While you're pondering that, let me tell you just how vital a leadership attribute this is. Coachability is the willingness to be corrected and to act on that correction. When we are coachable, we are prepared to be wrong. We can withstand a high degree of candor. We are willing to let others evaluate — and perhaps even plumb the depths of our performance because we understand that the journey of personal development cannot be traveled alone. We understand that our first fiduciary obligation is to ourselves, and that obligation is to gain accurate self-knowledge and then take the next step of progress. For the highly coachable, feedback, as the chalkboard aphorism goes, really is the breakfast of champions.

Henry David Thoreau observed, “It is as hard to see oneself as to look backwards without turning around.” I’m inclined to agree.  I observe many leaders who are in diapers in their understanding of themselves. They bristle at unvarnished feedback. They are too sure of themselves to listen. They travel down avenues of self-importance or self-doubt.

Those on the pride side of the line want to be the only noodle in the soup. They want people to be lap dogs of validation. They refuse to acknowledge that there are people wise in perception all around who have the precious gift of guidance to give. They can’t bear the thought of bad press or the possibility that someone might find a cockroach behind the wall. They prefer polite society, cocktail-party talk, fulsome praise and a fabled reality. They don’t speak truth to the power of themselves. The juice is not worth the squeeze.

So . . . how coachable are you?

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            If you're interested in learning more about intent and the inherent tension between stewardship and self-interest, take a look at my latest book: The Leadership Test: Will You Pass? or visit me at TRClarkPartners.com.

If you've ever come in contact with a leader who has reached the final stage of confidence, you may not remember it. The interaction may have left no impression on you.  In fact, that wouldn’t be surprising because final-stage leaders are people who have crossed over from the impulse to impress to the impulse to bless. It’s not important to them that you remember them.

Final stage leaders have made peace with themselves. They have arrested their egos. That fact comes out most prominently in their language and communication. They are far less prone to engage in attention-getting behavior, self-promotion or flattery.

Let me share some examples from my experience of final stage leaders: (Click here to  listen to my audio)

• They don’t need to hear themselves talk, so they don’t clamor for airtime. They finally stop telling the world how smart they are.
• They don’t seek status through association, so they normally refrain from dropping names.
• They don’t subscribe to the leader-as-expert model in which the leader is the repository of all knowledge. As a result, they become more content to listen more and ask more questions rather than talk more and give more answers.
• They value the appreciation and recognition of their peers when it’s meaningful. But it’s not a requirement. They have learned that leadership often requires that we go for long periods and long distances without reward or recognition, that we toil in obscurity, and that due credit might come but it might not.
• Final-stage leaders learn to fuel their efforts through intrinsic rewards. They learn that achievement brings its own compensation. At the same time, final-stage leaders don’t deflect recognition with false modesty. They are not coy or demure.
• They correct others faster and with more candor, but their feedback is given in the spirit of real concern.
• They praise genuinely and specifically, not gratuitously. Leaders not quite at the final stage often praise either profusely to be seen as generous or sparingly out of resentment or because they believe praise to be a scarce resource.
• They are less hurt and less provoked by the careless and mean-spirited acts of others. In one case I repeatedly observed an early-stage leader cut off a final-stage leader in a group discussion. The early-stage leader was attempting to establish dominance with tiresome alpha-male gestures. The final-stage leader patiently deferred. Everyone rolled their eyes.
• They become more kind and yet more demanding at the same time. They delegate more with the understanding that people grow only when they leave their comfort zones and travel to their outer limits. They realize that stretching is both painful and exhilarating, that it’s the only place where new capacity is built.

It’s a blessed day when a leader crosses the threshold to the final stage of confidence. 

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            If you're interested in learning more about intent and the inherent tension between stewardship and self-interest, take a look at my latest book: The Leadership Test: Will You Pass? or visit me at TRClarkPartners.com.

Today is Presidents' Day in the U.S., a day in which we primarily celebrate our first president, George Washington. After reading the article "George Washington's Tear Jerker" in The New York Times, one might ask, was Washington really the great leader he has been made out to be?  I asked myself that question during the summer of 2002 and began a journey to unpack truth from myth.  I went as far as contacting and speaking with Edward Lengel, the foremost historian on Washington's generalship.  After doing my own research I wrote the following which became one of the chapters on 20 leaders in Fired Up or Burned Out.

First in Their Hearts

Richard Neustadt, Presidential Scholar at Harvard University, observed the following about George Washington: “It wasn’t his generalship that made him stand out . . . It was the way he attended to and stuck by his men. His soldiers knew that he respected and cared for them, and that he would share their severe hardships.”  From the time he was a young man, George Washington kept a personal rule book to remind him of the behavior that he aspired to live out each day. Many of the rules embody human value and capture the respect and deference Washington showed for others throughout his life. Some entries read: “Every action done in company ought to be done with some sign of respect to those who are present”; “Speak not when you should hold your peace”; “Use no reproachful language against anyone”; “Submit your judgment to others with modesty”; “When another speaks, be attentive”; “Think before you speak”; and “Be not so desirous to overcome as not to give liberty to each one to deliver his opinion.”

Like many other great leaders who inspire their followers, George Washington increased human value in the culture he was responsible for leading. The historian Edward G. Lengel described Washington’s leadership during the extraordinarily cold winter of 1777–78 at Valley Forge as “sacrificial” and noted that “he took great care in seeing that his soldiers were well housed.” Historian Henry Steele Commager noted Washington’s sacrifice for America was supported by the facts that he served as commander of the Continental Army without pay and was nearly bankrupt by the time he returned home to Mount Vernon after serving as the country’s first president.  On one occasion when approached by soldiers who wanted to overthrow the wartime government and set up Washington to lead the country, he met with them and made it clear that the thought of overthrowing the colonial American government was repulsive to him and under no circumstances would he consider it.

When King George III of England heard the news that Washington resigned his military commission without seizing power following the Revolution’s conclusion, he was said to have commented, “If it is true, George Washington is the greatest man in the world.”

The selfless behavior of Washington connected people with him as their leader because it promoted trust. When a leader demonstrates that he or she is leading for the sake of the mission and the people, rather than for self-serving purposes, people naturally become more trusting.

George Washington increased knowledge flow. He had a reputation for being quick to listen and slow to speak. During the Revolutionary War, Washington listened to the advice of his war council, a group of soldiers who reported directly to him, and their advice helped him avoid what would have been costly mistakes. During the Constitutional Convention over which he presided, Washington rarely said a word other than to intervene and make decisions to break a logjam in the deliberations.

Washington increased inspiring identity. He was committed to the cause of independence and frequently referred to it as “our glorious cause.” His love of America and personal sacrifice for it inspired others. With all the brilliant individuals surrounding him—John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Franklin, Alexander Hamilton, and others—Washington was the one to whom they indisputably looked as the greatest leader among them.

Under Washington’s leadership and the culture he helped create, connection among the colonists united them to defeat the preeminent military power of their age and set the stage for a new nation to emerge.

----

Although it is not mentioned in the above piece I wrote, while researching Washington I came across a story about Barbara Tuchman, the two-time, Pulitzer Prize winning historian.  Mrs. Tuchman, as she liked to be called, had a sharp mind and passion for truth.  Fellow historians such as David McCullough hold her and her work in high esteem for the quality of her writing, her unrelenting pursuit of truth in history and what wisdom we can discern from the lessons of our past.  While writing her final book, which was about the American Revolution and entitled The First Salute, Mrs. Tuchman struggled and was frustrated with failing eyesight. With the help and encouragement of her daughter, Mrs. Tuchman persevered.  During the times when she struggled, Mrs. Tuchman and her daughter adopted a motto to boost their spirits.  The motto was "Think of George."

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Michael Lee Stallard is a keynote speaker, workshop teacher, president of the leadership training firm E Pluribus Partners, author of changethis.com's Connection Culture Manifesto: A New Source of Competitive Advantage and primary author of Fired Up or Burned Out.  To get a free download of Michael's book, Fired Up or Burned Out click here: http://bit.ly/firedupebook

 “There's always something to be grateful for” so says Rachel Walton, a hospice nurse in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.  It’s a remarkable statement coming from a woman who is around death and grieving all the time.  “Sometimes I think about the fact that I can see. It opens me up. It opens up my vision. I realize all the beauty around me. And when you have that kind of awareness, you start tapping into the heart." 

 Being appreciative or “tapping into the heart" is another way that exceptional human beings steer and enrich their own lives as well those of others.  With Walton's help, we can understand the real power of appreciation. For one thing, being appreciative makes her receptive. "When I walk into a patient's room, with their family, I really try to walk in without any assumptions and I let them lead. If you do walk in with assumptions, you miss who that person is and what their needs are. It requires a capacity to be quiet and to listen very carefully . . . I have to not be thinking about other things, not be in a rush, not distracted, not trying to make something happen. As I approach the room, I say to myself, 'Let me hear what needs to be heard, and say what needs to be spoken.'"

 As she works with those who have reached the end of their lives and their loved ones, Walton also has regular experiences of intense calm, elation, and a sense that some kind of invisible hand is at work: "I feel settled in myself when I'm with these people. I have experiences where words and thoughts come through me that I don't consciously think. I'm in the stream of something . . . I have moments of absolute joy--I think, 'It's so amazing that I get to be here with these people at this moment,' and my heart gets so huge."

 The ability to be still, present, and alert to others, allows you to see all there is to be grateful for. You may be aware of beauty or quiet. You may become aware of pain and confusion. That pain can make you realize your own peace and strength--for which you can and ought to be grateful. What’s particularly interesting is that the good souls among the great achievers of our time, are appreciative of the small, daily, cost-free occurrences in their lives.

 In Motivation and Personality, 20th Century psychologist Abraham Maslow noted that particularly healthy psyches "have the wonderful capacity to appreciate again and again, freshly and naively, the basic goods of life, with awe, pleasure, wonder, and even ecstasy."

 Maslow wasn't treading new terrain here--most books and articles on achieving joy and fulfillment cite the ability to appreciate. While the most capable often have many earthly belongings, they too, are most gratified by life's regular, simpler blessings, such as good weather, natural surroundings, children, animals, good food, small favors, music and more.

 However, Maslow takes it a large step further by warning that a lack of appreciation for "our blessings is one of the most important nonevil generators of human evil, tragedy, and suffering. What we take for granted we undervalue, and we are therefore too apt to sell a valuable birthright for a mess of pottage." For example, you have no idea where you will be in a year. You may become ill or suffer some financial setback. Someone you love dearly may be gone. Accepting these potential realities can and ought to give you much more appreciation for everything you have right now.

 We're all so busy rushing around, trying to compete, earn, and achieve, that we often fail to appreciate the experiences that we all have, especially those that happen with regularity. This is particularly true for those of us lucky enough to be born in free, market-based democracies. We have so much to distract and excite us that we rarely take a deep breath and marvel at the life and mystery all around us.

 But like Rachel Walton, a hospice nurse, the best human beings are acutely aware of pain and loss, and know that destiny and disease can deal a body blow at any time. This does not make them fearful. It makes them grateful for every day that is healthy and safe. Like animals in the wild, they accept these dangers while being on guard against them. So it makes sublime sense that the good souls among great achievers appreciate every moment that evil, bad luck, and physical calamity are kept at bay.

How You Can Be More Appreciative
 Perhaps most valuable in terms of being more appreciative is simply taking some time each day to be still and setting yourself aside. By this, I mean to be an observer, not an active do-er. Best of all is to do this outdoors. There is a lot going on even in a small garden or an apartment balcony. Be a part of it. You may just experience wind and sound. But if you suspend all your earthly, man made concerns, what Joseph Campbell calls "creative incubation" will take place.

 And just what you might incubate will be an idea or longing or direction for your life that only you can create. This takes us to other traits of the strongest best among us -- recovered creativity as well as personal autonomy. This is another great example of how each of these 19 traits support and fuel the others.  In other words, if you only start working on one of these traits, you can’t help but start inculcating others!

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Donald Van de mark is the author of, The Good Among the Great, 19 Traits of the Most Admired, Creative and Joyous Human Beings. Check out Donald Van De Mark's series on the 19 Personality Traits of the Best Human Beings

Donald Van de Mark is a motivational speaker and has interviewed hundreds of leaders in business and politics including: Andrew Weil, MD, former U.S. Senator Bill Bradley, Jack Welch, Starbucks' Howard Schultz and Intel's Andy Grove, in his nearly 3 decades as a correspondent and anchor at CNN, CNBC and public television. He is the host of The Wisdom of Caring Leaders and The Wisdom of Teams, training videos used by corporations and schools to teach leadership skills.

Donald integrates practical tips from these great leaders to provide a riveting motivational speech on the personality traits of successful people.

Have you ever then replied to the person in an annoyed voice, "What do you mean, am I listening?" and then repeated what he or she said verbatim—to prove they were wrong? My guess is again, yes.

Did your annoyed response dramatically improve your relationship with that other human being?

Say You're Sorry

My guess this time is no.

Even if you were listening, how much of an "I care about you" message were you sending to that other human being by taking a defensive posture? Zero. What that other person was really asking was, "Why don't you care?" Was proving them wrong about listening really worth it? I don't think so.

So, the next time someone looks at you and says, "You're not listening," apologize. Just reply, "I am sorry. I will try to better in the future."

Look Like You Care

How do to better? Start looking like you care. As others speak to us, how do they know that we aren't listening? They don't. They only assume that we aren't listening because we don't look like we are. If we remember to look like we care, we will not only be reminding ourselves to listen better, we will also be reminding ourselves to communicate a sense of respect for the person who is speaking to us.

Here are several ideas to help you not only listen better, but to look like you are listening, and to demonstrate caring to the person who is speaking to you:

1. After having a dialogue with friends, colleagues, or family members, ask them to give you a 1-10 assessment of how much you looked like you cared about their remarks.
2. Find a partner and practice communication while recording it on video. Turn off the sound and just watch your nonverbal behavior. How much caring and respect are your communicating?
3. Try to eliminate all distractions when others are speaking to you. When you are doing other work, answering e-mails, or doing something on your computer while someone is speaking to you — you may not look like you care.
4. Ask questions that let the other person know you have heard what they have to say and would like to learn more. While this advice can be very important at work, it may be just as important at home.

Now that you've had a test-run, you're ready to employ a few following listening tactics in more of your interpersonal encounters. Try these:

• Listen.
• Don't interrupt.
• Don't finish the other person's sentences.
• Don't say, "I knew that."
• Don't even agree with the other person, just listen!
• Don't use the words "no," "but," and "however."
• Eliminate any striving to impress the other person with how smart and funny you are. Your goal is to let the other person feel that.

If you can do these things while you're in a conversation, you will inevitably find that the other person will think you are a great person! All because you listened. You'd feel the same if someone made you feel like the most important person around—all by just listening! If you want people to feel good in your presence, that's all you have to do. Just listen.

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Life is good.

Marshall Goldsmith Effective Leadership Video Training

Marshall Goldsmith Speeches & Trainings

Marshall My newest book, MOJO, is a New York Times (advice), Wall Street Journal (business), USAToday (money) and Publisher's Weekly (non-fiction) best seller. It is now available online and at major bookstores.

1. Do what really interests you!

(This seems like a simple idea, but many times we do work for many other reasons)

2. Decide for yourself what kind of work best fits you.

(There is no shortage of people who will tell you what to do, but this decision should come from you since you will be the one doing the work.)

3. Make your work align with the rest of your life, and you won’t notice the difference anymore between vocation and vacation.

(First decide on your vision of a perfect workday and how that will integrate with the rest of your life.)

4. Decide what culture best fits you!

(Most people do the reverse and wonder why they don’t fit in well.)

5. Select work in which you have a passion to be an expert.

(Better to be an expert in one area vs. just average in many.)

6. Listen to your positive inner voice.

(The inner you will always guide you towards the right work for you if you listen carefully.)

7. Become more self-aware – make sure your work aligns with your values and personal goals.

(Many people spend their lives at work which has nothing to do with what is most important to them.)

8. Pursue the work which best aligns your abilities (which you are motivated to do) with your deep interests.

(This is much better then pursuing just the money or the job or the career which has a limited time horizon.)

9. Be prepared to make big change when doing your right work.

(Many times a change in location, lifestyle, and or relationship might be needed to allow for new change in one’s work.)

10. Have relationships which nurture you and your work.

(Spending time with people who do not respect your work will drain you.)

Follow these steps and you will be happy in your work! This seems like a life pursuing, don’t you think?!

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I'll be cheering you on as you go!

Craig Nathanson

1. Prepare. Think of every question that could be asked and your response to that question. Rehearse your responses out-loud. Rehearsing will help your confidence and calm nerves.

2. Stay relaxed. Keep your own voice calm and steady. Raising your voice will increase the chances of the conflict escalating. Once the conflict reaches this level you will have lost control, which will increase the likelihood that the issue will not be resolved at that moment.

3. Actively listen. Seek to understand first, and then to be understood. Really listen with an open heart. Genuinely consider the other's point of view. Ask questions to clarify to ensure you understand.

4. Be firm. Restate what you heard, clear up any misunderstandings, and then stick to your guns. If something makes sense during the conflict, then of course, re-look at your position. However, don't become wimpy either. Being firm is probably one of the most difficult things to do during a conflict, especially when you are really trying to be reasonable.

No matter how you cut it, conflict is difficult. Most people either avoid it or seem to enjoy it (which might be worse than avoiding it). But it is part of leadership.

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Mike Rogers

I’m very new to the organization and I’ve been asked to help out with the first program that has ever been done in Canada.  Whenever there is an Olympics, or your country hosts the Olympics, you get to run what they call a legacy program and actually do some of the great Right to Play work in your own country. So this opportunity came to me a few months ago. 

One of the two programs that we’ll be running here in Canada is a hockey program which will be starting in the Fall.  The second program is a summer play program for children between the ages of 4 and 14.   Both of the communities that benefit from the summer sun program and the hockey program are remote First Nation communities in the northern part of Ontario, called Moose Factory. 

A few days ago, myself and the Right to Play Team left Toronto bound for Moose Factory.  After two plane trips and a boat trip we arrived.  Our plan was to spend two days with our youth councilors training them on Right to Play games and activities so they would be ready to lead groups of children starting next Monday.  The camp will offer a variety of sporting activities, plus other activities such as cooking, karate, science (building a rocket), and even a class where the kids will get a chance to be a reporter going around taking pictures and writing articles for a weekly newspaper.  The program will run from Monday to Friday, with a big community celebration being planned for the Friday afternoon.

When we started the training we were made aware of some of the differences between the First Nation community and the urban culture where we’re from in Toronto. We had three main messages that we really wanted to stress with the youth councilors.  In no particular order these messages were:

1. To be safe.  We wanted to stress that with the youth councilors needed to be safe not only with themselves, but also physically and emotionally with the kids.
2. To have fun.  In everything that I do I believe that if it’s fun, it gets done!  So we wanted to let them know that they should have fun and make sure that the kids have fun too.
3. Learn something new every day.   How the power of learning something new whether that’s a new skill or making a new friend or whatever that was.

So that was our three big points:

-To be safe.

-Have fun.

-Learn something new every day.

The irony of our two day visit with the First Nation in Moose Factory was that although it was our goal to leave these points with the youth, they taught these same things back to us!  The first one of being safe; from first arriving by boat we were welcomed the entire time by everybody in the community.  Everywhere we walked we were greeted with happy, smiling welcoming faces and had so many great conversations with people, including the youth.  They made us feel not only safe, but they also made us feel extremely welcomed.  We really appreciated that.

The second one was having fun.  Well, to say that we had fun while we were there is an understatement!  We went out and were welcomed to their twice-a-week softball game.  We experienced lots of laughs throughout the two days, lots of genuine sharing, and most definitely we had a lot of fun!

The last one, learn something new every day.. well the ironic thing was that we probably learned a lot about the community and the people by being there, and observing.   I think the biggest lesson I learned is that sometimes you need to listen more and talk less.  I learned this from the people in Moose Factory.  I learned of the strength of community, the power of community, the power of helping each other, and the power of just being really genuine, honest and trusting.  That’s something that didn’t leave me when I returned to Toronto. 

So the three main points and lessons that I learned from Moose Factory are:

1.       To be safe.

2.       To have fun.

3.       To learn something new every day.

And I think it was a little ironic that that was something we were trying to teach, and leave with them– and yet it’s what they left with us!

To find out more about Shawn's exciting new telecourse please visit www.born2bealive.com

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The best mentors will help you learn and grow by sharing their knowledge and wisdom with you.  In this way, you can benefit from their experience without having to suffer the consequences of gaining that experience firsthand.

Mentors are positive people by definition.  It takes a positive person to give of himself or herself to help another learn, grow and succeed.

I have been fortunate to have had several mentors in my life and career.  All of them shared several characteristics.  They all…

• Were willing to share their wisdom, knowledge, skills and expertise.
• Had a positive outlook on life.  They helped me through tough times and showed me how to find the opportunity in the difficulties I was facing.
• Were genuinely concerned about me and my success.  In addition to be knowledgeable, they were empathic.
• Really knew what they were doing.  I respected them for their knowledge and skills.
• Kept growing themselves.  All of my mentors were curious and inquisitive.  Sometimes the roles were reversed.  They asked what I was reading, and then read the books themselves – so they could learn and we could discuss the ideas.
• Gave me direct, constructive feedback.  They held me to high standards.  They congratulated me when I met their expectations.  They corrected me when I failed to do so – but in a manner where I learned what not to do the next time.
• Were respected by their colleagues.  People who are highly regarded in their field or company make the best mentors. 
• Sought out and valued the opinions of others.  My best mentor always told me to listen most carefully to the people with whom I disagreed – in that way I might learn something.  And, he was right.
• As the old saying goes, a mentor is someone whose hindsight can become your foresight.

Do you want to find a mentor?  Just look around you.  Who are the people you admire and want to emulate?  Watch what they do, and do the same.  I’ve had several mentors who never even realized they were mentoring me.

I learned how to build a network of solid contacts by watching Maggie Watson.  I learned the rules of business etiquette and dressing for success by watching Bill Rankin.  I learned how to become a first rate public speaker by watching Steve Roesler.  I learned how to become a trusted advisor by watching Don Nelson.  I learned how to carry myself with dignity in even the most difficult situations by watching JF and Carol Kiernan.  I learned how to become a better conversationalist by watching Cathy, my wife.

The reverse is also true.  I’ve learned plenty about what not to do to build self esteem, give performance feedback and treat people with respect and dignity from observing a few of my managers over the years.

I’ve found that if you want to have an acknowledged mentoring relationship, all you have to do is ask.  Go to the people you admire and tell them that you admire their judgment and would like to learn from and get career advice from them.  Ask if you can impose on their time to get answers to questions you have.  I have never had anyone turn me down when I’ve asked this way.
 
How to Be a Good Mentor

Just as it’s important to find someone you respect to mentor you, it also important to mentor others.  You don’t have to be in a formal leadership position or have years and years of experience to mentor someone else.  It’s never too early to become a mentor and to share your career advice with others.  We all have something to give, and the sooner you begin giving the better.  If you’re in college, you can mentor high school students.  If you’re a recent graduate, you can mentor others still in school.

I take great joy in mentoring other people.  I love it when I can use my experience to share my career advice and help accelerate the growth of someone else.  It takes the sting out of some of the negative consequences I’ve experienced because of my poor judgment.  I think to myself, “At least he or she won’t have to go through that.”

In his great book Love is the Killer App, Tim Sanders tells the story of how he turned one of the people who worked for him from a “mad dog” into a “lovecat.”  The advice is simple: “Offer your wisdom freely…And always be human.”

Tim is right on; offering your career advice and wisdom will turn you into a lovecat.  Mentoring is a great way to serve others.  The more you serve others, the more confidence – and success – will come your way.

You’ll grow by mentoring.  As you reflect on your life experiences and distill them into some career advice nuggets that you can share with others your knowledge will become wisdom.  In addition to being better able to help others learn and grow, you will be better able to take advantage of what you know.  You never learn something so completely as when you teach it to another person.

Any mentoring relationship needs to focus on the person being mentored.  While mentoring someone will most often be a satisfying experience for you, remember that it is not about you – it’s about the other person.  Accept him or her for who he or she is.  Help him or her proceed at his or her own pace.  The best mentoring relationships are guided by the person being mentored.

Mentoring should be a positive experience for both of you.  That means that you need to avoid treating a person you are mentoring as incompetent or incapable.  Rather, think of him or her as someone lacking in experience and who needs guidance.  Don’t criticize.  Give the kind of career advice that helps the other person think through the consequences of his or her behavior, and identify more positive ways of handling difficult or troubling situations.

Hold the person you are mentoring responsible for his or her success.  Give him or her small assignments.  Don’t let him or her off the hook if he or she fails to complete them.  Be willing to give of yourself and your time, but make sure the other person is doing so too.

Realize that the relationship will end. If you’ve done a good job, the person you are mentoring will need to move on at some point.  It’s all part of the cycle.  It can be hard to let go, but feel good about seeing someone move on to bigger and better things – and another mentor.

I’ve created an acronym to define what it takes to become a good mentor.  A good mentor…

M Motivates you to accomplish more than you think you can.

E Expects the best of you.

N Never gives up on you or lets you give up on yourself.

T Tells you the truth, even when it hurts.

O Occasionally kicks your butt.

R Really cares about you and your success.

Look for people with these qualities when you are searching for a mentor.  Embody them yourself when you are mentoring others.

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Ten Ways to Argue Well by Larry Lipman

Want to know how to handle conflict and communicate effectively? Here are ten ways to handle a charged disagreement, get your point across and keep your relationships solid:

1. Geography --- immediately go to another room, outside, or different location.
   Move, move, move.  Leave the original stress scene behind!
2. Remember behavior is not the person.  They are separate.  How people behave is not who they are.
3. Listen, listen, listen,  listen,  listen,   listen,  listen,  listen, listen.
4. Your tone of voice is everything.  Raise it and you raise your partner’s defenses and add hours to the upset, not to mention hurt feelings.   Speak softly and clearly without anger….even if your parents didn’t.
5. Click here for six more communication tips>>

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Clarity in Knowing the Difference between Cats & Dogs by Simon Sinek

What's the difference between a cat and a dog?

We know they are similar in many respects. For example, they are both mammals, they are both common pets, they are both furry and they both have four legs and a tail. But without getting into the biology, the differences are harder to explain. We know they are different, very different, it's just hard to put into words.  Unlike when we explain the similarities, when we explain the differences we start to describe their personalities more and the superficial differences less.  For example, cats tend to look after themselves more and dogs need more attention. Cats act cool. Dogs are more excitable.

The same is true of mission statements and vision statements. If we want to be strict, a vision is the public statement an organization uses to describe its WHY. It should have nothing to do with what the organization does, the products it produces or the services it offers.  It should have no comparative language like better or best.  It shouldn't be about the organization at all, in fact.  It should be about the world those in the organization imagine. The world they want to build.  That's the reason it's called a vision - it's something you can see - something far away that does not exist yet.  "What's your vision?" means tell me what the world looks like if everything goes your way.  Now for your mission >>

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Called to Level the Playing Field by Donald Van de Mark

Andrew Ferguson never thought he’d be a teacher. In fact he’d known since he was four years old that he wanted to get a law degree. But he wanted to do something in between college and law school that gave him significant responsibility and independence—and something that could have an impact on a big scale. Teach for America offered the perfect opportunity to do so.

But why would a talented college grad destined for a law degree choose to teach disadvantaged kids in a run-down trailer for two long years?

For Andrew, it’s all a matter of fairness. “Any sport you look at, everyone plays by the same rules,” he explains. “Who wins is dependent upon how well you work as a team, your skill, and how many hours you practice. Take that analogy to life. Sure, you have the same rules—but it’s like one kid’s trying to play basketball wearing a fifty-pound weight on his back.”

When asked why he cares about the kid carrying the extra fifty pound weight, Andrew replies, “Because I didn’t have one.” Read more about leveling the playing field >>

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The Power of One by Marci Garson

 “I want to use what I do normally in life to make a difference,” Shobha Vanchiswar explained, “ it’s the power of one.”

And with that in mind, the scientist/artist/ poet has now become an author of a book of poetry and images of orphans in her native India; a project aimed at raising money directly for children inflicted with HIV or the AIDS virus.

Vanchiswar admits she could not have accomplished this venture without the help of another resident in her hometown of Chappaqua New York; namely former President Bill Clinton.

“I was folding laundry one day and watching him (Clinton) on TV.”  The way Clinton spoke about the AIDS Initiative of the Clinton Foundation, and getting money and medicine directly to those who need it gave her goose bumps. “I’d never seen a person of that stature talk about what’s going on in MY head!”

While it was not unusual for Clinton’s daily exercise routine to take him down Vanchiswar’s street, it was a bit cosmic that he picked that same day to walk right by her house. Read more for what happened >>

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