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Tips for Enjoying the Holidays

Success Television — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 13:37:34 -0600

It's a great, festive time of the year. But, for most of us, it's downright hectic with travel, gifting and visiting. Here are some tips to help you to enjoy the good in the holidays and plan for reinvention in the New Year.

Use The Holidays as a Time to Plan for Success by Dianne Orwig

You know what I love about the holidays? I love the fact that lots of things get put on the back burner. Yes…even eating right and exercising.

Now, that might sound surprising coming from a success coach and fitness trainer. You might even wonder why I would suggest that giving into this natural shift in focus that seems to happen on a global level this time of year could possibly be a better choice than sticking to your guns.

“Isn’t the back burner a bad thing?” you might ask.

“Isn’t it your job, Dianne, to make sure people don’t let their diet and exercise plan fall in the toilet?”

Well, sure, on one level that may be true. But as I see it, my job is also to help people maximize their energy, focus, and time…and banging your head against the fitness wall through the holidays isn’t always the best choice. Read more>>

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Uncomplicate Your Holidays by Organized by Marcie

Many families are all about acquiring when December rolls around. Then, when the holidays are over, they ask, “Is that all there is?” To keep the holidays from overwhelming you and to bring some more meaning, think about the following:

If you exchange gifts with a lot of people, see if you can shorten your list. Ask if some of them would prefer to go to lunch as a group or draw names so you all buy fewer gifts. Most people don’t need more stuff and would probably be relieved to buy fewer things, too.

If you have found it difficult to reduce the number of gifts you give, challenge yourself this year to buy fewer gifts and make them more meaningful. Can you offer gifts of time with the people you love instead of buying them something they don't really need? How about treating someone to a play, concert or meal? If you live far apart and can't go together, what about buying tickets for an event? In return, ask people for gifts of time, instead of things you need to store.

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Does Thanksgiving really need to be so stressful? Press "Pause"

Relationship — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 20:36:57 -0600

by Margie Warrell

"Courage is the first of all virtues as it is the only one which guarantees all others." Winston Churchill

Growing up in Australia, my only experience of Thanksgiving was through American television. Somehow it seemed a lot like our Christmas. . . except of course without Santa and warm sunshine. After a decade in the US, I have really come to love the Thanksgiving holiday. The idea that the last Thursday of November each year is put aside so that people can come together and share thanks for their blessings is, I believe, a very special and valuable tradition.

Of course Thanksgiving, and the festive holiday season it kicks off, can be a very stressful time for many people (way too many people in my mind!) The Martha Stewart-like images of happy families, dressed in the lastest holiday fashion, sitting around a decadently decorated table feasting joyfully on gourmet delights, create expectations that can never measure up to reality.

We get so busy-busy-busy ploughing through our long “To Do” lists all our hectic doing somehow hijacks who we are BEING. The result: we start feeling like something is missing from our lives. Instead of feeling gratitude for all that we have, many of us find ourselves focused on all that is missing. . . whether it be someone else to host Thanksgiving dinner, relatives who don’t drive us crazy, or the resources to recreate that glossy magazine cover in reality.

What expectations do you place on yourself, on others and on reality that keep you from experiencing the full quota of joy and gratitude you’d like to feel in the week ahead?
So my challenge to you this Thanksgiving holiday (and for those of you elsewhere around the globe, this festive season in general) is to take take a moment in your day, every day, to pause from all your doing, take a deep breath and consciously commit to letting go all your expectations about how it “should be”. In the space that opens up, you will be better able to graciously embrace the circumstances you find yourself in for all that they are, and for all that they aren’t. There is nothing that can shift your experience of stress as quickly as gratitude. That said, there are some other things you can do to create a more joy filled festive season.

Here are five strategies to help you ENJOY MORE, and STRESS LESS this holiday season:

1. Don’t “Should” On Yourself (or Let Others “Should” On You): Deciding upfront to let go of the idea that your holiday will ever be postcard-perfect will free you up to enjoy it for all that it is, and for all that it isn’t! Drop all the “shoulds” and unrealistic expectations that only create stress, conflict and resentment — “we should all get along,” “the table should be decorated Martha Stewart style”, “we should all have fun,” “everyone should come home for the holidays”, “we should all give thoughtful gifts” …. and the list goes on. It’s our attachment to how things should be that causes the bulk of our holiday stress and upsets. If you let go having to have things be a certain way, it allows you to enjoy things just as they are.

2. Create New Traditions (& Turf Out Old Tired Ones): Be careful that you aren’t being a slave to tradition. Sometimes, traditions outgrow themselves. Just because “that’s how we’ve always done it” doesn’t mean you still should. Start a new tradition or, just for this year, break with the old one. We are cooking beef tenderloin for Thanksgiving lunch this year. Not because we don’t like the turkey tradition, but just because it’s quicker and easier to prepare and that suits us better this year. No right or wrong about parting way with tradition… even if just for a year.

3. Think Outside the (Gift) Box: The best presents are never the most expensive but the most thoughtful. Give someone a voucher for a massage, breakfast in bed or a night out at the movies and drinks afterward. And of course, spend wisely – you aren’t being generous spending money on others if you can’t afford it.

4. Express Gratitude More Generously: Like a sweet treat, expressing gratitude or just paying a compliment has a have a way of immediately lifting others’ spirits by bringing a smile to their face. Just think about whose day you brighten by taking a moment to appreciate today. Pick up the phone, send them a card, flick them an email… it takes only a little time in your day to give it but it can make a profound difference to the person you give it to.

5. Lighten Up, Laugh (at Yourself first), and Have Fun!: Make sure that in between working your way through your to-do list you make time for fun. Don your playful hat and look for simple ways to have fun, at work and home. Hold silly contests like who has the most unfashionable holiday apparel. Play your golden oldies CDs at breakfast… or in the office (everyone has to bring in their own). Keep your ideas simple and focused on involving everyone and having a fun time.

Here’s to a Thanksgiving brimming with gratitude for all that you have, for all that you are and for all the people in your life.

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Margie Warrell; thought leader in human potential, master life coach, international speaker, media contributor and best-selling author of Find Your Courage. Take the Courage Quiz, watch Margie’s TV interviews (TODAY show, Fox, CNBC) and sign up for her free LIVE BOLDLY! newsletter. Then order your personally autographed Amazon best-seller book Find Your Courage

Walking, the Stand Up Meditation and Its Benefits

Wellness — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 11:18:34 -0600

by Pat Sullivan

Many people find it easier to meditate while walking than sitting. Because walking meditations involve the body, they naturally enliven the spirit. Walking deepens the breath. Feelings that are normally repressed can burst into awareness. Each footstep grounds you a bit more into your real self and connects you a little more with the world around you.

Your creative juices flow. You become more receptive to new insights from within and without. You see new perspectives and perhaps return home with a new vision for your life and work.

Walking meditations can begin any time, any place , even while you're rushing to an appointment. When you take a second to be conscious of your steps, it's easier to ground yourself in the purpose of what you are doing.

Being conscious makes you more focused and less stressed, which makes it easier to sort out what's essential from what's not. One easy way to begin walking meditation is to start with a theme, like gratefulness or a blessing. As you walk, notice what draws your attention.

It might be an unusual door or a child's abandoned sand bucket. Then let your imagination speak. Do you need to protect yourself by literally closing the door to an unhealthy relationship or make a more hospitable opening where a healthier relationship can grow?

Does the sand bucket remind you how you feel abandoned and unappreciated? Or are you treating this other person as carelessly as an unknown child has treated a toy?

Would doing something simple in a neutral setting (like walking on the beach) help heal this relationship? A variation is to carry a stone on your walk. Reflect on your case against the other person, and let your negative feelings or pain flow into the stone. When you're ready, place the stone lovingly in the earth as a sign of forgiveness, hope, and "letting go, letting God." Then walk deliberately toward a healthier relationship.

Photographer: Paul Vlaar

Tip on Finding Security in this Insecure Age!

Dream Interpreter — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 11:20:07 -0600

Are you feeling insecure? I often am.

What would you call real security? Often we think of it as being wealth, health, a good job, and stable family and friend relationships. Getting all that would certainly be nice, but I know of noone who has all that all the time. Everyone is insecure in some facet of their lives. With the economy often bouncing around, people losing their jobs, and the world situation in such a flux, fear and insecurity seems to be a dominate theme. Dealing with it is a huge challenge. With such a big focus on tension, it is no wonder I, as a mental health counselor, find a lot of people calling on the phone for anxiety and depression drugs. Most of the time these drugs have side affects that are not pleasant in the long run.

The insecurity issue in all of us is a big opportunity!

What I find most helpful for myself and my clients is meditation or pondering the truth of the positive. The Truth that I have used over the years to ponder is: "MY SECURITY IS IN HIS PROMISE TO BE NEAR ME ALWAYS AND IN THE KNOWLEDGE THAT HE WILL NEVER EVER LET ME GO!" It comes from JB Phillips translation of the 23rd Psalm.

Breathing deeply and feeling love's truth changes my perspective quickly from fear to peace and love. From it, I find tremendous security for I am trusting the truth of what is and experiencing it at the same time. Breathing deeply so that I can feel it go in and out to me is feeling the love of God sink in deeply to bring me calm and peace. No, we cannot run from stress, but by putting it into a larger perspective we can find calm and peace to go through it. We can gain real security!

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I have been a mental health counselor for 15 years after being a pastor in the United Church of Christ for 25 years. Most of these years have been spent working with my dreams and helping others with theirs as well. For me, the dream is one of the best ways to experience and know God is speaking to us individually. I challenge you to take a look at your own dreams. They are powerful and gifts from the living Presence! Dr. John D. Button, DMin, FLMHC

Constructive Problem-Solving Techniques in Times of Stress

Direct Path to Success — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 23:02:15 -0600

"We had a plan in place to move forward with pricing. She was in the situation and just went with the idea that came to her mind. She needs to think instead of react.” My client's boss' comment about her performance. My sister in law told me about her day last week as a pre-school teacher: “I came home and snapped at the kids.”

How about you? Do you think, or do you react..some would say "over-react?"

Usually when you react it is because you perceive that something is beyond your control, and will either lead to a bad outcome (i.e., my client might have thought if she doesn’t act now, someday she’ll have to sit in her boss’s office having to explain the missed opportunity) or reminds you of a bad outcome (my sister in law’s children made her feel as powerless as she did with her preschool students). Your reaction is an effort to say or do something that will prevent an uncomfortable feeling or situation but it usually will just create another situation you will regret.

Here’s what you want to do next time:

Prevent yourself from getting to the point of reacting:Usually you have a build up of stress and whatever happens in the moment is the ‘straw that breaks the camel’s back’. Tune into your body, what are your particular early warning signs to know if stress is building up? When you are under stress, you are operating from the part of your brain where gut reactions come from, rather than the ‘thinking’ part of your brain. Your ‘mind follows your breath’ so you want to use breathing techniques to calm your nervous system and keep the thinking part of your brain in charge. An example of such a breathing technique can be found in one of my prior video blogs.
Reel yourself back from reacting:If you find yourself tempted to react, get in the habit of immediately asking clarifying questions, or attempt to understand the situation before jumping to the worst case scenario. Once your reaction is set in motion, see if you can ask for a pause from the interaction. Or even just slow down the momentum of the interaction in order to get your thinking brain back on track. For example, you can talk out loud in an effort to clarify your position, e.g., “I’m getting upset about this because…” Or you can identify something specific in the situation that you can do or ask for from the other person – this will make sure that you are engaging your brain in constructive problem-solving and getting away from emotional reactivity.

If you want techniques to help you prevent the build up of stress and overload, and techniques to use the thinking part of your brain instead of react, then listen to the recording of my teleconference call entitled Success under Stress for Women: How to Double your Effectiveness at Work and Energy at Home.

If you have ‘too much work and not enough time’, if difficult people at work or at home interfere with your performance, if you are noticing the signs of stress in your body…then learn how to get more results with less stress at work and feel more in control of your life. Here are just a few of the practical tools you will learn:

The one rule you need to follow that will immediately turn around your stress and make sure you can be calm, clear thinking and confident in any situation
What research says about women’s strengths under stress and what pitfalls you need to look out for
The sentence you can say to gain the cooperation of difficult people or people that don’t give you what you need to finish your projects
The secrets to being less reactive so you can respond with poise and act like a leader

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Sharon Melnick, Ph.D. is an executive coach and trainer who works with high potential and senior executives to rapidly remove any blocks to their leadership effectiveness. She combines ‘best practices’ executive coaching approaches with behavior change methods she developed over 10 years as a psychologist at Harvard Medical School.

5 Tips to 'Think Positive' When Your Are Anxious

Direct Path to Success — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 22:58:45 -0600

Do you ever worry about what is going to happen in the future? It’s not anything specific, or maybe it’s many specific challenges that are all adding up. You might even know your anxiety is ‘irrational’ but that doesn’t help!

Here are two approaches you can use to ‘think positive’ and get back into a state where you have ease and can concentrate.

Focus on the Moment

Focus on the specific physical feeling you are having in your body, not on your thoughts. For example, say to yourself slowly, “I feel tension in my shoulders; I have a sinking feeling in my stomach.” Don’t focus on thoughts like, “What if I lose my job” or “I have so much to do”. Before 7 seconds have passed, you will notice a shift in the feeling in your body and breathing will come easier. Keep doing this a few times until the feeling of anxiety has passed.
Focus on what you CAN control in the moment. Your thoughts tend to run wild towards worst case scenarios and what you can’t control. Try to pinpoint something specific you are worried about, and determine specifically what worries you about the situation. Ask yourself, “What can I do right now to have more control over the outcome of this situation?” Action replaces fear.
Train your body to get rid of fear. Do this exercise: Bring together the tips of the thumb and index finger and bring your hands up so they are in front of your chest facing away from you. You will breathe in through your nose, and out through your mouth. Each time you breathe out, forcefully push your hands away from you like you are pushing away something you don’t want and blow out through your mouth. Then breathe in through your nose and bring your hands back towards your chest, with your elbows by your side. Do this exercise for 1-3 minutes and you will train your body to get rid of fear.

Take yourself out of the moment – Sometimes overfocusing on the moment keeps you stressed. Instead:

Project yourself into the future. Picture yourself in the distant future, when this particular moment is insignificant and you have worked out your current problems. This ‘future’ version of your self has more perspective on your overall life than you do right now – ask it what the best way is to proceed in the current situation.
Use distraction. Make the distraction productive: connect with other people, go outside in a natural environment that is soothing for your senses, do a breathing exercise, listen to music or a motivating talk. Don’t just numb out with an unmemorable surfing session on the internet or putter around at your desk. Probably the best distraction you can do is to be grateful for the problems that you have. Though it sounds trite, there are many people in the world whose problems are much worse than yours. I immediately think of a child I support in Africa barely living with running water, or a man I often see in the subway station who has no arms. It immediately gives me renewed appreciation for all that I have and then energizes me to do something with it. This works for a lot of people and may work for you too!

Here’s a link to a recording that previews the Success under Stress for Women program.

Here’s to you being positive when you are anxious!

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Under Pressure? Pets Can Reduce Stress

Wellness — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 23:06:06 -0600

by Suzanne Leigh

Skeptical about the power of pets on stress? Just check in with some New York stockbrokers.

Take 48 frazzled midlife New York stockbrokers whose high blood pressure is being successfully controlled with medication.

Now throw them in a stressful situation like the current stock market and have them perform complex math and verbal skills' tests and watch what happens to their blood pressure.

In a study by researchers at the University of Buffalo, N.Y., half of these men and women experienced a steep rise in blood pressure. Despite ongoing treatment, their levels rose above normal. The other 24 experienced only modest increases that fell within the normal limits.

What made the difference? The answer, in this case, might lie in the pitter-patter of little, and not so little, paws. All 48 lived alone, earned more than $200,000 per year and had no other medical condition. The 24 who fared better under stress had acquired a cat or dog in the six months before starting treatment.

Doctors have long suspected that pet ownership benefits the mental and physical health of the elderly and fragile. Now it seems having a feline or canine companion can benefit younger, healthier people, too.

"The study shows that if you have high blood pressure, a pet is very good for you when you're under stress, especially if you have a limited support system," said lead researcher Karen Allen, a professor of medicine.

In previous studies, Allen had shown that a loved pet exerts a calming influence on blood pressure and heart rate when the owner is performing tasks designed to induce mental and physical stress. Her research also suggests that pet ownership can substitute for human companionship and provide physiological benefits similar to that of two-legged friends.

3 Ways to Re-Energize from Stress

Wellness — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 21:08:05 -0500

The day begins before you are ready. The baby kept you up all night or a child needing help with homework meant you went to bed later than usual. Everyone was disorganized and the harder you tried to organize them and yourself, the worse things got.

Now you are at work, tired and crabby. It’s going to be a long day. A nap would be the perfect solution, but the boss wouldn’t like it very much.

Here are three things you can do to refresh yourself, have a better day and not upset the boss. When your eyes are tired, it affects the rest of your body, and your attitude. Take a few moments and do the following.

Rub your hands together until warm. Then place the heels of your hands over your closed eyes. Let the warmth and darkness relax you. You may want to do this a couple of times during the day.
When stressed , breathing tends to be shallow. You can do this next exercise alone or while your hands are covering your eyes. Take ten slow deep breaths, in and out through your nose. Concentrate on your breath, shutting out all thoughts and cares for the day. Even though this takes but a few moments, it can realign your attitude.
The third thing you can do is take a walk on your break. If the weather permits, go outside! If not, even walking around the office gives you a different view and gets your blood flowing. Try it, if this works for you great! If not, modify it in a way that gives you and your day a lift.

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Laura Ries

primaryparentingonpurpose.com

Mixing Parenting with Work

Career — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 20:19:36 -0500

Children in the house create a unique joy, but they also pose certain problems. You might feel guilty about shipping them off to day care while you stay at home, yet it might be impossible to get anything done while they are around.

Robin Williams, the single mother of three who made a small fortune writing and publishing computer books in her home, not only managed to keep her children out of the way without making them feel rejected but also avoided the stress of feeling guilty at the same time.

"My house was a mess," she says. "I gave up on housework and concentrated on desktop design jobs and writing my books. I did what women have been doing for ages. But instead of taking in sewing, I took in graphics jobs and did them at home in the wee hours after the kids were asleep."

Robin made sure she had a normal daily life with her children. She worked at several different part-time jobs so she'd be there when her kids came home from school. Then the four of them would shop, cook dinner and eat together. After dinner, the kids read and Robin worked.

School-age children are one thing, but a baby in the house is something else entirely. "The biggest mistake I made at first," says Elaine de Man, an independent writer and editor, "was assuming that I could make the baby fit into my schedule. When it works, when the baby is quietly sitting in her swing next to my desk, I have to admit it's wonderful and very fulfilling. But when it doesn't work, when she's fussing and crying, it's incredibly frustrating."

So do yourself a favor if there's a baby on the way: Make arrangements for an in-home babysitter so you can be free to work and to take breaks conveniently with the little one.

You Can Use Your Body to Make Tough Choices & Reduce Stress

Faith M. Davis — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 14:56:44 -0500

When you start to feel chaos in your head because you have taken on too much or simply because you are overwhelmed or stressed, it is important to tune into your body. We all know that the body takes on the stress we feel in the mind, as evidenced by the ailments and symptoms that crop up when we are stressed. But did you know that your body also holds within it the answers you seek? You just need to learn to listen.

Sometimes we go about our lives pushing ourselves to do more and more because “we have to.” But who says? Today, I released a “have-to” and I let in a new choice. When I did, I felt unexplainably lighter. It was like my body was holding onto the stress so deeply and then the instant I allowed in the possibility of letting that “have-to” go, my body just released all that stress. Instantly I knew I had made the right decision because it was evidenced by how much better my body felt.

Take the time to tune in – let go of the voice inside your head telling you that you “have-to” do things that are stressing you. Allow in new possibilities and then let your body tell you which choice is the right one. You’ll be glad you did!

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Faith M. Davis is an internationally recognized author, an artist, and a copywriter and marketing professional with a background in life coaching. She uses words and art to transform lives through 1) Freelance Writing, Copywriting & Marketing for the Holistic Industry: www.faithmdavis.com, and 2) Enchant ~ Designs for the Soul: www.enchantgifts.com.