by Patricia Wheeler

Have you ever wondered why your team isn’t moving faster?  One of my clients, a senior vice president, was at her wit’s end trying to get more speed of execution.  In fact, she was at a crossroads; the reorganization she had spearheaded was three months post-rollout, and she was expected by her president to deliver results. 

The team , all capable and skilled individuals themselves, was moving cautiously.  At times they seemed to be drifting, though they clearly had been given their marching orders.  She was worried.

While interviewing her team members, I asked the question, “How do you know when you’re going in the right direction?”  “That’s the problem,” her direct reports said.  “We always know when we’re going in the wrong direction.  She tells us that immediately.  But too often when we’re forced to make critical course changes, we don’t get the specific guidance and support we need.” 

Her 360 feedback results confirmed this; she was given low marks from stakeholders on measures that reflected her skill in developing employee talents and setting a positive example.

When she received this feedback, she was astonished.  She knew she was tough, but she thought her management style was well balanced between critical and encouraging comments.  What she didn’t know is that balance in the traditional sense just isn’t good enough.

Research shows that we’re hard-wired to absorb criticism at a much higher internal decibel level than we absorb compliments.  There are exceptions to this rule, of course.  But for most of us, it takes the impact of three to five positive comments to equal the impact of one negative comment.  As we make deposits to and withdrawals from our employees’ “motivational bank account,” consider whether you are ever overdrawn from their perspective.  If your positive and negative comments occur at an even rate, you are likely to be operating in the red. 

And if so, what’s the cost to performance?  Are “attaboys” and encouragement just fluff or do they produce measurable business results?

Think for a moment:  if your employees spend fifteen minutes per day fuming, complaining or feeling demoralized about your management style, how much time does that take away from activities that are mission-critical?  How much time does that amount to each quarter?  What are the direct and indirect costs of this to your organization? What if you could harness all that energy in the direction of your goals?

Does this mean becoming a Pollyanna, saying nothing at all that’s not positive?  Of course not. 

Leadership requires setting the vision, charting the course and correcting off-course actions.  It’s not an all-or-none situation, though, and the fact is, most of us think we’re more encouraging than our employees perceive us to be.

Our senior vice president tried it out for a quarter.  To her delight, she noticed that not only did performance measures improve, she noticed something else:  more smiling employees with more energy and innovation on the job.  The cost of this:  extra time each day noticing successes and good efforts.  Was the effort worthwhile?  She thought so.  

Coach’s tip:  Think about your own leadership style.  What balance of encouragement to criticism do you aspire to?  What is the value of noticing successes and good efforts to your team?  Consider keeping track of the deposits and withdrawals you make to the Motivational Bank Accounts of your direct reports.

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Patricia Wheeler, Ph.D. is an executive and team coach who helps smart people become more effective leaders.  She is Marshall Goldsmith’s partner in Leading News (www.LeadingNews.org ) an online executive resource which features leadership development articles and events.  

"We had a plan in place to move forward with pricing. She was in the situation and just went with the idea that came to her mind. She needs to think instead of react.” My client's boss' comment about her performance. My sister in law told me about her day last week as a pre-school teacher: “I came home and snapped at the kids.”

How about you? Do you think, or do you react..some would say "over-react?"

Usually when you react it is because you perceive that something is beyond your control, and will either lead to a bad outcome (i.e., my client might have thought if she doesn’t act now, someday she’ll have to sit in her boss’s office having to explain the missed opportunity) or reminds you of a bad outcome (my sister in law’s children made her feel as powerless as she did with her preschool students). Your reaction is an effort to say or do something that will prevent an uncomfortable feeling or situation but it usually will just create another situation you will regret.

Here’s what you want to do next time:

1. Prevent yourself from getting to the point of reacting:Usually you have a build up of stress and whatever happens in the moment is the ‘straw that breaks the camel’s back’. Tune into your body, what are your particular early warning signs to know if stress is building up? When you are under stress, you are operating from the part of your brain where gut reactions come from, rather than the ‘thinking’ part of your brain. Your ‘mind follows your breath’ so you want to use breathing techniques to calm your nervous system and keep the thinking part of your brain in charge. An example of such a breathing technique can be found in one of my prior video blogs.
2. Reel yourself back from reacting:If you find yourself tempted to react, get in the habit of immediately asking clarifying questions, or attempt to understand the situation before jumping to the worst case scenario. Once your reaction is set in motion, see if you can ask for a pause from the interaction. Or even just slow down the momentum of the interaction in order to get your thinking brain back on track. For example, you can talk out loud in an effort to clarify your position, e.g., “I’m getting upset about this because…” Or you can identify something specific in the situation that you can do or ask for from the other person – this will make sure that you are engaging your brain in constructive problem-solving and getting away from emotional reactivity.

If you want techniques to help you prevent the build up of stress and overload, and techniques to use the thinking part of your brain instead of react, then listen to the recording of my teleconference call entitled Success under Stress for Women: How to Double your Effectiveness at Work and Energy at Home.

If you have ‘too much work and not enough time’, if difficult people at work or at home interfere with your performance, if you are noticing the signs of stress in your body…then learn how to get more results with less stress at work and feel more in control of your life. Here are just a few of the practical tools you will learn:

• The one rule you need to follow that will immediately turn around your stress and make sure you can be calm, clear thinking and confident in any situation
• What research says about women’s strengths under stress and what pitfalls you need to look out for
• The sentence you can say to gain the cooperation of difficult people or people that don’t give you what you need to finish your projects
• The secrets to being less reactive so you can respond with poise and act like a leader

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Sharon Melnick, Ph.D. is an executive coach and trainer who works with high potential and senior executives to rapidly remove any blocks to their leadership effectiveness. She combines ‘best practices’ executive coaching approaches with behavior change methods she developed over 10 years as a psychologist at Harvard Medical School.

Today the word "work" has come to mean something to be avoided as much as possible for many people. But there is value in work. Not just for the money you can earn from it, but from the person you get to become. Hard work draws out talents and capacities that may otherwise have laid dormant.

Yesterday, a good friend of mine lost in her bid to be elected to public office. Last week, an opportunity for me to contribute to a segment on Anderson Cooper's new talk show fell through.  Last month, my son missed out on making the local travel basketball team. And earlier this year, I had a book proposal rejected by ten (yes TEN!) publishers.
 
The fact is that whenever we take on lofty goals, there is risk we will not achieve them. Too often though, when our efforts fail to produce what we have worked hard toward, we focus on the failure. We think about what we missed out on doing or getting. People speak about their "wasted effort" implying that because they did not achieve the goal they wanted – whether it be the business contract they had worked so hard to secure or the promotion that went to someone else despite their hours of overtime -- that their effort was of no value.

That is not true.

You do yourself a disservice when you approach hard work begrudgingly. There is little in life more rewarding than working hard at work worth doing, regardless of whether you always produce the result you want.

Working hard toward a goal or vision that inspires us, regardless of the outcome, always holds intrinsic value. What matters far more than what we get from our hard work and effort, is who we get to become in the process. My friend Caren echoed this sentiment last night with a group of supporters gathered in my home. She shared her gratitude for the rewarding experience of simply running for office and her appreciation for the opportunity to meet so many people, of all political persuasions and across all walks of life. Yes, she worked hard. Very hard -- door-knocking on 20,000 doors hard. But she also drew enormous pleasure from the hard work, and shared the quote by Theodore Roosevelt which has inspired this post: "Far and away the best prize life has to offer is working hard at work worth doing."

It is only human to feel disappointment when we don't achieve something we have worked hard toward. But our hard work and effort is never wasted. It truly is one of life's deep joys to "work hard at work worth doing."  And working hard toward something that fills you with purpose and passion is always work worth doing -- whether it be raising your family, fulfilling a long-held dream,  building a business that fulfills an unmet need or,  writing a book to change lives.

Today the word "work" has come to mean something to be avoided as much as possible for many people. But there is value in work. Not just for the money you can earn from it, but from the person you get to become. Hard work draws out talents and capacities that may otherwise have laid dormant.

I don't know what challenges you face right now. But I will bet that in order to meet them successfully, it will require you to do some hard work. Work isn’t always "fun". Sometimes it can be a grind. But that does not diminish its intrinsic value.

So let me ask you, where is your life calling on you to work harder at work worth doing? Whether it is the inner work of transforming the way in which you are living your life, or the outer "roll up your sleeves and set your alarm early" work, always keep forefront of mind, that nothing worth doing has ever been done without good old-fashioned hard work. Period. I invite you to recommit yourself to putting in the effort needed to live a life that honors the best of who you are, and who have yet to become. After all, in the end it's never about the final destination; it's about the spirit in which we pursue the journey.

Journey on.
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Margie Warrell is a thought leader in human potential, master life coach, international speaker, media contributor and best-selling author of Find Your Courage. 

Take the Courage Quiz, watch Margie’s TV interviews (TODAY show, Fox, CNBC)  and sign up for her free LIVE BOLDLY! newsletter. Then order your personally autographed Amazon best-seller book Find Your Courage.

“Good mentors help to anchor the promise of the future.” These words, written by Sharon Daloz Parks in the second edition of her book, Big Questions Worthy Dreams,  speaks to the power of mentoring for leadership development.  Good mentors inspire, motivate, inform, and even empower a mentee to step boldly into the future.

I’ve been on the road the last month presenting talks and workshops on the topic of leadership and what I’ve discovered along the way is that more and more organizations are integrating mentoring as part of their leadership development initiatives for some pretty compelling reasons.

1. Mentoring drives recruitment of future talent.  While Boomers exit the workforce, another door has opened and almost 80 million Millennials are in or entering the workforce. Many of them will become future leaders and are already convinced that having a mentor is their ticket to success. They are looking for employers will provide them that opportunity. As an example, Hinda, a recent MBA graduate from a prestigious eastern school, had four job offers waiting for her when she graduated. The company she ultimately chose offered to pair her with a mentor from the moment she walked in the door and throughout her career.

2. Mentoring contributes to increased retention rate of leadership talent. Almost all successful leaders can attribute their success in whole or in part to the mentors who have supported their growth and development. When leaders feel that someone has a vested interest in their success, they are more likely to tough out the hard times and work through difficult issues.
Bob stood up at our workshop and proudly declared, “I would not be a company leader today if it hadn’t been for my mentor who cared enough to help me get out of my own way and provide me with honest, straightforward, no-bull feedback.”

3. Mentoring nurtures to commitment to the organization.  Emerging leaders are more likely to be loyal to an organization in which they feel valued. Committed leaders want to deliver a return on the investment.

Mari’s company weathered some pretty rough times in the last six months and there were several times she was ready to throw in the towel. Her mentor kept her focused on the big picture and the strategic direction of the organization so she would understand why changing her behavior was so necessary.

4. Mentoring builds and strengthens the talent pipeline.  Cutbacks affect a surprising number of individual contributors and good performers. Expectations for them are higher than ever before. Organizations need to invest more - not less - in their development in order to ensure a smooth transition and continuity of prepared leaders.

Greg, an HR Manager, gave his talent pipeline a C- minus two years ago. And then they instituted several mentoring programs. He was surprised at how eager the emerging leaders were for these programs and how positively they effected their quarterly results. People were digging in, moving up and becoming increasingly productive.

5. Mentoring facilitates strategic alignment. Knowledge is distributed unevenly throughout most organizations. Some information is known by some people. Other information is known “in pockets.” Knowledge silos contribute to lack of alignment and make it difficult for leaders to be effective.

Within one year after a company I worked with created a cross-functional mentoring program for new leaders, the entire culture shifted. Previously, mentees had no idea what they didn’t know about other divisions. Their work world revolved around their silo. The knowledge sharing that occurred through mentoring created new networks throughout the company and allowed them to align their efforts more strategically.

6. Mentoring promotes diversity and inclusion. Mentoring gives everyone an opportunity to learn from the diversity within an organization. Knowledge is shared and diverse perspectives get heard. As trust increases, perspectives expand and difference becomes a source for learning and shared understanding, and boundaries disappear.

Sonja had never really known a Hispanic person before and went into her mentoring relationship with biases and invalid assumptions. In the process of mentoring Carlos, she came to realize how her stereotypes had been holding her back and negatively influencing her behaviors as a leader.

When an organization seriously engages in mentoring its leaders, everybody wins.

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Now managers, teachers, and leaders from any career, professional, or educational setting can successfully navigate the learning journey by using the hands-on worksheets and exercises in the newly published second edition of The Mentor's Guide.  It explores the critical process of mentoring and presents practical tools for facilitating the mentoring experience from beginning to end.

Dr. Lois J. Zachary is an internationally recognized expert on mentoring excellence and has been cited as “one of the top 100 minds in leadership” today. Her first book on mentoring, The Mentor’s Guide, was originally published in 2000 (reissued in a second edition in 2011) and has become the primary resource for organizations interested in promoting mentoring for leadership and learning and for mentors seeking to deepen their mentoring practice. With her best-selling books Creating a Mentoring Culture (2005) and The Mentee’s Guide (2009), and almost 100 published articles, Zachary has created a comprehensive set of resources for promoting organizational mentoring sustainability. 

Each year in January, the National Western Stock Show comes to Denver and takes over the town.  The Stock Show is a Denver tradition.  It features the highest paying indoor rodeo in the world.  Farmers and ranchers from all over the Midwest and West come to view the exhibits and see the latest in farm machinery and veterinary technology.  Kids exhibit the animals they’ve raised.  McDonald’s purchases the prize steer.  The young man who raised this year’s winner won $50,000 for his efforts.  Cowboys flock to the local bars and restaurants.  All in all, it’s a pretty cool thing – an event that has been going on for over 100 years and something that defines Denver in January.

You’re probably wondering why I’m telling you all of this.  There is a reason.  The Denver Post got into the Stock Show tradition and did a feature on a book called Cowboy Ethics: What Wall Street Can Learn from the Code of the West.  It’s written by James P. Owen, a retired Wall Street exec who is now a professional speaker on investments.  I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that these days Wall Street could use a dose of ethics – cowboy or otherwise.  Think Bernie Maddoff who defrauded investors of over $50 billion, or John Thain, the Merril Lynch CEO who paid bonuses to executives who ran a company that lost $15 billion dollars in the last three months of 2008, and spent $1.2 million redecorating his office.

James lists 10 principles for finance professionals that he says are part of an implicit code of the old west and “borne from both the need for rugged individualism and a sense of how a community can take care of itself.”  I think these ten principles provide a great guide for how to build and maintain strong relationships.  See for yourself…

1. Live each day with courage.
2. Take pride in your work.
3. Always finish what you start.
4. Do what has to be done.
5. Be tough, but fair.
6. When you make a promise, keep it.
7. Ride for the brand.
8. Talk less, say more.
9. Remember that some things are not for sale.
10. Know where to draw the line.

James autographs Cowboy Ethics with the words “Ride tall.  Shoot straight.”  This is great common sense advice for building the types of relationships that will help you create personal and professional success. 

The common sense point here is simple.  Successful people are interpersonally competent.  Interpersonally competent people build strong, lasting relationships with the people in their lives.  Cowboy Ethics provides some excellent advice on how to build and maintain high quality relationships.  There are ten points in the Cowboy Ethics code, but they can be summed up quite well in four words: Ride tall.  Shoot Straight.  Ride tall. 

Be proud of who you are, what you do, and how you do it.  Shoot straight.  Be honest and straightforward.  Keep your promises, don’t sell your soul for a few (or a few billion) dollars.That’s my take on the National Western Stock Show, cowboy ethics and building high quality relationships.  What’s yours?  Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us.  As always, thanks for reading.

Bud

by Paul Wolf

In his classic self-help book, Handbook to Higher Consciousness, Ken Keyes Jr. says the reality for everyone who walks this earth is, "You win some; you lose some."

Confidence isn't about expecting to win always. That's unrealistic. Confidence is a blending of optimism, hopefulness, self-reliance and freedom from inhibition.

Here are nine ways to build confidence:

1. Create a positive attitude. Optimism breeds confidence. Start thinking positively, and eventually you will act more confidently.

2. Set specific goals. It's hard to go after what you want if you haven't defined your goals. Write them down,  the more detailed description, the better.

3. Rehearse."The pianist doesn't play on inspiration alone," says self-esteem guru Jerry Minchinton. Anyone who has doubts about doing something right can benefit from rehearsals.

4. Act confidently (no matter how you feel). Pessimists are passive instead of active, which creates a vicious circle in which lack of achievement and low self-esteem reinforce each other, writes Bob Arnot, M.D., in The Biology of Success.

5. Take risks. The inability to act comes from an insistence on certainty, says cognitive therapist Michael Edelstein. Remember, the world offers no guarantees.

6. Give in to periodic struggles. What's effortless doesn't build confidence.

7. Review successes and failures. It's obvious that yesterday's successes are worth studying, but our failures are often more instructive.

8. Accept others. By recognizing we are all only human, it becomes easier to take risks.

9. Remember what's important. When Isaac Stern took his violin on stage, he could have thought, "I am getting a little too round in the middle." But you can bet the classical music legend's main thoughts were on the eternal beauty of Mozart. When you feel a lack of confidence, remember this: The mission is always more important than the man.

by Dan Skeen

Dennis Conner's philosophy for success is simple - find one thing you're good at, devote yourself to it and become great. It may sound easy, but as the 4-time America's Cup-winning skipper concedes, most people spread themselves thin among a variety of commitments.

Known as "Mr. America's Cup", for his long and often controversial involvement in sailing's most coveted trophy, Conner says, "I think it comes down to attitude and it's hard to perform at the top level of your ability if you're not committed to that. If you want to be the best father and best husband and best community leader, how can you be the best golfer in the world, because the best golfer is out there playing golf every single day? And that's where most people are, they're somewhere in the middle. There's very few people that really know what an all-out effort at one thing is."

"I wasn't the smartest guy and I wasn't the best-looking guy, and I was batting seventh on the baseball team. The one thing I could do a little better than anybody else was sail. So I liked the positive rewards that I got by doing something better than the other people. And the more positive rewards I got, the more I gravitated towards it."

Research by psychologist K. Anders Erikson has shown that it requires approximately 10,000 hours of intentional practice, with coaching, to become an expert. Ten thousand hours is roughly equivalent to ten years of putting in 20 hours of practice a week. The importance of perseverance and practice is obvious.

Every bit as essential to becoming great, yet less obvious, is the importance of the character strengths of humility and love. Humility encourages you to seek and truly accept coaching, and love is what allows you to give and receive the relational support of others needed to persevere through the inevitable ups and downs of life.

Years ago I met and spoke with Andre Agassi when he was playing a tennis tournament in Burbank, California. This was during a period when Agassi had fallen from being one of the top players in the world to being so lowly ranked that it was difficult for him to get into major tournaments. Andre had the skills but just wasn’t playing anywhere near the top of his game. The Burbank tournament was the turning point. Agassi won the tournament and went on to return to the ranks of the top tennis players in the world. What happened?

Agassi attributed his turnaround to the guidance, support, encouragement and love he received from his wife (tennis great Steffi Graf), his coach, and other family members and friends. Before that time, Agassi had isolated himself. He was trying to self-help his way back to greatness. It is likely that he had grown lonely. When Andre humbled himself to accept coaching and connect relationally with a group of individuals whom he loved and who loved him, that’s when the magic happened.

I remember seeing Agassi walk around at the tournament and talk to people. There were several policemen there and I recall observing him chatting with each of them. When fans wanted an autograph, he patiently waited and signed each program or tennis ball. Andre was humble and more grounded than I had expected.

I believe that one key to Agassi’s comeback is that he had developed greater heart. The French word for heart is coeur, which is the root of the word courage. By admitting he could not come back on his own and reaching out for the help of others, Andre showed courage.  The word encourage means to give some of one’s heart to another. Along with the advice of his coach, Andre’s loving family and friends gave of their hearts and encouraged him.

A formulaic phrase I use when working with organizations that want to thrive is this: task excellence + relationship excellence = sustainable superior performance. Time and again I’ve witnessed that it can’t only be about the product; people, and specifically connection among the people, is equally critical. I see it here too. Years of time on the tennis court plus the connection Agassi developed with his relational support system was the key to his rising to once again be among the top-ranked tennis players in the world.

This message -- the need for love and encouragement, and for humility to accept advice from a coach or mentor -- is especially relevant now when research has shown that many individuals feel left out and have isolated themselves relationally. Research shows that people are more narcissistic and more people live alone today than at any time in U.S. history. A quarter of Americans report they have not had a conversation with a close friend over the last six months. They are struggling, like Andre did, and they desperately need our help to develop the courage, the heart, to take the risk of reaching out to connect with family and friends. We need to encourage them, to share our hearts with them, so that they can find the heart to reconnect. If a friend or family member has come to mind, I hope you will reach out and encourage him by sharing your heart.

In summary, if you want to be great at something, recognize that it will take years of persistent practice, develop the humility to learn from a coach who will help you see what you can’t such as your blind spots and advice on how to improve, and develop the courage to love family and friends. Your love will nourish them with emotional support and encouragement just as their love and encouragement will nourish you. Encouraged and loved, you’ll find you can persevere through the peaks and valleys you’ll encounter along the way.

It’s surprising, isn’t it, that developing one’s heart is an essential but rarely mentioned element to achieve lasting greatness. Like Andre Agassi, you may be great for a season, but it is utterly unsustainable unless you develop the “heart of a champion.”

Michael Lee Stallard speaks, teaches workshops and writes about leadership, employee engagement, productivity and innovation.  He is the primary author of the bestselling book Fired Up or Burned Out: How to Reignite Your Team's Passion Creativity and Productivity.  Learn more about Michael's company, E Pluribus Partners, and his blog MichaelLeeStallard.com.

This morning I was sitting in a Board meeting. Here’s the scenario: I’m a brand new member, it’s my first meeting, and I don’t have as much experience in the field as other people on the Board. You can imagine what I was tempted to think: “Should I speak up?” or “Will they think what I say is stupid?”

This topic was on my mind because several of the participants in my ‘just-ended’ Confidence at the Core* program were afraid of speaking up and taking a stand when they started the program six weeks ago. But now they say “I am confident. I speak what’s on my mind. The anxiety is gone.”

So I thought I’d put these questions to you:

• Where in your life do you want to voice your opinion more?
• Are you afraid of saying the wrong thing in a meeting with high level management?
• Are you too anxious to say what you really feel in your personal relationships?
• Do you get nervous talking about yourself in networking meetings?

Here are some strategies I used to prevent myself from being afraid of speaking up. YOU can use these to speak up in your life. (These strategies pertain to meetings but they also can be applied to discussions in your personal relationships):

1. Enjoy yourself – You are nervous about speaking up because you are worried how others will evaluate what you say. You are viewing the meeting as a performance in which your ‘respect meter’ will rise or fall (no wonder you are nervous!). You judge yourself so you think everyone else is too. Most people are judging, they are trying to keep up with the conversation and move their personal and collective agenda forward. Try switching from ‘performance anxiety’ to ‘enjoying yourself’. View meetings as an opportunity to showcase your value and to achieve the purpose of the meeting. If that feels like a stretch, then just be engaged and dig into what is really interesting about the meeting. Be present rather than distracted with a parallel conversation about what feedback you will get. Ask yourself constructive questions such as, “What will move the conversation forward,” “What would I need to hear to fulfill the purpose of the meeting?” Try enjoying the privilege of being in that meeting with a seat at the table. When you truly care about the meeting outcome (rather than just trying to get through it without any negative feedback), it will shift your energy and your contributions will come naturally.
2. Prepare for the Moment- It’s always good to prepare. Jot down points you speculate you will be called on to provide so you won’t be fully caught off-guard, or regularly take a step back and prepare points that others might want to know about your current work. Similarly, pre-rehearse what you will say in a networking meeting. In addition, in an increasingly complex world, we can’t expect to know and keep up to speed on everything. That’s why it makes good sense to develop your critical thinking skills. This way you can show your chops by asking good questions and showing people how to think through an issue rather than feel pressure to sound smart on every question asked.
3. Intravenous Confidence – Wish you could have an IV of confidence shot into your arm when you get nervous in meetings? Well, here’s the next best thing. Harness the power of your meridians to reduce your mental commotion. Just put one or both hands in this hand position (mudra). You can use this “Confidence mudra” either in the meeting, or on a regular basis to build up the effect on your energy. (If you look closely, you’ll see that President Clinton often naturally uses this hand position when he talks. We can all agree he’s pretty confident!)

Go out and use these strategies!

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Sharon Melnick, Ph.D. is an executive coach and trainer who works with high potential and senior executives to rapidly remove any blocks to their leadership effectiveness. She combines ‘best practices’ executive coaching approaches with behavior change methods she developed over 10 years as a psychologist at Harvard Medical School. 

A nightmare can be really jarring!  Often it wakes us up.  When that happens, get out of bed and sit with paper and pen to sort it out.  In my 40 years as a dreams therapist, I find it is very helpful to immediately write about dreams or nightmares.  The frightening parts of the dream begin to release themselves once you write about them. 

The next step is to calm down and relax so you can open up to the possibilities of what the dream might mean.  Listen to what the dream is saying metaphorically, not literally.  The message is usually telling us what is currently missing in our life that needs to be dealt with immediately.  When we hit upon the message, the solution, we have an "Ah Ha" experience.  That recognition or "Ah Ha" is so profound that the whole body is moved or shaken.  Some people get a chill down their back. 

We are then called to resolve to change what is called for in the dream. Sleep is easy once this recognition is faced.

Dr. Carl Jung, psychiatrist and one of the best known researchers in the field of dream analysis, indicated that if God wants to get something through to us, he starts with a still small voice in a dream.  If we do not recognize that voice and deal with it, he sends a louder voice in the form of a nightmare.  If we do not get it in this form, then it is apt to show up in the form of an accident or illness. 

Nightmares are important, and I have spent many years working with people to learn about what they mean.  It usually calls for a profound change.  My book, God Speaks Through Your Dreams, is my simplified method of helping people deal with their own dreams.  

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I have been a mental health counselor  for 15 years after being a pastor in the United Church of Christ for 25 years.  Most of these years have been spent working with my dreams and helping others with theirs as well.  For me, the dream is one of the best ways to experience and know God is speaking to us individually.   I challenge you to take a look at your own dreams.  They are powerful and gifts from the living Presence! Dr. John D. Button, DMin, FLMHC