• Acknowledging
• Supporting
• Validating

Our culture is obsessed with focusing on negative behavior.  We do that with our families at home.
We do it in the workpace.  Strangely, it seems that criticizing and negative thinking are considered "realistic" in our culture.  Support, praise, and encouragement are often considered insincere or manipulative.

Maybe we revel in the mistakes of others to save us from aspiring any higher ourselves or from taking responsibility for our own shortcomings.

When we catch people doing things RIGHT, we are not only learning to focus on the positive....
we are empowering and motiviating others. Good leaders use that skill to make the world a better place.

Examples in the workplace are:

"Thanks very much for sharing that, Sue. It took a lot of courage for you to do that."

"Karen, I appreciate you for gracefully bringing the group back on task.”

"Thank you, Bill, for taking responsibility and not blaming others.”

"I just want to acknowledge all of you for your willingness to do this work.”

"Pete, I appreciate your taking notes today."

"Jill, thanks for taking the initiative in our upcoming project."

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www.FunTeamBuilding.com

Success, by any definition, is a team sport. I learned this little detail the hard way. There was a time in my life that I thought that if I wanted to make anything out of myself, I'd be responsible for all of it by myself. I thought I could do everything primarily because I thought I should do everything.  I needed to know how to be the boss, the accountant, the creative director, the marketing manager, the HR director, set the strategy and do the work with my clients.  Even if I hired or worked with others, I wanted to be the final say on everything. This was a brilliant strategy until three things happened:

1. I learned I wasn't good at everything

2. I didn't have the energy to do everything

3. I failed

The human animal is a social animal and our survival and success depend on our ability to find communities of people who share our values and beliefs. When these communities form, trust emerges. It is then that the human animal will adapt from a survival instinct by self-preservation to one of working for the good of the community.  Both are designed to help the individual survive, but it is the community that creates the greater chance of not only survival but success.

The book Wisdom of Crowds delves into this. Groups of people make more accurate decisions than individuals, for example.  In other words, asking for help is scientifically proven to enhance the quality of the decisions we make.

Once I hit a point where I had no choice but to ask for help, things started to dramatically change.  For one, I let go of the belief that I should do everything which meant I finally accepted that there was no way I could do everything.  The more honest I was to myself and out loud about my strengths and my weaknesses, the more people who showed up to help do the things I was not good at.

There is not a single thing I'm doing these days that is not as a direct result of someone helping me. Some showed up to do specific tasks that I'm no good at - like accounting.  Some take specific responsibility for things that I don't excel at - like developing systems. But the vast majority of the help that I've been given comes from people who have introduced me to someone who they think could benefit from my message and from whom I could benefit from their platform.  In other words, mutually beneficial introductions...introductions that are good for the community.

The more willing I am to ask for help, the more I am able to help others.  I've transformed from working for myself to working for others which, ironically, has helped me grow as an individual more than I ever imagined.

Offer your strengths to others and you'll be amazed how many people offer their strengths to you.

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Everyone knows WHAT they do. Some know HOW they do it. But very few know WHY they do what they do.  Only those who know WHY are ones who lead.  Discover your Why at WHY University.

A former boss told me, “You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with, so be really selective.”  I often think about this.

Where you choose to invest your time and who you invest your time with is tremendously important.  If you spend your time with a complainer who is never happy, it’s going to rub off on your own state of mind.  It may even affect your ability to complete your goals, as you’ll find yourself joining in with the chorus of complaints.  Instead of wasting time with negativity, it’s better to invest your time with people who are making things happen.  These are people who are trying to make a difference.  When you surround yourself with positive, productive people, you can’t help but become a part of what they are accomplishing.  Thus, the decisions we make everyday—where we spend our time and who we spend our time with—are vital to our own success. 

This brings to mind Chloe Steepe, a woman who I’ve had the pleasure to meet and know through her not-for-profit group called, Connected in Motion. Chloe is someone I want to spend a lot of time with; she makes conscious life choices to be positive and productive while living with diabetes. 

Chloe’s organization connects people who have Type I or insulin-dependent diabetes with sports, recreation, and healthy living.  Chloe inspires me and others with her positive approach to life.  She shares her personal experiences living with diabetes, enabling her to make a true connection to other people who are also living with diabetes.  Her determination to make the world a better place and her commitment to living well with diabetes is infectious to those around her.  

The connections people make with each other through organizations like Chloe’s are tremendous.  It’s kind of like going to a party and instantly connecting with someone who you’ve just met but s/he happens to be from your hometown, or you share something in common.  You instantly click and have a great time talking, feeling completely comfortable with each other, as if you didn’t just meet but instead have known each other for years.  Times that feeling by a hundred and you would know what it’s like to connect to other people who choose to live well with diabetes; the connection is really that strong. 

Words alone do not articulate and convey the uniqueness of this community. Here is a video clip to watch to get a taste of what it's like to surround yourself with great people who share common experiences. In my case, it was a weekend in January of playing sports and sharing time with new friends who have diabetes. You can hear the passion and see the special community with your own eyes in this video clip.  The people in the organization truly make the experience wonderful. 

Here are three lessons I learned (and they really apply to everyone):

• We are the average of the five people we spend our time with.  Be very selective.  Look at your life and what you want for yourself, and then figure out who are the people who will have a positive influence and the ability to inspire you.  These will be the people with whom you will want to spend your time. 
• Your physical environment matters.  It is important to change your environment from time to time.  If you stay in the same place, it is hard to change your thinking and go beyond the parameters of where you currently reside in your life.  New environments introduce new ways of thinking.                                                                       I’m lucky enough that I get to travel a lot for my work.  Being on the road for my work and changing environments so frequently enables me to constantly shift my way of thinking.  I get out of my comfort zone and encounter new experiences that have an impact on the way I look at things.  You do not have to travel or even spend money to experience a new physical environment.  In fact, it could be as simple as going on a walk, working in the library instead of your usual office, going to the park, or anywhere that is different from your ordinary work place.  In other words, a simple change of scenery can be powerful.
• Action is essential.  Everyone can talk about their great ideas, but talk is cheap.  Having the ability to act is what will make you successful.  You need to move toward your goal and what you want.  This requires you to also carefully choose the people you want to surround yourself with, because these people will have an impact on your ability to act.  Pick up the phone, send that e-mail, do whatever you need to do to make something happen.  The key is to act.

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To find out more about Shawn's exciting new telecourse please visit www.born2bealive.com

Studies have shown that our brains switch between one activity and another (called executive control). We really don't do two things at once very well. The more complex the task like browsing the web and talking on the phone, or driving and talking on the phone, the more difficult it becomes to switch quickly. Slower switching can mean more than just lack of productivity, it can mean life or death.

So what is the answer - FOCUS.  What have you done as a leader in your organization to help create focus?

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Mike Rogers

If your answer is no, this does not surprise me. In over 25 years of managing, I saw many meetings which didn’t work. Either the wrong people were there to make a decision or the right people were there, but the meeting leader was disorganized. Many times, the meeting was unstructured, and, as a result, it went over the time limit with little accomplished. Many times, there was no agenda, and it wasn’t clear what was the desired outcome. Many meetings that I attended didn’t have a process to enable all participants to contribute, and, as a result, people shut down and didn’t participate. I would just calculate the average hourly salary of each person in the room just to estimate how much time and money was wasted. Once I calculated that a meeting, which included 10 senior managers and human resource executives, to make a decision on which type of coffee to have in the break room cost over three thousand dollars. It turned out that we couldn’t agree and ended up meeting again!

An Interruption to work

Many meeting leaders are confused which process to use for their meetings. For example, meetings where you want lots of open feedback and collaboration (mission meetings) are often run in an autocratic way with the only communication coming from the leader. And, normal staff meetings (where you want rigor and process) are led in an open, unstructured way, with everyone talking at once. No wonder why the staff never looks forward to coming to the meetings. At these organizations, people look at meetings as an interruption to their work!

How to make meetings work

There are simple steps to take in order to make meetings work. It takes discipline. First, decide if you are going to have a mission or a process meeting. Mission meetings are good to have if you need to solve a problem or create a new solution. In mission meetings, you want lots of collaboration, brainstorming, and less control from the leader. Process meetings are better suited for routine business such as product development. In these meetings, routine information is passed down and you want a leader who has rigor and is in control. Normally, process meetings don’t require open discussions.

Next, invite the right people to the meetings. Don’t just invite the whole staff and as many managers as you can. Invite only those people who have content to contribute; who are involved in making a decision; or who have tasks that are due. Ensure that each person knows why he or she is invited.

Prepare an agenda. Having stated agenda timeframes is very important. I have observed that when timeframes are listed on the agenda for various topics, the group will work hard to enforce the guidelines. Stay on schedule! The worst habit a meeting leader can have is to start late and finish late. When issuing a task at the meeting, the leader must assign a responsible person and a date by which a task is due. It is also good to review these tasks at the end of the meeting so everyone knows what is expected next.

In most meetings there is always one person who seems to bring up topics which have nothing to do with the stated agenda and takes everyone off track. Strong meeting leaders know how to handle this. As soon as the irrelevant topic comes up, the leader makes it clear that this might be an important topic to discuss but at a later date. The leader, however, respectfully takes the topic and writes it down on a flip chart labeled, for example, Parking Lot. The person who brought it up feels better and everyone else in the meeting feels relieved that the meeting can continue on schedule!

Finally, it is important to publish a written record of a meeting. These meeting minutes should be so clear that anyone who reads them, even those who did not attend the meeting, would understand what was accomplished. The meeting minutes should include who attended, who was absent, and key decisions which were made. Additionally, the meeting minutes should include next steps, the names of who are responsible for key tasks, and when these tasks are due. All this should be reviewed at the start of the next meeting. The meeting minutes should include details of when the next meeting is going to be, where it will be held, and what the related details are. Each meeting agenda should also state upfront the expected outcome. If there is no problem to be solved, no solution to be created, or no information to be passed down and discussed, there should no meeting!

The importance of follow up

Following up after each meeting is important and a key responsibility of the meeting leader. The leader should follow up on the task progress, open issues which come up during the meeting, and provide guidance and direction as needed. The worst meetings are the ones which are run well but nothing happens after them. As a result, the company loses more time and productivity.

The organizational impact of good meetings

The best manager knows that efficient meetings save money, generate positive teamwork, and most importantly help to get things done. As a result, the organization builds good meeting processes into its culture and doesn’t tolerate meetings which waste time and energy.

Learning summary and next steps

How do people run meetings where you work and what could be improved? What processes are used to organize and run meetings where you work? Are they efficient? Why? Why not? What are three steps you can take to improve the culture of making meetings work in your office?

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Craig Nathanson

Craig Nathanson is the founder of The Best Manager™, workshops and products aimed at bringing out the best in those who manage and lead others.

Craig is a 25 year management veteran, Executive coach, college professor, author and workshop leader. Craig Nathanson is also The Vocational Coach helping people and organizations thrive in their work and life.

Craig’s on line communities can be found at http://www.thebestmanager.com/blog and http://www.thevocationalcoach.com/blog

The implications are wide-ranging.  It reminds me of Howard Gardner’s theory of multiple intelligences and Robert Sternberg’s identification of different thinking styles. The more we incorporate different approaches to learning that speak to diverse individuals who are wired to learn differently, the greater the probability they will in fact learn.

Are you using more than analytic, rational methods of learning?   Do you use stories to move people emotionally?  Do you employ exercises that require people to behave in ways that will help them learn?

For those who want to go deeper, here is a fascinating hour-long interview of Dr. Adele Diamond by Krista Tippett of American Public Radio's "Speaking of Faith" program that you can hear at this link.

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For more on Knowledge Flow and Human Value see articles we published entitled "Encouraging Knowledge Flow" and "Strengthening Human Value in Organizational Cultures."

Video: Brian Tracy on Success and Failure

Video: Bill Bradley on Rebounding from Setbacks

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Avoid The Revolving Door of a Cultural Misfit by Marshall Goldsmith

Got a new Job? Great. But wait.. How long do you think you'll last?

When you're considering a promotion or a move, the key is to ensure not only that your skills and abilities match up with the needs of the organization, but that you fit well with the organization's culture.

What are the three things to consider? >>

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Career Motivational DVDs: Buy 2 get 40% off on our Stephen Covey, Jack Welch or Howard Schultz DVDs. Use Promo Code "success40" when you check out.

Check out Brian Tracy's new DVD on the Science of Positive Focus .

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Who Has Your Back? by Michael Lee Stallard

One reason so many leaders fail is that they become isolated.  We all need good friends who "have our back," as my friend and business colleague Jason Pankau likes to say.  Good friends tell us the truth, they are willing to speak up if they believe we are wrong, and they support and encourage us through the inevitable difficult seasons we all experience in life. Read more>>

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Excellent Sports Role Models by Sandwiched Boomers

Legendary U.C.L.A. basketball coach John Wooden was known for his inspiration and motivation, on and off the court. His philosophy of life - as well as his entire persona - exemplified the values we wish to impart to our children. His style was gracious, even as he focused on creating "Competitive Greatness" in his players and in the rest of us, through his Pyramid of Success. He stressed fundamentals, teamwork and good sportsmanship, using home-grown aphorisms.

Looking back over Wooden's sayings, it's clear that they don't relate only to competitive athletes but rather to all of us who strive for a life of meaning. Some of his quotes come to mind after reviewing recent sporting events that represent more than just games.

Check them out here>> 

If you enjoyed this email, please forward it to a friend so they can subscribe to Success Television's email.

Success Television Motivation DVDs

Stephen Covey's Success Strategies DVD

Winning & Reinvention with Howard Schultz

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The problem is not that executives can't do their jobs, says Nat Stoddard and Claire Wyckoff recently wrote about this in their new book The Right Leader: Selecting Executives that Fit.  The problem often lies in the fact that they may not fit the situation well enough to deliver the changes expected of them. By "fit" we mean how well an executives' character (especially their values and beliefs) aligns with the culture of the company where the necessary and expected changes must be delivered. If the character of the leader is not closely aligned with that of the organization, then, as Peter Drucker originally pointed out, followership will not occur ... people won't trust a leader who doesn't share their values, and, without trust, they will not follow him or her. It is this lack of proper "fit" that causes so many senior executives to fail.

When you're considering a promotion or a move, the key is to ensure not only that your skills and abilities match up with the needs of the organization, but that you fit well with the organization's culture. There are three things to consider: the culture of the organization at large, that of the team of which you will be a member, and that of the team you'll be expected to lead.

The following are a few suggestions for reducing the risks of becoming a casualty of cultural conflict:

1. Know thyself. We encourage candidates to take a number of psychological and behavioral assessments. It is vital to understand yourself as fully as possible ... especially your business-related beliefs and decision-making processes. It's also helpful to identify those aspects of different cultures that you relate to and those you don't. Write them down and refer to them as you gather data about the opportunities under consideration.

2. Inquire about the cultures at hand. Do the people you are interviewing treat culture as "that soft 'people' stuff?" That in itself tells you a great deal about the relative importance of culture in this organization, and its members' understanding of the challenges facing newly appointed leaders like yourself.

3. Use your network to verify what you have observed about the company's cultures. Former employees, suppliers, or consultants can shed light on what you will actually encounter. You can also ask to obtain permission to talk to a few potential peers, direct reports, your boss's boss, and members of the board. Think through the questions you want to ask about "how things get done around here" to get a sense of how much agreement there is about the makeup of the organization's culture.

Remember, while a new situation may seem like the perfect match, failing to fit adequately with the company cultures you encounter will increase your chances of becoming a turnover statistic. What's more, the higher up you go in any organization, the more important fit becomes ... and the more difficult it is to recover from a situation that "just didn't work out."

Life is good.

Marshall

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My newest book, MOJO, is a New York Times (advice), Wall Street Journal (business), USAToday (money) and Publisher's Weekly (non-fiction) best seller. It is now available online and at major bookstores.

Legendary U.C.L.A. basketball coach John Wooden was known for his inspiration and motivation, on and off the court. His philosophy of life - as well as his entire persona - exemplified the values we wish to impart to our children. His style was gracious, even as he focused on creating "Competitive Greatness" in his players and in the rest of us, through his Pyramid of Success. He stressed fundamentals, teamwork and good sportsmanship, using home-grown aphorisms.

Looking back over Wooden's sayings, it's clear that they don't relate only to competitive athletes but rather to all of us who strive for a life of meaning. Some of his quotes come to mind after reviewing recent sporting events that represent more than just games. If you're looking for words of wisdom to offer your children - for sports and for life - here are some tips from Coach Wooden:

1. Do your best with determination and never give up. A grueling Wimbledon first round match lasted over 11 hours, spread over three days. The match finally ended at the 980th point, after John Isner hit a winning shot in game 183, beating Nicholas Mahut in the third set. Throughout the match, each player gave his all, putting himself, as well as the tennis ball, on the line. Perhaps they were recalling Wooden's wisdom, "The man who is afraid to risk failure seldom has to face success."

Refusing to give in to physical and mental exhaustion, both men continued to serve aces, even into the fifth set, with a record 215 between the two of them. They each stood up to the challenge and, in the process, set an example of determination for us all, reflecting Wooden's advice: "Make the effort. Do your best. The score cannot make you a loser when you do that; it cannot make you a winner if you do less." Although neither man advanced at Wimbledon after the next round, both are certainly winners.

2. Treat others with respect, be gracious in victory and in defeat. With his keen sense of moral principles, Coach Wooden would have been proud of Detroit Tiger's pitcher Armando Galarraga and umpire Jim Joyce, who prevented Galarraga from being credited with a perfect game. When umpire Joyce incorrectly called the runner at first base 'safe,' Galarraga accepted the call stoically although, if correctly called an out, it would have earned him a rare perfect game in the record books.

When Joyce realized his mistake, he took responsibility for it and immediately went to apologize to Galarraga, who accepted with dignity and grace. Both men reflected the high ideals expressed by Wooden, "Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out." It may not have been an official perfect game, but these two men were perfect role models about what sports figures can teach our children - and us - about civility, honesty and good sportsmanship.

3. Preparation, practice, hard work and collaboration are integral parts of any success, whether in sports or in life. As Coach was fond of saying, "Failing to prepare is preparing to fail." After years of training, the Spanish national soccer players relied on teamwork to score on their opponents, winning the World Cup for the first time.

What lessons can the millions of children who play soccer across the world take from these championship games? That individual effort as well as teamwork is required to overcome wrong calls and bring about a triumph. Working together over months, even years, creates the energy a team needs to score, providing the counterbalance to Wooden's caveat, "Goals achieved with little effort are seldom worthwhile or lasting."

4. You can be a winner without being ruthless. John Wooden encouraged his players to be good citizens - on the court and in the world. He told them, "Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are." And he warned them about letting their successes go to their heads, saying, "Talent is God-given; be humble. Fame is man-given; be thankful. Conceit is self-given; be careful."

Can these sound bites form a solid foundation for some of the lessons you want to impart to your own children? Sports figures can serve as role models and set the tone for your own parenting. Even if you and your kids are not world-class tennis, soccer, baseball or basketball players, you can improve your game and your lives by using these W's as inspiration. Play on! 

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© 2010, Her Mentor Center

Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D. and Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D. are family relationship experts with a 4-step model for change. Whether you're coping with stress, acting out teenagers, aging parents, boomerang kids or difficult daughters-in-law, we have the solutions for you. Visit our website, http://www.HerMentorCenter.com to discover practical tips for dealing with parents growing older & children growing up and to learn about our ebook, "Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm." Log on to our blog, http://www.NourishingRelationships.blogspot.com and sign up for our free newsletter, Stepping Stones, and complimentary ebook, "Courage and Lessons Learned."

To recognize courage, it helps to distinguish the various facets of courage. Some of us manifest certain types of courage well but come up short in other areas. Try to detect which elements you exhibit and which need to be unleashed in your life.

•  Spiritual courage. The spiritual journey requires being in the present. It is a trust in faith that propels you to continue growing. You become a “witness” to your attachments to results and learn to self-correct. You surrender your ego to a higher level of courage consciousness, and you begin to exist in a place “where courage meets grace.” As all this happens, humility steps in to replace arrogance and righteousness. The sacred within awakens.

•  Emotional courage. Similar to spiritual courage, this involves “knowing thyself.” A path committed to contemplation is required to release your false identity. Thomas Keating author of  "Open Mind, Open Heart", defines it this way: “the self-image developed to cope with the emotional trauma of early childhood which seeks happiness in satisfying the instinctual needs of survival/security, affection/esteem, and power/control, and which bases its self-worth on cultural or group identification.” In the Enneagram, a system exploring personality types, it would relate to the instinctual fears around the three subtypes: social, one-on-one and self-preservation.

•  Leadership courage (individual and organization). The courageous culture of an organization honors and uplifts the human spirit (the opposite of authoritarianism or coercion). The collective intent of a courageous organization is to join hearts and minds in order to achieve inspired results. It means the organization (and its people) will “fall on their swords” to honor their collective personal courage. Courage leadership knows the difference between pride and arrogance versus humility and grace.

•  Individual leadership courage. Rooted in truth, you know your own heart and speak it appropriately.

•  Ethical/Moral courage. This courage is activated by the attitude of willingness to choose differently in spite of personal hardship. The objective is a higher level of integrity than required for the easy alternative. Moral courage is like a compass. Over a long period of time, a one-degree navigational error will take you hundreds of miles off course.

•  Physical courage. Facing a physical limitation that challenges the human body, utilizing the body to achieve athletic challenges, facing physical dangers or overcoming serious health problems—these are the best-understood forms of courage today. Practicing a contemplative life (stopping and “being”) or being centered in mind, body and spirit are other less-known physical examples of courage.

•  Personal courage. The way of your heart might be the easiest way to understand this form of courage. It is a blending of heart and mind combined with the commitment to hold yourself one hundred percent accountable for your actions. You must recognize that your spirit is the author of your fate such as feeling safe during times of uncertainty, and feeling comfortable with the individuation of your spirit also contribute.

•  Political courage. Unwillingness to sell your soul is the key feature, represented by whether you stand as a politician (self-serving) or a statesmen (serving others). In other words, is your intention to do what is right by placing future needs ahead of political aspiration? Political courage is characterized by humility, not ego. It is being willing to go out on a limb to express an unpopular thought that reveals your authenticity.

•  Social courage. Social courage exhibits congenial behavior in public, regardless of the circumstance. With discipline and grace, you reveal a courage paradox: you do not insult others, nor do you suffer an offense in silence. Your image plays a key role, expressing the contradictory qualities of social grace with a rebellion against society’s limitations.

By distinguishing and inserting these aspects of courage into your daily life, you increasingly manifest true courage, setting an example to which others can look for affirmation.

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Sandra Ford Walston is known as The Courage Expert and innovator of StuckThinking™. She is an organizational effectiveness consultant, speaker, internationally published author of bestseller COURAGE, trainer and courage coach. She is certified in the Enneagram and MBTI®. Please visit www.sandrawalston.com.

Sandra Ford Walston, The Courage Expert

Innovator, StuckThinking™

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