yourself and others.

2. Be Totally Present. This is a learned skill. 

3. Work on Yourself. Listen to tapes, go to conferences, read empowering books, hang out with smart people.

4. Celebrate Your Successes.  Most people ask "What's next?" and never stop to celebrate.  That's sad.

5. What is your destiny?   Remembering your true motivation and passion behind your life will strengthen and energize you.

6. Remember the most powerful 4-letter word in the English language when it comes to handling rejection....."NEXT."

7. Be grateful.  There are always people worse off than we are.  It is impossible to be depressed and grateful at the same time.

If you believe someone would enjoy and benefit from this post, please share it. Just click on the + Share button and you will see lots of options for sharing it with friends including email, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn. Thanks!

                                        Larry Lipman

                               www.FunTeamBuilding.com

When I reflect on the wisdom I've learned over the years as a team building facilitator, I find there are four core beliefs that have guided me and saved me from a lot of frustration and wasted time, while building great relationships.

Lesson#1: 

I cannot change people.  The only person I can change is myself.  Knowing this has stopped me from wasting my time and energy on family, friends, clients, and bosses! 

Lesson#2:

When we step back and get the big picture, we see perspective.  Just because I am having a bad day doesn't mean my whole life is a disaster.

Lesson#3:

My life changes for the better dramatically whenever I learn to kick out 1 or more of these nasty needs in life:  
  
• Need to be right
• Need to look good in front of others
• Need to be perfect
• Need to protect my ego
• Need to judge

Lesson#4:

The greatest gift I can give another human being is being present with that person in the now moment.  That is NOT easy.  We all want to speak up and respond immediately.  Listening is a learned skill.  Listening is a gift.

www.FunTeamBuilding.com

Experts say that non-verbal communication is as important as verbal --- if not, moreso. Effective leaders need to be conscious of the power of their own body language and use non-verbal body language to gain rapport, connect, clarify, and win negotiations.

It is important to be sensitive to cultural differences in body language. When in doubt, check out your perceptions thoroughly. 

Examples of POSITIVE BODY LANGUAGE:
 
* opening your posture
* if presenting, standing where you can be seen by all
* moving deliberately and for a purpose
* using hand gestures to strengthen and enhance your communication
* not using podiums or other objects to hide behind
* making regular eye contact without staring
* smiling genuinely and nodding
* standing upright with relaxed posture
* amplifying what you are feeling with genuine facial expressions. 

Examples of NEGATIVE BODY LANGUAGE:

* Avoiding eye contact
* Not smiling or faking a smile
* Facing someone at an angle or leaning away from them
* crossing arms or legs when the other person is not
* drooping your shoulders
* gazing sideways and not being fully present
* fidgeting

The Secret for success for one-on-one body language:
Mirror the other person. It is a skill to mirror body language without appearing to mimic or make fun. Try it. People will connect with you instantly and not know why they like you!

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                               www.Funteambuilding.com

As leaders, it's not our job to fix anyone or to have any solutions but to empower others to solve their own problems. Our job is to help team members expand the horizons of their awareness, and to facilitate their taking responsibility for their actions and reactions.

Yet when we're in front of the room facilitating a group or leading a teleconference, it's sometimes difficult to remember that just because we're leading, it doesn't mean that we have to be an authority on the subject at hand. In fact, the amount of brilliance unleashed in our participants may depend on how well we let go of our need to have all the answers.

A wise facilitator once said: "The wisdom in the room is far more important than the sage in front of the room."

To me, that means excellent leaders pause.  Instead of coming to the rescue all the time, a good leader allows his or her team to struggle.  During that struggle, new leaders emerge.

If we let go of control and allow others to lead, we will see people empowered and engaged, having more fun, and achieving greater results. It will also take a huge burden off us as leaders, because now we do not need to know everything.
  
Example

You're facilitating a group of people focused on accountability issues. One member of the group throws an impossible situation at you. You have no idea how to solve the problem presented. You are really stumped and you don't know how to respond. If you begin thinking, "Wow, I'm supposed to be the expert sage on accountability here. I need to come up with something brilliant, or change the subject pronto!"  Then you'll probably get stressed out and offer little value to your participants.
But if you decide instead to just admit what's going on and say for instance, "Hey. You've really stumped me with this one.  What does this bring up for the rest of you in the group?" You will have actually increased your level of credibility to the group by being honest. You will have empowered the group by seeking their wisdom and insights on the issue. Furthermore, you will get a more balanced perspective on the issue by drawing on everyone's life experience. 

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Larry Lipman

www.FunTeamBuilding.com

Experts say one of the top skills of EXCELLENT LEADERS is catching people doing things RIGHT.  That means 3 things:

• Acknowledging
• Supporting
• Validating

Our culture is obsessed with focusing on negative behavior. We do that with our families at home.
We do it in the workplace.  Strangely, it seems that criticizing and negative thinking are considered "realistic" in our culture.  Support, praise, and encouragement are often considered insincere or manipulative.

Maybe we revel in the mistakes of others to save us from aspiring any higher ourselves or from taking responsibility for our own shortcomings.

When we catch people doing things RIGHT, we are not only learning to focus on the positive....
we are empowering and motivating others. Good leaders use that skill to make the world a better place.

Examples in the workplace are:

"Thanks very much for sharing that, Sue. It took a lot of courage for you to do that."

"Karen, I appreciate you for gracefully bringing the group back on task.”

"Thank you, Bill, for taking responsibility and not blaming others.”

"I just want to acknowledge all of you for your willingness to do this work.”

"Pete, I appreciate your taking notes today."

"Jill, thanks for taking the initiative in our upcoming project."

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www.FunTeamBuilding.com

Do you want to know the quickest way to success, and the quickest way to empower others to succeed?

The experts say that THE WORDS we use in our everyday conversations and in our thoughts determine:

• Our mood
• Our reputation
• Our destiny

The same applies to LEADERS!  With the all the leadership and management training classes I have attended over the years, the single most provocative and enlightening revelation that I have learned is --- the power of words.

Do you want to become an instant Leader? It does take certain skill sets, abilities, and charisma, yes. It also takes choosing the right vocabulary words.

Changing our vocabulary words means changing our vocabulary habits.  

My first example is one of my favorites.   Use the word, “problem,” in a sentence. Go ahead.  Say the sentence silently to yourself. Now, substitute the word "problem" with the word "challenge" in the same sentence.  How differently do you feel?  It is subtle.  And at the same time, very powerful.

I have officially eliminated the word, problem, from my spoken vocabulary.  I use the word, challenge,  instead.

Leaders use the challenge  word often.  It means things are solvable. Goals can be reached.  Success is possible.

A Few Other Vocabulary Samples:

Instead of the words on the left, try saying the more empowering words on the right:  

I experience the words in the left column every day.  But, I choose to use the words in the right column… when I remember!  Awareness is the key.

If you believe someone would enjoy and benefit from this post, please share it. Just click on the + Share button and you will see lots of options for sharing it with friends including email, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn. Thanks!

Larry Lipman

www.FunTeamBuilding.com

Want to know how to handle conflict and communicate effectively? Here are ten ways to handle a charged disagreement, get your point across and keep your relationships solid:

1. Geography --- immediately go to another room, outside, or different location.
   Move, move, move.  Leave the original stress scene behind!
2. Remember behavior is not the person.  They are separate.  How people behave is   not who they are.
3. Listen, listen, listen,  listen,  listen,   listen,  listen,  listen,   listen.
4. Your tone of voice is everything.  Raise it and you raise your partner’s defenses and add hours to the upset, not to mention hurt feelings.   Speak softly and clearly without anger….even if your parents didn’t.
5. Never bring up the past.
6. Sometimes (actually, many times), an argument is triggered by an event, unrelated to the real upset.  Great question to ask:  “What else is the matter?”
7. Instead of criticizing, ask for what you want.
   When your partner criticizes, ask "what do you need?"
8. Kick out judgment…… and you kick out 99% of your arguments.   That means kicking out  that need to be right.  Real strength is knowing you are right… and not telling the other person.
9. Do not surrender just so that the conflict will go away.
10. Perspective.  Remember that you are healthy, above ground, and better off than most of the world.   Being grateful helps arguments end faster.

If you believe someone would enjoy and benefit from this post, please share it. Just click on the + Share button and you will see lots of options for sharing it with friends including email, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn. Thanks!

                                             Larry Lipman

                                      www.FunTeamBuilding.com