From dreams to "sexting" to yawning, we're communicating to the world and creating an image of ourselves, good or bad. Here are five ways communication can help is improve our relationships:

Do You Need to Speak Up More? by Sharon Melnick

Here are some questions you might want to ask yourself:

•Where in your life do you want to voice your opinion more?
•Are you afraid of saying the wrong thing in a meeting with high level management?
•Are you too anxious to say what you really feel in your personal relationships?
•Do you get nervous talking about yourself in networking meetings?

Here are some strategies I used to prevent myself from being afraid of speaking up. YOU can use these to speak up in your life. (These strategies pertain to meetings but they also can be applied to discussions in your personal relationships) >>

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It Started with a Yawn by Judith Glaser

Since I was young, I have been watching, noticing and wondering why people yawn. I have noticed that people yawn together. When someone yawns, others around them often yawn as well. It is as though they are mimicking each other.

I've also noticed that people yawn when someone they are talking with 'talks for a long time' about a complex subject that they are not fully following. 'Metaphorically it's like communicating "enough, I can't hold that much information in my brain." or "I can't understand what you are saying - I can't grasp it all." Read more>>

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Are you dealing with a transition or managing change? We've created an E Learning course on managing change. You might want to switch careers or become a change catalyst for a social cause. Perhaps you want to change an aspect of your behavior to succeed. Check out this course on managing and benefiting from change.

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Living with Chronic Illness: Are you Talking? by Rosalind Joffe

Almost 50% of the adult population live with at least one chronic disease  (astounding isn't it?), having good health is greatly prized. Living with chronic illness means that life's challenges become ...  even more challenging.

After more than 10 years of coaching people around living with illness and their work life, blogging on this topic, and in my personal experience, I've decided that the basics matter.  The basics allow a person to thrive, not just survive.

Here are my top 3 thriving skills:

1.Communication
2.Communication
3.Communication
Yup.  It's that important.

Let's look at why.

First, most illness symptoms are invisible.  No one knows  what your symptom/health is today/ in this moment--  unless you tell them.  And even where some of effects are visible, that doesn't mean that others understand how this impacts YOU, unless you tell them. Read more>>

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What's Your Nightmare Telling You? by John Button

A nightmare can be really jarring!  Often it wakes us up.  When that happens, get out of bed and sit with paper and pen to sort it out.  In my 40 years as a dreams therapist, I find it is very helpful to immediately write about dreams or nightmares.  The frightening parts of the dream begin to release themselves once you write about them.

The next step is to calm down and relax so you can open up to the possibilities of what the dream might mean.  Listen to what the dream is saying metaphorically, not literally.  The message is usually telling us what is currently missing in our life that needs to be dealt with immediately. Read more>>

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Sexting and Parenting in the Digital Age by Sandwiched Boomers

A recent survey of parents with children between the ages of 10 and 18 found their number one worry was not school shootings, bullying or grades, but sexting. Nearly half said their child had received some kind of racy message or image in the past. And with impulsive teens not fully grasping the gravity of their actions, many are hitting 'send' before they consider the consequences of their actions.

Yet there are real benefits for students using Web 2.0 social media as other recent studies indicate. Those with social anxiety describe feeling less shy and more accepted on interactive websites and they gain experience as leaders. College students reporting low self-esteem feel a greater sense of community and group identity after significant involvement with Facebook. Other research indicates even empathy can increase from frequent online communication with friends, tightening the bonds between them.   

Does this create a dilemma for you? Read more for five tips on what to do.>>

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Years ago, when I was in graduate school, I wrote a paper called "It Started with a Yawn." I noticed that when people got together and one person yawned, others yawned within seconds afterwards. Some researchers have claimed that yawning could control brain temperature so that it does not reach extremes.

A team of researchers led by Andrew Gallup of Princeton University analyzed the pattern of yawning in people during winters and summers and found that a significantly higher number of participants yawned in the winter then they did during summers. This led the researchers to think that yawning must be serving the purpose of regulating brain temperature so that it stays within permissible limits.

Published in the journal Frontiers in Evolutionary Neuroscience, the study is said to have involved 160 people from Tucson and another 80 from Arizona in both the seasons.

I Observe and I Am Curious...

Since I was young, I have been watching, noticing and wondering why people yawn. I have noticed that people yawn together. When someone yawns, others around them often yawn as well. It is as though they are mimicking each other.

I've also noticed that people yawn when someone they are talking with 'talks for a long time' about a complex subject that they are not fully following. 'Metaphorically it's like communicating "enough, I can't hold that much information in my brain." or "I can't understand what you are saying - I can't grasp it all."

I am curious about the connection between "yawning to regulate temperature" and "people yawning together" - either as a mimicking response or as a possible overload response.

In the case of Overload ... Angelika Dimoka, a neuroscientist from Temple University Fox School of Business has been studying overload and decision-making. 

In her study, researchers gave people a bidding task with lots of information to work with in order to make their decisions. As the researchers gave the bidders more and more information, activity in the dorsolateral PFC suddenly fell off as if a circuit breaker had popped." The bidders reached cognitive and information overload," says Dimoka. They start making stupid mistakes and bad choices because the brain region responsible for smart decision-making has essentially left the premises. For the same reason, their frustration and anxiety soar: the brain's emotion regions -previously held in check by the dorsolateral PFC - run as wild as toddlers on a sugar high. The two effects build on one another. "With too much information, " says Dimoka, "people's decisions make less and less sense." (Newsweek, February 27, 2010, Sharon Beagley)

If we use this new information about cognitive overload, we can see that our whole brain state shifts when we are called upon to deal with and comprehend complex subjects. Overload causes us to shut down the parts of the brain needed to think.

Yawning may help restore a state of equilibrium. Breathing may slow our heart rate and enable us to get into a higher state of coherence. When we yawn, it's possible we are calling upon our ability to restore a state of clarity, openness and receptivity.

In the Case of Mimicking...Is Yawning Contagious?

While yawning is often associated with being tired and needing more oxygen in the bloodstream, people yawn for many reasons including stress, boredom, emotion and over-work.

Yawning together with others suggests another fascinating principle about human behavior. Yawning may be contagious. Is it possible that what triggers people to yawn together is a herding response - a subtle way to communicate group behavior - such as when one bird in a flock flies and the others follow the behavior of that one bird so they all rise together as a whole flock.

When one person yawns it appears to cause another person to yawn. Researchers have found that 40-60% of people who see a picture of someone yawning will yawn themselves. Even reading the word YAWN can make people yawn.

Maybe a yawn is a signal to the group that it's time to go to sleep. Or, if someone yawns when they're bored, it may be a sign to change the topic of conversation.

Yawning is not limited to humans. Animals of all types yawn. If you have a dog or cat, you've probably seen your pet yawn several times. Even some birds yawn, such as cockatiel parrots, Adelie penguins and Emperor penguins.

What we do know is that yawning helps replenish the levels of oxygen in the blood, and may help regulate our body temperature. The same chemicals in our brain that affect our moods and emotions also cause us to yawn.

Ancient Greeks started the ritual of covering your mouth when you yawn so that your soul does not escape!

Notice when people yawn ... what is going on in the conversation? What might trigger the need for more oxygen? Why might a deep breath be needed? Why is this conversation having such an impact at the deep visceral level?

Maybe there are times we need to breathe new life into a situation, a conversation or relationship. Think about it...notice it...reflect on it...and talk about it with others...it's a phenomenon of nature.

Want to learn more about contagious yawning? Check out this cool video from Discovery Channel's MythBusters.

Trust at the Moment of Contact
In my new book on trust, I talk about the most important social forces that are hardwired into our DNA and drive our 'humanity.' Whether we were around three thousand years ago, or we are living today, these forces guide our interactions with each other. We are still struggling to figure it out, to work it through, and to find ways to emerge more whole and more humanized as a global community. You can check out three sample chapters here.

Judith E. Glaser is the author of two best selling business books: Creating WE: Change I-Thinking to We-Thinking & Build a Healthy Thriving Organization - winner of the Bronze Award in the Leadership Category of the 2008 Axiom Business Book Awards, and The DNA of Leadership; the DVD and Workshop titled The Leadership Secret of Gregory Goose; and editor and contributor of 42 Rule for Creating WE, an Amazon bestseller. Learn more about her online at: www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com.

Do you want to know an unexpected finding from the Framingham Heart Study, a research project that has been conducted over six decades? Happiness is contagious and the secret may very well be in our connections. Social relationships correlate positively with happiness. That is, if your friend is happy, that increases your probability by 15%.

If you've recently separated from your partner, this can be a lonely time for you. Although your marriage may be over, your relationship with your children, family and friends will go on. It's important for them to know that you are grateful they're in your life and that you will be there for them as well. What follows are 7 easy to use tips so you can begin to reconnect with others and to yourself:

  1. Take one step at a time. You can do it, just as you have with other turning points in your life. The strength that has guided you in the past will ultimately surface and help you through this process. Even in the midst of confusion, begin by putting one foot slowly in front of the other. And don't try to rush anything. 

  2. Your children may feel more vulnerable. They may still hope that you will reconcile, especially if the separation is recent. Following the breakup and with the reality of the situation settling in, they could blame you and feel frustrated or angry. Be patient and make yourself available to listen carefully to their reactions to the changes. Consider seeing a family therapist as they sort it all out.

  3. Make room for your own feelings. Take quiet moments by yourself or spend time talking with close friends. Accept that you feel fragile, perhaps anxious or even depressed. Recognize that this is normal for the present circumstances. Let go of resentments and find meaning in the life you are now building with your children. Try to get caught up in the anticipation of this chapter.

  4. It is a time for new beginnings. In the past, perhaps you repeated rituals together as a family - reading books at bedtime, weekend barbeques or holidays with relatives from both sides. But now it will be different. Keep your expectations realistic and continue the routines that are familiar and important. At the same time, experiment with your children about how to make special times more meaningful now in different ways.  
 
  5. Realize there will be difficult firsts and you don't have to do it alone. If money or time is an issue, keep your lives simple and engage the support of others. Time together with those who love you is most important. So don't hesitate to let family or friends help out. And include your children's grandparents. It's important for the kids to know that they still have the love of an extended family.

  6. Accept that, in the beginning, stress may be a constant companion. All the major responsibilities falling squarely on your shoulders may leave you feeling exhausted. Take care of you in ways that are fun and relaxing. That may mean spending more time with friends, taking a mental health day off work, reducing stress through meditation, yoga, journaling or exercise.

  7. Reach out to others who are alone. Getting outside yourself will put your situation more into perspective. Bake brownies with the kids and take them to the neighborhood fire station or invite an aging relative or a single co-worker over for dinner. Take gently used toys to a local children's hospital or volunteer at a convalescent home. Give it some thought - the possibilities are endless.

Of course, giving up the security of old habits may leave you feeling unmoored. But you may have no choice at this point. Focus on what is still at the center of your life – your family, friends who are there for you, your work, activities that bring you joy. Recognize that there is no one right way to feel and act now. You have the freedom to generate a whole new you. Why not seize that opportunity and make good use of it?

© Her Mentor Center, 2011

Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D. and Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D. are family relationship experts with a 4-step model for change. Whether you're coping with stress, acting out teenagers, aging parents, boomerang kids or difficult daughters-in-law, we have the solutions for you. Visit our website, http://www.HerMentorCenter.com to discover practical tips for dealing with parents growing older & children growing up and to learn about our ebook, "Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm." Log on to our blog, http://www.NourishingRelationships.blogspot.com and sign up for our free newsletter, Stepping Stones, and complimentary ebook, "Courage and Lessons Learned."

"Forget the back-story" - Leslie Ayers, The Job Search Guru

Part of “Accepting what is,” the first step in practicing Unfear, is to let go of assigning blame. When we get caught up in the back-story, in assigning blame, we arrest forward movement. Assigning blame is a diversionary tactic. It is avoidance, a fear reaction which imprisons us in the past.

When we focus on assigning blame we create ego conflicts and a toxic work environment. “Accepting what is” requires focusing on and attending to the circumstances of the present; rather than placing focus on back-story, the "what-might-have-been" of the past, or the "should be" of the future.

Fear and the Here-and-Now

The psychological condition of fear is divorced from any concrete and true immediate danger. It comes in many forms: unease, worry, anxiety, nervousness, tension, dread phobia, and so on. This kind of psychological fear is always of something that might happen, not of something that is happening now. You are in the here and now, while your mind is in the future. This creates an anxiety gap . . . You can always cope with the present moment, but you cannot cope with something that is only a mind projection –you cannot cope with the future.” - Eckhart Tolle

Nothing ever happens in the past or in the future. Each action we take, in fact everything that happens in life occurs in the present moment. Once a moment is past, or an action is taken, it can’t be undone.  It moves from the present moment, the NOW, into what we call the past. Accepting what is frees us from being trapped and ineffectual in the past. Furthermore, it frees us from the anxiety of trying to predict and cope with a future that has not and may never occur.

The next step in practicing Unfear is . . .

Building Relationships and Community.

As we watch the political scene and the economic picture unfolding in our nation, we will be faced with many questions and challenges.

Do we as individuals, companies and as a nation continue to make decisions based solely on financial growth interests, economics, and the desire to obtain more power? How do we feel about the political decisions being debated or the agendas taking shape?  When we take the long view are we creating a sustainable environment for our nation’s future growth?

The choices before us as businesses, leaders and individuals require that we accept what is, and that we begin to take building relationships and community into consideration when we make a plan of action for moving forward.

First we must accept the what-is-ness of our current circumstances. What precedents have been set? What policies and relationships are we growing now? What communities are being supported? Are the answers we find in keeping with the kind of world we want to live in?  Who stands to benefit most from the decisions being made? Is this acceptable to us as people? If not, how will we respond? Do we use our roles as leaders to affect changes in policy?

Secondly, we will have to determine the kind of paradigm, or world view, we choose to operate and do business under. Is our current paradigm serving us?  Is the course we are on sustainable, of benefit to the nation and to the nation’s citizens? Where are our priorities? Do we sacrifice people and communities to offer shareholders higher profits? What policies are we advocating in order to increase the “bottom line?” What are we tearing down and what are we building up?

The challenge presented to leaders now is in determining where our priorities lay, and what relationships to strengthen and grow.

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Karlin Sloan is the founder and CEO of Karlin Sloan & Company, Ms. Sloan provides organization development consulting, training and executive coaching to clients the U.S., Europe, South America and Asia.  She is the author of Smarter, Faster, Better; Strategies for Effective, Enduring, and Fulfilled Leadership (Jossey-Bass, 2006) and Unfear (January 2011).

“The Law of Attraction is a metaphysical New Thought belief that "like attracts like," that positive and negative thinking bring about positive and negative physical results, respectively.” - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Law_of_Attraction

What am I attracting into my life?

For better or for worse you are attracting what you are right now.

– Christopher Franklin

One of the most difficult truths to face is the mirror of our lives and attitudes as reflected by the people and circumstances that surround us. When we are caught in a cycle of fear, in negative attitudes, and relationships, either at work or in the home, the last thing we want to hear is that we are creating our own misery. We don’t want to be told that our thoughts and beliefs have contributed to, or are creating and attracting the pains we are trying so hard to escape. Instead we want to assign blame, to run away.  Denial, paralysis, indecision and procrastination are all attitudes and escape patterns that find their root in fear, the ego’s fear of dissolution.

Examining the negative relationships that we have had with old bosses, or that we have now with the colleague in the cube across from us, is uncomfortable. We don’t want to accept responsibility for the friction or conflict in our lives. Accepting responsibility for the negative behaviors we have exhibited or attitudes we hold might mean reevaluating our sense of self. We might have to give up a core belief which helps us define who we are. We might have to change and grow.

Moving out of fear requires more than simply accepting what is in the circumstances around us. It requires that we accept the truth about what is within our own attitude and ego drivers.

In order to free ourselves to do our best work we have to assess the truth about the negative impact our thoughts and attitudes are having, and to accept responsibility for what we find. Until we can do that, we are trapped in fear patterns and behaviors that limit our progress and rob us of the success we desire.

Accepting what is: the first step in practicing Unfear.

UNFEAR : \ ən-fir\ confidence in one’s ability to overcome the odds, and to create a positive outcome no matter what the circumstance – Karlin Sloan, UNFEAR

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If you believe someone would enjoy and benefit from this post, please share it. Just click on the + Share button and you will see lots of options for sharing it with friends including email, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn. Thanks!

Karlin Sloan is the founder and CEO of Karlin Sloan & Company, Ms. Sloan provides organization development consulting, training and executive coaching to clients the U.S., Europe, South America and Asia.  She is the author of Smarter, Faster, Better; Strategies for Effective, Enduring, and Fulfilled Leadership (Jossey-Bass, 2006) and Unfear (January 2011).

My mind must have been on something else as I began to edge out a bit from a side street to make a left-hand turn onto a main thoroughfare.  At the same time, another driver was turning left onto the street I was on. I slammed on my brakes in time. Admittedly, the near miss was my fault and the driver I almost pulled in front of had every right to be upset.  What surprised me, however, was the intensity of his reaction.  He came unglued, turned blood red, repeatedly flipped me off and began spewing expletives and spittle.  The rage on his face is burned in my memory.  I kept an eye on him in my rear view mirror to make sure he wasn’t turning around to come after me.  Fortunately he didn’t.

Why are so many people angry these days?

As you might guess, I have a theory about this. Many people have been chasing the proverbial golden ring for much of their adult lives and it’s not worked out as well as they had hoped.  With the economy continuing to struggle, a lot of people are frustrated. The people I know who are struggling the most are those who are working to feed their desire for more money and/or greater status. The purpose of their work is to serve themselves.

On Wall Street where I spent most of my career, most people are there for the money and status. (I was attracted for those reasons too.) They want to make enough money – frequently referred to as their “number” – so they can eventually quit their jobs and say “adios” to their employers.  In recent years, they feel like they’ve been moving further away from their number and this has left them frustrated and exhausted.  Today, more people on Wall Street are giving up on the Street altogether.  Of those who remain, many of them carry around just beneath the surface what Christian minister and author Rob Bell describes as a “low grade boiling rage.”  Although Wall Street is probably the most extreme, this phenomenon extends to other sectors of the American economy.

In contrast to those who work to serve themselves are the people I know who exhibit joy and contentment in their work in part because theyserve a cause greater than themselves.  Their work brings meaning to their lives. My friend Paul Spiegelman is flourishing as the CEO of Beryl Companies, a private company founded by Paul and his two brothers.  Beryl brings goodness into the world by helping hospitals with call center support for doctor referrals and follow-up calls to check on patients who recently underwent treatment.  At Beryl, they know they’re doing important work.  They describe their work as “connecting people to healthcare.” They also derive meaning from a corporate culture that treats employees like family.

My friend Rob Mathes is flourishing in part because he brings truth, beauty and goodness into the world through his music.  Over the last year, Rob composed an amazing orchestral work entitled “At Night a Song Is With Me,” co-produced “Symphonicities” with Sting and produced Matthew Morrison’s new CD (and I’m sure much, much more).

Another friend named Ann is flourishing as she helps bring truth and goodness into to the world through her work as the Chancellor’s Associate for External Relations at a major university. Ann's energy is boundless.  In addition to her job responsibilities, she takes an active interest in students and their families. Ann is also a force to be reckoned with when it comes to raising funds to support breast cancer research.  Sometimes I’ve wondered if there are two Anns, (identical twins perhaps?).

It’s somewhat ironic that another friend of mine named Traci Fenton is flourishing because she channeled her anger in a constructive way. When Traci was an collegiate exchange student in Indonesia during the end of President Suharto’s dictatorship, government spies overheard her conversation with an Indonesian friend in which views were expressed that were at odds with the Suharto government’s oppressive values. As a result, an Indonesian government thug threatened Traci’s friend and warned him to stay away from her “or else.” When her friend called to say he could no longer see her, Traci was outraged and extremely upset.  She knew this was wrong.  Unfortunately, at the time she could do nothing about it.

Years later Traci went to work for a large company only to learn that it had arrogant, authoritarian leaders who viewed employees-at-large as inferiors.  Being treated that way made Traci feel the same sort of anger she felt in Indonesia.  This time she decided she could do something about it.  She quit her job at the company and founded an organization to bring democratic values to the workplace.    She named it WorldBlu (blue is the color of freedom).

Today, Traci is the CEO of WorldBlu.  She serves a cause greater than self and she’s thriving, experiencing joy and contentment in her work despite the difficult economy, unlike many of my friends who toil away to make their number on Wall Street.

Here’s the point: we are human beings, not machines. Sure, we need money for the necessities of life and it’s nice to enjoy some experiences beyond the necessities but we also need work that is meaningful if we are to flourish over the course of our lives.

So how is your internal temperature?  Are you near a boiling point on a regular basis?

Are you flourishing? Are you spending all of your days serving yourself or are you investing your life in a cause greater than self? Is your work bringing truth, beauty and/or goodness into the world?  If not, can you identify ways to bring truth, beauty and/or goodness to your workplace?  If you conclude it isn’t possible, consider finding volunteer work that does or seek another job where you can do work that brings meaning to your life.  If you’re fortunate, you will find work that is so meaningful and brings such a sense of joy and contentment to your life that you never want to retire.  Imagine that!

If you believe someone would enjoy and benefit from this post, please share it. Just click on the + Share button and you will see lots of options for sharing it with friends including email, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn. Thanks!

Michael Lee Stallard, president of E Pluribus Partners (www.epluribuspartners.com) gives keynote speeches, teaches workshops and consults on leadership, productivity and innovation.  He is the author of the bestselling book Fired Up or Burned Out: How to Reignite Your Team’s Passion, Creativity and Productivity (www.fireduporburnedout.com).  In addition to Success Television, Michael writes for leadership periodicals worldwide and for his award-winning blog on leadership at www.michaelleestallard.com.

Photo by Liber

1)    Choose to take part in high energy even when low energy is being imparted on you.

Negative emotions, such as anger, resentment, greed, criticism, frustration and hatred, are all low energy emotions. When you allow yourself to react and match these low energies, you will have allowed yourself to take part in the negativity you want to avoid. It is certainly not an easy task to feel peace in the midst of aggression, but what other choice do you really have? If you choose to reciprocate with low energy, you will never create peace in that relationship and at the same time, you will attract more negative energy to you.

2)     Release the need to judge.

Everyone in the Universe has the right to be fully authentic and no one should feel that they have to hide any part of who they are to avoid being judged by others. There are plenty of times when someone will do something that you completely disagree agree with and that may in fact be “wrong.” But judgment is a low energy and it can therefore never create peace. Try your hardest to practice non-judgment. Give people a break and allow them to be who they really are. Remember even when someone does something that you feel warrants judgment, it is very possible they are on the way to learning a valuable lesson. We all have lessons to learn that we chose for ourselves to learn before coming to this earth. Let others grow by experiencing their own lessons without judgment. Some of the most enlightened beings came out of lifestyles that were “wrong” and in living that way of life, they became the person they are today. 


3)    Choose love.

This is one of the simplest keys – just choose love. When you feel a reaction that is anything but love, choose love. Remind yourself by creating a trigger in which you say to yourself “choose love” anytime you feel a negative reaction coming on. Love creates peace, therefore choosing love will transform the relationship for you.


4)    Be thankful for the lessons

Every person in your life, even those who you can’t stand, is actually a blessing and should be viewed from that perspective. This is because every person is here to teach you something. The hardest relationships create the biggest growth and happiness in our lives if we are able to look for the lessons their existence are here to show us. The people who enable you to continue to make the same mistakes are not helping you in life as much as the people who push you to greatness by opening up windows of change created by conflict. Be grateful for their position in your life.


5)    Take responsibility.

Believe it or not, you have determined how each person in your life will treat you. If you wonder why some people are treated with respect and kindness but others are treated unfairly and poorly, it is because they have each trained people in their lives to treat them that way. From this moment on, you can choose to stop playing the victim and begin to take responsibility. Treat others as you want to be treated. Treat yourself as you want to be treated. No longer allow others to treat you in ways that you don’t want by giving them reasons to treat you as you want to be treated.

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Faith M. Davis is both an author and a copywriter focusing on the subjects and industries she knows and loves most: holistic health, wellness, self-help, metaphysics and inspirational topics. More information about her work and her services can be found at www.faithmdavis.com.

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Lots of girls grow up reading fairy tales about princesses and hoping to find a prince of their own. But living life in the limelight can make it difficult to build a successful relationship. Whether your marriage will last depends, in part, on how you prepare for the challenges. Some of the following tips may be helpful to you as well as the young royals:

1. Don't surrender your self. Carve out a space in the marriage, maintaining the activities and friendships that make you who you are. Take creative action in your own life. You'll have a more positive attitude, be more interesting to your partner, and your relationship will reap the benefits.

2. Keep your communication honest. Talk out misunderstandings before they become full-fledged arguments. Try to be patient and let go of issues that aren't crucial. And stay present and engaged. Use the same conversational etiquette that you would with anyone else you care about and respect.

3. Compromise works in most conflicts. Be direct, yet open and flexible as you make your way through disagreements. Truly understanding the other's point of view can help resolve a conflict more easily and quickly. A gentle touch or quick hug releases oxytocin, a hormone that facilitates bonding as well as reduces feelings of stress.

4. Keep the fun alive. Lightheartedness is often one of the first casualties of a busy and hectic life. Inject humor and laughter by joking around. This can turn into an affectionate moment which helps you feel closer, loved and even more relaxed. Making time to be playful with each other can often lead to greater intimacy.

5. Be sensitive to your new role as in-law.  Competition may surface if your partner's parents experience you as usurping their relationship with their adult child. Be yourself. Slowly but deliberately establish the ground rules in your marriage. Even so, include your in-laws from time to time – it can make a big difference.

6. Bring out the best in each other. Instead of focusing on the negatives, talk about what you want from each other. Then actually change some of your attitudes and behavior. When you are thinking something nice, say it out loud to your partner. Invest in your partnership and grow your emotional bank account - the dividends will last a lifetime.

When Kate marries the heir to the throne, she'll take on civic duties and get involved in some of the Queen's 200 charities. Kate and William are also interested in working together on projects that benefit the Commonwealth of Nations. Let's hope the new marriage won't take a back seat to all these responsibilities. They've been together for 8 years and their relationship has stood the test of time. Kate is from an intact and loving family, had a normal early life and is down-to-earth. Despite the emotional trauma of his parents' divorce and his mother's death, William seems to be resilient and well balanced. Both have strong personal qualities that can only enhance a relationship that seems off to a good start. Best wishes to the newlyweds!

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© 2011, Her Mentor Center

Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D. and Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D. are family relationship experts with a 4-step model for change. Whether you're coping with stress, acting out teenagers, aging parents, boomerang kids or difficult daughters-in-law, we have the solutions for you. Visit our website, http://www.HerMentorCenter.com to discover practical tips for dealing with parents growing older & children growing up and to learn about our ebook, "Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm." Log on to our blog, http://www.NourishingRelationships.blogspot.com and sign up for our free newsletter, Stepping Stones, and complimentary ebook, "Courage and Lessons Learned."

"In the Google context, we’d always believed that to be a manager, particularly on the engineering side, you need to be as deep or deeper a technical expert than the people who work for you...It turns out that that’s absolutely the least important thing. It’s important, but pales in comparison. Much more important is just making that connection and being accessible.” (italics mine)

This is exactly the point I made when I spoke at Google about Connection Cultures described in my book  Fired Up or Burned Out at Google in late 2009 as part of the Leading@Google series (you can see the video of my presentation here.)

An article about Starbuck's CEO Howard Schultz describes him as humbler and listening more as well as considering the opinions and ideas of his colleagues.  This reflects the character strength of humility and the element of Voice in a Connection Culture that our research shows builds emotional and rational connections with employees.  

Connection is a muscle that must be continuously exercised.  The more you connect with others, the better you become at connecting.  Here are three ways to connect that are common practices of outstanding connectors:

1. KNOW THEIR STORY - Invest the time to learn the life stories of the people in your life at home, in your community and at work. Take them out for coffee or a meal and ask them "so you were born and then what happened?"  Listen and ask questions.

2. ASK QUESTIONS UNRELATED TO WORK - Ask the people in your life what their interests are outside of work, what's their favorite movie, musician or place of vacation.

3. FIND A WAY TO SERVE THEM - Look for ways that you can serve someone you want to connect with.  Perhaps they need to hear an encouraging word.  You might also consider offering to bring them a coffee or soft drink.  If they like gifts and they've been facing a difficult time in life, send them a gift they would like. You might consider sending one of my favorites: Ben and Jerry's ice cream from www.icecreamsource.com.

Finally, The New York Times columnist David Brooks' new book The Social Animal is reviewed. In the book Brooks argues that the ability to develop social connections is under-appreciated and extremely important to our success in life.  You can read the review at this link.

If you believe someone would enjoy and benefit from this post, please share it. Just click on the + Share button and you will see lots of options for sharing it with friends including email, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn. Thanks!

Michael Lee Stallard is a keynote speaker, workshop teacher, president of the leadership training firm E Pluribus Partners, author of changethis.com's Connection Culture Manifesto: A New Source of Competitive Advantage and primary author of Fired Up or Burned Out.  To get a free download of Michael's book, Fired Up or Burned Out click here: http://bit.ly/firedupebook

As you look back to when you first met, what attracted you to your partner - fierce independence, strong character, a decisive nature? Now, these very same qualities may be getting in the way of getting along. If you want to come to terms with your negative feelings, notice what has changed in your marriage. And try to see your own part in what's going on. If there's a glimmer of hope and you want to stay together, accept the challenge of turning it around. Some of these ideas can help you get started:

1. Identify your emotions. As a first step, write down the feelings that now regularly surface. Record what's happening between you and your partner when you are sad, scared, overwhelmed, embarrassed or frustrated. Chances are you have emotions ranging from disappointment to anger, and these may be constantly changing. Don't worry - this is normal. Understanding what you feel, and why, can be the first step toward improving your situation.

2. Stop focusing on the past. Identify the hot button issues that are standing in your way and make efforts to resolve them. If you initiate changes, that can be an encouraging sign to your partner. And the sooner you let go of the past, the quicker you can move forward to improve the goodwill in your relationship. It may not be easy to forgive, but it is a gift you can give to your partner and yourself.

3. Limit your arguments. If the situation between the two of you is tense, small annoyances can seem worse than before. When you argue, allowing bad feelings to fester only makes it harder. Don't turn your quarrel into something more or attach your reactions to another issue. Agree that you will together explore the problems. And spend time learning about conflict resolution, direct communication and active listening skills. There's information available through relationship workshops, the Internet and the self help section in bookstores.

4. Begin a process of serious talking. Can't do it alone? If you really want to work out your differences, consider consulting with a marital therapist or joining a couples' support group. When you understand more about the other's needs and capabilities, you'll be clearer about compromises you have to make. Then it will be up to both of you to decide whether you're willing to do the hard work. That may include efforts to change your current expectations, redefine what marriage means to you and create new goals for the relationship.

5. Support each other. Instead of focusing on the negatives or going your separate ways, spend time discussing what you want from one other. Think about what would demonstrate true emotional commitment to you. Prove that you are on each other's side by deciding to change your attitude and behavior. Invest in your marriage's emotional bank account. Create excitement, pleasure and fun together - then take advantage of the dividends.

You and your partner are individuals who each have a mind of your own. What you want may have changed since you first tied the knot. And the present economic meltdown probably adds to the pressures in your relationship. But that doesn't mean you can't make shifts that will relieve some of the stress. And you don't have to accept the possibility of divorce. By taking the first steps, you can help strengthen your partner's trust in you - and the future of your marriage.

If you believe someone would enjoy and benefit from this post, please share it. Just click on the + Share button and you will see lots of options for sharing it with friends including email, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn. Thanks!

© Her Mentor Center, 2011

Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D. and Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D. are family relationship experts with a 4-step model for change. Whether you're coping with stress, acting out teenagers, aging parents, boomerang kids or difficult daughters-in-law, we have the solutions for you. Visit our website, http://www.HerMentorCenter.com to discover practical tips for dealing with parents growing older & children growing up and to learn about our ebook, "Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm." Log on to our blog, http://www.NourishingRelationships.blogspot.com and sign up for our free newsletter, Stepping Stones, and complimentary ebook, "Courage and Lessons Learned."